So my husband who is a narcissist and I’ve been trying to divorce for reasons I don’t want to discuss now I haven’t filed yet for divorce, I started a new job less than a month and my boss normally takes each employee out for lunch one on one and I said few times no in polite way because I know my husband will cause a scene, I know it’s normal to have lunch break with my boss especially that I’m not doing anything wrong but for my narcissist husband it’s a disaster and a way to alienate my kids against me even more anyway today I decided to go on this lunch and for some reason my husband brought the kids to work he didn’t go inside he only kept on calling me like crazy and texting me, I didn’t want to answer, but I ended up letting my boss know the situation and that I should go back with Uber not with him to avoid a problem, I feel I did a stupid thing either way and even though my boss told me he went through the same situation 10 years ago with his ex and that I’ll never have peace of mind till I get the divorce I feel this whole thing has jeopardized my new work, he seemed understanding but maybe he was just too good in hiding what he actually thought of the situation. Any thought? And please be kind with me who didn’t go through a relation with a narcissist or interacted with one cannot really know what hell life I’m going through, if I didn’t have kids easy I would’ve slammed the freaking door and so long long time ago but with kids being brainwashed it’s a war. And it’s a long story that’s not the point now, pls any recommendations for Monday?

13 Comments

1. Erin VegaJune 8,2024 at 1:03PM UTC

   I'm glad you told your boss the issue. It sounds to me like your boss will be empathetic to your situation. I think you are thinking about this too much. I don't think you did anything to jeopardize your new job, I think you were brave to come out and tell your boss what was going on. Maybe if it becomes an issue the boss will have some tips for you or try to help in anyway that they can. If he said he went through this, than he knows what you are going through. It's the narcissist reaction in you, I know I've dealt with this over 30 years. Narcissist reaction is to overthink and analyze every little thing. Walking around on eggshells and just trying to take it one day at a time. Although it never got to the point of him interrupting my work. It has gotten to the point of me analyzing every word.

   I am so sorry you are going through this right now and wish you and your kids peace and am sending good vibes your way.

2. AnonymousJune 8,2024 at 3:30PM UTC

   Yes he even suggested group lunch next time, I just need to breathe now and show up normally to work, I’m hoping to stay as I need it to cover my lawyer expenses, his entitlement feeling over every aspect of my life got him disturbing all my life unfortunately

3. AnonymousJune 8,2024 at 1:16PM UTC

   First, breathe. Ask for another woman to join you. That you are more comfortable with another person as you don't want any false rumors to occur. Billy Graham NEVER was alone with a woman other than his wife. He once stepped off an elevator to avoid being one on one with a woman, to protect his and hers reputation from lies.

   2nd, Be honest with your boss

   3rd. Talk to an attorney .

4. AnonymousJune 8,2024 at 3:25PM UTC

   Thank you

5. Wanda ShawJune 9,2024 at 12:27AM UTC

   No time to think about what your manager thinks, or anyone else for that matter. This is all about you and the sanity of your children. Time to consult a lawyer.

6. AnonymousJune 9,2024 at 1:33PM UTC

   You really need advice from your divorce attorney and a therapist who understands the dynamics you face. Get out of the marriage as soon as you safely can get out with your kids.

7. AnonymousJune 9,2024 at 2:36PM UTC

   I could have written this, as it was also my experience. I want to highlight what you said and would encourage the OP to reread your last paragraph over and over until it is committed to memory:

   Just remember that whatever nonsense your husband says, saying so doesn't make it so. Also, take comfort in the fact that kids are smart, and if they don't see who he really is right now, they will figure it out eventually. Take good care of yourself and don't be nervous about Monday! You've got this!

8. Cindy GloverJune 10,2024 at 8:26AM UTC

   If you need to talk - shoot me a

   message ❤️❤️

9. Cindy GloverJune 10,2024 at 8:22AM UTC

   We’re here for you ❤️

   Maybe order in and meet in his office?

10. Cindy GloverJune 10,2024 at 8:25AM UTC

    Congratulations on getting out of your situation ❤️

11. AnonymousJune 10,2024 at 4:27PM UTC

    I hope you can get away from this situation as quickly as possible. It is hard I know. I dated a guy like this before and before all the technology that we have now. He would literally follow me without me knowing, then call me later to ask how I enjoyed whatever it was I did. Now they can track your phone and all of that stuff. Do you have people who can help you pull off a way to leave him? Almost like what Katie Holmes did with Tom Cruise? She had to be very sneaky and it took a lot of planning.

    Be careful on how much you disclose at work, they can seem understanding, but may not want the trouble that your husband can cause. Good luck.

12. AnonymousJune 11,2024 at 12:14PM UTC

    I had things go sideways and lost some jobs as part of leaving. It was absolutely brutal sometimes. If that happens YOU WILL SURVIVE — it will not be like this forever. When a seed gets buried…

13. AnonymousJune 11,2024 at 6:45PM UTC

    I’ve walked in your shoes. Thank your boss for lunch. Ask what the security policies are (e.g. no one walks to their car alone, no personal visitors to the work floor, only 1 personal call during the day, etc). Some is just good, basic security, but for others, it’s a way to know that work is a safe space. If you have a concierge in your building, make sure they know he is never allowed to come upstairs to see you, and if he’s seen lurking about, security needs to escort you to your car (see point #1