How do I survive a toxic workplace while looking for a new job?

12 Comments

1. AnonymousAugust 17,2024 at 4:43AM UTC

   You balance your life with joy. It extremely hard to engage with toxicity when your life if filled with joy and a lot of hard won peace.

   You can choose how much you embrace the toxic. You can decide that you won't let it steal your joy. There are a ton of online tools but you have to gain the perspective abd truly realize that you control your reaction to toxic.

2. AnonymousAugust 17,2024 at 12:43PM UTC

   I had to find a therapist and ask her just to be someone in my corner, because I was ruining relationships by complaining about work all the time. I was finally terminated after years of unendurable suffering (considered offing myself), and in unemployment invested in the things I should have invested in while working, like exercise classes at the Y, walks in parks, spending time with friends, calling my beloved aunt regularly. As a single woman, it's exhausting to always have to be the one to reach out and work at finding social connection, but it's absolutely necessary to survive that kind of torment.

   I feel your pain. Hang in there.

3. AnonymousAugust 18,2024 at 3:07PM UTC

   Wow, you should start recording. Can you wear ear phones at work? I had a boss that loved to ramble on and raise his voice, I had ear phones to take calls so I would just turn music on to drown him out.

4. AnonymousAugust 19,2024 at 2:54AM UTC

   I struggled with similar issues and it’s incredibly taxing. I eventually started having panic attacks and my doctor prescribed me anxiety medication which helped. (Other things I would do that helped: worked from home at least once a week, would book the small conference room or use the guest office if it was empty to just get distance, always ate lunch out of the building even if it was in my car, always had an excuse to leave on time.) I think the most difficult part though was trying to be positive and optimistic when you are applying or interviewing with new companies, it’s so hard to leave that negativity behind, I found myself always questioning and second guessing what the position or company would really be like once you get there. (If that makes sense? Like I had just written off that every workplace must be like the one I came from or it would eventually turn into that)

5. Yu-NingAugust 19,2024 at 8:05PM UTC

   I am sorry that you have been enduring the toxic work environment. I have been through it myself recently and had tried to pleased my manager’s insecurities and snarky comments for nearly a year and had experienced burnt out, imposter syndrome, anxiety and minor depression. You have done the right things to seek out GP and Therapists for support. Other things I will suggest is to:

   • Documenting your one on one and other interactions, outline the key behaviour/comments from your manager and the impact on you and your performance
   • join a union and/or log your ‘employment relationship’ issue with HR. Request a support person to attend your meeting if the behaviours is triggering to your anxiety
   • ask Dr to prescribe a medical certificate for some (stress)/sick leave for a week
   • seek advise from employment lawyers and advisor, you might be able to hire them to negotiate an exit package so that will ‘buy’ you some time, a clean break (albeit unemployed) to restore your self esteem. Rebuild yourself, in turn, to be in a better condition to secure your next employment
   • hire a coach (through recommendations)

   good luck. You are strong and you’ve got this.

6. AnonymousAugust 19,2024 at 1:44PM UTC

   I had to get a therapist and get in anxiety meds. I think that was the only way I survived here nearly 3 years and disengaged from the environment emotionally. I just see it as a pay check. I had gotten so down I considered suicide, I never felt like that is any job and I’ve been working many years in corporate environments. My first boss actually got fired for racist comments she made to her staff. One of my coworkers put in a complaint with HR. To this day I don’t know who did it, but I think they started recording their one to ones and documenting proof. There was whole investigation with all her direct reports and based on all our testimonies she was fired.

7. AnonymousAugust 19,2024 at 3:12PM UTC

   Like others who have replied, I managed to secure an amazing new job, after several soul crushing, failed interviews for others, after seeking a career coach who was also a therapist. She helped me separate me and my strengths from the crap that the toxic ED was dishing out. I was surprised at how quickly I was able to shift perspective with help.

8. AnonymousAugust 20,2024 at 1:36PM UTC

   I'm so sorry you're experiencing this.

   From experience: Shore up your supports (sleep, healthy food, hobbies, rest, friends, family, activities, therapy, etc.). Find coping strategies for "boundary setting" and "cord cutting/ trauma bonds" and how to release any bad feelings you have from work. Try your best not to internalize (easier said than done. If you're facing burnout, it's likely been going on for a long time).

   If this toxic environment is impacting your sleep/health- focus on that unapologetically. I can assure you if you don't, it's worse for you. While it may be a tempting theoretical option to want to speak up or fix the situation by engaging with the difficult parties or HR - you know you and the situation best. It may be easier to just start quiet quitting and move on. Do not tolerate bullying. Do what is safe so if calling them out is a bad idea, just focus on the work.

   They'll notice a shift in your energy and will adapt, either double down, or get creative. Keep to your goal= a better work environment/leaving

   If pressed for reasons for work delay, use phrases like, "I'll do the best I can." or "I'm on it." "It's taking longer than expected." They may put you on a performance plan, or some intervention. They may fire you. If you've gotten to the point where you don't care, the unemployment may be better than the toxic environment. You know what you're capable of and what to prioritize, so do it. Burnout is a real thing so if you need to start taking time off, do it. Book all of it. (whether it's a week off or 1 day a week off to give you some rest/distance).

   I'm not about to advise you quit outright because I don't know your situation (and finances), but if it comes to a time where you're really in a dark place, go on Leave of Absence or leave.

   Also, scale up your job hunt efforts. If it's truly a bad place, sometimes getting out is better than finding a dream job.Stepping stones.

   Here's a link that's a helpful reminder of things to do before you leave: https://www.thecut.com/article/resignation-checklist-what-to-do-before-quitting.html

   Here's a link to have you consider what to do in a hostile work environment. https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/hostile-work-environment

   Take care of you.

9. Farah BajwaAugust 21,2024 at 9:30PM UTC

   Something that was suggested to me and helped is: can you consider a FMLA? Since your mental health is being affected, see if that is an option to give you some time off to decompress while looking for something new. Good luck

10. Celena BartonAugust 25,2024 at 12:11PM UTC

    Keep your head up and focus on the future! That’s all you can do.

11. AnonymousAugust 25,2024 at 4:48PM UTC

    Take a lot of breaks. Do only what you can do, at a comfortable pace, within your work hours- no more than that. Find something you can do as soon as the work day is over to immediately transition you to an out-of-work mindset. When you start having thoughts of work during your 'off' hours, train your mind to pivot to different thoughts. Again, take lots of breaks, especially when something upsetting occurs, so you feel like you're taking back some control of your day. Best of luck and I hope you find a way out soon!

12. AnonymousAugust 26,2024 at 12:11PM UTC

    This is great advice. I’ve been doing something like this and it does help.