How do I write an email addressing gas-lighting to my boss who also pays us very late, yet never accounts to employees?

Anonymous

August 9,2022 at 9:19PM UTC

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How do I write an email addressing gas-lighting to my boss who also pays us very late, yet never accounts to employees?

Firstly, this employer of mine has gas-lit a few of my colleagues. Out of a lack of knowledge and because he and I got along, I really believed that my co-workers were not doing their work. That is what he told me anyway.

Two years later, he asked me to be his 2nd in charge. When I ask him the tough questions like "When is staff getting their salary this month seeing that pay-day was two weeks ago?"

Or "When will you pay this supplier (something he asked me to get a quote for at times)?" He ignores me completely. However, when issues arise and staff is complaining. He sends them to me, yet I am clueless about most issues as he shuts me out. He always just says "deal with it! I am depressed!" This without providing guidance or clarity. When he decides to take leave. He confidently sends staff to me. In the event that I call him to clarify issues bigger than me. He hangs up! Yip! He puts the phone down on me. All the time. This is not an exaggeration. When he is under pressure, he emails me reports at the last minute knowing that I value clients and do prioritize work.

Staff turnover is obviously increasing. When I tell him: "sir, people are leaving and I keep implementing policies to suggest reducing staff turnover and ensure staff is happier" He ignores me and says "I am depressed" - He now ignores big clients who want to speak directly to him only. I would like to write a professional email documenting all incidents of gas-lighting prior to my resignation handover to enable him to be aware of how he is killing his own organization. I am just a consultant who is merely there to assist but it seems he enjoys failing and does not care about staff or the organisation. I am constantly thrown under the bus for issues I know nothing about. Employees are so miserable and they are silenced at all times. I am resigning - but would like to document all issues professionally for my integrity, so that my resignation letter has no negative remarks. Do note that I am resorting to writing an email to him (regarding all gas-lighting incidents), as he refuses to take my calls and about three employees left last month due to his gas-lighting and abusive ways. Please advise what is the most professional way of highlighting my issues. Also please be aware that I have tried finding him a therapist for his mental health quite a few times, but off course, this person does not utilize the help and assistance he claims he needs.

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KatAugust 9,2022 at 9:55PM UTC
Glad you are resigning. You don't need to put yourself through this. Honestly though, I don't think he'd care about anything you say to him, regardless of how professional or well written an email or resignation letter would be. I know you want him to care and pay attention, but that's clearly not going to happen, as you know from your past efforts. He's selfish and conflict averse. It sounds like the company will be going under soon due to his lack of leadership and little interest in paying staff and handling customers. Since you're a consultant, all your resignation letter has to say is "I'm resigning this position (or ending your contract) and my last day will be X". If you're planning a lawsuit or will be filing a complaint with a federal/state/local agency about him, check with a lawyer about documentation before resigning. Otherwise, you're going to have to let it go. There's no help for it unfortunately.
AnonymousAugust 10,2022 at 7:48PM UTC
Thank you so much for the feedback. Yes. I must count losses.
AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 10:25PM UTC
It is not your job to bring him to a state of wellness, awakening, friend or not.
In a professional work setting there are alot of red flags here that can turn into legal issues. I would either transfer or leave. If he is a bonafide narcisissist, there is no amount of emails you can send that would bring him to a place of empathy unless it comes down hard on him from above in leadership or if leadership has already brought it to his attention and he doesnt change, they could let him go. I would say do the best with what you have in front of you. Sometimes people need to hit rock-bottom before they change for the better. Sorry, but sometimes being a friend boils down to tough love too. Heck I would end the friendship too or whatever is left of it. Toxic people like to suck the goodness out of good people, even loved ones.
AnonymousAugust 10,2022 at 7:47PM UTC
It boggles me how someone can be so selfish and unaccountable. Livelihoods are at stake here
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistAugust 9,2022 at 10:50PM UTC
YOU SAID:
" I would like to write a professional email documenting all incidents of gas-lighting prior to my resignation handover to enable him to be aware of how he is killing his own organization."
Honestly, I would not waste my time if I was you. He already knows how he's gas-lighting you - you don't have to tell him. He already knows what he's doing to his business.
If he wanted to run his business better, he'd already be doing so.
None of this is your responsibility. It's not your responsibility to run his business for him or to try to save it from him.
Type up your resignation instead. I'm glad to hear you're leaving. It sounds like a very unhealthy situation.
Also, please know that you should not allow yourself to be treated this way. You deserve better.
AnonymousAugust 10,2022 at 7:45PM UTC
So true. He is really running his business down the drain.
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistAugust 10,2022 at 10:48PM UTC
That's his choice and those are his consequences. It's not your problem.
AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 12:22AM UTC
❤️❤️❤️
AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 11:43PM UTC
on top of documenting, I would also record if possible and take it to HR. Glad you're getting out of there.
AnonymousAugust 10,2022 at 7:44PM UTC
Thank you for the feedback. I will just resign.
JJAugust 10,2022 at 11:17PM UTC
He may be suffering from a mental health break but for your own safety and security you should look for another job as soon as possible.
AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 12:22AM UTC
Amen. Thank you so much! This is true.
AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 1:31PM UTC
Fixing him is not your job.
The person who needs to know what a mess he's made of things would be his boss or HR. They probably already know and either don't care or are already starting to manage him out, but you could help with their documentation.
He obviously has problems that are bigger than anything you can do by confronting him with his failings.
AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 6:02PM UTC
Absolutely. It is a matter of cutting losses and moving on. Nothing more. I agree.
AnonymousAugust 25,2022 at 12:34PM UTC
I finally resigned.
He played victim. But I did not budge. Besides, we are still not paid for end of July yet he expects work to be done. Honestly. This job hurt my esteem. But I am relieved. I am already looking for a new job as bills won't pay themselves. But I am taking my time and grateful I resigned. I told the previous boss I want what's owed to me for July and August. The company is a "one man" show and that makes things difficult as it is his way or the highway. Some colleagues were expected to work out of town without food. It was really bad.