Experiencing blatant discrimination at my company

Anonymous

April 30,2023 at 7:48PM UTC

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Experiencing blatant discrimination at my company

I am experiencing blatant discrimination at my company on many different levels. I have had a colleague come into my office yelling and screaming at me with the HR Manager present. I decided to take the high road and did not respond in kind and communicated in a very calm and professional manner. The HR Manager said nothing during the encounter (served as a witness)and lied to senior management that it was a conversation and also lied about the sequence of events afterwards. We were in transition with changing our COO and have reported this to both the past and present COO and nothing has been done as of yet.

They have promoted 2 people to director level positions after only a year. I was promoted to a managerial position after 6 years and have been in that position for 5. I have more experience than both and have done an excellent job for the company. The only difference is my skin tone.

There have been many instances of exclusion that concerns me as well. The HR Manager (who has been with us for just over a year) lacks so much integrity, has not told the truth in many instances, and is only in pursuit of her own agenda. She has transferred management responsibilities within departments, tried to take over the legal department responsibilities, and has also tried to take over my responsibilities (overseeing recruiting) - All under the new COO's purview. I have fought back with all her actions - almost like playing chess. It is now taking a toll on me as all I have been constantly thinking about is how to counterattack which is not healthy.

How do I keep my job while looking as I feel as though I am walking on eggshells? I am going to make an appointment with an employment attorney, but never thought I would be treated like this after 11 years of being with the company.

BTW - 1 of the employees that got promoted is the HR Manager.

Please provide me with any thoughts and insights you may have. Thank you.

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AnonymousApril 30,2023 at 8:12PM UTC
I would consider filing a EEOC claim so it can be investigated.
AnonymousApril 30,2023 at 9:23PM UTC
I am so sorry for the lies and abuse. At my corporation discrimination was rampant. Racial meant a person mostly didn't get in the door and gender meant a person mostly didn't get up the ladder, as well as neurodiversity. My issues were second and third. When I was in a powerful enough position to have influence, I worked five years to change the culture, the last three years I was told by mgmt that I was welcome to leave and encouraged by HR to find a different position w/in the company. The toxicity was too widespread. Despite investigations etc., I was informed the problem was me personally (like two coworkers coming to b/c they were being sexually harassed by others was my creation, the investigator implied I was a gossip - I am NOT a gossip, I am the last person to hear about anything). However, when challenged, I then interviewed dozens of women to assure myself of the facts. I left and filed my EEOC complaint - I wish I had also filed a Dept of Labor complaint for pay, but didn't have the energy. Given the EEOC response (taking it seriously rather than dismissing it), I conclude I'm unfortunately in "good" company. I've played a part; used my voice. We'll see. In the meantime, many of the women who left the company got positions with increased levels of responsibility, and I got a pay increase of 50%. There is discrimination at my new corporation also (it's the industry, it's our world) but at least it's far less and I'm respected my management (sufficiently for now). I figure I'll take 3 years to enjoy the best of this job, retrain and then look to another industry. Wishing you find your way to where you can thrive!!
AnonymousMay 1,2023 at 1:31AM UTC
I'm so sorry. Yes, get an employment lawyer so you are informed. I have a similar experience with both me, my team, and the women in the office (note some men equally were disgusted or harassed / discriminated). A woman on my team was being targeted heavily. She was strong, led with examples and personal data supporting her performance. She is a rockstar team mate. She pushed and I pushed even more because of her. If I included a personal formal incident I was going to be pulled from discussions. So I said he%! no. My team and the org did not need to watch the only female in the leadership room be pulled out. Getting there and going through it was hard as eff and the mental journey to empty it into the trash took time.
NO ONE, again, NO ONE deserves to be treated poorly, not supported, and not aligned with stated company values. Honest truth, it knocked me down pretty hard, but also forced me to focus on my core values and pull them in when I'm staring at a red flag.
Meanwhile - just focus on your work projects, don't try to read into anything and lean into projects aligned to your passion. Turn every question you have around to you and for you.
AnonymousMay 1,2023 at 1:18PM UTC
I am sorry you are dealing with what sounds like toxic behavior at work. It also sounds like you have been pulled into some toxic dynamics too, if you have been "playing chess." This kind of environment will make a person physically and mentally ill. I urge you to focus on refreshing and updating your resume and finding an organization where your work will be appreciated and not overlooked due to power hungry manipulators or racists. In my personal experience, there is no such thing as winning when you are in a toxic environment; there is only survival. And the cost of that survival is your peace, confidence, and joy.
Orlagh CostelloMay 2,2023 at 12:22PM UTC
Why would you not look for a new position? in a new ocmpany, I mean. That place sounds horrendous!
AnonymousMay 2,2023 at 12:30PM UTC
Get a lawyer so you can find out what your rights are. Hopefully you’ve been documenting the abuse. That’s what it is: abuse.
AnonymousMay 2,2023 at 12:44PM UTC
Under no circumstances should you be yelled at. Start a paper trail and document your struggles and events daily. Record everything on a notepad, keep a journal go see a doctor to corroborate your mental and emotional abuse and the effects on your health, file EEOC as well as get a lawyer.
do not be intimidated. Show up to work every day and walk proudly with your head up high. Show them you are not to be messed with.
these people work in groups, they are powerless on their own.
Megan HamiltonMay 2,2023 at 1:18PM UTC
YES!
AnonymousMay 2,2023 at 12:46PM UTC
I'm always on the fence about these types of posts. On one hand, it could be discrimination, you would have a hard time proving it, but why would you want to stay in that type of environment if it were. On the other hand, I've worked with a lot of people that aren't self aware. They think they are a rock star and unfortunately they aren't. When they get passed up for promotions it's someone else's fault or someone is doing something to them.
I honestly don't know which is which because you say things in your response that makes me take pause.
Regardless, I think it may be time for you to move on....
Megan HamiltonMay 2,2023 at 1:18PM UTC
Or... hear me out for a sec as this is supposed to be a place of community... what if you believed them and offered advice from that instead of judging their performance with literally no evidence? I cannot believe what I'm reading in these comments.
AnonymousMay 2,2023 at 7:48PM UTC
Only giving an alternative perspective. Being a place of community doesn't mean just telling someone something that they want to hear. My comments were simply constructive and nudging the person to step out of the situation and evaluate if maybe they are the issue instead of just claiming discrimination. As a black woman in corporate America I always have to step outside of myself and ask is it me, is it because I'm a woman, is it because I'm black, is it because I'm both black and a woman or is this person simply just being a jerk.....Regardless if I'm miserable for years at the company like it sounds like this person is and I haven't gotten the promotion that I know I deserve then it's time to leave.....
AnonymousMay 2,2023 at 8:33PM UTC
I get the impression that maybe you are not what you say you are as most minorities do not have that perspective. Racism is real and I detect some unconcious bias here....
AnonymousMay 2,2023 at 9:13PM UTC
Do you know all minorities and how they think? People of color aren't a monolithic entity. We approach racism differently. Yes racism is real, but it's not in every situation. My point is that as a person of color I run through all of those questions and check to see if it's me or the person's personality, before I go that it's racism, sexism or a combination of the two.
AnonymousMay 2,2023 at 9:52PM UTC
We agree on one thing - Racism is REAL. There is ABSOLUTELY no reason for someone to be treated like that and NO it has nothing to do with the OP but EVERYTHING to do with the person that made her feel less than by yelling at her.
AnonymousMay 5,2023 at 3:16PM UTC
I don't know if you have realized it yet, but you just discriminated against this commentator and stereotyped them based on your opinion of the minority perspective. Racism is real but sounds like you're projecting instead of understanding her viewpoint.
AnonymousMay 2,2023 at 5:38PM UTC
Why would you say something like that not knowing the person's situation? I see that you come from a place of ignorance, so no direct response is needed.
AnonymousMay 2,2023 at 7:13PM UTC
The person listed their situation and that is my response to the information they provided. If it's that bad then quit.....
AnonymousMay 2,2023 at 12:47PM UTC
I know how difficult this situation can be. Why have you allowed yourself to be in this situation? Removing the potential for discrimination, lack of integrity, and the possibility of impeding upward career movement, you still allowed yourself to stay in this situation instead of understanding your worth and generating options to improve your situation. Remember business is business and at the end of the day no one is going to care for you or your plight more than you.
You take what you allow and by staying you've shown what you're willing to take.
Megan HamiltonMay 2,2023 at 1:17PM UTC
How do you know what this person is able to do? What extenuating circumstances do you know as to why they've stayed? Not everybody can just find another job. You're just invalidating their experience and turning them into the problem.
AnonymousMay 2,2023 at 7:30PM UTC
No. There is power in understanding your circumstances and committing to persist to a better outcome. There is no invalid assumption on this fact.
OP don't allow yourself to “feel” like you don't have options. Just like you choose to come to this forum for advice know that you have the capacity to influence your outcome.
AnonymousMay 4,2023 at 12:48AM UTC
Way to victim blame!
AnonymousMay 5,2023 at 12:53AM UTC
I apologize if my words have triggered you; a fact is being neglected. OP was potentially still in that situation and had a part in this engagement (meaning that she choose to engage. Please to post to the end pertaining to the COO) To simply blame the situation without understanding that fact is making her a victim regardless of the circumstances. I posted this so OP can assess the situation for what it is and focus on a better outcome, i.e., to remove herself from a position of vulnerability and focus on the actions that will benefit her health and well-being. What sense does it make to stay in a place where you're not valued, abused, and seen as less? Fear is an amazing motivator for why anyone would stay in that circumstance and can only be countered with the courage to overcome it and face it by making the best decision for her health and prosperity. I believe in OP to make the best decision for herself and have faith that she will succeed outside of that environment because staying there is not worth her time, energy, or effort to correct something that will only effect her future prospects.
AnonymousMay 4,2023 at 3:53AM UTC
I'm going on a limb and trying to pull what you perhaps were trying to say which is value yourself and bring that back into the conversations your mentally going through.
I'd recommend to the person who posted this advice to consider this an example of perhaps your own unconscious bias. There are so many variables that play into toxicity, discrimination, and harassment.
I fully agree we need to consistently have our core values front and center and focus on our value and passions, however these situations are complex, deep rooted, some blatant - many not so much,...etc. I could go on for hours how these things surface and how depending on the individual.
If nothing else (to the poster), I'd start with removing the word "allow"
If you purpose is to promote self worth, promote that. Promote maintaining and revisiting core values, documenting success..etc All valuable to have as support while navigating a terrible situation at the moment.
It's like asking someone who lost their keys how they could lose their keys but like 10 times worse. Sorry, but this triggered me a little bit.
AnonymousMay 5,2023 at 12:53AM UTC
I apologize if my words have triggered you; a fact is being neglected. OP was potentially still in that situation and had a part in this engagement (meaning that she choose to engage. Please to post to the end pertaining to the COO) To simply blame the situation without understanding that fact is making her a victim regardless of the circumstances. I posted this so OP can assess the situation for what it is and focus on a better outcome, i.e., to remove herself from a position of vulnerability and focus on the actions that will benefit her health and well-being. What sense does it make to stay in a place where you're not valued, abused, and seen as less? Fear is an amazing motivator for why anyone would stay in that circumstance and can only be countered with the courage to overcome it and face it by making the best decision for her health and prosperity. I believe in OP to make the best decision for herself and have faith that she will succeed outside of that environment because staying there is not worth her time, energy, or effort to correct something that will only effect her future prospects.
Sarah ChambersMay 5,2023 at 11:36PM UTC
Serious (genuine) question, have you experienced anything similar yourself? Telling someone struggling that "no duh, why wouldn't you" completely demolishes your comment. While it may be possible for some to up and leave like it's no big deal, it's not possible for everyone.
When in a hard situation (harassment, discrimination, gaslighting...etc) the variations of this and how it surfaces is wider and deeper than it should be.
Manipulation and impact on personal well being can produce many responses, fight or flight, hit a boiling point...etc. The fact is, this situation is live, the OP is experiencing it, and telling them "why would you" here is not useful, not empathetic, and not solution focused. The words around that may include worth advice that others on here have included.
To the OP - yes, you will learn things about yourself through all of this for personal and professional growth. You took a good additional step by reaching out to a community and while we may all be able to speak to how we handled a certain interaction, it's not about why would you - in fact good on you for seeking help. This is never easy to navigate and I can speak from personal experience as well as managing people who have had to experience nonsense.
FWIW I'm a manager that puts it and myself on the line when I see or hear this happening. And yes, it's impacted my employment. I'd do it over again every time.
Jennifer WuolletMay 2,2023 at 12:53PM UTC
Make sure you have at least a written account of these interactions and what was stated. Save all emails, print a copy if you can and have them saved electronically somewhere. Talk with the Lawyer and take all the documentation with you. This is a sticky situation, I hope that it works out but most likely, you won't be able to keep your job so you may start looking, which sounds like the best way to go anyhow.
Megan HamiltonMay 2,2023 at 1:09PM UTC
I can't not respond to this. This is not only unhelpful. It's gaslighting. It's inappropriate and completely invalidates the lived experience of the poster.
Comments like this need to be reviewed by the Fairygodboss team because people will stop posting.
Megan HamiltonMay 2,2023 at 1:19PM UTC
This person gave an extensive post and you just have a problem with them calling our racism. Perhaps YOU should be looking internally as to why you're trying to invalidate this person's experience. I cannot with these comments today.
AnonymousMay 2,2023 at 1:21PM UTC
File a complaint now for discrimination. Copy your new COO and HR department on the official complaint. This will make it official and put the company on notice. Unless you are able to create a good relationship with the new COO, you will have to leave. PERIOD. Now start looking for a new company to work for. You should not try to stay where you are unhappy.
AnonymousMay 2,2023 at 1:22PM UTC
You might contact the EEOC asking for legal definition of an abusive and toxic workplace, what documentation you need to prove it and, of course, discrimination. As already pointed out, document everything - date, time, names, conversations. Many employment attorneys want to see that you have filed an EEOC complaint and know you are aware of the legal definitions of your complaint. If you can get some help and resolution from EEOC for free it is much better than expensive attorney time! Positive thoughts to you!
AnonymousMay 2,2023 at 1:25PM UTC
Sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you're doing all the right things to protect yourself. Make sure you are documenting. You may also want to look into if recording conversations/meetings is legal in your state.
AnonymousMay 2,2023 at 1:26PM UTC
I’m sorry you are in this situation. I would like others have said document the fact, not conclusions. Start recording meetings with your phone or on teams/zoom etc. Make everyone aware you are going to record the meeting. I work in HR. Recruiting is typically an HR function. The HR manager may just be trying to feel out where they fit in. That doesn’t give them the right to be dishonest. Ask the new COO to determine if the recruiting function should be part of your responsibilities or the HR Manager. It sounds like the company is going through some growing pains and I am sorry you are going through this. Definitely start looking for a better work arrangement for yourself. Sometimes a change is something you didn’t know you needed and can be the best thing for you.
Dcre1977May 2,2023 at 1:27PM UTC
I think you need to document everything . That includes saving written positive feedback, reviews, etc.
But unfortunately, I also think you have to look for a new position. Even if you win at proving descrimination, you lose.
AnonymousMay 2,2023 at 1:48PM UTC
Start by filling a grievance internally or with the EEOC. Document, document, document.
AnonymousMay 2,2023 at 1:49PM UTC
Is it legal to record persons who Yell at you in professional work environment. Probably not but it's important to consider the health of your whole person. Time to level up and find a new career. Leaving is not the issue, however being safe at work is paramount. I'm certain you are not white and the issue is racism not your character, work ethics nor ability to team. Move Forward. Too much time put into a toxic work environment is useless when there is no professional senior HR officials committed to serving the interests of true corporate goals/visions and DEI. Don't waste time gauging the temperature of others. You know your WORTH. A new career awaits you this requires a step of faith that will elevate you.
By the way, WHAT is Wrong with people? Answer: Being Polite & Respectful is no longer the norm. They want you to act out of character so they can fire you.
QMay 2,2023 at 1:52PM UTC
Document everything, but I would also be looking for employment elsewhere. I experienced blatant discrimination as a woman when new leadership took over our department at one of my jobs in the past. People with the same (or less) experience who looked like the new boss and were from his previous connections were brought in to be VPs with all the perks. It was not a matter of poor performance - my performance was acknowledged to be stellar. It did eventually catch the eye of other leadership that this particular individual was only surrounding himself with people just like him. Same color. Same gender. Same interests. Past connections. I believe he was spoken to about it, but I had left at that point. Leaving was the best thing I could have done. A bad leader can ruin a department or an entire company. The business I'm talking about was lucky. It was only him and his part of the company impacted. The rest was wonderful and I didn't see the discrimination happening in other groups at all. My advice is to keep track, just in case they become retaliatory (your example seems especially hostile), but look for a position elsewhere where you are valued for all that you bring. Changing bad leadership from below is nearly impossible.
AnonymousMay 2,2023 at 3:33PM UTC
Sorry you are going through this but sadly you are not the first and certainly you will not be the last. I agree with many of the comments calling for you to document the incidents and seek legal advice, however when the abuse begins to affect your mental health it's especially important to take care of yourself.
If you are staying to fight this situation speak with a mental health professional for ways to stay physically & mentally fit.
Remember, you should not feel bad if you decide to leave without resolution.
But I do feel it makes sense to check out your options before you make any hasty decisions.
Lastly, I am a believer in prayer and I'm a witness that it does CHANGE things. This situation would definitely lead me to pray. That's just me. I wish you the best no matter what you decide.
DeBorah WalkerMay 2,2023 at 3:58PM UTC
This is just so disturbing to hear that this type of behavior is still happening in this day and age; and so blatantly with the disrepect.
Do what you can to bring these disgraceful and bullying actions to an end. As prior posts have suggeted, continue to document. However, maybe I missed it, but what is your boss saying about all of this unprofessionalism towards you? Also, you must have an advocate in your corner which should be your direct boss.
You can get through this; just take all the necessary legal and professional steps to blow the lid off of this mess. This is really something to still be dealing with this type of nonsense; and naive to think that it would stop totally. These cowardly culprits need DEI intensity training.
Good luck, and stay strong!
EMILY KIKUE FRANKMay 2,2023 at 4:28PM UTC
I hate that this sort of thing still exists but this sort of thing definitely still exists. I recommend you start looking for something new because these people are unlikely to do any self-reflection or get any better.
AnonymousMay 2,2023 at 4:44PM UTC
Firstly why would you want to stay in a place where this is the treatment that you get? Irrespective of skin tone it sounds like a toxic environment. Seek out a company that will cherish you and your lengthy experience and will show you how much you matter. I see that you are in recruiting which in some companies tends to be the whipping post when folks need to blame someone for bad hires or employee problems. Don't take that lightly. As for being yelled at good for you for staying calm. You cannot put a fire out with a fire. I would pull aside that person and let them know that the next time they begin to raise their voice to you that you will walk away during the conversation. Let them know that you are okay with feedback and disagreements but expect basic respect in every situation with them. Let them know that you will do the same. Start to document everything in your work email and bcc your personal email on all interactions with them and any others that are of concern. Speak to that attorney but also be on the lookout for a much better place to work you deserve it.
AnonymousMay 2,2023 at 5:17PM UTC
I was going through the same type of treatment in a design sales position I was at for almost 3 years. At 61 years old, I was the oldest employee in my store. The company is a sole proprietorship consisting of multiple stores. I went on FMLA leave for 3 months a year and a half ago for a critical open heart surgery in which I nearly died. When I came back there was a new HR generalist in place. She too is in pursuit of her own agenda, goes into meetings screaming and yelling at employees, etc. I noticed that when I came back, I was treated differently, very much excluded and the work environment was more toxic and hostile than ever. On March 20, I was written up for an accusation I allegedly made (which I never did this was fabricated) and yesterday, I was terminated by my immediate supervisor and not given a reason. The HR person refused to discuss my termination or give me a reason. I have contacted an employment attorney and the EEOC. There is a lot more to this, including a jealous coworker who wanted all of the sales as we are on commission and I was out selling her.
Kerry HoganMay 2,2023 at 5:50PM UTC
I second what so many others have said - first document everything immediately. Then seek legal advice. But most importantly look for another job regardless of the outcome of the legal advice. I've seen this kind of abuse over 20 years ago and it made a co-worker very sick. He successfully sued the company and they fired the woman who made life miserable for everyone. The cost to him was very high. It's rare to win so you have to get out as soon as possible for your emotional and physical health.
AnonymousMay 3,2023 at 11:11AM UTC
Document the heck out of all of that. Have a conversation with that person in front of another leader/mediator asking why. Ask them to explain the event they witnessed. go for it.
AnonymousMay 3,2023 at 11:36AM UTC
If I didn't know any better, aside from your position and reason for discrimination, I would think I was reading my story. Everyone who said document EVERYTHING, is correct. Note the date and time, where the incident occured, who witnessed it, what they were wearing, what I was wearing, even the weather. I take it a step further and take photos of myself &/or my surrounding (if permitted) to back up my story.
It pains me to know there are still companies, in this day and age, that still turn a blind eye to workplace discrimination, harassment, etc. and I am sorry you are being subjected to such abuse. Know you're not alone. I'm in the trenches with you.
AnonymousMay 3,2023 at 11:51AM UTC
Sounds similar to my situation.The sad truth is because of positional power finding someone to tell the truth about what they witnessed is going to be hard. I would say
*email your concerns, one by one.
There you will have statements to refer to. Any action/inaction will be a plus for you.
*Electronic trail and responses.
be prepared to be ignored
gas lighted
*Any incidents you act on in the moment.(pen & paper)
you write ,witness/es signs.
They do not want to sign that’s a plus to place their name and reason on back.There you have a diary of what happened.
Do you see, Picasso you are painting a picture and you do not even need a brush.
#Decide if thi
AnonymousMay 3,2023 at 2:03PM UTC
Funnel all of your energy into finding a new position that you deserve.
Your company is beyond repair. Sure, you can talk to an employment atty, but unfortunately this route can be costly in terms of money and energy. I went through a similar situation years ago. Filed an internal grievance. They said yes there is some bad management. But my career with that company was done. It took several years for them to finally push the toxic manager out. And today, that company has a diversity and inclusion program. Progress is painfully slow and those of us who help push for change often suffer consequences
AnonymousMay 4,2023 at 3:36AM UTC
Thank you though for pushing. I've suffered as well, yet wouldn't change what I pushed. It's also understandable identify and move on. Having to deal with clear toxic situations, discrimination, and/or harassment are all incredibly tough mentally and physically. As a team manager with a personal core value of teamwork, I knowingly threw myself into the gauntlet. Focus on you, your core values, and the career path you want for you. Having a consultation with an Employment addy is still a good thing so you have documentation and can learn through an unnecessary and unfortunate situation.