My boss has accused me of being dramatic and too emotional.

Anonymous

September 27,2021 at 5:24AM UTC

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My boss has accused me of being dramatic and too emotional. He tells me I should smile more, be less dramatic and stop repeating myself. He has also questioned my actions when I have followed proper company protocol. I went to HR about a supervisor that was emotionally abusing and degrading my fellow employees and I was subsequently sat down and accused of causing drama. I am currently doing the job of 2 people and I was told that this is “what I signed up for.” When I tried to talk to my boss about a male coworker not completing his tasks or putting in enough hours I was told; “his wife is drama, they just had a baby, imagine what his home life is like.” I am a single mother of 2 children.

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AnonymousSeptember 27,2021 at 9:16AM UTC
Sounds like mental abuse and manipulation to me, I hope I get selected for that jury, you win.
AnonymousSeptember 27,2021 at 10:08AM UTC
That's great of you to stand up for them, but maybe they want to be left alone to do their jobs and go home to look for better opportunity, lead their lives, etc.
I'd focus on MY issues.
JMO
Maria Paula CalvoSeptember 27,2021 at 11:24AM UTC
I may suggest that you shift your conversations with your boss towards your own performance at your role. Bringing up so many topics where you don´t seem to be a direct part of may be creating the idea of you not being focused on your assignment and trying to supervise or represent those that are not being managed by you or linked in any type of responsibility line.
AnonymousSeptember 27,2021 at 8:06PM UTC
Yeah, she should only talk about her work, but don't repeat it too much, and also smile as she talks about her performance. She should definitely not mention any type of unfair treatment or inequality she sees or do anything about it. She should just smile a lot and show him the assignments and say pleasant things so that he feels less threatened. That should make him think she's not dramatic. She should be a robot.
Carola FuertesSeptember 27,2021 at 12:04PM UTC
Your boss is entitled to their opinions about you, and sadly we can't control other people's opinions about us or about anything really.
Is there anything about that job that you particularly like? That would make it worth it for you to be in an environment that you otherwise don't like? IF there is, and you really don't want to leave, I would try to focus my attention more intentionally on those favorable aspects. Otherwise, why wouldn't you look for another job?
AnonymousSeptember 27,2021 at 8:02PM UTC
Even if he's entitled to his opinion, that opinion really affects her wage, how far she can go on the ladder, and how she's treated. Not to mention her own motivation for staying at the company, her perception of this boss and the company that protects this type of sexism.
Employees are supposed to be "professional, hard working, take initiative, be diligent, expected to respond and complete their work", but bosses can do and say whatever they want? That's ok?
If you are not outraged by the double standard, you are completely out of the loop.
Ashley NichelleSeptember 27,2021 at 2:59PM UTC
That is 100% sexism, and HR not handling it better is an alarming red flag.
Merris HawkSeptember 27,2021 at 4:26PM UTC
Smile more? Time to start looking for a better job without a sexist jerk for a boss.
Keep your CYA file up to date in case it's needed. HR isn't going to be any help at all and throwing another person under the bus only makes it seem like passing blame. Stick to your facts, keep detailed logs of incidents and best of luck in the hunt for a job that makes you happy.
AnonymousSeptember 27,2021 at 6:06PM UTC
It's probably best not to add to the perception of adding drama to the office and focus on your own situation and performance.
I shared an admin that kept bringing up other people's behavior and my boss finally let her go. He said he couldn't take her drama another day longer. He warned her for 4 months before he snapped.
AnonymousSeptember 27,2021 at 7:54PM UTC
He tells you: "He tells me I should smile more, be less dramatic and stop repeating myself. " and that you are dramatic because you are not part of the BOYS CLUB.
"Dramatic" is a term used by sexist men only when criticizing women. Women are drama and emotional to him.
In order for you to fit his checklist, you have to behave like this: smile, don't be emotional, dramatic and stop noticing the double standards with men because you are not in the good old boys club.
Sounds like you need to be a "Stepford Wife" to fit in this place.
If I were you, I would leave very soon. This type of mentality will be a big thorn for you to deal with. It will affect you mentally.
And don't listen to the other people here who say "don't contribute to drama" "mind your business and focus on your own"
They cannot even describe what drama is. They will probably side with the boss without knowing the repercussions of the type of culture being fostered by him.
The only advise I have, is do not gossip. See what you can learn from here and GTF out!
People like your boss do not change. But you can change jobs.
Rhonda RondeauSeptember 27,2021 at 8:08PM UTC
do you work in Koreatown? I swear everybody here sounds liked they worked for my x boss lol
Emmy BemmySeptember 27,2021 at 9:03PM UTC
"smile more" and "don't be so dramatic" are microaggressions almost exclusively lobbed at women.
He is sexist, whether he knows it or not (most men don't understand why those comments are inappropriate). If HR didn't do anything about your coworkers being mistreated, then they will not do anything to support you in this situation.
Based on your story, I would recommend not "telling on" people so often... the only reason you should worry about your male colleague not getting his work done is if it directly affects you being able to get your work done.
All that said, if possible, find another job, unless you are comfortable working in this environment, as it is(i.e. don't expect it to change).
As a side note, what do they mean "you signed up for" doing the job of 2 people?
Shaimaa MakhloufSeptember 28,2021 at 2:49AM UTC
We are always accused by MEN of being dramatic, we are always dramatic & emotional to them.
Based on what he tells you about you & the other colleague, that is not a good boss at all & if i were you, I’d avoid talking to hom as much as i can & i’d start looking for another job.
I also agree with the other ladies here who suggested not to complain about the other male- colleague unless what he is (not) doing is affecting you directly.
AnonymousSeptember 28,2021 at 1:24PM UTC
document everything and yes men always accuse women of being overly emotional and dramatic and half the time they are not using logic
AnonymousSeptember 28,2021 at 1:40PM UTC
You are commenting on things that are way out of your scope of work. You wonder why you are being called out? What does you being a single mom have to do with anything or doing the work, in your opinion, of two ?
I would really take a step back and concentrate on your job & responsibilities and stop pointing out what others are doing. It's best to mind your business only. No one wants to hear your opinions on what the others are doing.
Alexandria Scobee |Leadership Coach | IT ManagerSeptember 28,2021 at 3:11PM UTC
I believe they pointed out that they are a single mom because their boss used being a parent to excuse the behavior of the male co worker.
Alexandria Scobee |Leadership Coach | IT ManagerSeptember 28,2021 at 3:15PM UTC
Like many others have pointed out this sounds like a toxic environment and it is unlikely to change. Regardless of the gender lines it appears your boss is drawing it seems clear there are favorites and that is unlikely to change. If you need help or want to talk more about career transitions please let me know.