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Is it irresponsible of me to quit on my team and boss that rely on me?

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Is it irresponsible of me to quit on my team and boss that rely on me?

My stress levels from this job of several months is up the roof, I am losing appetite and weight and it is literally eating me up inside. I even sit in my living room thinking that there is only one way to end this (if you catch what I am saying) but thankfully am able to redirect my attention to all the good things in my personal life, phew, thank you Lord! I came into a bad situation that got worse (I got hired over someone else who was still with the company when I started, very awkward all around and then she resigned), and the culture is negative and stuck in the 90s. I could make it work with the culture, but my role is the real culprit.

I am seriously thinking about leaving without another position lined up, but I am an executive level and there is a lot of big initiatives and changes in the pipeline under my leadership. I just hired someone and another person on my team resigned. I've had to be very hands on with my team because I had been in the midst of training them (they pretty much got none before I came onboard), and my manager who is a C-suite is a micromanager and is not only controlling but I think wants my job too. I am ready to give it to her if she wants it that badly.

Given there is so much at stake here, and my team is heavily reliant on me on the day to day, there is turnover on my team, is it irresponsible of me to up and leave (of course with 2 weeks notice). I am at my wit's end and fantasize about resigning, every day. I know I will burn this bridge, and I can live with that. But I am more concerned on a human level of causing a huge burden on my team and my boss, even if she is a micromanager, I know her life may turn upside down when I leave.

Should I care this much, or suck it up and go onto greener pastures for myself?

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  1. Anonymous

    A job should NEVER consume you like this. As I have always been told, we are just in this job until we are not, they will replace us. If you do decide to leave, document everything you can think of to leave it the best light you can. Your mental health is more important than a job that is sucking the life out of you. You have noted the signs on the wall, follow them and find something that does not have you so stressed and full of doom about the job. I am also glad you did not move any further on your thoughts of only being one way out - it is only a job (i do not mean that in a bad way at all - but in all honesty) and they will replace you.

  2. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition Specialist

    Have you ever heard the saying "You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm."

    Being miserable, for the most part, is a choice. CHOOSE YOURSELF! CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY!

    What are you waiting for?! Fire up that resume and find a better job. And if it turns out to not be the better situation you were hoping for, fire that resume back up and do it again.

    Life is too short to be unhappy. If you feel you need permission to make a change - YOU'VE GOT IT!

  3. Anonymous

    I'm sorry you are dealing with this right now.

    With that said, you put you first. You are sacrificing yourself for your company, in the end, you are the one that loses.

  4. Anonymous

    My opinion is that, given that this is a key senior role and people are depending on you -

    1) you are ABSOLUTELY NOT REQUIRED TO STAY. Nope nope nope. Get that resume out there today. No job is worth it and no *work* is worth it. Start applying.

    2) it would be a kind and generous courtesy for you to give 4 week's notice. 2 weeks seems skimpy for a senior role. 3 if you can't stand 4.

    Good luck!

  5. Anonymous

    Dude, not going to read all of this as sitting on your floor thinking of another out, IS NOT what WE need YOU to DO! Anything ANYTHING after that is so not important if you're stress and heart are hurting. You first! You are worth it! How about turn this around, "Is it irresponsible of me to quit ME?" Yes, you are empowered and have the right of joy! Seek that Joy! Run towards that Joy! Anything after that, does.not.matter. You matter. Now, Go and Get Yourself some Self Joy!

  6. Anonymous

    You can leave. They will survive.

  7. Anonymous

    Take care of yourself first.

  8. Anonymous

    With all of the layovers going on surprised to see someone caring more about the company than their own well being. Do you really think when companies have to layoff employees that they worry about the emotional and financial toll it will have on those employees? No, they make a business decision and do what's best for their bottom line. You need to do what's best for your bottom line. Remember no one is irreplaceable

  9. Anonymous

    I agree with the previous poster. Companies rely on and expect absolute loyalty from their employees but can terminate them with or without cause (calling it a "layoff" or "reduction in force") at the drop of a hat. Remarkably, you want to work through this, but what is the cost to your mental health? You have already indicated serious symptoms, so please, please, please, take care of yourself first.

  10. Anonymous

    I agree that you need to prioritize your health. But keep in mind that you are in executive position and finding a new job at that level is not easy. Simply submitting resumes will likely not do it. So if you just quit it will take time to find a new position. You should absolutely start looking, but brace yourself. In the meantime think about how you can disconnect from the stress at work. Can you take this less emotionally, literally care less?

  11. Anonymous

    Health before material wealth is something I have learnt to bring into my life.

    Especially when I started taking on additional workload to deal with personal problems. Which was a silly and counter-intuitive coping mechanism. It got to a point where I stopped eating and slept 4 hours. My work place was also semi-disorganised but less than my personal life. In the end, I prioritised my mental health and quit my job to sort out my personal issues. I am so glad I did that because jobs will come and go. Mental health - once you lose a healthy mindset, everything can fall by the wayside.

  12. Anonymous

    Before doing something drastic (quitting or the other thing), consult with a psychiatrist or therapist. You may be able to get medical leave, which would give you time to heal and you can use that time to apply for other jobs.

  13. Joyce Breitweiser Hall

    Does your company have an Employee Assistance Program? That’s a good place to start. The program can help you with short-term coping skills and make recommendations for counselors.

  14. Christi Lopez

    Yes, going on leave could do wonders for you. I was going to suggest the same thing.

  15. Cyndy Trivella

    I fully appreciate your situation. A couple of things to consider here. To start, you and your health come first and that’s the bottom line. If your cortisol levels have you on high alert and thinking about things that are not mentally healthy, you need to remove yourself from the situation. Second, the fact that your company is placing so much pressure on you as an individual contributor, is not uncommon in today’s business world, but it appears that this is not your cuppa and that’s okay. This is a personal preference, so there is no right or wrong here. Third, you don’t need to necessarily burn a bridge when you give notice. Based on what you’ve stated, it sounds like you care a lot and will ensure you get everyone up-to-speed and trained on what they need to know. You may even want to go an extra step (if you’re so inclined), to leave process docs or short snippet videos with explanations for people to follow after you step away. Fourth and I state this only because I made this mistake years ago. Ensure you are in a good place to financially support yourself for at least 4 - 6 months. You don’t want to bring on any additional stress, so please review your expenses and determine when you can do this comfortably. Fifth, once you decide to make a move, you will begin to feel better about everything. Set a deadline for yourself and work towards a “Quit Date.” Focus on your transition knowing that you are doing this as part of a life improvement strategy. I know these situations aren’t easy, but try refocusing your time and energy and you will begin to feel better.

  16. Anonymous

    You come first! It looks like the job is toxic, if you can afford to be with out a job you can quit at the same time, search for another, take a break in between then work somewhere even for less $ because the stress can end you and all the money you make won't fix you. Remember Steve Job advice before he died. I also don't understand why we women are cruel to one another? How can we blame others for oppression when we are doing it to one another? I hear that a lot.

  17. Anonymous

    I was in this exact situation last year, executive level, work and team would fall apart if I bailed, stress was consuming my time outside of work & it felt inescapable. Yes it's not easy to find an executive level position so quitting wasn't an easy option with nothing else lined up. Work knew of the stress being caused as the enviro. was toxic and they were aware of it. Luckily I have a good therapist who helped me set boundaries & put my health first, and we came up with a plan together how to make this work 'work' until i can line up something new. Honestly if your company is in a difficult position with staff, they probably can't say no to a proposal from you if it means they can retain you. Use it to your advantage, the corp. doesn't care about your personal well being, so you must.

    I told my employer for health reasons i had to reduce my hours to p/t on XX date (a few weeks notice) and from then my work would be limited to a reasonable scope of work (key responsibilities i signed up for, no extras) basically placing the ball in their court and forcing them to act where they would not previously.

    So far it's been going well. I've kept my p/t schedule flexible but stuck to it since the new year, upper management is more engaged with the business, and I now have time to de-stress and plan a careful exit strategy. I hope you can find a way to make this work for you. Good luck!

  18. Anonymous

    GET. OUT. They would let you go without a thought of leaving you high and dry, you should do the same. It is not worth your mental, emotional, and physical health. Perhaps you should look into FMLA to take time to focus on your mental health prior to terminating the position. Get as much as you can out of them before you go.

  19. Anonymous

    Yes an executive, I'm sure you faced many challenges and stress in previous places of employment but as this is the only one where that "thought" has entered your mind, it's quite alarming. I'm glad you were able to redirect yourself. However, piggy backing off what others have stated, please put you first. If you can take a leave of absence or reduce hours (so much great advise down below! This community is awesome), please do. Reach out to your network and get some feelers out.

    You mention your team members' well-being but how can you help them when you are suffering? You mentioned that the situation was terrible prior to you onboarding. I commend you for caring about your team - this shows how wonderful of a leader you are but you will be of no use if you are suffering.

    Whatever you decide (stay, leave, reduce hours, etc.) as we cannot dictate it as we do not know your personal situation (job is necessary, emergency fund, etc.), I truly wish you all the best and hope you can update us with some wonderful news.

    Again, sending you all the wonderful and good luck vibes I can personally send to you (and everyone on this thread who is going through this right now).

  20. Kim Raper

    You need to leave that job now - no job is worth your health or your life. If you have even remotely had that thought, its past time to put this aside. You must take care of yourself and your mental health. Best of luck to you - but get out now. Take care of YOU - they will always find someone else to do the work....trust me.

  21. Anonymous

    Why do you have to burn a bridge? Turn in your notice now for whatever date it becomes effective and then start looking for another job. The thing about work is that you are not welded to your employer, unless it is the employer in town. If you can afford to be without work for a while, then do it now. If it would be better for you to have something lined up, then start looking. As soon as you have a signed offer, turn your notice in. It is always better to be able to say I left for a better opportunity than I couldn’t take it anymore so left.

  22. Anonymous

    Don't feel guilty. Do what you need to do for you. If you can afford to quit without something else lined up then go for it!

  23. Anonymous

    Mental Heath and personal well being should be your number one priority. Understand your dedication but things will move forward.

  24. Anonymous

    I have not read all the comments, but have you considered short term disability? I was in a similar situation and spoke with my doctor as it was really kicking my depression and anxiety through the roof. She provided me a note so I could start the process. The time off allowed me to meet with my therapist, doctor and holistic folks. This allowed me to really hit re-set and regroup. I did end up providing my 2 weeks notice and have been better for it.

  25. Anonymous

    This. If you're in the US you're likely eligible for FMLA. Take some and work on your own healing. It will also enable them to figure out how to be self-sufficient, and then come back with a plan for how things will be going forward, with your well-being at the center. If they backslide, then give notice

  26. Kat

    Get therapy to help you cope with stress and find a new job. Use your company's Employee Assistance Program and find a therapist. If you don't have one, see you doctor and get a referral. You need to find healthier ways to cope with stress (meds, yoga, therapy or some combo) than thinking about suicide. (Please call 988 or a friend next time that happens-your job is *not* worth it.)

    I've been in this situation. I worked in a busy, often chaotic office and felt guilty about leaving. I knew it would make things harder for my co-workers if I left. But I realized I had to put myself first. Put your energy into finding a new job that is a better fit for you. You inherited a bad situation and tried to fix it. But you can't-and that's ok. That's on the company, not you. If everything falls apart and everyone you hired quits after you leave, so what? It's not your problem. Prioritize yourself and your needs-not those of a company that makes you sick daily.

  27. Gwendolyn Free

    Hello Kat,

    In reading your current work situation, it sounds worse than mine! I have been in situations where I felt like I was heavily depended on by my manager and team, but you have to make a choice and take care of you first. If you are in a place to make changes, make them and start with yourself first. I've learned that loyalty doesn't lie in jobs or companies, but within oneself. Why stay in a chaotic work environment that causes you so much stress? Eventually, something has got to give! Please don't let it be you! The choice is up to you! I wish you all the best!

  28. Kat

    Gwendolyn, are you addressing me (Kat in case this doesn't show up as a direct link to your comment here) or the OP with your response? The job I mentioned in my post I quit years ago. I just want to make sure OP knows who your comments are directed toward.

  29. Anonymous

    You are not responsible for anyone else at work but yourself.

    Put you first.

    Your team, your manager, they can figure it out themselves.

    Never feel guilty for putting yourself first when it comes to the workplace.

  30. Peggie Arvidson * Career Consultant | Adoptee Advocate | Recruiter
    1. Would the team change their lives and risk their health for you?
    2. A company is made up of people, but all the people are replaceable to most companies
    3. Can you afford to go any length of time without a full-time income
    4. Are you willing/able to take a gap job (i.e., a part-time gig waiting tables/check out at the hardware store, etc)

    These are the points to think about.

    I've done it and couldn't be happier -

  31. Anonymous

    I think you need to take care of you, if you are thinking about doing something terrible to yourself it's way past the thinking stage of leaving. Just do it! Or at the very least get a doctor's note and step away to take time to process the situation from afar and then during that time to repair your psyche enough to look for new work. It ultimately should not spill over this much into your life that it means you would consider hurting yourself. As for the others, if you leave professionally - 2 weeks is it, then the others will do what is right for them. You can support their searches if they also choose to leave by helping in any way you can. Take care of you first please.

  32. Anonymous

    Nope. I would find another position, and then give them whatever notice your contract requires. Spend that notice transitioning your work to whomever is taking it on, and then leave and don't look back. You have to take care of yourself!

  33. Mich.Fr.

    You care way too much. At the end of the day, it's just a job, and you are replaceable there. Time to move on and take of and focus on yourself. They will figure it out.

  34. Anonymous

    No job is worth considering ending your life. Talk to someone about that, and get out of there. Try to line up another job if you can, but in this case, it sounds like it's "your job or your life" and you definitely deserve better.

  35. Anonymous

    Can you take medical leave and look for a new role during that time? You definitely need to see a doctor and let them know how you are feeling. Not sure what state you are in and if your state has paid time.

    I always believe in open communication and transparency, so my encouragement would be to see a doctor and have a transparent conversation with the person causing the reason you want to leave. You have nothing to lose when you communicate.

  36. Kerry Hogan

    Please move on as soon as you can. No job is worth your emotional well being and the physical toll it can take. Think about a plan that works best for you. Your coworkers will survive. You should not worry about them in your current state of mind if you can control that. If you can take a medical or personal leave to rest and plan your next step, then do that.

  37. Orlagh Costello

    No. Just... no. Find someplace you're not this stressed!!

  38. Amy Carissa Oliver

    If you are considering suicide, it's important to talk to a therapist or call the suicide helpline. You can call or SMS 988.

    In terms of your job: your workplace will never be as loyal to you as you are being to them. Never be more loyal to your workplace than you are to yourself.

    And importantly, a job is a just a means to an end. It is supposed to support the life you want to live by paying your bills, helping you save for vacations and retirement, and giving you some extra money to play with. Your job is not doing that for you right now. Instead your entire life is wrapped up in your job. It's okay to quit and go find another means to the end.

  39. Anonymous

    I'm sorry that you're feeling so overwhelmed! I am glad that you didn't make a fatal life decision. May I suggest that you go ahead and put in your 2 week notice? No employment is worth losing your health over. As an employee, you can care very much for the work you do and the team you're part of, but at the end of the day, employers want results that make numbers. They're not going to care as much as you do. I am speaking from experience. Taking time off between jobs could be a benefit you can enjoy to get yourself back into a healthy balance. Best wishes in your decisions.

  40. Anonymous

    Sometimes employers need to learn the hard way that they need more than 1 person in a position. When you leave they will be forced to face that.

  41. M C

    Please leave this position and ask yourself, and this is something I fully relate to and understand, so absolutely no judgment, only caring-ly asking, but ask yourself why you can allow something to hurt your health to extremes and consider some dire responses but you. are focusing on others? Why not ask about impacts on yourself first, then worry about anyone else...please take care of yourself first and give your notice or at least, find a job then do so, but I think it will be better for your spiritual, physical and and mental health to not stay here! No job is worth your life!

  42. Anonymous

    I am in a somewhat similar situation and I am applying to AT LEAST 20 jobs per day. I cannot just leave but as soon as I can I am OUT OF THERE! No job is worth your mental or physical health or your life. Not to sound harsh, but we like to think we are not replaceable but we are. The work will go on. I found this out when I was hospitalized for 2 weeks. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE (yes I am yelling) take care of yourself!!!!

  43. Anonymous

    I have your work ethic & similar job position. Felt the same way a few months ago. I waited too long to leave. I realize that now. Set your exit date in your head. Take some time off between jobs to chill for a bit & do some stuff YOU want to do. My job had become my identity. It was a bit of a transition but after about a week most if the stress disappeared. (Crazy, huh) I took a part time gig. Best thing ever! I had no idea how much the job had consumed me & taken away the little joys in my life. Put yourself first because the company will not. Ypur family will be there long after the colleagues are gone. …just sayin’. Good luck to you. I hope you figure out what is most important to you.

  44. Anonymous

    If it's affecting your health than I feel that it is understandable for you to take a leave of absence or resign. Your co-workers would understand as well. Could you speak with an HR business partner on a potential transition out of this role and transfer to another team? If you leave the company, you should provide feedback on your exit survey as well.

  45. Anonymous

    Hi everyone, OP here.
    First, thank you so much for these words of encouragement. I am happy to report that I have initiated therapy as I do need some professional help. The ironic thing is that I am a certified Mental Health First Aid, and I have let this job take control over my life. Thankfully I have hot lines on speed dial on my phone, in the case I feel like there is no way out again. I know it is temporary and there are other options, but in the moment, it seems impossible. I do care about my team and boss, but it is good to hear that I am replaceable, which is consoling to say the least. I survived the week with my EAP willing to lend a ear, and have made plans to spend the weekend with family and friends and not think about work and to clear my head. I am so grateful for this community, and I have the courage to train my mind to stop caring so much, and not fall into that very dark place, hopefully not again. Thank you again, and take good care of yourselves, just as you have advised me and helped me realize that I come first. That is an affirmation I will recite every single day.

  46. Anonymous

    I am so glad that you are taking time for yourself!!! Please remember to breath and not beat yourself up!

  47. Anonymous

    Even mental health therapists need therapy. Doctors need doctors and so on and so forth.

  48. Anonymous

    Nice that you care but your focus and energy are misplaced. This is not a good fit. Thus you feel the enormous stress and your body is crying out for relief. No one's fault. Just a situation that is not tenable.

    For whatever reason you want to point to, this scenario isn't working and your health is suffering. You remaining longer trying to make it work will cost you your health. Seems like a high price to pay for something you cannot make work.

    Sometimes it's just not a fit. No matter how hard you try to make it so. It's no one's fault.

  49. Cat Stravino

    Take care of yourself. Otherwise you are a drowning man on a sinking ship.

  50. Heidinni

    I know you care about those people but you have to think about this: It's nothing personal, just business. Ultimately they will respect you for doing what is right for yourself. I think with your experience you may be able to find a great job but I would try to lock something down first! You can always ask and look around to see if other departments in your company would want to bring you in, which could be a win/win as you learn something new and don't have to start over at a new company.

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