How to handle disrespect from another department's staff person?

Anonymous

June 28,2022 at 9:19PM UTC

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How to handle disrespect from another department's staff person?

In a meeting today, a colleague with whom I usually have a good rapport exploded in anger at me. It was unwarranted, and she was acting like a petulant child. It's also clear there are larger issues at play, and I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Later, I mentioned this to my boss and said it was borderline inappropriate but that I'd let is slide this time. My plan is to give her some time to cool off and then go ask her if we're okay. Should I expect an apology? Not sure how to address something like this when it's not my direct report.

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Julie SencionJune 28,2022 at 11:02PM UTC
Your plan is exactly what should be done. People often do not address situations like this due to a fear of confrontation . You mentioned that it seemed like the response was not about you but about other things. If you respectfully approach her to discuss what happened, how it made you feel and any way you can help her , is most likely the best opportunity to allow her to reflect on how others saw her behavior. If you focus on really wanting to understand and help her (giving her some grace), then you have the best chance of also letting her know her behavior was inappropriate. Like I said, your plan is what everyone should strive for but you can control anyone else’s reaction or emotions except your own so if she reacts negatively to the conversation, you have done your part.
AnonymousJune 28,2022 at 11:13PM UTC
I wouldn’t wait, I would have documented the experience in an email recounting everything and cc your mgr in the email indicating that you will not tolerate anything less that professional interactions. If it’s I’m writing with your mgr and her mgr on the cc she will think twice before doing that again. Because if item does happen again it will prove a pattern of hostile behavior that most work environments are required to take action on. No don’t approach her about it. She may get defensive and turn a situation into a he said she said.do it all I’m writing. Copy both yours and her managers, that will put her in check
Dr. Marie KellyJune 28,2022 at 11:18PM UTC
I genuinely do not believe that people (always) treat you the way they feel about you . . . sometimes they treat you based on their current state of mind. Does that mean they can treat you unkind and disrespect your boundaries? Absolutely not. If you have established a professional relationship and you are interested in mending this relationship, I think you should express how their behavior was not okay and moving forward the behavior will not be accepted.
Your feelings are valid. However, sometimes making demands on a co-worker when tempers are already high could result in a more toxic situation or environment.
At all cost, protect your peace.
Ask yourself will anything change after the apology is given?
I hope this was helpful.
AnonymousJune 28,2022 at 11:23PM UTC
Especially if you are in the US, Please keep in mind that many women are extremely fragile and even traumatized right at the moment. One of my staff called me in tears on Saturday (she avoids the news and asks us to minimize discussion of current affairs most of the time, but her husband told her Friday night) and has been really touchy so far this week. I'm having trouble concentrating on my work. Definitely reach out to her to see if she's ok, but approach it from the angle of asking if she's ok or if there's anything you can do to help since even in the midst of it you didn't really feel it was about you in any way.
AnonymousJune 29,2022 at 2:51AM UTC
Going in expecting a certain outcome might not be the right tact.
I would meet to talk and to better understand the situation.