Hello new friends!

Hello new friends! I am in the process of leaving the funeral home where I have been employed almost three years. We are a small family owned funeral home, that employs around seven people and has an additional 2/3 people they use on an at need basis.

To cut straight to the point, I will be going in and giving my two week notice today. I was recently cut to 20 hours a week, in June of this year. I needed a double hip replacement. I took off a month, maybe two months in advance. Kept asking if it was okay, adding that I can move dates if need be. They kept reassuring me it was. Back story, I needed emergency open heart surgery LAST year. I went back early, and everyone I work with was angry at me. I ended up being hysterical and crying at work (an oft occurrence) bc they told me they wanted full medical records as my one coworker (we will call him N— very toxic, gas-lighter, and all around trouble maker but they seem to overlook it cause his daddy is the big pastor in town) told them I was out at the gym lifting weights so I should have been back at work. I was at the gym. Even posted about it on social media… walking on a treadmill to supplement my physical therapy since I left the icu. The one owners wife demanded my full medical records and a letter stating it was okay for me to be at the gym bc she said they were all upset w me that I wasn’t back at work sooner, since I was just well enough to be at the gym. Mind you, I went back to work at least a week before my doctor approved me to.

Anyhow, back to the hip replacement event in June of this year: bc of how my job treated me when I needed heart surgery, I told them I would be filing FMLA to protect my job. They told me do not do this as it would make me look like I didn’t trust them. The morning after my surgery my job calls me and tells me they are cutting my hours to twenty a week and I should use my next five days off recovering and looking for a second job (I moved from an hour away to work for theses guys- an expense they said they would help me with but did not). They told me my hours would be cut to make room for the one owners son. So when I go back, the son is not working for us. Never was. He would come in occasionally to maybe go pick up a decedent at a hospital or run to the crematory, but certainly nothing like they told me. I repeatedly asked why I was cut and they simply ignore me or change the subject and say “we aren’t talking about that.”

Around March-April of this year, another relative we will call Tom, began working for the funeral home. Around May-June they brought him on full time. In July, after my hours were cut, Tom was complaining to me how it took too long for his benefits to start. I was shocked because I was told 2.5 years ago that they used to offer benefits but no longer do. When I tried to ask one of the owners they say “I don’t know” and change the subject, or get “offended” and walk away from me. The best answer I have gotten is from one of the owners who told me that the one owner who left recently told me this so it doesn’t count and essentially it’s my problem. They also told me I was never full time so that’s why I never had benefits….

two problems with that:

1. I did start part time, three days a week, but started full time three months after starting, which is why I moved. I would never have moved for part time work
2. how did they “cut me to part time” if I was never full time to begin with???

When I brought this up to the one owner (Billy) he told me we would talk about it another day (of course we never did) and his wife told me that I’m too defensive and need to look at what I have done wrong (1. taking off for my hip replacement which I was strong armed into coming back early from, 2. as well as not giving them enough notice when I needed to be admitted to the icu to get open heart surgery— bc when I called work to tell them I needed heart surgery, jeans words were “no long breaks.” My cardiothoacic surgeon actually had to step in and tell her this isn’t a vacation- I needed to get my heart fixed or I was going to die).

i silently had been removed from being on call, as well as from working funeral services. Being on call means $100 per call, which I desperately needed since they cut my hours and since I am crushed by bills since I’ve been paying two rents as well as have no health care.

Another story for on call: It was a Thursday night. I asked to have the phone and was told they got it. I get crippling migraines that obstruct my vision with lights and auras, so I can’t see, and my brain doesn’t work if that makes sense- I can’t read and I can’t speak well, like I’ll speak like I’m having a stroke. So even though I asked for the phone and was told no, I get a call at 11-1130 pm from billy asking me to go out. I texted him back as I was throwing up, and told him I’m in the throes of a migraine. I asked if anyone else can do it, and specifically emphasized that if they can’t I will go, and that I DID NOT WANT HIM TO GO OUT (he is 64). He did not respond to me and went out himself. The next day I was incinerated for “being unreliable.” They told me it was viral for me to “find a workaround” for my migraines (they’re induced somewhat by my ptsd so the Ada does recognize them as a disability).

it’s actually a running joke at the office, by jean, Billy’s wife (she is a secretary) about how I annoy billy bc I’m always asking to help him with stuff and to go out on the calls.

While I was out for my hip surgery and open heart surgery, I was also told by my employer to not file for unemployment. Side note I just thought of that I’m throwing in here.

When it comes to paychecks, it is always 50/50 if I get mine on time. I was told it is my fault I don’t get paid on time bc I “never made it clear I need to be paid on time.” So I made it clear then. In this one of many many many instances of missing paychecks, my check was late three weeks in a row. My account was negative for three weeks, because each week I was hoping for a paycheck, which would pull me out of the negative. I knew I wouldn’t have enough money for any bills, but I was just happy to get out of a negative balance. Finally the third week I broke down crying because my car insurance was going to be cancelled bc I couldn’t delay it any longer. They told me the negative balance was my fault bc I should’ve cancelled any automatic bill pays that were coming out of my account. Cal, the owner that left the funeral home, told me that it wouldn’t cost a TON to get car insurance elsewhere and that would have to be what I do. He ended up being on the phone with our payroll company for an hour to get me paid the next day, after a lot of crying and pleading. When he got off the phone, he threw the phone at the wall next to where I was standing. His mom, jean, when I was crying, firmly told me, “you need to WORK,” and sort of forcefully guided me downstairs, swollen eyes and wet face, to clean up after a funeral service had just commenced. A bit after this, she told us all in the office that we are not to ask cal to do anything for the rest of the day bc he “had to be on the phone for an hour bc of [rolls eyes and head motions toward me].”

Jean is also the one who told me that “payroll will happen when it happens.” She said that I should be thankful I’m there and that “we could take a lot of money from you and make you pay for mistakes but we don’t.” Which means if there is a mistake on a death certificate they will make me pay for it. They actually texted me the day of my hip surgery and told me they were making me pay for death certificates that had a mistake on them that I didn’t even do. To add insult to injury, the paycheck where they wanted to do this was for $120. They wanted to take $100. I begged them not to and told them this was all the money I had for the whole month I was off since I don’t have pto and was told not to file for unemployment. They did allow me to pay them later. By the way i never even was given an employment contract so i definitely never agreed to this.

Jean also told me that if "it happens when it happens" isnt good enough for me then i need to get another job, but keep it under the table so the Board of Funeral Directors doesnt find out. You need to request permission from them to do this when you are an intern.

Two Sundays ago, i was omw to job 2 when Billy called me to go to a nursing home. I told him i was at my other job (i was on the way, not there yet) so i would need an hour. I called job 2 (work for a friends cleaning company), and he said just go to the funeral home. So i got to the funeral home in 20 minutes instead of an hour. They, especially Billy, were and are FURIOUS with me. They said I cannot be trusted as I “lied to them,” and the job is all about honesty. So the Thursday after the nursing home, billy took me to a side room and wanted me to sign a document saying I admit lying to them. Again, I became hysterical. I requested to see the document N (a male) had to sign when he was caught lying about when he crashed their van. The other owner, Jim, actually knew the security at the hospital where N crashed the van, and had the cameras pulled and that’s how they proved he was lying. When I asked for this I was ignored. I have texts showing I asked again for this and was again ignored. I was given this document to sign maybe ten minutes after I was scheduled to leave to go to a doctors appointment. Billy had been saying that day he wanted to talk to me about Sunday, and he knew I had to leave at 12pm that day. I stood there waiting for him to get to it starting around 1130am that day. He wasn’t even busy, he was just “double checking some things” and looking up info on the internet. When he finally did talk to me, I was already going to be 20-30 minutes late for my doctor if I left RIGHT then. So when he wanted me to sign this paper, he sort of gave it to me in a rush; said I could read it later, just sign it. Regardless they have a “magic window” in the kitchen that they use to forge signatures on all kinds of stuff so my signature was showing up regardless.

i have always been open about my PTSD with them, and it’s been so awful of late. I wake up screaming and sleepwalk and go hide places again. I haven’t been like this since I was 25 years old (now 36). I’m constantly terrified and my heart feels like it’s going to beat right out of my chest. I’m so scared and worried all the time that I can feel it in my back and shoulders— you know, that “sinking heart” feeling? But do it upside down - “raising heart” feeling lol.

the newest hire, the relative, who has been there since April-May, told me when I came back from my hip surgery that “the chatter” is that they want to fire me and bring on a male bc “they’re old school and women belong in the kitchen making sandwiches.” BY THE WAY, I have my degree for funeral service. New hire does not and has made it clear he has no interest in getting it. ANYWAY. New hire told me I should “put out my feelers for other jobs” bc it’s unknown if I’ll be let go from week to week. He said they would just let me go but they’re scared I’ll sue them.

i also might add, this newest hire, a male, who is doing the same work I started doing over two years ago, is paid far better than I ever was, gets more perks and opportunities, and benefits. I was never offered a fraction of what he makes. I brought this up to jean and she said “it doesn’t hurt that he’s a man.”

in the same sort of theme, we got a nursing home call. I asked Billy can I go pick them up. He said “I want a MAN to go.” I asked are they heavy. He said no, but it looks better when there are men there.

im very openly a power lifter and insane about the gym. These guys let me do removals for 400lb people BEFORE I got my heart and hips fixed. All the info they give me is that they want men and not women and that’s why new hire came on board with a salary much higher than what I even make now, and why he was offered benefits that I was told don’t exist.

i don’t necessarily want to sue them for money but I want them to admit they did wrong to someone who isn’t a nobody like me. Please help. How would you proceed?