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Overbearing new boss

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Overbearing new boss

Help! I recently joined a heavily male-driven organization with a new boss who is the "founder" of the group to which I'm assigned. He is a VP and I am a director. My boss is beloved throughout the organization and personally, I can see why! He is very knowledgeable and well connected throughout the organization.

That said, he is extremely overbearing and unable to allow the talent he brought in to level up the team to actually perform the work. He mansplains over me constantly and treats me like I'm an entry level employee. It's not coaching and support but an unwillingness on his part to coach and LET GO. There's a difference. He jumps in to mansplain me with partners and oversteps guidance I give them so that everyone knows that he's in control. At the same time, he oversteps with my team members which is a real issue considering that one of them is a master splitter and happily jumps over my back to him. Instead of deflecting, he inserts himself, further diminishing my role as a leader and watering down confidence in my guidance. I'll note that others who have left his team have shared similar feedback but no one speaks up because of his reputation throughout the organization as being a "great guy."

While some of his actions may be unconscious, the impact is nevertheless disruptive and demoralizing. Obviously in this job market, quitting is not an immediate option.

Any suggestions for how to manage Overbearing Bob?

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  1. Kelllzzz K

    Do you have a union? Or HR department? I know exactly how you feel I have like 12 bosses like that! All males and mostly retired detectives and cops . They are not good managers at all! I really hope everything works out for you. I don't know if you can talk to him about it but maybe if a mediator is there you can voice how he makes you feel.

  2. Sue Gordon- retired Career Coach

    Ugh. Sounds awful, definitely begin the job search. Is it all possible to request to speak with him, and offer feedback on the impact of his work style? Maybe share your preferred ways to collaborate? Based on this, I don't think it would work, but also don't think it could hurt? But if you think it might hurt, ramp up that job search. In the meantime, see if you can find a new way to manage your reactions? Some folks are just not open to feedback or change.

  3. Anonymous

    Thank you. I am literally working with a therapist to manage my responses because it is very humiliating and demoralizing. I have tried to talk to him but he has no self-awareness. It turns into gas lighting and makes me feel guilty for even having brought it to his attention. Even when his behaviors are very clear.

  4. Sue Gordon- retired Career Coach

    He’s not a great guy. He’s a narcissist who looks

    good till you get to know him. Run away. Good luck with your search.

  5. Anonymous

    Doesn’t sound to me like he's a "great guy"

  6. Anonymous

    I had a guy that I despised working with who was like that. Even other men who worked with him found him annoying! He always had to have the last word no matter what. He would literally drag out a back and forth chain of emails ALL DAY if that’s what it took for him to win last word. If you came up with an idea, he would say something like “yes, that’s exactly what I said”. Um- no you didn’t. You didn’t even understand the tech behind my suggestion, so nice try.

    A guy and I decided to talk to his boss. His behavior had reached unworkable proportions. His boss did nothing! So, I just decided to kill him with kindness. I would respond to his stupid ideas with “what a great idea. I’ll see how I can implement that” knowing full well that I had zero intention of using his stupid idea. It just shut him up! He would block off hours on his calendar where he would pretend he was busy, but he would be in the bathroom. When I would schedule something with him, he would always counter. He was way more important, of course. I treated him like the toddler he behaved like with one exception. In meetings when he liked to go off on whoever was running the meeting after he spent the entirety of the meeting scrolling through his phone to look important, I would stop and let there be a really long uncomfortable silence. Everyone would then absorb how much his comments didn’t make sense (since he was too important to pay attn to us pions) or how rude and condescending his comments were - especially to us women. You can tell people about someone, but when they see it themselves, it opens a lot of eyes.

    Was it hard not to argue with his stupid comments, suggestions and annoyances? YES!! Beyond hard! But I didn’t have all day to argue with a 2 yr old in an adult’s body. Some of us had to work. He had power over me, so I refused to let him control one darn thing more in my life. It really did make it easier to lie and tell him I would make that change or add that verbiage, etc We all knew he would forget because he was stupid and never paid attn to any detail other than his opinion and his phone. The part that scares me the most is that someone married him and procreated with him. Little Murthy’s running around to be the next gen of idiot savant bullies!

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