Age and Weight Discrimination

46 Comments

1. AnonymousOctober 7,2022 at 3:49PM UTC

   Have you reached out to the external recruiter and asked her what is going on? At the end of the interview did you ask/find out when you would hear back about next steps? Did they say something that indicated you would know by Friday morning?

   Tuesday to Friday is not a long time for some companies, and it is especially not a long time when using an external recruiter. The people who interviewed you have to discuss, and then report back to the recruiter, who then has to report to you. There are lots of places in that where it could get delayed.

   If you haven't done it, reach out to the recruiter and tell her you're still interested and would like to know if she has heard anything. If she hasn't ask her to follow up on your behalf, though if she's a good recruiter she should state that she is doing it before you have to ask.

   Good luck! :)

2. AnonymousOctober 7,2022 at 4:11PM UTC

   I feel your pain, over and over again through this job search process. Hang in there, it will work out. I said these words to my kids as they were growing up and now I have to put it to the test and believe my words. I believe it for you too.

3. AnonymousOctober 7,2022 at 4:37PM UTC

   Did the recruiter give any info on when she would get back to you? Some businesses take FOREVER with the job search process. If she didn't give an expectation, I don't think there is any problem reaching out to her.

4. AnonymousOctober 7,2022 at 4:57PM UTC

   I'm having trouble connecting the dots here: how does a delay in a recruiter's follow up equate to age and weight discrimination? Sorry...but that's a bit of a leap unless she specifically said, I've decided to ignore your candidacy because of a bias towards your physical appearance and perceived age. Maybe you did nothing wrong and there were just stronger candidates.

   I understand your frustration about a delay in the response, especially if you're interested in this job but this board tends to jump to this discrimination default position a little too often.

   Is there a chance your recruiter is juggling a bunch of candidates, or is filling several positions at once? Maybe the client has been slow to respond. Frankly, I think daily email updates is a bit of an unreasonable request. As others have said, four days is not a lot of time.

   You have tremendous opportunity to follow up at the beginning of next week. You have zero insight into the recruiter and client and their circumstances. Approach this with curiosity instead of assumption. You have no idea who got Covid, or if a decision maker in on PTO. I can't urge enough caution in managing your frustration during this process. This will come through quickly to the recruiter.

   Best of luck in your search.

5. JenniferOctober 7,2022 at 5:44PM UTC

   The company pays for the recruiter, not the candidate.

6. AnonymousOctober 7,2022 at 6:37PM UTC

   Tuesday was just a couple of days ago. I'm sure they are interviewing other candidates. These things take time.

   In the meantime keep looking. Good luck.

7. AnonymousOctober 7,2022 at 7:00PM UTC

   You're not going to land an offer with each interview. No matter how fit and fabulous you are.

8. AnonymousOctober 8,2022 at 8:51AM UTC

   Don't equate 40 extra pounds with with losing your value. Blaming your weight for not acing an interview could set you spiraling into a negative pattern that will be hard to recover from.

9. Sparks Hope Anxiety Relief - TammyOctober 8,2022 at 11:12AM UTC

   Hi - I'd say, notice the sadness you're feeling. It's talking to you to notice something - some negative thinking, maybe?

   Is it really because in 2 days you haven't heard a response? Or is it because you are doubting and questioning and sadly, looking down on your body and age and imagining so are they?

   What if you acknowledged yourself for the awesome interview that it was and decide when you will follow up and not make up any negative story about not hearing back?

   Our minds make up stories, you are so not alone there. KNOWING we are making up stories to hurt us is so important. I spent a lifetime learning it's due to a lot of child abuse growing up. And still have to catch it on the daily.

   It's just practice. What cant you tell yourself INSTEAD that feels good and gets you back in action with following up for this better but not better job? I'd also ask if it's also not so favorable is it really the best one for you?

   If you got this interview you can find an even more favorable job. You've got this darling!!

   Big squishy hugs for health <3

10. Esther SchindlerOctober 8,2022 at 2:39PM UTC

    One of the hardest things to accept about job hunting is that it's a priority for you, but almost never is it a priority for them. Even if they care desperately about hiring someone, almost by definition the existing staff are stretched thin -- that's why they need a new person -- which means little time for the interview process.

    It is NOT usual to get a job offer -- or even feedback -- three days after an interview. As other people mentioned, they likely are interviewing other people. They have to find time to discuss the candidates ("which one do you think is stronger at Skill?"). They have other people who have to weigh in, and those people may be on PTO (particularly before/after this holiday weekend), or they may be out sick.

    None of those things have anything to do with you.

    Treat job hunting like fishing. Expect to waste a lot of worms before you get a fish on the line.

11. AnonymousOctober 9,2022 at 11:51PM UTC

    Best answer that I’ve seen yet Re: ghosting when interviewing. It has to be understood that the recruiter’s job is to find the ideal candidate. As much as we would like it, they don’t have the time or resources to follow up with rejected candidates and give feedback.

12. Cheryl WilburgOctober 10,2022 at 12:25PM UTC

    Nowadays, even a week or more

13. AnonymousOctober 8,2022 at 6:03PM UTC

    I think it might be easy to focus on weight and age as the reason but honestly it could be a million different reasons you were not a fit. Don't focus on what you assume and instead be grateful for the chance to interview and work on those skills. You will be that much more ready when that great fit presents itself.

14. AnonymousOctober 8,2022 at 10:16PM UTC

    While I agree that it could be for a multiple reasons, I'm in a similar situation. I've gained weight during COVID as I wasn't going to the gym and stayed home more than usual during the pandemic. Preparing for interviews, I make sure to be presentable but as soon as they 'meet' me rather than having phone calls, I'm noticing the over 40 and weight stigma. While I don't want to work for that kind of company, I do feel that women are harshly judged on appearance rather than experience.

15. AnonymousOctober 9,2022 at 11:41AM UTC

    OMG, here we go again! No job offer does not mean they’re taking a look at you and saying: she’s too heavy and is very clearly a few years beyond drinking age.

    You’re doing yourself a major disservice if you continue to use this as a crutch. At 40, you should be in the prime of your career…this age is not a death sentence!

    Please take a wholistic look at your resume and interview skills before you choose to suffer through your job search believing that people are not making a job offer based on your weight and age.

16. AnonymousOctober 9,2022 at 12:36PM UTC

    Many recruiters are not paid to help candidates.
    They are paid by their company and Staffing firm recruiters are paid once the candidate is hired. Corporate recruiters are paid by their employer. Many are not retained to help you. They work for their company, have high pressure to perform and are not interested in feelings. They are a great resource who have connections. Keep a good relationship with a few. Followup with your recruiter. Your internalizing and possibly creating a situation that’s not there based on your internal mindset. If you THINK you can get this or another job you WILL. Work on your mindset and the rest will follow. Good luck!

17. AnonymousOctober 9,2022 at 12:41PM UTC

    If the recruiter made negative comments about anything against EEOC standards, run. If you went to a company and retained / paid a headhunter, get feedback. Otherwise keep dating and applying. The market is competitive and is a candy store right now. Remember it’s the era of the “great resignation”. Keep looking.

18. AnonymousOctober 9,2022 at 12:52PM UTC

    How do you know the recruiter is making a lot of money? If you are working with a staffing firm recruiter they are not paid upfront. If you retained a headhunter from another source ask for feedback. Also as a former recruiter I gave every candidate a timeline and rules to engage so we had a good relationship. Expectations goes both ways as recruiters are many times ghosted. Don’t be afraid to drop a note then make a phone call. If crickets move on. It’s common they are looking at other candidates too.

19. AnonymousOctober 9,2022 at 6:51PM UTC

    Totally agree with these comments, and frankly, the recruiter getting paid to fill this position is 100% irrelevant to this OPs post.

20. rgstaffing@bellsouth.netOctober 10,2022 at 12:27PM UTC

    Absolutely. And don't call the company if you were presented through a recruiter.

21. Annetta MosesOctober 9,2022 at 6:13PM UTC

    Be patient, if you have not heard from the recruiter after 2 weeks call her.

    For age and weight discrimination, it exists. However, as an overweight person over 50, I have received multiple job offers. Make sure your skills are current and outstanding. You need to have the new skills that are taught in high school and colleges today not the skills of 40 years ago.

    Good luck.

22. AnonymousOctober 9,2022 at 11:53PM UTC

    I started a new career at 55 at the end of the last recession. It was in a new industry where I could use my skills. It’s turned out to be the best job I’ve ever had.

23. Crystal HowellOctober 9,2022 at 7:46PM UTC

    Follow up with recruiter maybe they no longer work thete,out sick or,? Try to flow up with HR,if you know the company.

24. Cheryl WilburgOctober 10,2022 at 12:23PM UTC

    Employers are extremely slow lately making notifications either direction. Follow up with the recruiter. And don't get disheartened. Everything has changed since Covid, even hiring protocol

25. rgstaffing@bellsouth.netOctober 10,2022 at 12:25PM UTC

    Firstlhy, there are no "big bucks" unless it is a retained search. There are no bucks at all unless the recruiter gets you in front of the client and the client hires you. I tell my candidates that i am going to present them and I will only call them back if the client agrees to see them. I will not call back with a "no" so that they can manage their expectations and understand the process. Good for the recruiter who was fast and furious to get you presented. Now it is up to the company if they will grant an interview. Trust me, she will call you if there is.

26. Michelle S.October 10,2022 at 3:50PM UTC

    I fully agree. When it comes to presenting to the client, no news is bad news. But if you are granted an interview, you should always get a response. I required my clients to give feedback so I could provide that feedback to every candidate. Made for a really great experience all around

27. rgstaffing@bellsouth.netOctober 10,2022 at 6:42PM UTC

    You are right Michelle. I have filled 97 full time, direct hire jobs this year so far and my clients are too busy to tell me why they won't see someone. I will however find out why they won't hire them. It is all about being clear with the candidate and sharing how you work, that you are a source and asking them if they have ever worked with a staffing service. Many of them have not and their expectations are unrealistic. There are not enough hours in the day for rejections unless you educate the candidate so that they understand how you work.

28. GirlBossanova934974October 10,2022 at 12:28PM UTC

    Recruiters don't call the shots! The company management team calls the shots. Most of the time these days, the company management carves out a day once per week to replace workers aka hire workers and the rest of the week goes to their day jobs. Then there are other candidates on the docket as well. Hiring is not going to happen in a few days in the vast majority of cases. Recruiters always want to get their candidate in front of the company as they realize they have to get you in THAT week's slate of interviews. The recruiter then runs off to the leads/candidates that are ready to close or not close.

29. Michelle S.October 10,2022 at 3:49PM UTC

    But, after years in the field, best practice for a recruiter is to follow up at least every other day or say, I’m asking my client for an update in a week or whatever. If you want to keep candidates, you have to treat them well and that includes giving consistent updates.

30. rgstaffing@bellsouth.netOctober 11,2022 at 6:08PM UTC

    A recruiter would be better served to tell the candidate that they have given feedback to the company and will notify the candidate if the company responds. Harassing the company every other day does nothing but setting yourself for being annoying so that the company does not want to work with you again. The recruiter would be far better served to get on the phone, cold call, make marketing calls and find somewhere else to send the candidate. Keeping candidates is educating them so that they understand all of this before you send them out. Sometimes, you don't have an update to give them and as someone posted, no news more than likely means bad news.

31. Cynthia Armistead NewmanOctober 10,2022 at 12:30PM UTC

    Don't assume. Contact the recruiter and ask for a status. Yes, she should have been in touch by now, but you never know what's going on with her or the company.

    I had nine interviews for my current job with significant amounts of time between the first ones, and no feedback during the gaps. I was shocked when they came back wanting more interviews! But it's a great job and I'm glad I hung in there and trusted the process.

32. Orlagh CostelloOctober 10,2022 at 12:36PM UTC

    I'm wondering why you would think it's age and weight related? I'd get in touch with the recruiter and see what they say.

33. Michele DarleyOctober 10,2022 at 12:50PM UTC

    Why do you think it’s your age and weight? How did the interview go? How many other people were interviewing for the same job? The recruiter might not have feedback and why don’t you reach out to them directly? Sitting and waiting and feeling sad accomplishes nothing.

34. AnonymousOctober 10,2022 at 1:49PM UTC

    I’m over 250 pounds and was hired for a client facing role in a multibillion dollar business. Age discrimination maybe, weight definitely not because I see bigger people than me across all walks of business. If an employer likes you, they like you.

35. Melissa MilliganOctober 10,2022 at 3:36PM UTC

    Denying that it happens because it didn’t happen to you is like denying racism because you know employed black people. It happens. And it happens a LOT.

36. AnonymousOctober 10,2022 at 2:57PM UTC

    I have questions:

    1. Did you follow up with the external recruiter?
    2. Did the company give you an idea of when you might hear back?
    3. Did you send any sort of follow-up to the company (a thank you, perhaps)?

    I ask these questions as I spent the first part of this year job searching. A couple of occasions I did work with external recruiters and a lot of the time, all communication was through them.

    Keeping in mind, too, that it looks like you posted this Friday and the interview was Tuesday. In the grand scheme of things, that's not that much time passing....as much as we would love for companies to move quickly.

37. Miranda McdadeOctober 10,2022 at 4:39PM UTC

    I think since recruiters are completely different people from the managers that they are finding talent for, the things that excite them may not be as impactful as they expect when they are then presenting you as a candidate to the employer. I've only been recruited by a third party twice, but both times I got the distinct impression that they liked me a lot, but for reasons that ended up being not that important to the person who was actually doing the choosing. For one I got strung along with promises about an eventual in person interview for weeks and then got an impersonal E-mail indicating they went with someone who was a better fit (this was a lie, the job remained actively listed for months after that). For the other the interview with actual management was a train wreck, less than 10 minutes in it was clear the organization was a bad fit for me and management had intense, unreasonable expectations.

38. Valentina Huang, MBA, SHRM-CPOctober 10,2022 at 6:48PM UTC

    Always follow up with the recruiter (especially if they are external). I don't know if you've had a long term relationship with this individual, but they should get back to you. Given that tomorrow will be a week, I think you should circle back and ask if there any updates on the position. Never assume.

39. Monica OlinOctober 10,2022 at 7:27PM UTC

    It might just be too early to hear back. The recruiter has to hear back from the employer. I know it's hard, but a week is a pretty standard time frame to hear back.

40. Stacey BellOctober 10,2022 at 8:15PM UTC

    Don't give up. The interview process takes time. The recruiter has to get feedback from the hiring manager. At times getting that feedback can be a challenge. It's a waiting game. I'm sure you sent the thank you note. And I would also send the hiring manager a LinkedIn invite and again express your appreciation for the interview.

41. AnonymousOctober 11,2022 at 1:38PM UTC

    I can empathize greatly. I was on a weight loss journey pre-COVID and struggled over the Pandemic hard, for many reasons including being a woman of a certain age. And I have been working from home in sweats and t-shirts for over two years now. Anything in-person stresses me out. I have a work trip coming up and had to force myself to try on real clothes to see what fit. Sadly, our culture values a specific standard of beauty and that can add a lot of psychological weight to already stressful situations. There are times in my career I felt limited by my appearance and that is hard to reconcile. And now that I am getting older, I am experiencing what so many women have for years, becoming more invisible with age. Last year a less experienced, less qualified and much younger coworker was promoted over me, and she is also the office mean girl. That hit hard. I'm looking for better opportunities and trying to keep my confidence up, because I know I am talented and have great skills. It does break my heart that the thing that stresses me out the absolute most about finding a new job is my weight and appearance. Know you are not alone.

42. AnonymousOctober 11,2022 at 2:02PM UTC

    I would urge backing off the leap into discrimination. You’re feeling sensitive about Covid weight (you’re truly not alone here) but nothing about being ghosted by a recruiter should trigger that response. It is unfortunate this is the new norm, but don’t let this give more weight (no pun intended) to your changes in physique. Don’t give that tiny aspect so much power over you and your career. Unless you applied as a model, they really likely couldn’t care less about your weight.

43. Cynthia Armistead NewmanOctober 11,2022 at 6:53PM UTC

    To be fair, most people DO care about weight. There are a fair number of studies showing that fat women earn less than our thinner sisters or even fat men for the same positions. Sizeism is just as real as ageism.

    I wouldn't leap to the conclusion that sizeism and ageism were the reason the recruiter ghosted her, since there can be many reasons for that. But they are real issues.

44. Esther SchindlerOctober 15,2022 at 4:57PM UTC

    I do grok what you're saying. Discrimination is real, whether it's gender, skin color, body shape, or something else.

    But I long ago adopted the attitude that there is no point in me expending (much) energy on the things I cannot control. If someone is going to think less of me because of What I Am instead of Who I Am, I probably cannot change their mind.

    Instead, it's wise to not-assume discrimination, and act as though it isn't a factor. If OP didn't get the job, and she was in a position to assume no-discrimination (like most white guys would be), what would her takeaway be? Probably, "I must have screwed up in the interview. What should I change about the way I responded to their questions?"

    Now, the problem might not have been a failed interview; there are a lot of other possibilities, not the least of which is, "The hiring manager already had another candidate in mind, someone with the perfect tech background for this job."

    But saying, "What could I do differently or better?" at least is a practical answer, and something that's in your control. If you explain away the failure as "It was discrimination," then you don't learn anything from the experience... and you don't fix the actual problem.

45. Cathryn C.October 12,2022 at 2:19AM UTC

    One thing I always told my clients as a head hunter was to check in with me in a day or two and to drop a thank you note to the HR person. Both actions can bring you to the forefront of the person's mind when they are busy interviewing several people. Ageism is real, but your age brings experience and a quicker uptake on the needs of the position. Emphasize that.

46. rgstaffing@bellsouth.netOctober 15,2022 at 6:57PM UTC

    The poster could have started off by thanking the external recruiter for working so quickly to secure an interview with the company. Instead, she bashed her and basically called her money hungry. She then went to criticize the company for not sending her a note . She then disclosed that she has gained 40 lbs and older to infer discrimination. I guarantee that this attitude seeped through and interviewers are very good at detecting things like this. I would suggest that she work through a temp service where they just send her and she can hopefully show her work skills. If you don't feel good about yourself, you are not going to interview well and laying blame will not help that situation.