Would you complain about your boss?

Anonymous

March 17,2022 at 2:34PM UTC

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Would you complain about your boss?

I have a new boss who undermines my authority in front of my staff, tries to micromanage me to the minute (is asking for a list of everything me and my staff are working on, including all my meetings), is straight out rude and abruptly interrupts you and tries to put you on the spot and "aggressively" disagrees with you during staff and on 1:1 meetings. He creates a back and forth that makes everyone uncomfortable in meetings, for things that should be taken offline - 1:1. He tends to take things personal, wants his way, disregard your perspective, and can be very childish. Ah, if all that wasn't enough, he also likes to make jokes about people's appearance, which only he finds funny and makes at least me uncomfortable, and also, he overreacts to everything and goes from 0 to 100 in a blink of eye . I love my job, but this is making me feel unappreciated and uninspired at work.

I have 2 questions:

He seems to have earned some credit with his boss/senior management for "fixing" a "broken" compliance program since he came onboard, but that did not include my area (I'm proud to say I've been able to maintain a strong team and program for the past 6 years). So, I'm concerned complaining about him could backfire.
I have direct access to his boss. Would you go straight to his boss or go to HR?

Thanks for your feedback!

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AnonymousMarch 17,2022 at 3:18PM UTC
Find ways to distance yourself from him. Hard but not impossible to do.
Highlight the wins of you and your team. In writing publush results to a broader audience. Do not react to his aggressive behavior other than excusing yourself whenever possible.
He has credibility. He's earned support from higher up. He is the man for now.
Don't come at this head on. You will lose. HR and management will not support you unless he acts illegally.
If you stay you must get busy distancing yourself. Look around the room in staff meetings when he's acting out. Sit farthest away from him. Do not argue with him.
Be tactical. He must continue to keep in the good graces of leadership so his latest compliance cleanup will only gain him support for awhile. After that he must continue to impress. If he does, you'll need to tolerate his style and arrogant behavior.
AnonymousMarch 17,2022 at 8:45PM UTC
Sorry, but totally disagree with this with the exception of advising her to always keep her cool.
When you are in charge of a department, you can't distance yourself from someone who is in front of you and in charge of you. Or intent on micromanaging you. It's a cowardly move for a leader not to shield her reports from the abusive and bad behavior of another member of the leadership team (or anyone else) by escalating the situation to another level (his boss). Not to mention empowering that person to continue the bad behavior. There's no integrity in that. Leaders don't do that. People intent on protecting themselves at the expense of others do.
If you are going to lead, LEAD. If I stood up for myself and my team in a professional way and this continued, but I lost my role, I'd be good with that. Keeping your role by being silent is agreement and contributes to the problem. Your direct reports will see it and it will change their perception of your strength in a blink.
I once had to fire the Sr. VP's son, who "worked" for me (whenever he felt like it and snuck out when he didn't) in order to treat the rest of the team fairly. As is the law. Believe me, it made a reputation for me that wasn't exactly what I wanted ("OH! YOU'RE the one who fired..."), but many leaders above me respected me for it, even when his father tried to intervene. I know I did the right thing.
Should she do nothing, pretend it isn't happening, pray someone else notices, and then have her team decide that she's at fault for not doing anything about the problem? That's what you are suggesting, and respectfully, it's what weak managers do. It's these situations that make you more than just a boss. No one respects a boss. They respect leaders.
AnonymousMarch 17,2022 at 9:44PM UTC
The OPs question is whether to report her boss. He has support of leadership.
You choose your battles. And This is not the time. She must be tactical in her approach. I don't sense OP is ready to have a target on her back or would be "good with" being let go. Sorry.
AnonymousMarch 18,2022 at 2:15AM UTC
Abusive behavior toward team members and derogatory comments about employees IS the time to pick the battle. I can't think of another situation that would warrant that more.
AnonymousMarch 18,2022 at 2:35PM UTC
Hi,
I am the OP. I definitely believe in the idea of being strategic and picking our battles, however, I also am the type of person that believe in standing up for myself and my team. I do not see the situation getting better, so I'd rather try to address it before it blows up. That's not to say it is an easy decision or that I don't have concerns it will back fire, but sometimes we have to make difficult decisions at work, specially being a woman. Thanks for your feedback!
AnonymousMarch 18,2022 at 6:17PM UTC
Yes! Go you!!!!
AnonymousMarch 17,2022 at 3:45PM UTC
Don't engage with his bad behavior. Instead LEAD BY EXAMPLE. Compliment your team's accomplishments in larger groups. Don't bother doing so with him. He's not interested.
Reporting his behavior will only put a target on your back unless he's doing something illegal. That's a lising battle. What is effective is not condoning his crass behavior by leaving the audience when he starts saying inappropriate things. I've done this in the past and it's very effective.
I've also curtailed my attention. Meaning I'm only in meetings that I must attend when he's there. I highlight his behavior in front of others subtly by asking him to repeat his derogatory comments or stare at him blankly when he laughs at his own inappropriate remarks. Limit any and all time you are alone with him.
Sing the praises of your team in public and at every meeting involving your team. Counter act his behavior every chance you get. Question his remarks out loud every chance you get.
Whenever you have the opportunity. Let folks know of his inability to behave professionally and with respect.
Shenelle S. LaPierreMarch 17,2022 at 3:53PM UTC
This is hard. I would absolutely stand my position when he wants to debate but also let him know some conversations should be reserved for offline or for 1 to 1 meetings where you both can be vocal about topics. Sadly, even though he’s your boss, you have to be the bigger person and build your case. I wouldn’t mention anything to HR or anyone else until you have solid proof this guy needs tons of training on communication, management and development of his team. At the end of the day, the entire team has to meet KPIs so if he’s not contributing to the strategy as a whole, you have some ammunition to fuel the convo with HR. Hang in there, protect your peace and document everything! During your meetings, take notes and share the notes with him so you have proof of what you both discussed during each meeting. It may take some time but HR does not have your best interest at heart so solid proof will help your case.
Andrea Macek, Career Change Coach for Professional WomenMarch 17,2022 at 3:57PM UTC
I'm sorry you're in this situation and the fact that you've been to maintain trust and morale with your team says about your character and leadership style, congrats!
Depending on your relationship with his boss, you can consider going to them directly. Meaning, do you trust this person, have you seen them denounce this type of behavior, and what is their position on someone on the team creating an uncomfortable and what seems to be an inappropriate situation with your team? If you have a trusting, open relationship, you can take it to them. If not, I would ask the same questions to yourself about your HR team before going to them. Sadly not every HR team is as neutral as it should be and I say this a former HR rep who was burned a few years ago by an HR team (Not the one I worked on). Wishing you good luck!
AnonymousMarch 17,2022 at 5:15PM UTC
I would be very careful with going to HR, and if you do, want are your goals for speaking with them? Do you want them to speak with your boss? Or is it for advice? Come with solutions and not comes across as complaining, as HR is not your friend. Regarding the boss, again be very careful, and maybe approach the conversation asking for advice, with examples of his behaviour. Again, think of solutions you would like for the outcome. Also, document everything, times, dates, what was said and have copies of emails, if you can. Good luck!
AnonymousMarch 17,2022 at 8:31PM UTC
His boss. Ask for a meeting and see if he or she would be open to a frank conversation about your concerns. Be ready to give specific examples.
Couch things this way..."I want to acknowledge that "Jerk Boss" has done the company a great service in fixing the compliance program. Having stated that, I'm not sure you're aware of what's been happening in meetings, etc. in my department since Jerk Boss came on board and I'm concerned. Would it be alright if I shared those with you? To be clear, I am concerned about our conversation being kept between us as I don't want to make a tough situation even harder. As a loyal employee and someone who loves what I do, I'd appreciate it if you would agree to keep what I share between us and help me come up with a plan for what to do next."
If/when they agree, be sure that you have a bulleted list of the days, times, occasions, etc. when your boss has done these things to you, talked about employees, acted at meetings, etc. Ask that action be taken to help align the new boss with the culture and values of the organization so that everyone on the team can work well together. Making it about culture and values keeps it from being you blaming him. You don't know what your boss may have said about you to his boss. He seems the type. It keeps it about the best interests of the team and the company. Be sure to make yourself available for any suggestions that his boss may have to improve things.
IF that doesn't work - I hate to say it, but it's probably time to go to another department or another company. That guy is a one-man business saboteur. It won't get better unless his boss is the one to force it to one way or the other.
AnonymousMarch 18,2022 at 4:42AM UTC
This is a truly difficult and delicate question.
Do you have a close relationship with your manager’s boss, or is your relationship more casual? I would not speak to your manager’s boss unless you have a close working relationship. If you do speak to your manager’s boss, I would acknowledge your new manager’s success with the compliance issue and couch your concerns in the framework of making your new manager more successful in working with your team. Ideally, your boss’s boss would respond in a way that helps your manager improve his behavior with you/your team while continuing to support his work.If you do not have a close relationship with your boss’s boss, I would take the issue to HR. Again, I would put the focus on improving your manager’s relationship with you and your high-performance team.
AnonymousMarch 18,2022 at 12:47PM UTC
Think wisely what you are trying to get out of going to HR. I’m making an assumption..if you are part of a large org and this new manager does good things for his his manager and is connected in the company it may be difficult to get a positive result for yourself.
maybe just try to address the behaviors that directly impact you. Fo example, when he drags on a meeting try asking “would that be something you could take off line while we focus on the other items in this meeting?” Maybe try to see if others can help by asking the question so you aren’t always the one.
for the jokes about the appearance. That is so unprofessional. I am sorry you have to deal with this. When I was more junior I had a male co worker say my clothes were overdone due to me wearing a blazer. This was awkward since this had nothing to do with work. I replied by saying this is the professional outfit I wear in a professional setting. A few years down the road, when I get interesting conversation starters related to appearance I deflect the attention to a work topic. All of my actions and behaviors are aimed at doing well at my job and growing my career. I do this for my family and when someone asks a question unrelated to work I sense it’s a way to derail my focus. Well, let’s gets back on focus with work topics :) Good luck to you!
AnonymousMarch 18,2022 at 7:47PM UTC
Someone else has probably already complained, and the people who are supposed to care apparently don't care. They may have the same toxic style, in which case you'd be considered the problem.
I assumed my boss was the problem, and then discovered she fit right in there. Turns out, toxicity is a feature, not a bug in that organization.
AnonymousMarch 19,2022 at 2:01AM UTC
None, it usually backfires.
Unless you know his boss very well and he is sympathetic to you. Do not go to HR. If his boss is not sympathetic to you then look out or move to another division or another boss, make an excuse eg interested in lateral movement etc..... Just be nice and diplomatic.