I have a Boss who likes to put me on the defensive. She will meet with me, not share what it is about and put me on the hot seat. This causes my heart rate and blood pressure to rise and my Physicians are concerned. I am close to retirement a few yrs away. There is a meeting next week that I am assuming will be one of these and I have surgery the following week. I don't want my numbers to get too high. What can I do?

5 Comments

1. AnonymousJune 23,2024 at 3:32PM UTC

   If your doctors are concerned then they will not mind supporting you with a request for FMLA.

2. AnonymousJune 23,2024 at 3:47PM UTC

   I'm sorry you're going through this.

   For the time being, seek support 1. you're already seeing a doctor, 2. perhaps a therapist/ coach/ etc. who can help where your physician cannot- providing guidance on your response system.

   Do what you can to get a note from your doctor for FMLA. If needs be, take time off for the day of the meeting. Or, if you can, find ways to do some quiet quitting. Protect your health. If you feel it's worthwhile to talk with her (either as a human and ask what's up - you noticed her style has changed or just call her out) go ahead. It may backfire, but you know her best. If it's best to take time off, switch jobs (internally or a new company), or change managers, do what you can. Another option is seeking support from HR or senior leadership - esp. if you have written policies in place you can refer to. - if you think they'd help. They typically support the company and don't usually like it if you don't inform the manager.

   Good luck and I hope the surgery goes well.

3. AnonymousJune 23,2024 at 10:33PM UTC

   Sorry to hear about this. Your manager gets something out of treating people that way. There is a communication style known as verbal kung fu, no joke. If you have no other options, consider preparing certain brief replies if you have an idea of what will be told to you. One example: "That sounds like nothing that a phone call to me couldn't have addressed." Keep your composure, hold your head high, and hang in there.

4. AnonymousJune 24,2024 at 4:04AM UTC

   Yes I emailed her right away and asked her what the meeting is about. She didn't respond. This is her pattern when she goes after me. Honestly the thought of meeting with her alone and being attacked ruined my weekend. I can't believe she can get away with this bullying behavior.

5. Maria MolinariJune 24,2024 at 12:13PM UTC

   Im so sorry to hear this! The meetings, are they generally of a negative nature? Or are they meetings where prep would be enough to get through?