Need advice.

39 Comments

1. Crystal HowellSeptember 30,2022 at 4:50PM UTC

   I would have told her before we left, he was not invited.

   Moving forward don't let it happen again, if she persists text your boss. Professionalism is viewed with our every move, you are representing the company, not a family vacation.

2. AnonymousSeptember 30,2022 at 7:06PM UTC

   I had suggested we drop him off at the Starbucks around the corner when I realized he was coming. That didn’t happen. We drive by Starbucks even though I pointed it out. She brought him in to the meeting.

3. Heather CutlerOctober 1,2022 at 5:48PM UTC

   I’m sorry you were put in that situation, this is not appropriate

4. AnonymousMarch 6,2024 at 8:23PM UTC

   There may be co-dependency issues but it’s not your issue to worry about. You have every right to talk with your boss about this so the coworker can be reprimanded. She’s a grown woman and doesn’t need a “handler” to accompany her on work visits. Remember how it made you feel. If it didn’t feel right it’s not. If she has marriage problems that’s not a work issue. If she does and wants to talk about it refer her to your company’s EAP program. Unprofessionalism was what this situation sounded like. Sorry you had to deal with this and it doesn’t damage your work reputation.

5. AnonymousSeptember 30,2022 at 5:10PM UTC

   Hmm, I've brought my spouse. Though he goes exploring and does not come to anything unless told (by me) that he can. That might be group dinners or such that are off hours team building events... though I did not bring him with the first one with a new company so I could feel out the culture. They would have been fine with it. But I would not bring him to an on-site customer visit. I would talk to your co-worker first. She may not have realized that it was awkward, or did and does not know what to do in the future. It may be a teachable moment.

6. AnonymousSeptember 30,2022 at 5:23PM UTC

   If her husband doesn't work for your company, it seems stranger that he came to the on-site customer visit. Did he sit in the lobby? Or was he in the meeting?

   You should talk to her first about why he was there at the customer. Maybe there is some sort of disability or her boss knew about it and said it was ok. In which case you can reply with something like "next time let me know beforehand, it caught me off guard and I think the customer noticed I was surprised."

   Based on what she says and how she reacts, then make the decision to talk to her boss or your boss about it. If there were confidential things discussed at the meeting that her husband shouldn't have heard, and you don't tell anyone, be prepared for someone to come to you about it and ask why you didn't report it. You can try saying that you thought it was weird but assumed that she had permission, but that excuse may or may not fly.

   Good luck! :)

7. AnonymousSeptember 30,2022 at 5:41PM UTC

   She needs guidelines here since she has no clue what professional etiquette is on these types of activities.

   Vety strange.

8. AnonymousSeptember 30,2022 at 6:36PM UTC

   If her boss is your peer- then I would just step in and say something along the lines of "I'm not sure how visits like this have been handled in the past, but I feel it's always better to have the attendees/employees attend a customer on site. It's less overwhelming and it makes it easier for the client". I agree that this really strange and she seems clueless.

9. AnonymousSeptember 30,2022 at 7:02PM UTC

   That does sound like it would be awkward. Have you talked to the coworker about it?

10. Sage SharpeOctober 1,2022 at 1:21PM UTC

    Depends? If the visit was meetings and formal, yes. If the visit was… a tour of a cool place, and very informal? Maybe talk to her about it?

    That said my jobs have been at very cool/fun “tour!!” facilities—people bringing spouses along if it’s a tour visit is pretty common.

11. AnonymousOctober 2,2022 at 1:39PM UTC

    That’s a good point.
    I live near Pixar, and it seems like people tag along with their employee friends and relatives to a ton of stuff. But I also have gone on plenty of business trips with my husband (who works in finance, not at a cool fun place) and never shown up to a meeting because that would be bananas. Context matters here.

12. JenniferOctober 2,2022 at 2:58AM UTC

    Did you get any weird vibes from the husband or their dynamic that could indicate she might be in a controlling, abusive, or otherwise unsafe situation? Who was driving to meeting, her or her husband? (Based on your previous comment, it didn't sound like you were driving.)

    I give people the benefit of the doubt whenever possible, but I struggle to believe that your coworker thought it was appropriate to bring her husband into the actual meeting with the client. People with such a poor grasp of the most basic business etiquette/professional norms are not usually in client-facing roles. Not for long, at least. And what spouse WANTS to go into someone else's business meeting, especially when the alternative is enjoying resort amenities for a couple of hours?

    I do think you need to tell her boss, but you should speak with her first to get a better understanding of her reasoning and if something bigger might be going on. My primary goal would be to make sure this was just poor professional judgment, not evidence of an unsafe situation. If I got the sense that it was the latter, I would ask gentle, non-judgmental questions as long as she was receptive and let her know that I'm here if she needs anything, even just to talk. I'd read up on the best way to handle these kinds of convos beforehand, though. At the end (regardless of reason), I'd let her know that I am going to mention to her boss that husband had been in the client meeting because you don't want her boss/leadership to be caught off guard if client mentions it.

    You need to CYA here and make sure that, at a minimum, your boss is aware as well, for the same reason as above. As the senior associate, why didn't you inform coworker/husband that husband could not be in the meeting? It sounds like you suggested an alternative (Starbucks), but you didn't mention that you explicitly stated that husband was not permitted to join.

    I hope your coworker just made a mistake, and that nothing else is going on. Good luck!

13. JYJOctober 2,2022 at 1:58PM UTC

    That is great insight. I wouldn't have thought of a potential abusive situation. I pray that's not the case for this woman and that it was just a clueless decision on her part. Thank you for bringing this up.

14. Lori Laurito BetzOctober 2,2022 at 5:40PM UTC

    As someone in social services I think this is a great suggestion for how not only cover all the bases professionally but also make sure there’s nothing sketchy going on

15. AnonymousFebruary 7,2023 at 10:46PM UTC

    My first thought was that the husband may be one if those guys who thinks that anytime their wife goes on a business trip it’s nothing but “shenanigans”… and the only way she’s “allowed” to accept such an assignment in her career would be for him to go along. Been in that boat and it’s embarrassing and stressful, not to mention potential a career killer…. An honest and empathetic discussion with your coworker could reveal a tough personal situation and not a blind lack of professional etiquette. Tread lightly, but be vigilant for other indications of possible abuse. Good luck.

16. AnonymousOctober 2,2022 at 12:31PM UTC

    That’s strange and awkward. I can’t imagine how you even introduced him during the meeting and they’d wonder why there’s a husband attending. Definitely talk to her about it and next time insist he does not show up. Don’t even have him drive you guys, expense a cab to the firm(which is the proper way anyways). I work in a sensitive client facing role, I could have legal complications having even unrelated employees join a meeting much less a random spouse.

17. Michele DarleyOctober 2,2022 at 12:45PM UTC

    Completely inappropriate to bring him to the meeting. If you don’t want to have the conversation with her yourself, I would definitely speak to her boss. That is a very inappropriate and make your company look good. I would tell her boss before a someone from the company you went to visit mentions it.

18. AnonymousOctober 2,2022 at 12:56PM UTC

    Is the tour available to the public too?
    Was any business discussed?

    Do you work in a small, local family run business? Like roofing? Does the husband play a role in the business occasionally? In an office setting it is inappropriate. In a small family business anything goes.

    I’d suggest speaking with her boss. Let her boss be the one to tell her.

19. Amy ConwayOctober 2,2022 at 1:12PM UTC

    Why not speak with her directly about it? Also does your company have any policies around this? I would just ask her about it, you never know maybe she asked and was told it was ok.

20. AnonymousOctober 2,2022 at 9:52PM UTC

    It's totally fine to bring him on the trip (in my opinion, as long as his expenses are being covered by the employee and not the company), but bringing him to the customer appointment was over the line and should not have happened. Professionally embarrassing, personally mortifying.

21. AnonymousApril 9,2023 at 2:51PM UTC

    Agree

22. AnonymousMarch 6,2024 at 8:15PM UTC

    Agree as well. This is not daycare. The husband can be a grown up and do something else while his wife works. Unreal.

23. Ciera PrattOctober 3,2022 at 4:09PM UTC

    I was thinking the same thing, maybe she mentioned he was coming and they said to bring him. Or perhaps she thought his insights could be helpful. The point is, it's totally fair to ask why she didn't have him do something else while they were at the meeting. If it was just an oversite, it's also a good time to let her know that next time you'd prefer he not attend. After that, I would definitely let her supervisor know.

24. Kristie WhiteOctober 2,2022 at 2:04PM UTC

    i think this is unprofessional. She was getting paid to represent the company, her husband was personal time and a distraction. Business conversation would be awkward due to confidentiality. And she also pulled focus, grabbing more attention from the client. If her boss is your peer, I would speak to her/him. But be sure your reasoning is about how it impacted the customer relationship and doesn’t look like jealousy. Many times, the more personal touch improves the business relationship. Your peer and co-worker may both see this as that kind of smart move.

25. Audrey KirschOctober 2,2022 at 3:27PM UTC

    Is there an opportunity for a meeting with bosses to discuss how the trip went with your coworker involved? The topic of her husband may come up naturally if she doesn’t realize that bringing him along was a problem. Or the customer may have already reached out to a boss and mentioned it. If neither happens, you can mention that you would feel more comfortable on any future trips if spouses were not included so the concentration can be on work. You will reach the same result without directly criticizing her.

26. Shanna WilliamsOctober 2,2022 at 4:27PM UTC

    If I was the customer and you came to pay a business call and one of the team brought their husband, I wouldn’t want to meet with you. I want to discuss the business that we do together, not make awkward small talk with someone’s spouse. You’d probably end up losing my business.

27. Dr. Patty GrossOctober 2,2022 at 6:08PM UTC

    I once went to a site in a town where my mother-in-law lived. Lo and behold, when we showed up at the site, she was sitting in their lobby, waiting for us. It was awkward and uncomfortable. She did not attend the meeting with us and just stayed in the lobby so we could all go out to lunch afterward. I was called on the carpet for it and became the laughing stock at the next staff meeting.

28. AnonymousOctober 2,2022 at 6:10PM UTC

    Talk directly to the coworker. I would have shut that down the moment he approached, while at the popular destination. Before the appointment started with the customer, I would have pulled the coworker assigned and made my point and hubby would have to stay in the car and out of the way. But since you are past that. Have the 1 on 1 conversation with the coworker. You do not have to tell the boss, but send an email in writing proving you had the discussion. So that if it happens again, you have a history logged. If you think it was an honest mindless mistake, you are better off having the 1 on 1 with the coworker if you want to keep a positive rapport. However, if you tell her boss, that could be the end of the positive rapport. But that is totally your call.

29. AnonymousMarch 6,2024 at 8:12PM UTC

    Sounds like this situation is in the past or is it currently happening? Either way tell your coworker you would feel more comfortable if her husband did not attend any work meetings. If she refuses let your colleague know this isn’t professional to have a family member tag along. This is very unprofessional and your colleague should know better. Our friends and family do not need to hang out with us at work. There really is a space issue here. Very odd to me. I would have shut this down prior to the meeting. It tarnishes your reputation and your colleague’s. Keep us posted what happened.

30. AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 9:24PM UTC

    Snitches get stitches.

    Seriously though. Its likely word already got back to your boss via the customer (I mean, how was he even introduced?). Talk to the coworker, express your feelings of it being appropriate that he tagged along for the visit. Maybe she had already vetted it with her boss?

31. AnonymousApril 9,2023 at 2:31PM UTC

    I agree. When you around turning people in your make a lot of enemies.

32. AnonymousOctober 10,2022 at 2:41AM UTC

    It should have been YOU to speak up about it being inappropriate having a family member in a work situation.

33. AnonymousOctober 10,2022 at 6:31PM UTC

    I did. We discussed dropping him off at several different locations. I even pointed the one around the corner from the office to her but she drove by.

34. AnonymousJune 9,2023 at 1:53AM UTC

    If possible see if this was her first trip. There is a possibility of a jealous, controlling husband.

35. AnonymousSeptember 8,2023 at 12:57PM UTC

    So you are going there with the husband comment!!!!! Really.

36. AnonymousOctober 22,2023 at 2:39PM UTC

    To be fair, I don't know any level headed, self aware humans that would come to a client meeting in another city. It's a violation of client trust, potentially security, and could be a legal issue if the employees signed an NDA. But this sounds like a husband AND wife issue.

37. AnonymousSeptember 8,2023 at 12:59PM UTC

    It looks like you commented on your own post.

38. AnonymousOctober 22,2023 at 2:36PM UTC

    Does bringing him along violate any NDAs or security of information for your company or the client? Does the client realize he's a random tag along and could escalate the situation afterwards? If so, absolutely protect yourself to avoid being associated as much as you already might be with this issue.

    If it doesn't have major affect on the client or your job safety, then I'd simply talk to the coworker and explain that it's not only inappropriate but could cost you both a client if they were to find out a non employee is privy to their info.

39. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 6:40PM UTC

    I recently started an HR position within a sales company. I was told that I’d be sitting at the reception desk on the first floor of the building isolated from the rest of the company. I am constantly interrupted by deliveries, Uber eats and noisy coworkers coming in packs for breaks, lunch, etc. The atmosphere when they do enter my space is unprofessional. There is a fair amount of cursing and talking loudly to the point that I lost two candidates because of the “unprofessional environment.” I’ve asked to be placed in an office, so that the rest of the staff does not continue to think that the HR coordinator is my manager, I am a receptionist and an inexperienced admin. My requests have been refused. I am instead told that in 7 months, the company will be moving to a new space where I’ll probably have an office. Also, the staff is quite juvenile and management aren’t open to new recruiting methods to ensure more maturity in the hires. Any assistance on either issue is welcomed.