Hi I'm new to this.

28 Comments

1. Alexandria Scobee |Leadership Coach | IT ManagerSeptember 27,2021 at 2:48PM UTC

   This sounds like there are a lot of communication dynamics at play. I am happy to discuss this with you further if that would be helpful please let me know.

2. Alexandria Scobee |Leadership Coach | IT ManagerSeptember 27,2021 at 2:54PM UTC

   Side note I also recommend some rejection triage to soothe the hurt. Rejection is felt in our bodies the same as a physical injury.

3. Alexandria Scobee |Leadership Coach | IT ManagerSeptember 27,2021 at 2:55PM UTC

   Here are some ways to triage after rejection, https://www.instagram.com/p/CTsJp9OFyiO/?utm_medium=copy_link

4. AnneSeptember 27,2021 at 3:09PM UTC

   That is sad to hear women treating other women this way. We should be supportive of each other. Unfortunately, not all women are wired that way. I have a job that doesn't belong to a "department" and I assist leadership so not always thought of to invite to things. It used to hurt, but doesn't bother me anymore. Because at the end of the day, who are you fighting to have in your life? I would be afraid those ladies and their way of thinking would rub off on you and you sound like a much better person than they are. If anything be grateful your position keeps you apart and you're lucky to have friends in other departments.

5. AnonymousSeptember 27,2021 at 7:54PM UTC

   Thank you everyone for your kind words. I have decided calling them out is just not worth it. If I’m honest I don’t want to be part of their gang/group they’re not very nice people. From now on I will be doing my job and doing it well and I have other friends in other departments and offices. I like my job but if it doesn’t improve with me not rising to the bait so to speak then I will look for something else. Thank you again xx

6. AnonymousSeptember 28,2021 at 2:21PM UTC

   Maybe with friends in other departments you can look to relocate to a friendlier atmosphere, should the opportunity arise.

7. Deborah MitchellSeptember 27,2021 at 3:58PM UTC

   I'm so sorry.

8. AnonymousSeptember 27,2021 at 6:09PM UTC

   I am so sorry this happening to you! Ugh. Navigating work relationships is tough, but I also say that's why you can never put too much expectations on coworker relationships. They're fickle and honestly, no one is required to friendly, even if it's the humane thing to do. I've been there before, working in a role on my own island, but I've also never been a big fan of office cliques. I love being a lone wolf but I understand this has been a challenge for you to navigate. As long as you enjoy your role, that's most important but if you feel this is a larger cultural issue at work that's impeding your love for the job, then that's a red flag. Are there any employee resources groups at your company? If so, you should definitely join them. If not, you could start one. Sometimes, fixing the culture requires someone to take the first step in providing a solution and employee resources groups can be great starting point. The only other thing I would recommend doing is getting yourself out there internally. Start networking with other people! If there's someone you've been wanting to meet or you're always in meetings with them, ask them to coffee to have an informal chat. I think the more you do that, you could close up this void that you're feeling. I hope these suggestions help! Good luck to you.

9. AnonymousSeptember 28,2021 at 12:53PM UTC

   I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. It’s definitely not pleasant. I do think the advice above is good. Make friends elsewhere in the company and just be polite if the Mean Girls ever talk to you or ask you a question, etc. You shouldn’t have to be the company prom queen to succeed in your job. As long as you’re pleasant to work with and do your job well, that should be fine. Try not to let the Mean Girls get to you. And if it really is too unpleasant, definitely look for something else where there is a better culture or environment.

10. TroySeptember 27,2021 at 6:16PM UTC

    Not good. Is there anyone you can connect with? I say try to build a relationship or connect with 1 person. It can start off by asking a genuine question and ping them every so often to say hey. Have you discussed it with your manager, referring to when you said you are constantly being left out? It not, that's an opportunity share.

11. AnonymousSeptember 28,2021 at 6:32PM UTC

    I think it’s a great idea to focus on forming a relationship with one person.

12. CMP_88September 27,2021 at 6:27PM UTC

    First, they don't sound like a group I'd want to know; however, I understand it is a hurtful situation, and we all want to belong. (I also work a solo position within a larger department, so I get it.) Are there other factors--financial or organizational--that allow them to rationalize their behavior toward you? Is there any way to call them on it or address it directly without making it worse? Is there someone in HR you could talk with and request some constructive feedback? If the behavior approaches bullying, that definitely should be reported to HR. This is a tough situation because you certainly don't want to give them more "ammo" to intensify their behavior; but, it sounds like the Mean Girl stuff is not very professional. If you like the job well enough to stay, you may just need to embrace your status as a lone wolf, keep a stiff upper lip, and be the better person. Chances are you're not the first one they've treated this way and you won't be the last. They sound very petty and immature. Best of luck!

13. AnonymousSeptember 28,2021 at 12:36PM UTC

    I sounds like you have come to terms with this but you say that you mostly work alone. Something to consider is to figure out ways to connect on a professional level: are there cross-team projects you could work on, or internal committees? That way you get to know people a little without the social aspect. Not necessarily these people as a group, but others in the company.

14. AnonymousSeptember 28,2021 at 1:07PM UTC

    I will tell you what I told my son. Don't stay at a job that makes you miserable. It's not worth the blow to your mental health. You're at work 8 hours or more a day and need to feel like a human being. Right now, everyone is hiring. Get out there and find your happiness.

15. Karen GongawareSeptember 28,2021 at 1:09PM UTC

    Not sure why you want their love and approval when they clearly do not want to give it. Ignore and make friends elsewhere. Your job has you working alone. Perhaps at lunch time or break times you can talk to others from other departments, not the bitchy bunch. And make out of work friends. Find a hobby you like and meet people there. Volunteer at a charity and meet people there. There is more to life than work or even the people who work there.

16. Christy K. HanthornSeptember 28,2021 at 1:26PM UTC

    I wonder if the environment is a good fit for you. I always try to get a feel for the people and the place before I accept a position. If it feels cold or sterile, I know it's not for me. When you interviewed, did you get a feeling? When you first started, were there any indicators that people wouldn't be kind? Ultimately, I truly don't think it's worth your time to worry about these folks and why they're acting like middle schoolers....BUT if you like the job, focus on doing your best, and make friends elsewhere.

17. AnonymousSeptember 29,2021 at 2:37PM UTC

    Hi I am the longest member of staff here other than the boss so when I interviewed it was entirely different. Four people have left since and there is a shift in how the office dynamics work. They are all several years younger than me so perhaps that is a factor but it does not excuse rudeness. Since Monday things have got a lot better i think they knew I was upset and I have been included more so hopefully it is no longer my turn to be excluded. I will not be excluding anyone though.

18. Leader135412September 28,2021 at 1:38PM UTC

    I would call them out on it, and tell them if this is the way it is dont expect any common courtesy in return.

19. AnonymousSeptember 28,2021 at 6:22PM UTC

    What would a conversation like that sound like? Would that do more harm than good?

20. AnonymousSeptember 28,2021 at 6:21PM UTC

    I agree with the comments below about culture fit. It seems that you desire a kind of relationship that is more friendly. While you may explore another job, it’s worth considering if lowering your expectations may offer some peace. Maybe a good bit of those folks play in a softball league outside of work and have had a greater number of opportunities to find common interests. I doubt they are excluding your on purpose. They probably just don’t know you.

    You could also take matters into your own hands and do things that spark conversations. I had a colleague make cookies every week. She tried new recipes. She learned people’s favorite cookies and established goodwill with colleagues by making their favorite one now and again.

    Perhaps you could organize a pot luck? That’s always a great way to identify shared interests.

21. AnonymousSeptember 28,2021 at 9:59PM UTC

    Although rude behavior is never OK, I'd encourage you to take a hard look at your own behaviors at work. Have you done something that was unintentionally off-putting to others? Have you crossed unwritten boundaries with colleagues? Other posters have spoke to the idea of culture, which might be right on.

22. AnonymousSeptember 29,2021 at 2:33PM UTC

    No I havent been rude nor have I crossed any boundries it all boils down to being older than the others and not being into the same things and the main ring leader taking against me for whatever reason. Apparently she does this.

23. AnonymousSeptember 29,2021 at 2:48AM UTC

    This sounds like me!!!! I would literally cry every day. The instigator of it always has someone in her sights...I should know, she use to talk to me. But when I had enough, back lash on me. I have since found out it was jealous issues on her behalf, as I have career advancement. I get a little chat from fellow work mate, but nothing like I use to. Do you work to your best ability and keep your chin high. I'm the only one who does my job, so I don't have to talk to them either.

24. AnonymousSeptember 29,2021 at 7:44AM UTC

    I happen to replace someone in a position. She was well liked. She still worked there just in a different position. She was moved be cause she didn’t want to work long hours anymore because she was pregnant. Well her friends there treated me like It was my fault. I had nothing to do with it. So I would say hi when walk past people with a smile. Basically did my job and went about my day. They thought if they were mean to me I would quit. Quite the opposite. I did the job I was hired to do and was nice to EVERYONE. In the end we are not hired to make friends, if you do it’s icing on the cake.

25. Salimah IsmailSeptember 29,2021 at 12:50PM UTC

    I'm sorry that you are having a hard time getting along with your teammates. It can be lonely, but I've found that if I choose to be happy by myself and always stay true to my authentic self, it ends up attracting deep friendships. See if you can use this space others are giving you to learn more about yourself.

26. Cynthia (Van Syoc) KendallSeptember 29,2021 at 2:10PM UTC

    Since your co-workers believe you are the reason for your predecessors replacement, and it was at her own request, I would enlist her help to show that SHE is fine with you in her old position. Maybe if they see she is pleased with things and is happy, they will lighten up. Check with her and see if she is willing to help you here. Maybe a highly visible lunch together in the breakroom. All smiles and quiet conversation will do wonders if others see you two together in this.

27. AnonymousSeptember 29,2021 at 2:31PM UTC

    No I havent done anything the one who rolled her eyes is notorious for causing trouble and I think it is my turn to be in the firing line. I was very up set on Monday and I am guessing it showed as yesterday and today has been entirely different and they have gone out of their way to include me. The one who causes the problem is in a different office in the building so I am keeping out of her way. I am older than the rest of the girls but I am by no means weird and i dont talk about animation and pet animals.

28. Jennifer MorrisonDecember 11,2021 at 7:11PM UTC

    I tend to be that person as well. Now I am in an academic department of 15, with 3 in my program. I am the only female in my program, and I am CONSTANTLY left out of conversations. Older male colleague goes into younger male colleagues office and closes the door, and I don't know if it's something I need to know or not. It's not, but I don't usually know that at the time. At the end of the summer, they switched who was the program director, and no one told me. I did finally address it with my chair, and he said it was kinda last minute, and I said... there are only three of us. I joke that half the building could fall off and no one would tell me... seriously. I try to insert myself in stuff... if it works, great; if not, Oh well. I just sit in my office and work; I usually eat in my office and I message with the people who mean the most to me... my daughters, my sisters, my BFF, and my husband.