How to Thrive in a Biased Team

Anonymous

December 27,2022 at 9:13PM UTC

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How to Thrive in a Biased Team

So I'm the newest member of this team. But l'm on a secondment so l'm only there until mid-2023 (unless I get a permanent role there). The role itself, I love: I'm learning a lot (mainly using online resources as the team are selective about who they support). However, the team dynamics are what bugs me.

In terms of hierarchy, there's the boss. He is extremely close to someone who reports under him (let's call her

A). To the extent they meet outside of work, he makes every special occasion for her a celebration (but doesn't do the same for others) and they drink out of the same cup/glass whenever they're out together (minor, I know, but as a germaphobe that strikes me as odd unless you're super close).

The rest of the team (my mentor is especially bad for it) fawn over A in the same manner. There's no question that the team is based around her every need and whim. There's a clear favouritism that is evident but I feel like I'm not as close to A for reasons I'm not sure about - she cc's me last on emails and I do tend to be the last to know information. She also does not like booking travel for me (I'm not allowed a company card) but will book for others she's closer to. And I've butted heads with my mentor because he was too busy defending her when I voiced my concerns (this is more speculation but I feel it's possible he may like her too because of his actions and behaviour around her).

I am always professional but I worry that a) I likely won't go permanent because l've not brown-nosed in the same way as others are doing for A. But also b) is this the type of environment I'd like to work in permanently? Especially if my growth opportunities are limited since A will always be the main priority.

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AnonymousDecember 27,2022 at 9:59PM UTC
There will always be favorites. Is the nature of team dynamics. I've been on both sides and understand it. Being the Superstar is by far the best but I get when I'm not the chosen one.
I learned to let my exemplary work speak for itself, accept my place in the good chain and always look out for what's best for me. I built a robust personal life, base my social life away from work and found my ways to be indispensable to my team.
This is how I navigate bias. I don't let the bias be my focus.
AnonymousDecember 28,2022 at 10:42AM UTC
How do you prove your worth as a newbie though? Especially if you’re working with tenured people with a lot of experience.
AnonymousDecember 28,2022 at 1:16PM UTC
You take tge time and effort to prove yourself. No one cares right now. It takes time and great work. You must not try and speed things up.
AnonymousDecember 29,2022 at 5:05PM UTC
I mostly agree with this with one important exception. When there is fairly extreme bias on a team or in a department and you are not the golden girl, your work quality will only be recognized so far. Yes, your work will be recognized, and you will be rewarded, but it will always be second to the favorite. The favorite could have an unsuccessful project, and you could deliver a multi year program of work. You will be rewarded, but not like the favorite would have been for the same achievement. Opportunities will still be rewarded to the favorite over you regardless of performance. Understand, this happens everywhere to lesser extents. If you have a personal career development opportunity in the role where you have a resume headlining bullet point, it may be worth it to stay until you achieve that. If not, then it’s best to find that opportunity and move on.
AnonymousDecember 29,2022 at 7:39PM UTC
If you stay you accept your position on the food chain. If you can be considered higher on another food chain the by all means leave for that position. It's human nature.
AnonymousDecember 28,2022 at 1:50PM UTC
Based on your post, I would suggest that your boss and A are involved personally, and everyone on the team is in on the secret, and have sworn fealty in order to protect their own hides. I’ve worked in several situations where this dynamic ruled everything. You can accept the situation as is, since you can’t and shouldn’t try to change it. Or, you can keep applying for other jobs…although you will probably encounter this again. Your co workers may or may not have private opinions about it, but refrain from discussing it with anyone, because if you, as the newbie is overheard gossiping about them, you’ll be driven out somehow.
Maegan, Nike Sales Rep & Career CoachDecember 28,2022 at 4:02PM UTC
Get clear on what you specifically want your growth opportunities to be. Is it exposure to the industry .. selling skills, presenting to others, etc. Being clear on YOU and what will help YOUR career can help you unfocus on her/them and get out of this experience what you want.
Noone will care about your career more than you and while this situation is not ideal and may not be somewhere you want to stay long term, dont let it hold you back from gaining what you need to get where you want to go in your career. Take the proactive approach (so you can gain your experience, make an impact, and move on) and let them do their thing.
GirlBossanova934974December 29,2022 at 1:19PM UTC
I am very unclear as to what A-s relationship is to you or anyone else. Is she a manager or not a manager? Do you report to her? Doesn't sound like it. Sounds like to me that you walked into a situation where there's THE IN CROWD and there are those who are NOT IN THE IN CROWD. A collection of COOL KIDS who are all very cozy with each other and decide what goes on. If that is the case, I would recommend you look into another position in another firm. From my experience, these cozy relationships never end well. The IN CROWD gets all the promotions and the raises. If there is trouble at the firm aka need to reduce head count, the NON IN CROWD is always let go first. The BEST performance reviews always go to THE IN CROWD and so do the promotions. Be gone and be done with it.
AnonymousDecember 29,2022 at 2:53PM UTC
OP here. There’s definitely a form of “the IN crowd” going on. Just for clarification: A is a manager but not my manager. The team hierarchy is very strange but to clarify: the boss (who’s close to A) is the head of the team. A is a manager but in terms of who she, myself and all the others on the team report to, it’s him. A only has one other person reporting to her directly.
GirlBossanova934974December 29,2022 at 9:05PM UTC
This looks like, sounds like, and smells like an "IN CROWD" type of situation. I have been part of several organizations like this. In 2 cases if you were not from the same state that the company was in, you were definitely not part of the team. Those states were Ohio and Indiana. It didn't matter what you looked like or sounded like. The male manager here has made an error in judgement. He first of all has created a divide by not welcoming every member of the team. Temps or non permanent members of the team are treated like 2nd class team members. The second, he is showing favoritism towards a manager that reports directly to him. It is out there for everyone to see and it's a mistake. I would gain as much experience and knowledge as I could from this gig and be prepared to take the first good outside offer that comes along.
FGB userDecember 29,2022 at 11:04PM UTC
So well said!
AnonymousDecember 29,2022 at 2:38PM UTC
After reading they share the same drinking utensil, other possibilities besides them being sexual partners are...former roommates in college, actually related by blood or marriage or grew up together/known each other years.
This may sound less likely but it also explains the familiarity.
As for whether or not you want to work there permanently, I would definitely do as the other commenter said and define what you are needing career-wise outside of this role. Try get that while deployed in this department. Then look at your usual role that you are heading back to next year and again, define what it brings for your career goals, as well.
Get clear with yourself so you can navigate past the issues that aren't going away to really see whether your needs will be met in your established role(s).
AnonymousDecember 29,2022 at 2:44PM UTC
This place is what it is. If you don't like it, don't plan to stay. Having a contract with an end-point is a perfect story about why you're looking for another job if a potential employer asks.
If you decide you do want to stay, just know that sucking up to A will be part of the job. It's called office politics and it is simply more overt and obvious there, but there are people Who Cannot Be Crossed in many workplaces.
Terri ClarkDecember 29,2022 at 3:47PM UTC
The good thing about contract assignments is you get to fully experience the culture before you commit. The relationship between the boss and A is what it is. It sounds like everyone else has learned to get along in this environment by pandering to A. It's your choice on whether you can do that or not. Good luck!
Jocelyn LyonsDecember 29,2022 at 8:11PM UTC
This is a red flag and a sign that you (and others) may not be successful there long term. Unless things drastically change, I wouldn't want to stay on permanently.
AnonymousDecember 29,2022 at 9:07PM UTC
Sounds like team leadership is toxic and weird (sharing drink ware!) Not a place you would want to be long term. Stay low profile, work hard and hope for
thw permanent hurler so you can learn, add to your resume and plan to move on in 1 or two years. It’s always been my experience that these toxic dynamics flame out within 6 months and someone or everyone moves on.
AnonymousDecember 29,2022 at 11:03PM UTC
Do you care to deal with that BS long-term? Earn the skills you need and consider getting out.
AnonymousDecember 30,2022 at 11:10AM UTC
OP here. A is a very friendly person outwardly (very bubbly and - not saying this in a judgemental way but it’s a common bias for a lot of people - very pretty). I accept that people may not be brown-nosing and like her as a human because of other factors. However, I’ve seen and experienced first-hand how she is given special considerations to others. I have been nothing but nice to her yet she’s chosen to exclude me for whatever reason - you can only be so lenient to someone before you have to start respecting yourself hence the post.
I also did not complain to my mentor about her specifically - I complained about the fact I wasn’t invited to travel to their site like A was despite the fact I’m also part of the team. He chose to go on the defensive because he took it to mean that I was implying that A was in the wrong (and as I mentioned before, I’ve seen his behaviour towards her which is why I feel he’s got a soft spot for her too). Hence why he found it hard to understand his mentee’s perspective because of his bias towards A.
Thanks for your reply but your tone is incredibly judgemental despite not knowing all the facts. I know my attitude is and always will be kind and professional but some places just aren’t a fit regardless of attitude.