My manager has this recurring habit of repeating most things I say....people are noticing, and I'm unsure -- do I address it with him or leave it alone?

18 Comments

1. Susanne DowFebruary 8,2023 at 8:54PM UTC

   Honestly unless he’s specifically taking credit for an idea or something like that this sounds like a ridiculous pet peeve to be blunt. This is a memorization tactic as well as a way to ensure you understand what someone said and while it could be annoying, that’s a you problem. There’s nothing inherently malicious about this behavior unless it’s paired with other malicious behavior like a condescending tone, or snarky remarks etc.

2. Becca A.February 8,2023 at 11:04PM UTC

   Maybe youre an employee who doesnt need to be managed because you manage yourself well already so they're unsure with how to approach being your manager. You can always ask them about it and there's a 50 - 50 chance whether they're aware or not of this habit.

   But ask yourself, is this the only annoying habit they have? If so, then is it really worth shaking that tree for an answer? If its frustrating you to the point of disrupting your quality of work then go for it with full steam ahead and approach it with tact.

3. Monkey BusinessFebruary 9,2023 at 2:58AM UTC

   This is a common technique used with ADHD to help with memory and to reduce any chance of miscommunication. I have used this technique in certain situations.

   Sometimes with me, what I focus on grows. So if I focus on a particular habit, situation, or circumstance, my brain looks for more evidence to support my case that I am being singled out . As Becca mentioned, you can ask about it .

4. AnonymousFebruary 9,2023 at 1:28PM UTC

   This is a common technique in manufacturing and safety related tasks. It's called two-way communication and it ensures the sender and he receiver both understand the message the same.

5. AnonymousFebruary 10,2023 at 2:35PM UTC

   One of my favorite bosses did this all the time and I realized after a number of years that it was her way of remembering because she didn't have note taking equipment handy or if it was something technical that she wasn't strong on. She would repeat it back and then she would remember it.

6. Kathy LeskiFebruary 10,2023 at 6:28PM UTC

   There's an old saying of "message sent isn't always the message heard." As everyone has a different style of communication, saying back what they heard is actually a good thing. It ensures that your manager understood what you said correctly.

7. Rebecca LaurenFebruary 11,2023 at 1:49PM UTC

   It’s easier for me to remember if I say it out loud. I would just let it go. Chances are they are making a mental note by saying it back to you.

8. Geri-Ann LockwoodFebruary 11,2023 at 2:15PM UTC

   It’s a communication technique called ‘active listening’. It’s a way to make sure he heard what you said and interpreted correctly. It gives you a chance

   to make corrections if necessary. It’s also a technique to help him remember.

9. Crystal HowellFebruary 11,2023 at 2:35PM UTC

   If you are the only one, I would have a private meeting.

10. AnonymousFebruary 11,2023 at 4:21PM UTC

    I really appreciate these points-of-view on this! My boss does this and it bugs me, but it had never occurred to me that it could be a listening technique.

11. AnonymousFebruary 12,2023 at 5:00AM UTC

    Yes, my training in the financial services industry has always taught me to do this. By repeating it back, you are paraphrasing, and making sure the other party is on the same page.

12. Jackie RukaFebruary 11,2023 at 4:27PM UTC

    It's active listening, used differently dependent on the industry. In the coaching industry we echo back what the client just said by saying, "what I heard you say was" x,y,z, this way meaning and interpretation is correct?

    In detailed oriented jobs, it's very common to repeat back. it saves on miscommunication between parties having to go back and forth...

    It's a good thing, this way everyone is ON THE SAME PAGE...

13. AnonymousFebruary 11,2023 at 6:45PM UTC

    why would he only do it with this one employee?

14. Jackie RukaFebruary 11,2023 at 7:04PM UTC

    I do not know the nature of her role? However, it sounds like to avoid duplication of efforts if they deal with same accounts or overlap of their roles.

15. AnonymousFebruary 11,2023 at 5:31PM UTC

    I think it's fine, though you could ask him if there is a specific reason he only does this with you. It is a way to remember what people say. Also it does seem that you might be asking him for permission to do things? If that is the case he may be one that is visualizing when he repeats the work alignment with the other person you mention and is in his head reviewing what they told him they would do. Perhaps its the way you communicate with him that is different than others? Try adjusting and not asking him and see if that changes things.

16. IntentionGirl299847February 12,2023 at 1:14AM UTC

    In counseling that is called active listening where he makes sure he understood you by paraphrasing what you said. This usually happens when the listener (your boss) wants to make sure they understood you correctly. If you are the only one he does this with, check your communication style and make sure you are brief, to the point, and clear.

17. surfnwriteFebruary 13,2023 at 1:38PM UTC

    Sounds like he's locking you in to a promise.

18. Liz MilneFebruary 16,2023 at 3:16AM UTC

    I would say either it's a memory strategy as you suggest

    OR

    It's a way of showing empathy with you? Like saying, 'I am listening, this is what you are telling me' - but idk why he would only do it with you, not others

    OR

    He's intrigued by your accent or likes talking to you

    OR

    He's a douche and is being sarcastic!

    The only way to sort it is to ask: 'Hey [boss] I've noticed you repeat what I say when I tell you what I'm planning to do for the day. Could I ask why you do that?'