Help!!!

Anonymous

March 15,2023 at 4:09PM UTC

Welcome to Fairygodboss!

We’re the largest online career community helping women achieve their career goals. Gain access to articles, jobs, events, and a supportive network of women and allies. Membership is free, always.

Help!!!

I am so confused. I have been working at a company for a while, 2 years as a contractor and 1 year as a full time staff member. Since becoming full time, my workload and responsibilities have lessened dramatically and people have been hired above me.

Instead of being addressed by name in project meetings, I am now referred to as "team" and expected to sit silently and just do as I'm told and my efforts on projects go largely unnoticed and unrewarded. If I reach out to members of my team (not only management, but now people at my level and beneath me) to discuss a project or ask for assets, 95% of the time they ignore my communication and don't respond at all. Yet, they reach out with rush projects that someone else spent 3 weeks working on and didn't hit the target, to have me turn them around in a few hours...then--they communicate openly and frequently. Once the rush is over, it goes back to the silent treatment.

I am a very hard worker and will put in 150% on every project I work on. I compliment people on a job well done and really try to be a team playe, so this persistent ,really what I think of as mental abuse, is taking a toll on me. I have tried talking to my boss (who was supposed to be a friend from a previous job) a few times and its only made circumstances worse. I've also tried pivoting and trying to shrug things off and just immerse myself in my work...but ultimately I just don't feel like an integral or wanted member of the team.

I don't know what to do, how to carry myself day-to-day with them or who I can turn to for advice or help...

Has anyone been in tis position and have any advice?

I'd very much welcome the input!

Why women love us:

Daily articles on career topics
Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
Advice and support from an authentic community
Events that help you level up in your career
Free membership, always

14 comments

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

14 Comments

Join the conversation

AnonymousMarch 15,2023 at 4:43PM UTC
This doesn't feel like a fit at all.
Can you move to another group?
If not, I'm not sure you should stay. Chances are very low that this will resolve on its own.
AnonymousMarch 16,2023 at 7:14PM UTC
Yes, I think you're right. I guess i'm just sad because she pulled me in there and I thought she was a friend, plus I looked to her as a mentor...and in the end, I'm feeling like I failed...
AnonymousMarch 15,2023 at 6:07PM UTC
Have you talked with your manager? Are they one of the ones who are treating you this way? I'm thinking that your colleagues may not appreciate the scope of your full-time role, and are thinking of you as a fill-in like one would treat a contractor. You need to have your manager make clear that you are an employee now and have your own statement of work.
AnonymousMarch 16,2023 at 7:13PM UTC
Yes, I have. She is actually the director of the group, and the way she has structured things for me now, they set up time for me with (3) managers observing to review a job, then all the feedback is in emails or IM's - and they ignore any comments/questions I might have regarding my work.
I've set time up with her a few times and tried to address the situation, but she changed the meeting into issues about herself every time without answering any of my questions/concerns.
She also shared the content of our one-on-one (which I thought was confidential) in our 23 person team and put me in a very uncomfortable position. Since then, anyone under her will only communicate with me via email or in large team meetings. I don't feel like anything i say at this point will accomplish anything positive....
Jennifer WeaverMarch 15,2023 at 6:31PM UTC
Well that sounds like a terrible way to work. This is a top down issue. If your leader isn't including you and supporting you, then no one else will either. You have every right to feel slighted, and while shrugging it off works for some people, I certainly wouldn't be able to. I don't know what the conversations you had with your leader entailed. So I will just say this. No complaining. Go in with the fact of the situation, the actions that you have taken (facts only), and the results (facts only). Then ask for what you want i.e. to be treated equally and called by name, or whatever. Then follow up with an email saying the exact same thing. If that doesn't begin a resolution, then you will have to make some decisions about your future that you can live with. Good Luck - rooting for you!
Laura BrowneMarch 15,2023 at 8:27PM UTC
It sounds like your work is not appreciated and it's time to look for a new job. I would recommend that you update your resume today and start looking.
AnonymousMarch 16,2023 at 4:51PM UTC
I'm going to guess that you're older than your associates and manager, don't procrastinate on projects, consistently deliver on-time, and over-perform... and are the person associates turn to when they're in a pickle because they know you'll get the job done.
Welcome to ageism. I wish I could offer some advice besides look for another job. If your associates already have the perception that you're the dependable worker bee that saves the day, but makes them look bad for their under or "middle-of-the-road" performance, there's little you can do to change their point-of-view. And for some bizzare reason, the work performed by contractors -- maybe because they're expensive to hire -- is perceived to be of higher value. And once they're brought on as full-time employees, their contributions are overlooked.
Somewhat recently, I worked for a contracting agency. I was usually paired with a project manager whose role was little more than shuffle papers and send status reports on the work that I did. I was okay with the arrangement because I worked from home. However, I attended an on-site meeting and was floored when the project managers were showered with accolades for the work that I did, and I was relegated to "just the writer." So, I quit and went to another agency where I managed my own projects.
For much of my career, I was seen as a valued -- but ignorable - worker, until I quit and then associates threw their hands in the air and shouted, "Whose gonna' do the work!"
Working from home makes a huge difference. You can do your work at your own pace, slot in personal projects (like writing on FairyGodBoss and gardening), and only associate with colleagues via Teams, Zoom, or periodic in-person meetings. Work becomes a paycheck until you find something better where you'll be appreciated!
AnonymousMarch 17,2023 at 12:46PM UTC
Amen you have allot more to offer from people that appreciate you as well as give yourself grace you deserve much better. ???
AnonymousMarch 17,2023 at 6:11PM UTC
thank you! yes, you're absolutely right!!
AnonymousMarch 16,2023 at 5:47PM UTC
Clearly your investment in them does not equate back to their investment in you. Unless you see a clear path to being appreciated for your work in that environment then you need to find an employer who will give you the accolades and feedback that you seek. Alternatively, if its just plug and play and get a paycheck find things outside of work that can give you the satisfaction you're clearly not getting there.
AnonymousMarch 17,2023 at 4:53PM UTC
The more committed and dedicated you are the less respect you will get from all of them. You need to be just like the vacationeers and disappearing acts and they will feel you are one of them. Then they are not threatened. You are all in it together to see what you can get out of the company. Work???? What is that? i am here to socialize and have a good time with management. GOOD OLE BOYS.
AyianMarch 17,2023 at 6:31PM UTC
First of all, no one has 150% to give. You're doing close to 100% to meet their wishes. Stop that. Never give more than 70% for an organization unless their foundational values are ones you yourself deeply believe in. Then, only give up to 80%. There has to be enough of you left at the end of the day to live your own life.Clearly, they are taking you for granted. This is not going to change, this is cultural within the company. Accept it for what it is and make your choices from there.
AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 6:47PM UTC
WOW! You've said what my husband has been saying for months, only in a way that it makes COMPLETE SENSE and puts it in eye-opening perspective for me. Thank you so much! You've all made it clear what my next steps should be and I very much appreciate all of the feedback!!
AyianMarch 23,2023 at 2:49AM UTC
I'm so glad to have made that digestible for you! Best wishes with whatever you choose to do next. :)