What do you do when you have a passisve aggressive boss who tells you confidential company matters and then throws you under the bus to the C suite Team?

22 Comments

1. Shelley MunroDecember 31,2022 at 4:05PM UTC

   Is your boss part of the C suite, or is there someone above your boss you could speak to about this? Write down everything you have been told. Summarize how you’ve been thrown under the bus in error. If you can go to your boss’s boss with this issue, then do it. That is the normal chain of command. If you can’t do that, you could go to HR to find out how to manage this situation.

   If neither of those are an option then it’s past time to start your job search. This is an immature boss that is toxic. There will be no way for the 2 of you to reach an agreement.

2. AnonymousDecember 31,2022 at 5:29PM UTC

   No he’s not part of the C Suite. I always feel like HR is never in your best interests especially when someone’s above you.

3. AnonymousDecember 31,2022 at 6:35PM UTC

   Unfortunately there isn't anything you can do but try and enlist HR and management

4. AnonymousJanuary 1,2023 at 12:47PM UTC

   If you plan to stay you distance yourself from this boss and interact in writing and follow up in writing to ensure you document the boss's direction and shared info. When things are documented, the information shared and direction and your understanding will be less of a weapon against you.

   Keep everything in writing if you can. Keep a professional distance so extra info is not easily shared. Be smart about what you act on and you'll be fine.

5. Deborah MichaliszynJanuary 2,2023 at 1:20PM UTC

   RUN They will ruin you. Not just your career, but YOU. You will be stressed to yin yang. Just get out as fast as you can, apply for other jobs!! While you still have the energy and time. Make up a good excuse why your leaving when other employers ask, and just, mooove on! This is "the push" friend. It's a sign, it's your cue. They won't let up. There's no misunderstanding, it's intentional. If your boss is throwing you under that bus, you're screwed man. don't work with someone like that, it won't end well. Trust me, I went through it. I didn't know what would happen. I thought that as soon as they knew the truth, they would treat me normal again. I have Autism so, I just didn't know what they were doing. I stayed too long, I endured huge suffering. It's very awful. They will make up more lies, and document YOU, and you'll never get a voice. Just RUN.

   So I'll tell you what it means, I really researched hard and spoke with former HR managers I had as friends...It means that they are protecting their own job at your expense. It's selfish, and they will NOT stop. Because they are managers. Rule #1 The manager is always right.
   Rule #2 If the Manager is wrong, refer to Rule #1. So, no matter what you boss did wrong, YOU'RE TO BLAME. That's it. No matter what proof you have, HR will never side with you. Even if they secretly believe you, they will never tell you that. You can document until the cows come home. So will they. And they will win. Even if it's all lies. It will be a big fat phony document nitpicking at any minute flaw you have. Even if they have all the same flaws. Even if it pretty well turns into 1 finger pointed at you with the last 9 at themselves, it will be YOU under scrutiny. Period. All one sided. They will side with the company, won't let you speak, give you all kinds of talks that they gave you warnings that they never did, and write it on a document as IF they did. You will not have a voice against the manager, and you'd have to go through outside sources to get a voice and prove it. They will try to upset you, and make you get mad at them, and when you defend yourself they will look intently for signs that you are angry, and document it, saying you have a bad attitude. You will need a counselor to stay calm, because they will instigate you to get a rise out of you, and it just won't be fun. Even if you stayed calm and was rational, they would lie and say you didn't. They'll make up lies to make it look like there was no way to help you. You're going to loser your job. Managers who throw you under the bus don't came back later and say sorry, all my fault, fire me instead. They keep going with it. It's not worth it. Just go move on to exciting, shiny new jobs elsewhere. This one is a goner.

6. AnonymousJanuary 2,2023 at 1:23PM UTC

   Excellent advice. I just had this happen.

7. Lisel RosewoodJanuary 2,2023 at 2:17PM UTC

   Me too. I could have written that myself.

8. AnonymousJanuary 2,2023 at 5:45PM UTC

   Yes, this happened to me with different details but the same type of story. I left and it was the worst time in a recession, but my sanity was worth it.

9. Jacqueline CutlerJanuary 2,2023 at 1:40PM UTC

   You need to leave, immediately, as the woman below said. (All excellent advice there.) Don't wait or consider, start today by updating your resume and looking. Your boss' behavior will get to you, and it can affect your health. The stress is not worth it. The boss could try to wreck your reputation. You cannot win here. And, you'll be so much happier in a better environment.

10. Terri SmithJanuary 2,2023 at 1:55PM UTC

    Unfortunately, it's the very things that you're observing that help get these sorts of people into leadership positions. It says as much about them as it does about your c-suite, a gullible bunch persuaded by an emotionally bankrupt individual. I have to agree with others here - look for another job as this is a toxic environment that could mess with your head as well as your career.

11. AnonymousJanuary 2,2023 at 1:57PM UTC

    i agree with the others. I’ve been there myself. Working for someone like this will negatively impact your personal well-being. It is not worth it. RUN as fast as you can!!!

12. Jessica FerlandJanuary 2,2023 at 2:49PM UTC

    This happened to me. It was awful. I tried my best and talked to HR about my options. They stated they would not contest unemployment, which I got in writing and quit without another job lined up, which is entirely out of character for me. I lined up state benefits, treated looking for a job as a job and found a job 2 months later. I know is was a combination of luck and resourcefulness,but worth it!!!

13. KathrynJanuary 2,2023 at 2:58PM UTC

    email everything and then tell her to stop telling you anything. Also go see HR if possible and line up some other avenue like unemployment or maybe a transfer. And finally DOCUMENT everything. Email save conversations noted with date and time what was said ect. Keep these at home. Document then when she tries to throw you under the bus bring out documentation. C-Suite will be unhappy with her not you but you have to document everything. Check your state laws as well I live in a one party recording state which mean I can have a recording devise all the time. Only two party states do you have to inform. Maybe that would help as well. CYA starting now and get out there and job hunt

14. VerityJanuary 2,2023 at 3:41PM UTC

    I'd leave. Sounds like they're trying to save their own skin and if that's the case, they don't deserve to have you working for them. Try and find another job asap so you can leave without causing too many personal problems and ensure you document every interaction, their attitude, what you talked about etc... keep these stored at home so at least you might have something to argue against them with however I personally wouldn't bank on them taking your side even with documentation.

15. Kimberly McKenzie-KlemmJanuary 2,2023 at 3:59PM UTC

    Request a Departmental transfer. This kind of behavior will only be overlooked politically and makes any actually needed communication suspect. Without a modicum of trust, your boss is probably trying to tell you something (as in, "I really do not need you".)

16. misskelleypJanuary 2,2023 at 5:36PM UTC

    Find a new job. You can't be successful working for this person.

17. AnonymousJanuary 2,2023 at 5:48PM UTC

    All I can say , bosses very rarely come out and try to defend you. They love to point fingers and pass under the rug their mistakes ,,, they will laser focus on any small thing you might have done or they heard, the won’t even check if what they heard is right…. Once you are a boss, unless it’s VERY bad. They rarely get fired. My EX is part of a group of 5 managers, he is the only one who ACTUALLY does his job, I worked with him so I observed this, the thing is my ex’s boss , he doesn’t give a shit. My ex tries to clean up after the other managers , so…. Yeah.

18. Ellen Smith FaganJanuary 2,2023 at 6:23PM UTC

    Most passive aggressive behavior is childish, and some of it outright illegal.

    Especially in a boss or superior , passive aggressive behavior is very hard to take !

    the dynamic involved can. even cause illness and here it is cold and flu season.! :-)

    I would be looking for a new job or new boss or something I

    would not tolerate a passive, aggressive relationship - so far I absolutely break it off!

    It's just too childish and too dangerous.

    FACT AND LAW

    It is your boss' job to empower you.

    It is your boss'job to defend you when that is the sensible thing to do!

    NOTE:

    someone else here says that's not really their job they don't do that - they are not supportive.

    WRONG!

    Not only should they do that they must do that by law in many instances.

    It goes back to the rights/responsibility dynamic

    If your boss is enjoying the rights and powers of a boss, then he/she must be enthusiastic about actualizing the responsibilities.

    A good boss is joyful to empower and support his employees or her employees.

    EMPOWERING YOUR TEAM WINS!

    Do not listen to people left over from the middle ages, who preferred to beat or cheat their employees.

    If your boss will not chat it out nicely with you, or if tensions between you have gone too far, just hang in there and make it clear that you are looking for something else to do with someone else.

    Make that move, if need be, but you must not let yourself down it's your life.

19. AnonymousJanuary 2,2023 at 8:29PM UTC

    I was in this exact situation at my previous job. My boss was a terrible gossip, but she also sought my opinions, used my recommendations and expertise without giving credit and then would intentionally lock me and other subordinates out of opportunities that would have given us more visibility among senior leaders. In other words, she would use me for my expertise but would not support me and even sometimes sabotaged my attempts to lead projects or people. She was the epitome of the worst manager/leader and I started looking for an exit as soon as I realized what was happening. This behavior is terribly damaging and getting out is the only path forward because someone with this type of personality will never change

20. Jennifer FalandysJanuary 2,2023 at 10:23PM UTC

    I started documenting, handed over documentation, and left the organization.

21. Bradford McCormickJanuary 3,2023 at 5:41AM UTC

    I think you have slready got very good advice here, starting with something you can do before you decide what to th: "I started documenting,"

    My immediate thought is that next time this person opens their mouth and starts: "tells you confidential company matters", quick evaluate if this is appropriate information you need to do your job and if not, graciously but firmly cut them off by explaining that confidential information should only be shared on a "need to know" basis for the prosecution of the company's business. It sounds like "confidential information" here is a euphenism for "gossip" and trying to make you a co-conspirator in bej\havior not in the company's best interests. You do not do things which are not in your employer's best intereets, period.

22. Lisa MarieJanuary 3,2023 at 10:45AM UTC

    Simply stop listening. Unless of course you're in an outside-of-work-relationship with your boss??

    When such conversations begin, politely cut him/her off and excuse yourself to:

    - rush to the restroom

    - make an urgent call

    Ask him/her not to share sensitive matter with you anymore. Be sure to state it makes you feel uncomfortable.

    If after FOUR ATTEMPTS to prevent such sharing fails, type EVERYTHING s/he has shared with you thus far - including dates and times (if you recall), then email it to HR and at least 3 other seniors AND CC your hoss, with a requestogor all you emailed to ACKNOWLEDGE the very uncomfortable situation you have been placed in, and your desire for such sharing to cease.

    Start looking for your next best opportunity, then leave that job.

    IF however you may be hearing these info in a setting outside of work - simply stop hanging out with your boss outside of work.

    Good luck