Colleague with seniority making my life hell

7 Comments

1. AnonymousDecember 15,2022 at 3:25AM UTC

   I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. Here are some possible coping strategies:

   -Minimize your contact and emotional engagement with this colleague as much as possible. Be polite, do your work, go home.

   -Any way that you could befriend her? (A stretch, admittedly, but at least consider this, if only to look at the situation from a fresh perspective.)

   -Put your energy into seeking a new job, and do the minimum needed to perform acceptably at your current job.

   Of the above options, item 3 might be the most productive.

2. AnonymousDecember 15,2022 at 10:21AM UTC

   OP here. Thanks for the response. I've tried the first two. She is the only person who finds an issue with my work. I've received a lot of praise from everyone else, a terrific review, and I have colleagues interested in working with me, and she, again, with her seniority, will find ways to hit the kill switch on my work so it's hard to complete some projects. I'm getting to the point of deciding that the stress isn't worth it if I can find a new job. I'm not going to be able to succeed with someone like this. It feels like she's intent on pushing me out.

3. BrandieFarmerDecember 15,2022 at 11:05AM UTC

   This sounds the proper response to the interview question “explain a time you dealt or handled a difficult situation ? “ Where then your response would be how you handled what you felt was a difficult situation with a conflicting colleague—by first analyzing the situation, developing healthy ways to respond. (application: (asking to speak to her and see if she’s willing to talk about it—the fact that you noticed that she frequently finds something off putting about your work while you receive praise from others and why is that.) then by remaining calm, stayed positive, and apologized if necessary. Try these.

4. Hold on Lee LouDecember 15,2022 at 2:15PM UTC

   First, approach her directly about her general dissatisfaction with your work - be proactive to figure out the overarching issues rather than waiting for feedback/critique/complaints about a particular project. If you have tried that without success, maybe email her and a common superior requesting a sit-down meeting to better understand her expectations and - more importantly - clarify the company's expectations of your work.

   If you've already done both of those things and nothing is changing, start looking at other companies. If she's entrenched and not going anywhere, and everyone above her support her blindly, there's nothing you can do to create a healthier work environment. When you do find a job, provide these details during any exist interviews at this company. You've been given great reviews and are generally liked, and they may want to know that a bully is pushing away good talent. It won't help you, but someone who is unwilling to behave professionally is going to find another scapegoat as soon as you're gone.

5. AnonymousDecember 17,2022 at 2:41AM UTC

   Is she a bully or just annoying?

6. AnonymousDecember 17,2022 at 11:51PM UTC

   OP here. I'd say half and half. It started out as just annoying but now it's getting into bullying. Lots of nitpicking, for example. I've been in the workplace for more than two decades, so I know nitpicking when I see it. Been there, done that. She's got seniority but I also know I'm good at what I do. It's not as if I'm 22 and fresh out of school in my first job and she's 50+ with lots of expertise and experience over me. She basically needs to stay in her lane and she refuses to. She's good at what she does but now we're getting into nonsense like she doesn't like the shade of blue I chose for a report cover. I wrote the report, the cover is standard and really not her problem.

7. AnonymousDecember 22,2022 at 3:41AM UTC

   Experienced people with low self-esteem get ruffled when another experienced person comes along, and they will try to undermine that person in order to preserve their "one-up" feeling that's been propping them up when working with less experienced people.

   If you can, confront her on the nonsense. You can tell her that you are in the role for a reason, and while you accept constructive criticism, destructive criticism is uncalled-for.

   This may not be a winnable situation for you, though.

   Check out this excellent summary of the recipe for a bullying dyad at work:

   https://www.verywellmind.com/reasons-why-workplace-bullies-target-people-460783