I’m a Chief of Staff for an executive at a very large company.

Anonymous

March 21,2022 at 10:55PM UTC

Welcome to Fairygodboss!

We’re the largest online career community helping women achieve their career goals. Gain access to articles, jobs, events, and a supportive network of women and allies. Membership is free, always.

I’m a Chief of Staff for an executive at a very large company. I love my job and the people I work with, and my boss is probably the best leader I’ve ever had. However, his admin is…challenging, to say the least. Every time I send an email or other communication to our wider team, she IMs me immediately with some type of criticism or to ask me if our boss gave me “permission” to do whatever it is I’m working on. She thinks I’m stepping on her toes by taking on work that she feels should belong to her, but she’s not made any effort to actually do that work, and it wouldn’t really fit into the typical job description for an admin at our company. In other words, she gets aggressively mad when I’m simply doing things that are very much within my scope of work, and that have often been requested by my boss.

She regularly “corrects” me (and her corrections are frequently wrong) or “clarifies” things I’ve already made perfectly clear. She sometimes needs to be copied on emails so that she knows if she needs to schedule meetings or book travel, but she needs to have the last word on everything and manages to turn even the simplest interactions into something exhausting and tense.

When I talk to her in person, she insists she’s not upset about anything. All her aggressive communication is done via IM or email. So after dozens of attempts at dealing with this gently, I firmly let her know that she needs to trust that our leader is on board with everything I’m doing, and that I don’t need to clear my work with her. She simply didn’t respond.

I hesitate to bring this up to my boss, because I feel like she and I are adults who should be able to figure out how to work together, but she’s making it really darn hard. Plus, it’d be pretty embarrassing to address these sorts of petty issues with a senior executive.

Any suggestions on how to handle this? Not sure if this matters, but I outrank her by several degrees, though she is a lot older than I am. Should I bring it up with my boss since my other attempts to work with her have failed?

Why women love us:

Daily articles on career topics
Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
Advice and support from an authentic community
Events that help you level up in your career
Free membership, always

3 comments

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

3 Comments

Join the conversation

Barb HansenMarch 22,2022 at 1:15AM UTC
Yikes, this is a tough one. Presumably your boss likes his admin and I'm sure she moderates her behavior around him.
You said above that you firmly presented the facts to her, and she didn't respond. Is that your last interaction with her? If yes, then leave it lay. You set your boundaries with her and until she "acts up again" (my words not yours), then leave it alone.
Alternatively, you could casually ask your boss if he has noticed that his admin has been "a little curt" over the last few days/weeks. When he says no, your response "That's interesting, she's been uncharacteristically curt with me for the last few weeks (or days), do you have any tips for me on how to deal with this."
Even though you outrank here, there are some political issues with her being the admin of your boss and since she still works there, he must like her.
AnonymousMarch 22,2022 at 6:34PM UTC
You could bring it up to your boss in a way such as: do you notice this and if not, any advice on how to handle? rather than complaining upfront. Good luck!
Ginger HallMarch 23,2022 at 4:31PM UTC
I am on the other side of that equation-I’m an EA that works with my executive’s Chief of Staff daily. I have worked with a difficult COS before. Same type of behavior-passive aggressive, constant aggressive and rude IM or email communication, ect. Her behavior is best described as bullying. What I did in this instance is talk to others that had interactions with her to see if she was that way just to me (she was that way with everyone except the boss). I saved all the IM messages in case I was asked for specific examples of her behavior. My boss saw this behavior and the tension it was causing. He set a weekly meeting with both of us to discuss project status, upcoming events, and upcoming travel. That way we had clear direction from the boss as to what our responsibilities were on a weekly basis. That weekly meeting saved me so much time and stress!
I know you don’t want to bring your executive into the situation. You both are working for his office and his priorities. If there is tension, everyone will feel it. Your executive probably already knows how she interacts with you. It doesn’t matter who is the higher rank or who has the most experience. Doing what’s best for your executive and the company should be the focus.
One last thing, she may be going through something on a personal level. I found patience, compassion and a positive attitude works wonders in any professional relationship.