My boss brought up my period?

70 Comments

1. AnonymousJuly 25,2022 at 1:07PM UTC

   Totally inappropriate.

2. Julie SencionJuly 25,2022 at 1:23PM UTC

   Inappropriate and irrelevant. I recommend as soon as you can whether today or next 1-1 meeting, you should address it head on. I suggest saying , the other day when you said…., it made me uncomfortable. I believe your intention was to help and I just wanted to share how it made me feel. I would end it there. He may respond or he may be silent. As much as you would like, don’t fill the silence. If he says nothing for a minute then, you can move on by transitioning to information that needs to be covered or ending the meeting.

   Finally, it sounds like you may need a

   break from work and spend time

   processing the loss of your sister. Everyone processes grief differently and even if you are getting your work done, it is an struggle. A therapist, psychiatrist or primary physician can complete paperwork for a FMLA leave. If you aren’t in therapy, find a therapist and maybe a grief counseling group to help. Everyone needs time off once in awhile, that doesn’t fit into “bereavement” or a week of PTO. You well being is most important.

3. AnonymousJuly 25,2022 at 3:39PM UTC

   Thank you so much for the detailed answer and feedback. I agree that my ideal outcome is just never talking about my period again, and while it’s uncomfortable, I want to be really clear with him.

   My counselor has suggested doing FMLA but I’m not really familiar with it. I don’t want to put the team in a bad spot by taking a break to process, but maybe I’m putting them in an even worse spot by trying to push through.

   I am really grateful for your thoughts and detailed reply!

4. AnonymousJuly 26,2022 at 11:09PM UTC

   Look out for yourself first. Because, frankly, no one at work will. If you find you're really struggling, really consider talking to your therapist/doctor. It could make a big difference for you.

   FMLA isn't too complicated. You would just need a doctor to certify that you need to take the time off (more or less, it may vary a little depending on what state you're from).

   I hope you receive the support you need and deserve.

5. Julie SencionJuly 27,2022 at 6:07PM UTC

   It is ok to put yourself first. It is something I constantly need to remind myself . We are no good to anyone else if we do not care for ourselves. Again, for me I have to consistently remind myself of this and that everyone will be fine while I care for my needs.

   sending you positive thoughts

6. AnonymousJuly 25,2022 at 1:50PM UTC

   Inappropriate! He should remind you of EAP and leave it at that.

7. AnonymousJuly 25,2022 at 1:51PM UTC

   Honestly you have to ask??????

8. AnonymousJuly 25,2022 at 2:30PM UTC

   I’ve been getting a lot of mixed responses from friends and family, from “report to HR” to “harmless comment, don’t bother bringing it up”. Just trying to get an honest survey of what is reasonable!

9. AnonymousJuly 25,2022 at 3:03PM UTC

   It depends on what you want to accomplish. Do you want him written up? Do you want a formal apology, do you want him fired? Do you want to move on and move past it?

   It all depends on what you feel is an honest result for you.

10. AnonymousJuly 25,2022 at 3:37PM UTC

    That’s a really good question and one I should spend more time thinking about. I don’t want him fired, I just don’t want to talk about my period with him.

    I don’t want to be dishonest about my feelings when he specifically asks, but I also think I will have to set my own boundary here. Thank you for your insight!

11. AnonymousJuly 25,2022 at 2:14PM UTC

    So where is the line then?
    I see all of these social media posts and articles about "normalizing the period" and how 'we' shouldn't have to hide it', 'dont be ashamed!'.....boys should be expected to carry tampons for their female friends in case they get surprised. Here's an idea, how about i carry my own tampons in case I get surprised? good grief. This boss has probably seen the same stuff. he might have thought he was being "progressive" by going there. who knows what's right by today's standards? I personally don't want to have convos like that with anyone but who I choose, but everything is so upside down now....again, Where is the line?

12. AnonymousJuly 25,2022 at 3:35PM UTC

    This is a different perspective I hadn’t considered - maybe he thought he was being empathetic or trying to make me comfortable.

    I know my personal preference is to not discuss my period in any way, shape, or form at work. It’s never impacted my performance, so I see it as irrelevant. But that doesn’t mean I don’t understand how it could be a “gray area”. Thanks for your thoughts!

13. AnonymousJuly 25,2022 at 6:29PM UTC

    Would it be normal to tell a man that perhaps his viagra medication is causing him to be unstable at work? I don’t think so. There is a definite line and it should be obvious where it lies.

14. AnonymousJuly 26,2022 at 11:00PM UTC

    I agree! Could you imagine a man telling another man that his problem is stemming from his vasectomy, erectile disfunction, etc. And in front of other coworkers. And at a meeting to boot! Um, no.

    What he said was plain sexist stupidity. And it's important that someone let's him know. Otherwise, he'll never learn. (I'm not saying it has to be her, she has enough on her plate right now)

15. Julie HumbirdJuly 25,2022 at 2:50PM UTC

    Completely bizarre! Not all women have emotional cycles and they can very much be impacted by stress and depression. I'm so sorry for your loss. When I lost my nana it made my work suffer greatly. Good grief if someone tried to tell me my loss might just be my period...

16. AnonymousJuly 25,2022 at 3:24PM UTC

    It sounds like a lot of boundaries have already been crossed. Remember, your boss is NOT your friend. Don't ever forget this.

    I keep every single personal fact about my life personal. If I need a sick leave day, I will state "illness". Nothing else. If I am struggling with mental health, I get a counselor, I do not discuss my problems with my boss. Ever.

    I let my boss lead personal conversations, but I say almost nothing about my life. Ever. Maybe I have been in the workplace longer than you have, I have seen bosses turn on "friends" in a heartbeat. It is like being friends with a snake. Don't trust them, and always watch your back.

    From this point forward, be 100% professional, keep topics to work.

17. AnonymousJuly 25,2022 at 3:29PM UTC

    I don’t disagree with your comment at all. He had specifically asked how I was coping with the loss and I tried to give an honest answer, as recommended by my counselor.

    You may be right that it was a mistake, unfortunately my work needs “proof” of the loss for bereavement leave and I likely provided too much detail then. I will be more careful about what I share in the future. Thank you!

18. Teena JonesJuly 25,2022 at 4:07PM UTC

    stick to sending personal information to your HR team. It is ok from time to time to share small information with your Supervisor or Manager only if you know that person will support you. Otherwise send all personal documents to HR only.

19. AnonymousJuly 25,2022 at 4:38PM UTC

    Yes, they need "proof". Provide it, say nothing else. If you need time, fill out the documents, state "follow up family issues". Nothing about mental health or your personal situation.

    Counselors are great. But this person is not in a work environment, and sees everything from their point of view. They may not understand the cutthroat office culture.

    I am sorry for your loss. But keep your grief out of work. Remember, no one cares about you at work. Harsh reality. You can be replaced at any time.

    Don't mistake friendliness for actually being "friends". We all long for a work environment that we see on TV, where everyone is friends after work. That is fiction, not reality.

20. AnonymousJuly 25,2022 at 4:57PM UTC

    Thanks for the feedback! It sounds like the general consensus from this thread is to keep all of this out of work, and if that’s not possible, to fill out the paperwork and leave it at that.

    I don’t think it’s harsh to say nobody at work cares, and I shouldn’t expect them to. I have a bad habit of “over explaining” to try and justify when I need time off. I’ll keep working on it, but do appreciate the response!

21. Barb HansenJuly 25,2022 at 3:56PM UTC

    This is excellent advice - your manager is not your friend (and it's also okay to be friendly with your manager)

22. Barb HansenJuly 25,2022 at 3:54PM UTC

    I'll add to this list of excellent suggestions - if your company is large enough to have an ESP program (employee service/support programs), talk to your HR team and engage those services. There may be help available to you through your employers (without you feeling obligated to over-share with your manager).

    I wish you well, and I hope your able to find the assistance that you need

23. AnonymousJuly 25,2022 at 4:09PM UTC

    Thank you very much!

24. Teena JonesJuly 25,2022 at 4:03PM UTC

    As employee's our emotional stability is our own personal and private domain. When you were open and made a choice to share intimate information with your boss that opened the door for him to share an opinion right or wrong he felt it was ok to express his thoughts because you have been sharing with him personal information. When people go to a different level we have to choose how to respond and at that point a "thank you for your perspective but I am sure this is not the case" is all that is needed. Reach out to HR and benefits to request FMLA you need it. See if your benefit team is able to offer Grief Counseling or if it is part of your medical benefits. If you are unable to get this support speak to your Medical Doctor and they will get you a prescription to speak to someone. Turn that into HR. If you are not eligible for FMLA time off see if you have any sick time that can be taken and use it when you need to. You will feel better soon. Focus on the good times you shared and be thankful. You will get stronger day by day. I lost two bothers nearly 20 years ago yes I understand. I lost my aunt to covid this year and I was not the best I could have been. So yes I speak from an experience. Not your experience but I can share time will help.

25. AnonymousJuly 25,2022 at 4:08PM UTC

    Thank you for your perspective! I agree with you and other posters in the thread that I over-shared and should be accountable for the response to that. I will not make the same mistake in the future.

    I am getting better, stronger day by day. The world has to keep turning and my only option is to put one foot in front of the other. I think FMLA feels like a good option. Thanks again!

26. Shelly EdwardsJuly 25,2022 at 5:10PM UTC

    Your boss is a jerk for blaming your grieving process on hormones. That is such an antiquated "male" way of dealing with anything emotional and should no longer be acceptable behavior in 2022.

    I'm so sorry for your loss and for the grief and depression you continue to feel. You are not wrong for feeling how you feel. Every person grieves loss differently and we all need to go through the process in our own way. I'm so sorry it was made worse by a infantile boss who does not have an understanding of this concept. If you have an EAP through work, I would reach out to them. If not, find a counselor or a grief support group in your area that can actually help you throug this difficult time with the support you need and deserve.

27. EMILY KIKUE FRANKJuly 25,2022 at 6:53PM UTC

    Ohmygosh, what a creep! Talk to HR, for sure. This is totally sexist and they need to know, even though they probably won't do anything.

28. Beth Whight MoralesJuly 26,2022 at 12:14AM UTC

    I think it’s really easy to jump on the “your boss is such a creep” train. Really a couple of other things could be happening. First, he might be uncomfortable that you are continuing to use him as a sounding board and doesn’t really know how to help. He was just doing his best, from a man’s perspective.

    Second, hormones do affect us in ways we may not realize. While it’s not his job, he may have thought he was pointing something out that you can actively address. He might not want to see you so helpless, and at two months, he probably feels really bad that there’s not much he can do to help.

    I think you forgive him this one, especially if it’s not a pattern, and it seems from the what you said your boss is making allowances for you to grieve.

    But also, seek out your company’s EAP plan and get counseling ASAP if you have not done so. If you are having a difficult enough time that by now you can’t put in a full days’ work, it’s okay to ask for help, and you should. Take care of you and try not to talk to your boss so much. Counselors are educated in how to help you cope with loss.

    And finally, my condolences for your loss. It’s very hard. I found it gets better with time, and I hope you do, too. Hugs!

29. Arlene Frances Gottardo (Bryak)July 26,2022 at 1:05AM UTC

    Geez- how rude to mention this in front of you & staff

30. Shanita Taylor BSIS, BSc (Psyc), M.A.E.LJuly 26,2022 at 3:45AM UTC

    If it's not affecting your work performance, You do not have to discuss things with people you don't need to discuss with them.
    Many employers offer EAP's. I am not saying you can't have conversations with people at work. You have to know what to talk about. Some people will only speak to you to find out your business. Many times to try and keep you from prevailing or to use it against you. If you do not feel comfortable talking to someone about certain things, redirect the conversation or say it's personal.

31. AnonymousJuly 26,2022 at 11:27AM UTC

    Although it was unexpectedly brought up I’m not getting the intention that he brought it up in a creepy way. Some people like to go on YouTube and watch scientific medical stuff and maybe he is parroting what he learned. If you do not want certain types of feedback when talking about things that are not connected to your work, it is best to only address your feelings with close family and friends…. People you actually know and trust and can predict their behaviours in most cases

32. AnonymousJuly 26,2022 at 12:23PM UTC

    I read this to mean that he in his own way was trying to be supportive. I don't think it was ill-intent, but the delivery was less than ideal. I think how much you choose to share depends on your relationship with your boss - I've had bosses with whom I shared a lot and others almost nothing. Only you know your personal relationship, but it sounds like I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

33. ReachingGoalsJuly 26,2022 at 12:33PM UTC

    I’m so sorry for your loss. May your memories of your sister be a blessing.

    As for your boss, sounds like he was trying to be helpful/supportive and missed the mark. he may be just as uncomfortable as you are about the conversation. I’d try not to share as much in the future - which is hard to do.

34. Karen BurkeJuly 26,2022 at 12:43PM UTC

    I don't necessarily think this is creepy, but I'd say it's not in any way appropriate.

    Yes, our hormones affect us in many ways, and what's "normal" can change unexpectedly.

    That said, it's really not appropriate that he brought this up in your meeting, in front of teammates - especially without being invited to do so. If you have a relationship where you discuss these things in a private manner, then fine - but in a meeting is a no.

    I don't think anyone has any business trying to explain how someone else's body works to them - aside from a parent speaking to a child, or a patient/doctor relationship.

    I'm not suggesting that this needs to be blown into a big issue, but depending on the relationship you have with your boss, you should tell him that wasn't ok (if it wasn't). If you aren't comfortable speaking to him about it - then that is your answer and he was absolutely out of line.

35. Hilary GrayJuly 26,2022 at 12:54PM UTC

    A man mansplained periods to you? That's beyond inappropriate. I'd have a conversation with HR .

36. Rachel SteinerJuly 26,2022 at 3:49PM UTC

    This was my exact thought.

37. LisaJuly 26,2022 at 1:50PM UTC

    As someone who lost a parent last year and is also manager, let me start off by saying I’m so sorry for your loss. You are going through one of the hardest things you can experience, and you have every right to how you feel.

    With your situation at work, there are a few things at play here.

    Regarding the timing:

    I read through the comments, and you had mentioned that your boss asked you how you were doing, and that you were responding to his question. It would be worth having a private conversation about his intentions with that question, as asking someone how they’re doing could be a quick greeting, or genuinely wanting to discuss deeper. I don’t want to diminish any part of your grief journey - just simply saying that you may have caught him off guard if he was asking as a greeting.

    Regarding the grief:

    I’d highly recommend having a serious conversation with him about how you’re feeling regarding the loss of your sister and how it’s affecting you, personally and professionally. Grief is really odd, in that you don’t fully understand it until you experience it. He needs to understand that you’re likely not going to be at your best, and that this is a journey for you, not just something that ends.

    You also may want to consider taking some time to process what happened if you need it.

    Regarding his response:

    His response was inappropriate regardless of what you’re going through in your personal life. I agree with Hilary Gray that you likely need to have a conversation with HR, as your manager seems like he needs some training. If you’re really comfortable with him, you can kick off that conversation with him. However, if you are in the US, comments like that are considered discriminatory against women, and HR will probably want to address that in an official way.

38. LisaJuly 26,2022 at 1:55PM UTC

    About his response, I forgot to add that if there were other women in that conversation, you very likely weren’t the only person who felt uncomfortable (same goes for literally anyone else in the room who aren’t comfortable with those responses).
    That in itself is definitely a reason to speak with HR.

39. AnonymousJuly 26,2022 at 1:58PM UTC

    This is so inappropriate.

40. AnonymousJuly 26,2022 at 1:58PM UTC

    "Correctile Dysfunction" - love it!!!

41. AnonymousJuly 26,2022 at 2:35PM UTC

    I don’t disagree with the commenters who say you need to establish a bright line between your work and personal life.

    Regardless of how open you’ve been with your grief, however, it was NOT OK for your boss to start opining about your gynecological health. The fact that he felt you needed education on how your own body works is paternalistic, textbook mansplaining, and shows a lack of respect for your intellect, regardless of his intent. Sure, he may have been trying to help, but the fact that his mind went there is gross. To be clear, no matter what personal struggles you’ve shared, you didn’t invite a discussion about your ovaries, and that is the problem here.

    At the very least, he needs to recognize that he’s tapped into the deeper, decades-old stereotype about “crazy ladies and their wacky periods” and that his comments showed a gender bias he needs to be mindful of in the future.

    You can offer that feedback if you wish, but you also aren’t obligated to be his designated gender-bias coach. HR has a responsibility to do this so he doesn’t open the company to EEO liability in the future.

    I’d go to HR and keep it factual. He mansplained periods to you, complete with the gender-hostile suggestion that women are too emotionally volatile to live in the adult world. You know he meant well but you’re flagging it to protect the company. Full stop. No tempering it with, “This could have been my fault because I shared….” This isn’t on you.

42. Bernadette M MartinezJuly 26,2022 at 2:55PM UTC

    All of this!

    I was going to say the same thing. The issue isn't that OP blurs the personal/professional line so much as it is blatant sexism.

43. AnonymousJuly 26,2022 at 3:32PM UTC

    I would suggest grief counseling , and I tend to agree with the few that he did not seem to have ill intent , as hard as grief is for you to deal with it can be hard for those around you especially at work . Work relationships are very different than friends and family they may have no idea what to say to you and even how to offer comfort , if you even want comfort I have known people who are grieving to get angry at people when they think the words offered are hollow or over used , it can be daunting to know what to say.

    I think that maybe talking about your grief to your manager or co workers may not be the most effective way to deal with it. Counseling can be a great relief and a way to healing .

44. AnonymousJuly 26,2022 at 3:44PM UTC

    I am very sorry for your loss. Grief is awful, and understandable that just making it through the most mundane of tasks seems overwhelming.

    Was your boss's comment the most appropriate? Probably not. Gauging his intent is difficult. He may be a jerk. I don't know. I hate to jump to that conclusion. He may also just have no idea what to say. Other people's grief is really difficult for a lot of people and many people ignore it because they have no idea what to say, and some people get verbal diarrhea and say the weirdest stuff because they just say the first thing that comes to their mind because they have no idea "the right thing." So, maybe he gets kudos for at least trying to talk to you instead of ignoring your grief even if what he said was all kinds of wrong. I don't know that either. You will have to judge that based on your interactions with him prior to this.

45. Anne KrookJuly 26,2022 at 4:21PM UTC

    Wow, mansplaining periods to a woman. It is not appropriate to say that. So so sorry you had to put up with nonsense as you are grieving.

    Now that the moment has passed, consider what to say if it happens again, when you will have two data points: "I am sure you mean well, but this comment about my health, like the one about periods and hormones, is not helpful" or words to that effect.

46. AnonymousJuly 26,2022 at 4:31PM UTC

    Totally not appropriate to say from a manager of any gender and you are definitely not overreacting. I do encourage you to address it with your boss if you feel comfortable to but if not you should talk with someone in HR about it. They may be able to offer some guidance on how to best handle.

47. AnonymousJuly 26,2022 at 4:33PM UTC

    Not appropriate. At all. yay he's trying to be in touch with his feminine side or whatever...but dude...not appropriate. In addition to this it feels like he's trying to minimize the grief you're feeling.

    If you feel comfortable in doing so, I would request a meeting, a follow-up - if you will - to this previous conversation and let him know that first, you feel like he's trying to minimize your grief and second, the period conversation was inappropriate and uncomfortable. If you aren't comfortable with having that conversation with him, I'd recommend you go to HR (I'm actually in HR and am working with someone who's higher up - not direct manager though - made her uncomfortable. This does not fall into the category of bullying, harassment or whatever, but still not good. I have since had a few frank discussions with this employee.

    Also, I'd recommend utilizing your EAP and look into some counseling options if you haven't done so already.

48. Erica MitchellJuly 26,2022 at 5:32PM UTC

    You're not overreacting at all. He shouldn't have discussed your cycle. That was very inappropriate. It sounds like you need to establish boundaries at your place of employment.

49. AnonymousJuly 26,2022 at 6:09PM UTC

    Wow. What he said is so inappropriate on so many levels. I am so sorry for your loss and so sorry that you don't have a manager who is understanding. You really should do what you think is best for you.

50. Susan RoblesJuly 26,2022 at 10:15PM UTC

    Reading some of the comments reminded me of a boss in the early 1990s. He managed a bank branch, and this was years before I worked for him, but he tracked his tellers' cycles. So that when they called out for "female" issues he could say where they were in their cycles. He was a great boss for me, but omg. Had forgotten about the conversation!

51. Ebony WilkinsJuly 27,2022 at 1:28PM UTC

    What in the world?!?

52. AnonymousJuly 28,2022 at 12:55PM UTC

    That is so beyond gross and intrusive I can’t imagine that boss turning into one if want to work for.

    the fact that anyone fees the need to explain what medical issue has them calling out always fills me with rage. It’s none of my employers business if I have a painful period, food poisoning or whatever.. “I’m sick today, should be back tomorrow” is more than enough.

    I really don’t like when staff tells me why they need the day, I don’t want to know about your diarrhea, Darryl! I did have one young woman who reported to me that would always give me a long “so sorry, I’m having such a painful period can’t come in today” TMI for my taste, but sure… sorry, that sucks, see you tomorrow. Then she’d say the same thing next week, and the next week… I know everyone’s body is different but I’ve never met a woman who only has her period on Friday, but like 3x a month. I think she forgot to change her game when no longer reporting to a man.

53. AnonymousJuly 26,2022 at 10:45PM UTC

    I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. Dealing with grief at work is very hard.

    Regarding the comment about your hormones...

    Wow! This is beyond inappropriate. This is plain sexist garbage. While his intent may have been "pure", it boggles my mind. There are so many things wrong with this.

    - He is quite clueless when it comes to offering any kind of supportive thoughts. Yes, many people find it awkward to address someone else's loss. I have been on the receiving end way too many times. But, for crying out loud, a simple Google search can give someone some examples if they co could be bothered to look.

    - Never. Ever. Ever. Would it be appropriate for someone you are not close to, to make unbidden suggestions as to how they think your biology is interfering with your work. Even outside of work, there are very few people who should feel it's there place to do so.

    - And to top it all off - A man "explaining" the effects of menstruation to a woman. I mean, seriously?!

    This is awful. And I am really suprised at how many women don't seem to get that. Ugh.

    I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Perhaps just letting him know, while you appreciate that he meant well, it's not something that is relevant to your situation, nor the kind of thing you want to discuss at work.

54. JJJuly 26,2022 at 11:04PM UTC

    Write him a note to explain how off base he is. Report him to HR. Quit.

55. Heather BinghamJuly 27,2022 at 2:25AM UTC

    Ooooh, no. That is not an appropriate thing to say to any woman at any time, least of all in this context. For him to bring this up, when you are suffering such grief AND getting your work done, is very, very wrong and much worse than just clumsy. I've been either in or linked to HR for 20 years, in all sorts of settings, and I will confess that I am genuinely quite shocked.

    If you really think he was trying to help - really, really believe it, 100% - and you usually have a strong relationship, then you could take him on one side and give him some feedback about how his chat made you feel. However, I don't think you should feel you have to do this if this does not feel comfortable - and why should it when you have so much going on? - so I would talk to HR. Just give them the facts of what he said and how it made you feel. Don't feel you have to over emphasise why what he did was really bad, or justify your complaint in any other way, because if HR is populated by human beings, this can be left unsaid.

    One thing I'll add is that, at this incredibly tough time, you must tackle this in the way that causes you least additional stress. He has already piled on the stress and you don't want to suffer even more by tackling it before you're ready. If you were in my organisation and made the complaint in a couple of months' time, I would still take it just as seriously and would still follow up as if it had happened the day before. Sometimes the most serious complaints do come after a little time has passed, because the injured party needed time to process the experience.

56. AnonymousJuly 27,2022 at 8:29AM UTC

    That is a POS comment to make to a woman, and someone who is grieving. Not appropriate in any way. You are not over reacting and I would document in an email to that idiot and cc HR.

57. Crystal HowellJuly 27,2022 at 11:32AM UTC

    NO, you should have a conversation with HR, and you should take advantage of the grief counseling the employer provides through your benefits. If you have vacation, take it.

    Make sure to document the conversation, while on vacation contact other employment opportunities. Good Luck, sorry for your loss.

58. Elaine JaraJuly 27,2022 at 12:41PM UTC

    NOPE, not appropriate. Would he have said that to a male? Absolutely not. I would ask your HR rep for some guidance on how to navigate. No matter his intentions, he needs to understand why it's inappropriate so he can do better moving forward.

    Also, I am so sorry for the loss of your sister, and wishing you all the best with your mental health and navigating your grief. Be sure to lean on those around you who you trust. <3

59. Stephanie IngleJuly 27,2022 at 1:04PM UTC

    wtf? OMG!!! I cannot believe a boss would say this to you, let alone a MAN! He must really be a peach!

60. Nicole ProutyJuly 27,2022 at 2:23PM UTC

    I would recommend having a private discussion with your HR person. He should not have said that.

61. EMILY KIKUE FRANKJuly 27,2022 at 2:26PM UTC

    If you haven't already, I'd recommend you reach out to Ask a Manager: https://www.askamanager.org/ask-a-question

    She has excellent advice and support, and she's funny, too.

62. AngieJuly 27,2022 at 7:15PM UTC

    Ask a Manager is a good site. I read it too. I appreciate her candor.

63. Lisa OGradyJuly 27,2022 at 8:19PM UTC

    I’m so very sorry for the loss of your sister.
    I lost mine too and had to go to work a week later and it was hard. In addition to that, i was working part time cleaning offices two nights a week in a business that was closed evenings. . I’d go into the cleaning closet and cry my eyes out most nights while there.
    I only tell you this do you know that you’re not crazy. That is a hard loss and dealing with it is not easy at all.
    Your boss was inappropriate and I’d talk to HR about it. But please also talk to them about some time off for grief counseling. Bless you. You’re in my prayers.
    PS - your sister would want you to be happy and healthy. Please make sure to take care of yourself. ♥️

64. Ellen Smith FaganAugust 1,2022 at 7:13PM UTC

    YES - generally speaking, failure to report makes you an accessory to the evil act, re inappropriate remarks. But Grief is REAL - measureable - and depleting. IF you take up too many fights, dangerous right down to your health. WAIT.

    If you and your boss have a mutual friend - tell them - it is a friend's job right now to give a hand. Tell the mutual friend - "when I feel better, I am obliged to file formal complaint about this thing "x" said - if you like see if you can get him to acknowledge his grief blooper and apologize. I am already heartbroken and don't need fights".

    It might save trouble and your job.

    I have read and read and learned a lot thru my own grief recovery. IF you do not do the grief work, you won't be the same amazing gal you are now...ever. No bad. thing in life "just goes away" - it goes somewhere to catch you later.

65. AnonymousJuly 28,2022 at 12:42PM UTC

    There was no appropriate thing to say and holy moly that must have been awkward.
    I’m so sorry.

    It was super not appropriate for him step into that mine field, he should have stopped before suggesting hormone as cause. But we’re all navigating newer waters when it comes to openness about mental health in the workplace. The line may have moved, but not that far… he crossed it.

    Im guessing this dude has a daughter or two? Still doesn’t make it okay to have that conversation with a staff member, but what man ever opts yo talk about periods?

66. Ellen Smith FaganAugust 1,2022 at 7:07PM UTC

    when my beloved died suddenly at my feet one morning - almost everyone said one wrong thing - it's not possible to do better than that when shocked. FORGIVE. Not always possible if the speaker was not your best friend in the first place. But you will heal from your grief in direct proportion to your ability. Be kind to you and to others.

67. AnonymousJuly 28,2022 at 12:44PM UTC

    Mansplaining periods to a woman.

    wow

68. na1102July 29,2022 at 9:39PM UTC

    First of all, I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister. Please take your time and grieve and mourn the loss.

    I don't know about everyone else, but I think its inappropriate. So a man is going to explain about menstrual cycles and how it affects us? seriously? I think its just plain weird.

69. Ellen Smith FaganJuly 31,2022 at 6:10AM UTC

    YOUR boss just made a grief blooper. Forgive Everyone you know will say one wrong thing - grief is no fun.

    But it will pass.

    It hasn't been ninety days since your loss of one of the closest of others on earth.

    You can give this right to grieve full freedom at your life but start the journey to grief recovery at ninety days.

    They call it "Grief work" because it is a triumph when we get over a major grief, but it is work. REST , eat sleep exercise healthy and take vitamins to help yourself to deal with the demands of your journey.

    Your suffering is valid but so are any manner of "little bad moments" that people may show you at this time.

    If you are young-ish, it is nature- your personhood is not ready to be bereaved.

    Almost EVERYONE in your life will make a blooper at you, beause they are not ready to walk the grief recovery walk with you, either.

    That one major truth is plenty to explain your boss' odd remark. Some guys still think that menstruation causes all feminine woes , but most know to at least not say so out loud. He was not being rude - he merely did a grief blooper. Forgive him instantly and win!

    And learn to change the subject and talk about normal things and give everyone a break.

    Join a grief recovery group in real time or online - tons of them everywhere. Do your grief talk with them and NOT messing your workplace - restoring your fine work place energies is your job now - work holds you up so do not undo it.

    And each grief journey is unique.

    Today, grief stress is a health problem - being unable to work after two months is BAD. If you cannot put your finger in a light socket and rekindle a happy life - see your doctor and tell him. It's valid and easy to fix.

    Your doctor will tell you if you are in need of counseling or meds or a trip on the ocean.

    But get a friend to get you up and jogging or buy a trampoline for the back yard or a mini-trampoline for just YOU - "mobility is life" was never truer than when recovering from grief.

    IF you do not find a way to snap out of it, it is very dangerous.

    And physical fun to move around and shake off that feeling of dragging from sorrow is very important to do.

    You need to talk it out but not all over daily team mates - your grief recovery group at Facebook or something will be soooooo helpful and win points in alt the other places in your life.

    I am sharing this because I had THE major grief loss and it was a drama getting on the road to Grief Recovery and winning - but OHHHH so worth it.

    Read about grief recovery - do not be friends with people who say you never recover - they are not your friends.

    FIRST you give the moment it's way for a bit, but then use the tools in your mind and heart and soul to WIN thru to the great day in the morning when you realize you ARE over it and the best memories of your loved one will be yours again.

    And then years from now you can remember her happily. You'll see. IT'S ABOUT LIFE!

70. TheodoraJuly 31,2022 at 11:14PM UTC

    This is shocking and inappropriate on so many levels. My condolences, as I know this is an extremely difficult time. The last thing you need is mansplaining about your menstrual cycle. Good for you for taking the higher ground. When will they learn smh