Leadership Role and Parenting Dilemma. Perspective Needed!

Anonymous

May 8,2025 at 3:47AM UTC

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Leadership Role and Parenting Dilemma. Perspective Needed!

Hi everyone. I need some outside-the -box thinking. I have a demanding leadership role that means working 45-50 hours a week. I have a commute and two kids. I am divorced and have 50/50 custody. On my weeks with the kids, I feel like I am burning the candle at both ends. I try to get a headstart on email when I wake up. My youngest has trouble getting going in the morning, so it is challenging to leave before 7:45. After work, I rush through traffic to get them from childcare by 6:00 p.m. I pick my oldest, who is in high school, up from work a few days a week at 9:00 p.m. (They don’t drive.) The youngest does her bedtime routine in advance to save time but can’t fall asleep, and it starts all over again. I have already flexed my start time by 30 min. I would have the youngest walk to school, but I am working with them to manage their emotions, so I can’t feel confident they won’t do something unsafe if upset (not look for cars before crossing, etc.). For now, I feel safer dropping them off at before-school care. Flexing anything with the co-parent to divide and conquer is simply not an option. Feel exhausted and like I am treading water at this point. *I’m also going through menopause, so I’m having a lot of trouble falling and staying asleep, which makes mornings even harder. I really need to get to work earlier and have some time in the evenings, but how?

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AnonymousMay 8,2025 at 4:52AM UTC
I’m in the same situation and I just want to say that it’s ridiculous how hard it is to manage. Since becoming a single parent it has been impossible to find a good job with flexible hours to accommodate childcare. America is not set up for parents. I wish I had a solution for you.
JB09718May 8,2025 at 7:16AM UTC
Not necessarily work related suggestion but for kids it might be helpful to maintain stability with youngest (still do AM drop off and all) until she can better manage independently but work to find alternate arrangements after work for oldest so youngest and go to bed on time. (Sleep disruption could be causing more emotional issues during the day) Maybe oldest can ride share with a coworker? Walk or public transportation home? Uber?
my kids are autistic so may not be helpful but I made them a visual schedule for getting ready for school and bedtime. I did a magnetic board with magnetic tap lights. They can turn the light off when task is complete. (Brush teeth, turn light off etc.) oldest is mostly independent with it, sometimes an occasional reminder.
AnonymousMay 8,2025 at 6:33PM UTC
I found HRT to manage my menopause transition a godsend. I also hired a local college student to do drop offs and pickups so I could focus on work. It was worth every penny. As for pickups with the working high schooler....that would be something you would have to figure out creative solutions but with only that logistical task, you might be able to do it. You could also request a change in schedule or a new job that worked better for everyone.
Parenting is a creative endeavor and you need to get creative to support your family's priorities.
AnonymousMay 9,2025 at 12:40PM UTC
Are there any other parents with whom you could trade some of the duties and reciprocate when the kids are away? Perhaps one of your high-schooler's classmates (assuming you know and trust them). Another thing you can do is try to manage your workload around your parenting duties as much as possible. Again, this is assuming you have some control over your schedule. Schedule your meetings and appointments with clients as much during your time when the kids are away as possible, and this can reduce the stress on the days you have them. This can make both your home life and work life better. When I was in that position, I had full custody and traveled a lot, so I hired a nanny to pick up my daughter when I had to work late and stay with her when I was out of town. It was a great "as-needed" arrangement.

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