Have you been ambushed in a meeting with your boss & coworkers?

Anonymous

December 10,2022 at 3:10PM UTC

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Have you been ambushed in a meeting with your boss & coworkers? I attended a generically titled meeting with no agenda items, expecting a kind of review of the year or maybe a holiday party with a perfunctory amount of work business.

I've only worked here for three months, and I haven't had a one-month or three-month review. So I really did NOT expect the meeting to be about me and the things that I was confused about as I've been learning the ropes. One coworker who is also new (4 months) brought up something I barely remembered which involved her department's relationship with one of my customers. She was obviously very confused, and she basically suggested I may have been doing something unethical. I looked directly at her and said that I will never do that under any circumstances, and the customer may not have explained themselves well. So I thought, well, that's what the meeting was about, and my boss (to her credit) made some procedural changes that will smooth things out. Everybody had some input, and I thought it was a positive experience.

... and then a second coworker started in on a long list of grievances. He'd obviously prepared for this, with a notepad listing it all. As he brought up each one, other coworkers and my boss discussed procedures in a productive way. Then he'd go to the next item on the list, and it started to get personal. He had trained me on something briefly, never checked my work, and then complained if I forgot something that popped up a month or two after the fact (and after I learned how to do it correctly). I've been a trainer, so I can see where he isn't doing best practices for training, but I was being a good sport about it, and I assume that when someone gives short shrift to training up front they know they can expect errors.

The meeting lasted about 90 minutes, and I was mentally exhausted by the end and didn't present myself well - just seemed confused, which of course I was. I'm more of a visual than auditory learner, and I was trying to picture things he was describing without being able to reference my notes or a computer or anything, and of course without any preparation because I'd been ambushed.

So.... going forward, I am confident that I will make fewer and fewer mistakes as I learn the ropes. The fact that I was trained by someone who isn't a very good trainer is holding me back, but things are going in the right direction. I think my boss is sincere about wanting to improve things, but I now question her judgment because allowing coworkers to ambush each other seems tacky.

My question is -- how much should I trust my boss and my coworkers after this experience? How should I relate to them in a way that I protect myself without coming across as "defensive"? Should I give feedback about this, or should I just keep my head down and say nothing?

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AnonymousDecember 10,2022 at 3:30PM UTC
I’m so sorry you experienced this. If your manager has concerns about your performance, it shouldn’t be discussed/addressed in front of your peers. The way this was handled is unprofessional and unkind. I admire the way you handle the situation and wish you much success in your career.
AnonymousDecember 10,2022 at 3:34PM UTC
Thank you. I hope I won't be roped into a meeting where I'm expected to ambush someone else. I wouldn't be able to do it.
Ann BraunDecember 10,2022 at 3:40PM UTC
Wow, this must have been horrible for you! If that were me I wouldn't have been able to function for the rest of the day! Or longer!!! You might consider asking for a 1x1 with your boss to go over the issues after you've had time to think about them and prepare a response. Write it all out and rehearse so you will be calm and rational. Good luck!
AnonymousDecember 10,2022 at 4:30PM UTC
Don’t. And leave. It is demoralizing for them to gang up on you like that. The manager could have taken a few notes with the coworkers and had a 1 on 1 with you individually to atleast get your perspective. Or atleast have an agenda prepared ahead a time to give you the benefit of doubt to respond. The manager should always maintain cohesive environment. Not invite opportunities of divisiveness
AnonymousDecember 10,2022 at 4:38PM UTC
The FACE I just made while reading this!
I'm so sorry this happened! I don’t even have any advice to give, I’m just shocked.
Debra SesholtzDecember 10,2022 at 5:12PM UTC
This sounds like a horrible experience. It was not very professional of your boss to totally blind-side you like this. One thing I’ve learned the hard way over the years is to ask what the meeting is about if there is no agenda. You can ask under the pretense you want to come to the meeting prepared. If the response is vague, you can probably expect the meeting topic will not be good. Anyway, you should meet 1-on-1 with your boss. I would focus on being surprised about the discussion, how you want to succeed, and would prefer having performance discussions with them. If there are areas you still need training, I would request them at this meeting. I would also ask for clarity from your boss on your performance and where they think you need to improve. As far as your colleagues, I would try to stay friendly and professional with them. It’s only been 3 months. Hope things improve for you!
AnonymousDecember 10,2022 at 5:17PM UTC
Your boss has created this environment and unproductive intervention that allows for this
"Pile-On" process of correction which is so negative and unhealthy.
How you move forward is to always get up and leave and ask your boss to offer writing criticism and allow for a more healthy exchange and discussion.
AnonymousDecember 10,2022 at 5:18PM UTC
I would not trust these people at all. I'd say leave, but you've only worked there for three months. I wish for your sake that you could find a reason out of your control to find a new job-- you need to move, you want to go back to school, kid issues, just something that would justify leaving the job so soon.
Based on what you've wrote, I'd guess that your colleagues have thrown you under the bus to avoid blame for issues that are not all your fault, or, not at all your fault. They took quite a lot of time out of their day to target you. Sounds like this had been in the works for at least a week or two.
Honestly, get out of there. Is the place large enough to transfer to a department that's a better fit?
AnonymousDecember 10,2022 at 6:47PM UTC
Sounds like a situation where they don't explain what they want and then act like you are an idiot when you don't read their mind.
Especially when they dump a bunch of spreadsheets on you and say, "put all this into a single spreadsheet." But you have no idea what any of it is, or what it will be used for, or what's important. Sometimes they even change the instructions after the fact. And when you ask a question, they ignore you and let you hang for days (only days later you find they gave the project to someone else and never told you). This is a big problem when you are part-time or a temp. If they want someone there all day, they should hire someone fulltime. But they don't and blame you when you refuse to work full-time for part-time pay.
I would not be a good sport and assume their intentions are not good. They are gaslighters and micromanagers. (And my favorite, you do something correct 99 times out of a hundred, but one mistake and they decide you need to relearn the job from scratch).
Lyn WelchDecember 10,2022 at 10:32PM UTC
You were ambushed. Don't trust ANYONE, least of all your boss. There are tons of jobs out there...go get one.
Jeni KolstadDecember 11,2022 at 1:29PM UTC
I had this happen to me before. I was hired for a brand new position and was told that I could make the job what I thought the organization needed. About 9 months into the job I attended a meeting that had all my teammates, my boss, and my boss's boss. They preceded to do a very similar thing. I left 3 months later. Don't stay in this environment if at all possible! Sorry that this happened to you.
AnonymousDecember 12,2022 at 3:22PM UTC
OP here -- I had kind of hoped that nobody would reply that this has happened to them, because I don't want to think this kind of thing is common. So sorry for your experience, but congratulations on your escape.
SandyandBilly YatesDecember 11,2022 at 2:31PM UTC
I have been ambushed too, so totally know the feeling. I now don’t trust anyone from the company, I just do my my job and don’t worry about them. What goes around comes around and one day they will all experience something similar. You can chose your reaction not theirs. I now don’t share as much of me and my experience with as many people. I am always on guard, and make sure I follow the procedures. As long as I do what is right both morally and professionally I don’t care what anyone thinks anymore.
Liz MilneDecember 12,2022 at 1:20AM UTC
I would let them know that you feel ambushed by that meeting: that you had no advance idea it was about you and therefore could not prepare, that you had not been advised on the job about errors you had made and that having them all landed on you felt antagonistic and unfair. Then offer some solutions and alternative practices they can implement instead: 'if you see me make a mistake, please just have a quiet word and I'll fix it instantly' and 'can we have one-to-ones every two weeks until you are fully satisfied with my work' etc. But don't trust them too much, until they've proven that they deserve it... :/
AnonymousDecember 12,2022 at 2:38AM UTC
You don't have a future at this job. They don't want to fire you (probably because of how much freaking effort is involved to get rid of people in some organizations), but they will if you don't leave. Start looking now and keep your head down until you find a new job.
AnonymousDecember 12,2022 at 2:54PM UTC
I tried to figure out how many people were in this meeting, because it seemed like way too many, and in addition, there were several red flags: 1) It was obviously intended to be a performance review of sorts, and to not allow you the head's up to prepare means they intended for it to be one-sided; 2) performance reviews should be productive discussions between the employee and management, not a group slug fest where colleagues are given free rein to gang up on an unsuspecting colleague; 3) the fact that others were prepared but you had no advance warning suggests they are trying to push you out/get you to quit, or at least are not interested in your success at their company. If you want to attempt to salvage this, ask for a one-on-one with your supervisor to ask (professionally, of course) what on earth that was all about. I would suggest trusting them 0% unless/until big changes are made and sustained. Regardless, this doesn't seem like a great place to work, so I suggest commencing a job search immediately. Everyone's taken a job that wasn't a good fit, so don't worry about having a short stint on your resume.
AnonymousDecember 12,2022 at 3:20PM UTC
There were five people there. Some of the discussion was productive, and for now I will assume that the boss intended for everyone to put their heads together about how things could be improved in terms of policies and procedures. But I'm not trusting anybody anymore.
AnonymousDecember 13,2022 at 1:47PM UTC
If they wanted to be productive, it would have been a general brainstorming/problem-naming session. It would have involved looking for office- wide solutions to problems that were impacting everyone. From what you described, you were the only problem addressed. That does not sound like they are looking for solutions, just trying to get you to leave.
AnonymousDecember 13,2022 at 1:56PM UTC
Trust no one and keep your mouth shut; that includes all things related to questions about your job. everything needs to be documented through email. and if its a company email forward a copy of each email to your personal email. And don't let anyone know your job hunting if you choose to move on from this company.
AnonymousDecember 13,2022 at 2:03PM UTC
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Unless you're the only one writing and administering the policies and procedures and have sole responsibility for the outcome (which would be shocking and a whole different problem since you've only worked there 4 months), there is no reason for the meeting to have gone the way it did. Best of luck to you.
AnonymousDecember 12,2022 at 7:07PM UTC
That made me uncomfortable just reading that. You were indeed ambushed. And unfairly so it seemed. Honestly, I would start the search anew after that experience.
KatDecember 12,2022 at 10:27PM UTC
I've been in jobs where I've had no training and no support from my boss and it sucks. Most likely they are looking to fire you, as they've got plenty of reasons/documentation to do so already. Even if you're put on an improvement plan, start looking for another job. You're going to be the scapegoat for all the team's problems until you leave. This is a terrible environment to be stuck in, so I hope you can find a new job soon.
AnonymousDecember 13,2022 at 1:15PM UTC
I would start a new job search. If this was intended as a meeting to give you feedback on your job performance, it should have been labeled as such. Instead, it was an attack fest with you as the target.
I personally would not stay at a job like this, but if you think it would help at all to report what happened to superiors, you can document what happened and ask for a personal meeting with them. But do a careful risk assessment before doing so, including both the possibility of further negative blowback as well as the possibility that going up the ladder will only result in you being ignored.
Heather BinghamDecember 13,2022 at 1:20PM UTC
It's really simple. If you're going to give someone strong developmental feedback, one person who is appreciably more senior to the person receiving the feedback should be the one to give it, one to one. They should do their research, gather together the feedback into themes, and then provide the feedback themselves. You do not allow a free for all where three people, in person, gang up on another. That is really bad practice - terrible practice that amounts to bullying - and if that happened in my organisations I would be kicking a lot of butt, as you Americans say. It is to your credit that you've taken it on the chin - it is to your enormous credit - but I would not allow it to happen again if I were you. I'm not usually reactionary on this site, I'm usually very reasonable, but you should start to look for another job pronto.
amjjenkiDecember 13,2022 at 1:26PM UTC
Run.
AnonymousDecember 13,2022 at 1:29PM UTC
I agree with other posters, that you should start your job search. I had a similar experience years ago. It was one of the most toxic environments that I have experienced. Unfortunately the economy was depressed in the area I lived so I ended up being at that job for a terrible 4 years. It took a major toll in my confidence and self esteem. Every Friday I wondered if today was the day I would be fired. A few years in I realized they weren’t going to fire me because I was the scapegoat for the owner’s son whose performance was less than stellar. They needed someone to beat on and that was me. Do yourself a favor while jobs are plentiful and leave that situation as soon as you can.
AnonymousDecember 13,2022 at 1:57PM UTC
Yes!
AnonymousDecember 13,2022 at 1:48PM UTC
You are being bullied, my heart broke reading this. This is exactly what it looks like in professional settings. – You have someone out here supporting you! I have not read any of the other comments, but I was compelled to comment immediately. In no circumstance is this ok. And you being expected to "accept it" immediately in this environment is NEVER OK. This was PROFESSIONAL LEVEL bullying, and it starts with your boss. It will never get better. At this point you will constantly be under a microscope (and NOBODY looks good under a microscope). I am amazed and admire you greatly for remaining calm in that situation. The absolute worst part about this: Your boss is a master bully, manipulator, and ringleader. She sets the tone, and this is unacceptable behavior. A true leader would have talked with everyone, including YOU, gathering information, processing it, revisiting and then possibly open discussions. I know job searching and changes can be DIFFICULT, but plan for it.
There are likely 3 next "phases" in this type of environment, that you need to spare yourself from (now that I recognize what is actually happening I have seen this happen over and over):
1] A short time (week maybe two), you will be "reviewed again" and likely will not have shown improvement based on "nothing" - they will not likely be able to provide any solid, specific examples (maybe common human mistakes)
2.] You will be “informed” formally you are displaying a bad attitude or some other focus on a character trait (likely a result of the bullying and scrutiny under a human sized electron microscope)
3.] Isolation and zero communication, PIP - then firing, blamed on you (you know – for that attitude, and failure to improve). -----
Take a breather over the holidays ,
Get the resume in order,
Apply -----
***My heart broke reading this. You are being bullied. This is exactly what it looks like in professional settings. Sometimes it is difficult to admit to ourselves that this is really taking place. It took me 7 months to understand it was happening to me, and now realize it was happening to others and I was so brainwashed by “what is professional and expected” that I could not see it, nor did I offer help (I have serious guilt about this). Someone else had to point it out to me, from the side and say “you know this is what bullying looks like). When I finally accepted the reality of what happened I was ANGRY, for so many reasons, but mainly because it was led by a “Woman Leader with Integrity” and I believed all of these horrible things about myself, that were not true. I don’t want you to go through this.***
AnonymousDecember 13,2022 at 1:54PM UTC
Without any doubt, you were bullied and disrespected! Get out of there as soon as you can!!!
AnonymousDecember 13,2022 at 1:55PM UTC
I’ll sum it up, leave. Get your resume together and get moving. This sorta happened to me and if you don’t move on, you will regret it. If these people ambushed you in this manner, who knows what they are capable of.
It is frightening to me to keep seeing so many women post these similar topics.
That’s not how constructive criticism is given to any sentient being. If there was a problem early on, address it. How dare any human come to a meeting with a list of anyone’s misgivings at work. Are you kidding me??? Highly unprofessional, lacks ethos and a moral high ground. Disgusting. All of them. No supervisor worth their weight would allow this to have gone down. This meeting should’ve ended after 10 minutes of berating one person. Never acceptable. Ever!
AnonymousDecember 13,2022 at 2:01PM UTC
First, kudos to you for your incredible emotional intelligence and skills, you're obviously an excellent human and colleague.
Second, I'm with the others who say get right on along. This smacks of a really unhealthy, passive-aggressive, and conflict-averse work culture. At the VERY least you should've been made aware of the topic of the meeting and given the opportunity to prepare yourself. Sheesh.
AnonymousDecember 14,2022 at 12:59AM UTC
My prior boss was conflict-averse, until she wanted to have a "crucial conversation" months after the fact, so this kind of thing isn't unique, unfortunately.
Ani BerberianDecember 13,2022 at 2:06PM UTC
I see many comments here about you not having a future at your job or you should start a new job search. I think you should only change jobs if you feel it’s time and the right thing to do, not because of this incident. I think you should talk your boss alone with an HR person present, and tell him or her that you felt ambushed. Or turn the tables around on them and hold a meeting with all three of them with an HR person present and throw it back in their face. If you do nothing, they will continue to disrespect you and ambush you. You have to stand up for yourself and be assertive and tell them how you feel and what you think. You have a voice, use it! If you quit and get a new job, this could happen at the new place too, so you might as well deal with this situation that is being presented to you. And document, document, document! If this meeting does not prove to be fruitful, keep going up the chain. Go over their heads until you feel heard. You can make a positive change for others.
Daniela PardoDecember 13,2022 at 3:22PM UTC
There's no reason to accept or try to rationalize bullying. Any person with a bit of training in management knows this is not how feedback is given.
Ani BerberianDecember 16,2022 at 11:13AM UTC
I wasn’t suggesting that she accept or rationalize bullying. I just think she should try to deal with this before she quits her job, and starts a new job where it could happen again.
AnonymousDecember 14,2022 at 12:32AM UTC
Based on prior experience, there's no way I would attempt to get HR to take my side. The lowest-paid person is always more expendable than the higher-paid people.
Ani BerberianDecember 16,2022 at 11:10AM UTC
Your experience is not her experience. It’s better to see if she resolve this internally rather than just quitting her job and having it happen again somewhere else.
Keena WellsDecember 13,2022 at 2:11PM UTC
You should give feedback to your manager on how this experience made you feel and your perception of the events that unfolded. You should share your experience with training and the potential you have if trained properly. I feel that you have to set expectations with your leader with what helps you to be a great employee as well and the 1st thing is communication. You need to communicate and then ask for change in the process on delivering information to you if there are concerns with your performance. I do feel peers should not be in the conversation with the leader discussing your performance. Feedback can be shared, but their presence and input directly in a group setting that you were unaware of makes it uncomfortable for all afterwards.
AnonymousDecember 13,2022 at 2:15PM UTC
I had a similar situation. I left a well-paying job for a new one that seemed better aligned with my goals and needs. Every day, I showed up took notes, was enthusiastic, and put in extra time. However, the person training me did not check my work after showing me a new task once. Then, a big deal was made about something being missed, which was due to a lack of training not my being careless. She then decided I did everything wrong and criticized small nuances in how I used software versus her approach. I always thanked her for her help and adjusted to her methods. However, she made it her mission to tell my boss I wasn't qualified for the job. He offered additional training, which never happened and resulted in weeks of me coming to work, updating notes & trying to demonstrate my knowledge in any way I could. In less than three months, my position was terminated because it wasn't a "good fit." There was no attempt to help me and I always kept a professional attitude. I now enter the holiday season unemployed and with no income, I am unsure how I will pay rent. I took a hard look at myself to see what I could have done differently and even took an online skills assessment to see if I was missing something. It came down to workplace bullying, poor management, and the company did not value its employees. Unfortunately, an existing employee has built a relationship and trust with their manager that a new hire doesn't have yet. I hope you end up in a situation where you are valued and the unprofessional behavior stops.
Stephanie LekowskiDecember 13,2022 at 4:06PM UTC
Wow :-( this really is terrible that employers think they can get away with this. You were completely set up to fail, and it's so disheartening! It's most likely cold comfort, but the person who was allowed to train you felt threatened and jealous of your experience and/or wanted your job. The fact that so many supervisors either let this happen or pretend (at first) to be in the scapegoated employees' corners only to betray them later is disgraceful. And the dissonance it causes, that you doubt your abilities and question yourself is terrible!
This is why I'm thinking of starting my own business, and there will definitely be a No Assholes rule. You just can't put yourself at the mercy of these corporations with their B.S. anymore! I wish you luck and keep on believing in yourself.
AnonymousDecember 14,2022 at 12:30AM UTC
Another rule: never blame the trainee for not learning! Always assume it's the trainer or supervisor's deficiency.
AnonymousDecember 15,2022 at 1:34PM UTC
Thank you! Smart starting your own business. I've thought about it too, honestly. Not everyone has to be best friends at work but they still need to be respectful. We are all people just trying to pay our bills and make our way through life. It is important to try to lift one another up at work and have each other's back.
I appreciate your response and wish you luck with your new business venture!
Stephanie LekowskiDecember 15,2022 at 8:15PM UTC
Thanks so much :-)
AnonymousDecember 14,2022 at 12:27AM UTC
OP here
"Every day, I showed up took notes, was enthusiastic, and put in extra time. However, the person training me did not check my work after showing me a new task once."
This is exactly what happened to me! This guy is supposedly experienced in training people, but you'd never know it from the way he mistrained me.
And before I arrived, he did some of this work, which was out of his element (hence, why my position exists), and he made some of the same types of mistakes I made! And he expects me to correct his mistakes, even when it just takes a few keystrokes at his computer!
AnonymousDecember 15,2022 at 1:28PM UTC
I don't know if some people forget what it is like to be new to a role, but we were all new once. Someone trained us and we should take positive training experiences and use those & try to elevate the experience. Have empathy for other people. I always go above and beyond to help those I'm training because I genuinely want them to succeed.
Colleen HansonDecember 13,2022 at 2:27PM UTC
Please consider looking for a new job-ASAP! I was in a similar situation years ago, and trust me, where you felt like like your boss was somewhat supportive, NO good boss would allow one of their employees to be ambushed like that. I basically got thrown into a position I did not want with a company I had been with for a few years. They started doing some reorganizing and changed my position without even presenting me with the new position and whether or not I was interested. It was not a promotion, however it was three times the work as I was taking over for three other employees who left the company. I was doing the job of four people and received very little training. My boss started off the exact same way! She would have these impromptu meetings where I was getting torn up by other employees on her "team". Initially she came across as supportive and like she was on my side, but as time went on and I still received no training and was basically winging it, these "meetings" became extremely abusive mentally, with my boss participating and belittling me in the end. Several times I expressed my concerns to her privately and asked if we could discuss issues she might have in private. Her thought process was that the criticism was good for me and meant to "light a fire under my butt." Yet she was doing nothing to get me the proper training. When I finally mentioned this during one of these impromptu meetings she became extremely defensive and ended up writing me up for being disrespectful and insubordinate. This situation does not get better. Your boss is approaching this is a very passive aggressive manner and it will only get worse.
AnonymousDecember 14,2022 at 12:17AM UTC
OP here: I'm so sorry! That really sucks!
Yes, this was an example of someone doing only the most basic training on something with a lot of weird steps and insider vocabulary. Errors would be inevitable, but this guy is really clueless about human nature.
Since that day, I emailed him, another teammate, and our boss about a couple of things, and he responded with total snark, then made a decision about something within my area of responsibility without consulting me. I'm sure he totally thinks he's right and knows better than I do about everything, because people with low E.Q. are like that.
He did backtrack on one thing, and I've put it into perspective. I like the actual work and my customers, so I'm going to stick it out... but keep my encounters with him to a minimum.
PJ DeusenberryDecember 13,2022 at 2:44PM UTC
No matter how you try to spin this to convince yourself it was a positive meeting,it wasn't. This is pure bullying. You need to get out of there as it will not get better.
AnonymousDecember 13,2022 at 3:06PM UTC
This reminds me of a meeting at a previous employer, they decided to do a stop, start, continue. It was a bash fest against me. I was deflated to say the least. Find a new place if you can or move departments, unfortunately it will only get worse.
Daniela PardoDecember 13,2022 at 3:19PM UTC
Sounds like a very toxic environment. Any person with a little training on management/leadership knows that this is not the right way of providing feedback.
Please start looking for a job immediately, this is bullying and they will do it again.
Kimberly GrahamDecember 13,2022 at 3:59PM UTC
Yes! I agree!
Jill DingDecember 13,2022 at 3:23PM UTC
First of all, you are new and there is an established culture of confrontation and blame. You will have to put up with that. Secondly, if you want to change it or make waves consider how long you'll have to "put up" with this behavior. Is it worth it? And also...do you think your boss really "stuck their neck out" for you? I'm assuming your boss had a hand in deciding whether to hire you or not during the final interview stages so there should be some form of commitment from your boss in that regard too. Finally...there should be grace during a learning period. 3 months is a very normal length and they should expect mistakes at this stage.
You should give feedback to your boss since they're not managing effectively (or fairly). However before you do so, consider what I mentioned above. Is it worth your mental health?
Karen SpenceDecember 13,2022 at 3:33PM UTC
Ask yourself, "Does anything productive ever come out of employing a sneaky tactic like this?" No. Ambushes or attacks never solve anything. I learned many years ago, the correct strategy for when a problem arises is to review and change the process, do not blame the person. Their tactic was unacceptable. Can you trust your boss and coworkers? I would not. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
AnonymousDecember 13,2022 at 3:43PM UTC
Just stop caring. That’s what most people do at my work.
TomBooleyDecember 13,2022 at 4:18PM UTC
Dear God. What has happened to the workplace these days?
Courtney ChaffeeDecember 13,2022 at 4:23PM UTC
I'm not reading the comments to see everything that has been said. I do think this was an unacceptable approach. I would not have trust after that meeting. I would take their list of complaints and email all of them - essentially notes from the meeting. Ask if there's anything you missed. You can always ask they send you notes such as these to ensure you 'don't miss any future opportunities to improve.'
KathrynDecember 13,2022 at 4:26PM UTC
When this happened to me. I asked to meet one on one with my manager . The I asked straight up what was that? He hemed and Hawed and I then said does that mean I am to be ambushed like that every time there is an issue? He said no I just thought you might learn from it. I said being ambushed? he then back pedaled and said well I did not think it would go that way. I left his office and that night went right back to job hunting I spent 4 months at that company and have since learned that company does that a lot led by the rudest person I ever worked with
Ainslie BinderDecember 13,2022 at 5:06PM UTC
This is almost exactly what happened to me after I was given a departing team member's responsibilities without a significant raise or title change. I got a "Check-in" meeting invite at which I learned that people had been talking to my supervisors but not talking to me.
AnonymousDecember 13,2022 at 5:52PM UTC
It depends on what you’re looking for in a job. Are you seeking growth in an environment that supports that? This approach where you are asked to attend without warning is strange to me. However, if your boss isn’t leaning over your desk everyday, they won’t know what “mistakes” are happening so input from the team is normal. I would be interested to know if you will be asked to weigh in on your coworkers’ performance or if this is just some weird company hazing ritual to bring new staff up to snuff. It doesn’t sound like any of the feedback you received was false or even malicious, just positive steps to support improvement and team integration. Use what you’ve gained and shine.
AnonymousDecember 13,2022 at 10:28PM UTC
Your boss seems unskilled. Probably someone who has difficulty handling tough conversations.
Clydene HorriganDecember 14,2022 at 12:26AM UTC
The fact that you stayed in the room for this is amazing.
The manager should not have allowed this to happen. If I were in your boss’s shoes and team members had an issue with their co-worker making a mistake, I would have that team member bring it directly to the person at that time and use it as a training opportunity for both. The person who did the training needs to learn that training is not one and done and that there is an ongoing element to it. This should actually help cement relationships as they work together towards a common goal. Of course, the trainer may need some coaching to do it correctly.
Issues should not be allowed to pile up because that helps nobody.
If I were in your shoes and wanted to stay, I would ask the manager to implement something where issues are addressed timely and in a professional manner conducive to making improvements. If the team members can’t done in a professional, non-aggressive manner, the manager should do it. If that fails,I would look for a new job.
Best of luck, whichever way you decide to go.
Maureen B. WeisnerDecember 14,2022 at 1:01AM UTC
As others have stated, I would approach your boss for clarification. Was this a one-off, poorly run meeting or is this more of the norm? If the latter, what is the opportunity for you? Can you dig in and deepen your skill-set for x-months? Suggest specific ways to address performance issues in a timely fashion for everyone? Team up with a co-worker(s) to present a plan for professional communication. And, Is this a company or department dysfunction? And, it's always good to have your next steps in place for a departure.
Bradford McCormickDecember 14,2022 at 9:12PM UTC
THis may bbe irrelevant or not. I worked a a computer programmer. Back in 1980 they had something alled "walkhrus" where senior programmers would go over junior programmers' code mercilessly. I over heard one of these metings where a coworker slightly above me even got "ground up" and humiliated. I had done a very risky piee of work that nobody waznted to touch (assembly language whne they were all plesed to be using higher level languages). If my code was wrong it woud be bad for the company (IBM). But I felt I had done honest work. My manager said they had scheduled a walkthru of my code. I flta out told him I would only accept specific criticisms of what I had done wut would not be "ground up". He backed off and cn=ancelled the walkthru. My code shipped unreviewed (not the way thing swere f=done). I neve rheard any problems with it. I thought Iknew what I wa doing and I was not going to accept being humiliated.
My opinion: If you are ambushed and you are no a master of your skill, don't try to pretend . But if youo know what you have done is right (of course nobody is perfect), then satnd you groud and throw it back in their court by asking them what they are tru=ying to accomplish by asking you that question. Be relentless. Usually they are paper tigers. On the other hand, if you use this strategy and you can't back it up, you probably won't get a chance to make the same mistake twice. Ask yourself:"Am I sure I am right? Do I know what I'm doint?" If the answer eose not come back a clear yes, don't try to fake it. If the answer comes bCK "Yes, I did the right thing and I can give good reasns for what I did." then don'[t let somebodymake cheap points at your expense.Call their bluff but be prepared to pay. Else don't try to fight.
Maggie SmithDecember 16,2022 at 12:23AM UTC
I would send an email out to everyone thanking them for the input, but asking them to talk to you directly first before escalating further. If another meeting like this happens, I would stop the meeting and ask to reschedule so you be better prepared.
AnonymousJanuary 5,2023 at 1:42PM UTC
Let's hope that isn't the norm. The fact that happened in front of everyone seems a tad toxic. Here's a few things that came to mind: 1) I always bring my laptop to every meeting. If I can't tell what they mean, I can pull it up and say can you show me really quick? address that right there and then because they opened that can. 2) You can turn this around (when you fix these issues) and look like a star. You manager seems to know your training wasn't the best. Did you take notes during training? Are there procedures? Maybe you can hurl some rough directions on a doc and have him look it over. That will verify your understanding in a cooperative forward-thinking manner and make your work transparent. My shield is my transparency. When things are not laid out clearly, it's easy to get blasted. 3) trust is earned, until then, document anything you can and respond in emails. You mentioned customers, I'm assuming they have some profile/repository where details can be saved as to who said what. I'm concerned about them questioning your ethics so quickly. Anyone new can step in it getting used to how things work.
I agree with Maggie's email thanking them, but I don't think directing them to come to you is going to help department relations. I think discussing with your manager that you felt blindsided and share feedback that might improve the situation. It seems that team may not be very cohesive yet. I have a new coworker that's very qualified, confident (excessively so) and my equal. I think she thought her role was above mine because our work supports each other. I clearly informed her that I am out to help her anytime I can and rants are welcome if it gets tough. I see us as siblings in this working "family" and she agreed with comprehension what I was getting at. It caused a nice bond since then. (two weeks now)
abdoull lebrunOctober 16,2024 at 8:57PM UTC
Let's hope that isn't the norm.