Struggling With Workplace Culture and a Difficult Supervisor

10 Comments

1. Me!September 23,2025 at 12:57AM UTC

   Every work place will have issue(s). In this case you know the challenge, try to improve it, if you can. My suggestion, the only thing you can control is you, if the interactions are not going the way you would like change up what you’re doing. Consider if the feedback is an area you should improve. Sometimes others are looking to genuinely provide helpful feedback. Please remember no matter your age, experience, years worked or number of places you have worked throughout your career, either you are too young, too old, not experienced enough, too experienced etc... While you are the youngest someone else has an opposite experience (commonality can be found here). Start to cultivate individual relationships with each person. Try to learn something from everyone, if possible, worst case learn something new about yourself from the experiences (good bad or otherwise). Work places are opportunities to interact with people you may never have access to otherwise and generally include 3-4 generations. As you progress in your career remember how this feels perhaps someday you can be to someone else what you need now. You got this!

2. AnonymousSeptember 23,2025 at 3:05AM UTC

   The comments from your manager were about Eye Contact and Body Language. You can join a local Toastmaster public speaking to work on your body language and eye contact. Be sure to inform your manager about joining. Perhaps it will lead to fewer problems since you would be taking positive steps towards the request.

3. AnonymousSeptember 23,2025 at 9:58AM UTC

   This certainly isn't always the case, but sometimes in small towns, you find people who have literally known each other for years and don't welcome outsiders. It's unlikely that your supervisor or co-workers will change. However, the good news about small-minded people is that it's relatively easy to get on their good side. Bringing treats to work (unless they're all on a diet, in which case bringing coffee and some artificial sweetener might be a better choice) works well for this type of person, as does frequently complimenting them. Is anyone wearing a necklace that isn't absolutely hideous? Compliment it. New haircut that doesn't look like someone put a bowl on their head and cut around it? Compliment. But beyond the compliments and trying to make work more pleasant, enjoy your paycheck and enjoy spending time with friends outside of work. You don't have to be friends with your co-workers, even though it's nice when that happens. As long as you can do your job without punching your co-workers, you're OK. However, if you are miserable every day, and it takes every ounce of restraint you have not to punch those co-workers, then it's time to polish your resume and start looking elsewhere. Don't let the bullies get you down!

4. Lindsey CoffeltSeptember 23,2025 at 12:38PM UTC

   I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It sounds draining. You are not overreacting, and you’re not alone. Many of us have walked into workplaces where the culture feels more like a high-school clique than a professional team, and it’s unsettling when leadership seems to reinforce it.

   A few thoughts that might help:

   Your boundaries are healthy. Choosing to focus on doing great work and keeping your personal life separate is completely valid. Not everyone wants (or needs) to socialize after hours to be a valued team member.

   The feedback style is worth noting.

   Comments about body language and eye contact can sometimes be about coaching, but when they make you feel self-conscious or targeted, that’s a sign the delivery (or intent) may be off.

   You have options. You could document interactions and, if you feel comfortable, calmly clarify expectations with your manager (e.g., “Can you share examples of how this impacts my work?”). Or, if the environment consistently makes you anxious and undermines your confidence, it’s also okay to start looking elsewhere—leaving a toxic culture isn’t a failure; it’s self-protection.

   You’re building valuable resilience. Whether you stay or go, you’re gaining insight into what kind of leadership and culture you want to work with long-term.

   Ultimately, you deserve a workplace where professionalism and respect, not a “sorority bubble”, are the norm. Trust your gut; it’s already telling you something important. ?

5. AnonymousSeptember 23,2025 at 2:00PM UTC

   Did I read that right? Commenting on your body language?? What if you had a condition? Holy crap!

   as for eye contact- I do so when showing respect for someone- period

6. AnonymousSeptember 23,2025 at 3:37PM UTC

   Actually, this has happened to me and several other people that I know. It's an issue sometimes where older or more senior women will decide arbitrarily to take issue with younger female members of staff. It's very, very common. Unfortunately I don't have much advice other than to just be sympathetic. Once you have been there for at least a year I would recommend looking for other opportunities because this doesn't seem like a good long-term fit.

7. Paulla Fetzek, MSEdSeptember 25,2025 at 12:56PM UTC

   To start, I am sorry this is happening to you. Sadly, it's nothing new and from what you note, it almost seems like ageism in reverse.

   I believe any good relationship requires give and take. Having said that, I don't believe anyone should ever change who they are to fit in. You used the word "adapt". If you can adapt to that culture - while still maintaining your true self, then this may be something for you. But if adapting means having to chance who you are as a person, it's not worth it.

8. AnonymousSeptember 26,2025 at 4:44PM UTC

   “it almost seems like ageism in reverse.”

   Really interesting that you say this. For a few years here I’ve seen posts where people quickly jump to the conclusion that that they are a victim of ageism and all I could think of is how I was treated when I was a young college graduate when applying for jobs or trying to work in an environment of mostly baby boomers.

   Not the op by the way and I hope she finds her way!

9. Dr. Patty GrossSeptember 29,2025 at 11:32PM UTC

   So sorry to hear this. I remember stuff like this when I was in my 20s. Now at almost 70, there has never been a "social culture" at any company I have worked for. Sure, there have been cliques, some of which were toxic. I had people I considered friends at work, but we did not socialize outside of work functions, and consequently, I never socialized with them after the company and I parted ways. As you age, you will learn that the best you can do is the best you can do, and then go home. The company will notice, or maybe they won't, and you will decide to move on. It's best not to leave a place with relationship baggage.

10. AnonymousOctober 3,2025 at 4:34PM UTC

    Yes, I am sure we all have experienced similar things in our own jobs.

    Take the time during the next 1-1 to share with your manager that you are feeling a bit left out and that being new to the city and also different than the others on the team you want them to help you to figure out how to fit in better. If they truly are a good manager they will listen and help you. That is what a good manager is supposed to do. Keep it simple, don't complain and let her know that you are taking her feedback to heart. Yes, it is hard to hear feedback like that but adjusting to your surroundings not early in your career may help your growth in circumstances in the future as well. I'm not saying don't be yourself but find a happy medium for your work persona and use that to your career advantage. Good luck!