Toxic workplace situations beyond your wildest dreams

Anonymous

September 30,2021 at 5:44PM UTC

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Toxic workplace situations beyond your wildest dreams

I left a position at a public org not too long ago because I worked for a bully who dominated our office. Even our top manager kowtowed to her. She was incompetent, tried to get people in trouble who didn't do her bidding and was just not a nice person. Of course, she's still there.

What was pretty disturbing was that although she's in her mid-40s, her parents are still quite the helicopter parents who would make themselves known at their daughter's office, let's just say, i.e. attend events. I get the sense they probably had some political pull and that's how their daughter landed the job.

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AnonymousSeptember 30,2021 at 6:54PM UTC
If she or her family are connected enough to get her the job , then you can bet they are connected enough to keep it for her no matter what she does or doesn't do.
Sorry.
AnonymousOctober 1,2021 at 12:24PM UTC
Been there, done that. You'll never change the situation. Best thing you can realize that the issue was all the other person and not a reflection of you in any way. Try to let go of the the whole deal and move on (I know it's hard). Your next adventure will be better.
AnonymousOctober 1,2021 at 12:39PM UTC
The only way a person who acts like this and is still with a company is because she (or her family) knows someone who has a lot of pull. The situation will never change and neither will she. You deserve to be treated better and to work with others who respect you.
Jasmine ViccarroOctober 1,2021 at 12:57PM UTC
That sounds horribly toxic!! Also sounds like you’d make a great self-help book for professionals….
SueOctober 1,2021 at 1:01PM UTC
Yikees that is what soap operas or reality tv is made from.
AnonymousOctober 1,2021 at 1:34PM UTC
It may just be me, but did you intend to ask a question or seek advice with this post? I don’t see a follow up question to this post…
Barbara WhiteOctober 1,2021 at 1:36PM UTC
Unfortunately it sounds like a no win situation there, unless everyone who was ever associated with her being hired there either leaves or retires---and that could take decades. If I've learned anything over the years, it's that working in a toxic environment is unhealthy. It affects your mental and even physical health. Hopefully you can find another job in a more healthy environment.
AnonymousOctober 1,2021 at 1:45PM UTC
I recently lost the no win situation myself. I was promoted to a new department with a micromanaging, unprofessional bully and less than 3 months later was terminated from a job due to poor performance. It didn't matter how many customers were happy with my efforts or the fact that I found a huge contracting discrepancy potentially saving the company hundreds of thousands of dollars. It also didn't matter that I had two coworkers go to human resources to advocate for me because they saw the toxic situation. All that mattered was my boss didn't like me and did everything possible to see that I failed.
Now, two weeks later, I'm still rattled by the concept of being fired for not doing a good job. I'm struggling to keep my confidence in interviews because of this. How does one get past this to recover and forge ahead?
AnonymousOctober 1,2021 at 2:14PM UTC
I don't have an answer, but I'm following to see if anyone else does. This exact thing happened to my husband and he has absolutely no recourse. He ended up quitting and I'm afraid he won't be able to collect unemployment and this might even follow him since his industry is kind of close-knit and gossip gets around super fast, even outside of the company!!!
AnonymousOctober 1,2021 at 2:25PM UTC
I recommend therapy with a good counselor. This situation happens all too often, and loss of confidence is a common outcome (especially women). You may be experiencing trauma or PTSD. Heal yourself and remember who you were before this happened to you, so you can bring your best self to your next role.
HannahOctober 1,2021 at 2:44PM UTC
I hope you give yourself space to heal and process perhaps journal a bit. These experiences are a form a trauma and will carry into the next work space without proper processing.
AnonymousOctober 1,2021 at 3:00PM UTC
I am right now in this situation. I am waiting for it to end. I know I’m good at what I do and I’m sure you are too. Don’t let someone who can’t see your worth.. stop you from finding those who do. I also second the therapy comment. It truly is helpful to speak to someone who can help you process the situation and come up with healthy solutions to cope.
AnonymousOctober 1,2021 at 1:55PM UTC
Recently left a similar situation but she was a clerk, jealous, angry, had annoying behavioural issues and the managers basically did whatever she asked. Including accusations of breach of contract.
I suspected it was family ties to the company or she could have cited a tragedy that meant she felt like a victim of everything around her.
MidwestMaven456October 1,2021 at 1:59PM UTC
I get that you wanted to unload. That is reasonable, but just like milk, it does have a short expiration date. Chat with some close friends for a few days, get it out of your system and move on.
You have no control over a lot of factors in life. Focusing on the negative will make you negative, and you don't need that baggage in your new position.
AnonymousOctober 2,2021 at 5:58PM UTC
Hi, that wasn't the best advice to give. You can be bitter, after you let go, and still be effective in a new job. "Abuse" in the workplace should not have an expiration date. It's sad that we have to tolerate such bad behavior, such that it makes us flee, or worse, sick.
Tiana MumfordOctober 1,2021 at 2:02PM UTC
It is so unfortunate I was talking to a good friend of mine’s today regarding office bullies who have pull . Unfortunately they cause good people to leave and still dominate offices. I long for the day when there are policies that require discipline on such type of behaviors. Until then there will be no changes it doesn’t not matter if it’s healthcare , accounting , or. school setting everywhere. Keep your head up and keep pushing. It’s their loss!
HannahOctober 1,2021 at 2:42PM UTC
Yeah...... all I can do is sigh and understand. I'm always looking for that "safe haven" for emotionally mentally, and behaviorally mature humans. Maybe I have to create my own safe space.
Ashley SmithOctober 1,2021 at 4:32PM UTC
I think your correct when saying “create your own”.
Shelley Maley, Career Coach (PHR, GCDF)October 1,2021 at 3:03PM UTC
It's truly a shame that bullies continue to dominate in the workplace. I've seen it many times, but I can only assure you that sooner or later, karma has a way of sorting them out. Unfortunately, it is often MUCH later. Your best course of action is to move on from this unfortunate situation. All the best! ?
AnonymousOctober 1,2021 at 9:44PM UTC
Bullies in the workplace are no different than being in an abusive relationship at home. You have the same fight or flight response when that person is there, you have to prove yourself over and over, and there seems no way out. Having gone through both, I see many of the same qualities. My ex was an emotional abuser and a narcissist which was one hell of a ride.
Many companies unfortunately keep on terrible employees because it is cheaper to let you leave on your own than deal with the drama of forcing her to leave.
AnonymousOctober 1,2021 at 11:39PM UTC
I’m currently in a similar situation. I’ve worked for the State for 20 years and switched departments in April. I reported a very toxic employee to HR who abuses every one and thing around her and was placed on administrative leave while they conduct an investigation on MY conduct and comments. She is still working. WTH
AnonymousOctober 2,2021 at 4:08PM UTC
OP here. This is exactly what has been so hard to process, how a person can get away with mistreating people and no one with authority is willing to step in and stop it. Since I moved on from this place I've heard how staffers continue to be abused.
Balanced604581October 2,2021 at 6:24PM UTC
I’m not really looking forward to returning from my administrative leave although I want the situation resolved. Several people have quit because of her and if I have to go through a hearing, I’m going to ask to bring them in. The sad part is that I’m actually in a leadership position (four ranges above her), but she has been around one year longer and is not in my chain of command. The whole thing sucks.
AnonymousOctober 2,2021 at 4:15PM UTC
I worked for a boss very similar! I ended up in the hospital with a kidney infection and was expected to keep working on top of gender discrimination. Workplace bullies are awful and soul-crushing. If they do do anything that concerns you (even if higher ups refuse to do anything about it), I would still write it down. In my situation, I wrote things down and was able to share it during my exit interview. It also helps to process what is happening outside of work by finding things you enjoy until you can get out. Hope things improve! On a more personal note, I’m in a Narcissist abuse support group because of my situation- you’re not alone!
AnonymousOctober 2,2021 at 8:15PM UTC
OP here. Former supervisor was a narcissist, too. I loved the work but my goodness, working for a person like that is horrifying. I know I am still mentally dealing with the fallout. Too many people who have no business having any sort of power are given power over others, and in the workplace that power seems to be carte blanche and no one will step in the way and improve the situation even if it comes down to profit and reputation. No one should ever have to get to a point where their job lands them in a counselor's office, or worse, hospital.
AnonymousOctober 7,2021 at 5:01AM UTC
I'm dealing with a similar situation. We have had several really good people leave because of it. I have checked into the bullying and harassment laws of our state. I have been told I can sue the company, and the person for bullying and harassment. Check into your state laws.