I have observed that I am a bit clumsy during the days of my period. Yesterday I forgot to turn off my car before entering the office. My manager noticed my car wasnt turned off and kept asking me if I was ok all through the day.

36 Comments

1. Rae Charlton WagonerNovember 16,2024 at 2:34PM UTC

   I think that doing so would feed the stereotypes we’ve all worked hard to defeat.

2. AnonymousNovember 16,2024 at 2:46PM UTC

   I think that is risky, and I suggest you first bring this up with your primary care doctor or gynecologist. There may be other ways to address this that don't put you at risk for bias issues. If you need to work at home for a few days a month, you could ask if it could be an ad-hoc or rotating option for up to five days a month to save you the stress of the commute and balance your family life and put some parameters around how many consecutive days and other restrictions (check-ins on Zoom, etc.). The problem comes when one of the days you must stay home is when your boss needs you to be onsite for some reason (mandatory meeting, for example).

3. AnonymousNovember 17,2024 at 1:46PM UTC

   I totally agree that this is a risky play. If you reveal that you have brain fog during your period, any work place deficit will be attributed to your monthly cycle and you being hormonal. This is a genie you won’t be able to put back in the bottle. As others have said, certainly get this checked out but I’d have serious concerns about introducing this at the workplace. If I went to my boss with this, I’d be laughed at and told to figure it out. Not because she lacks compassion but because it boarders on an extraordinary reason to WFH. Take the PTO days if you truly need time to work through period brain fog.

4. AnonymousNovember 16,2024 at 2:52PM UTC

   First make sure to go to your doctor and get checked out to make sure the forgetfulness and stress isn't due to something more serious. Being a mom of two and working is a lot but many women do it without this level of stress. A hormonal brain fog is often a more complex but treatable condition.

5. AnonymousNovember 16,2024 at 3:48PM UTC

   The forgetfulness happens to me like twice or three times a year. It's not very often. The other thing I noticed is that this doesn't affect my work. I tend to complete my task really fast, but I could forget to close by car windows or forget my phone in my car.

6. AnonymousNovember 17,2024 at 8:47AM UTC

   Even if you want to disregard it, I would still get checked out. You may be able to address it simply. Why put your health on the back burner when you have kids?

7. AnonymousNovember 16,2024 at 9:50PM UTC

   That sounds like low iron. I get "period brain" as well and the first two days I'm so out of it. Taking extra iron does help a little.

8. JB09718November 17,2024 at 3:35AM UTC

   First, I would get in with doctor to discuss symptoms and get it documented in my medical records. I would have a separate conversation with your boss about working remotely but I would not reference anything about your period. I prefer to keep my personal matters personal and separate from

   work. Another reason, if you request any specifics (number of days, reoccurring specific dates, etc) you will lock yourself in to that if he approves. I would see if he would be open to occasionally working from home instead of taking time
   off to give yourself some flexibility. (ex: kids are sick, you’re sick, car trouble, house repairs, etc.) Balancing littles with work is hard enough, some
   breathing room would help!

9. AnonymousNovember 17,2024 at 2:41PM UTC

   I also recognize that I have brain fog 2-3 days per cycle. I tend to save lower-decision-demand work (updating tables, etc) for those days.

   In some of my jobs, coworkers have even noticed that I seem “sick” and less sharp than normal.

   I best like the suggestion to request 5 flex/wfh days per month. They don’t need to know why.

10. LaDonna CollinsNovember 17,2024 at 3:14PM UTC

    I think asking for flexibility is good idea, but would not say the request is related to your period. Doing so could create bias in hiring other women. I worked on an all female team, and one lady called to request a work from home day, every month whenever her period started, with no prior notice. It created chaos and a lack of respect from other female employees, because she said I started my period today.

    Maybe address issue with your PCP before talking to your boss.

11. AnonymousNovember 19,2024 at 2:14PM UTC

    Bias hiring women would also be illegal. Women have period and we should stop trying to mask as men, when we really have different needs.

12. AnonymousNovember 17,2024 at 3:53PM UTC

    Sorry you are going through this! I don’t know how large your company is and what state you are in- but you should seek an accommodation through your companies iADA process. This is protected activity so you would not need to disclose to anyone other than the stakeholders who handle your actual information- there are steps you will need to follow and this is protected activity . Read up on accommodations in the workplace.

13. AnonymousNovember 17,2024 at 3:56PM UTC

    Why not speak to someone in HR or one of the women who has this special WFH thing. Ask them who they went to for approval and find out if you can as well. If not get a doctors note and have it be generic since your Manager (note I did not say Boss) doesn't need to know the specifics of your personal cycles.

14. AnonymousNovember 17,2024 at 4:37PM UTC

    As a former healthcare worker, some of the symptoms you’re describing sound like ones associated with PMDD (pre menstrual dysphoric disorder). If you look into that condition and talk to your doctor about it, you’ll be able to get an accommodation and articulate to your boss how necessary this will be for you to succeed professionally.

15. maria roseNovember 17,2024 at 5:57PM UTC

    Seek help first to address what is causing your physical symptoms which could for other reasons than your assumptions. Your primary care doctor should be able to narrow down the cause and give you better advice for dealing with the symptoms than just resting. You, the OP, don’t mention your age, but you do mention you are a mother with children ( another cause of fatigue) and no mention of how long you have been working at this position which is noted as not a WFH position. Again if your symptoms are persistent and should have been noticed by yourself then your primary care doctor should be your first step in addressing and treating them. You should be able to tell them exactly and explicitly all your physical symptoms to aid in treating this and if you need any ADA modifications to your work schedule to be able to take off from work if needed when symptoms flare up. Without a proper physical examination and test results , I can only assume that these symptoms were always occurring ( except during pregnancy) as a symptom of an undiagnosed condition (PCOS) that was overlooked and not tested for or not discussed. Many patients have assumed that pain and inattention is just a normal symptom of menstruation because of poor understanding of how their body functions. That being stated, I just have one other thought/question for the OP, since it was mentioned—the underlying issue of not being able to WFH knowing that the job they have is not a WFH position. Again not knowing how long the OP has had the job, does create a vagueness issue. Obviously if there is a specific physical reason for a need to be able to take a day or two off ( without prior notice and no consequence to work status) is one thing—but to be looking for a way to change the present job position into a WFH position is another direction to the discussion. I just want the OP to be clear with what is their endgame in accommodations at work. We do want to give the OP the best information for the right situation.

16. AnonymousNovember 18,2024 at 1:06PM UTC

    This is a health issue, take care of that. I'm struggling, just being transparent, to now use a 'period' as a reason to WFH. I feel we will lose decades of hard work to equality. It's not a disability. If you noticed a trend you need to go to a doctor. Now don't hate on me, I do know some each month can be debilitating, let's not give up.

17. AnonymousNovember 18,2024 at 2:05PM UTC

    It would be naive to dismiss this as common with a period. I would check it out with your doctor. It is not serious now but always be cautious. You're a mom of two. Just be careful.

18. AnonymousNovember 18,2024 at 2:32PM UTC

    you need to see your primary care provider and discuss PMS and PMDD. You left your car still "on" whilst at work? That is VERY concerning. this is indeed a health issue. a serious one.

19. Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachNovember 18,2024 at 2:35PM UTC

    I agree that a talk with your physician is an important first step. This is a bit beyond typical irritiability during the period-- it sounds like it is impacting your ability to function. See your doc for tests- if it rises to a level of disability, if you are in the US and the company is greater than 50 employees, you can request intermittent FMLA, or as another poster commented, a flexible schedule as part of reasonable accommodation under the ADA. The paperwork does not require a diagnosis so your boss need not know if it is period-related. Also, they may identify something and be able to provide you treatment that helps.

    Whatever happens- yes, you can ask if you can work from home a few days a month. I would try to avoid telling him the underlying cause. That could result in him treating you- and other women he might hire-- differently in the long term. First have a heart to heart with your physician about what is going on.

20. Peace OutNovember 18,2024 at 5:59PM UTC

    I can't help but wonder if you perhaps have ADHD exacerbated by your monthly cycle. This does happen.

    I was diagnosed later in life (40) with ADHD and I definitely have my moments. I recall a few years ago leaving my vehicle running while attending a one hour yoga class.

21. AnonymousNovember 19,2024 at 1:48PM UTC

    Look up PMDD and check your symptoms. May be grounds for ADA accommodations if valid!

    -a therapist

22. WandaNovember 19,2024 at 1:55PM UTC

    The very first thing that you should do is consult with your primary care physician. It's easy to want to self-diagnose, but until you get everything checked out, you're only guessing. After your checkup and if there is a diagnosis then approach your manager to discuss alternate work arrangements. Also, make sure that you have a doctor's note in hand when you meet with your manager. All the best to you!

23. AnonymousNovember 19,2024 at 2:04PM UTC

    Is a scientific fact that women can have a decline in cognitive abilities during the period. The way our period works is in part controlled by glands in our brain, plus the increase in inflammation, fatigue, and other symptoms also affects our execution. While is true that OP would need a medical note to request an accommodation, is quite rude to tell someone that is obviously struggling that could be nothing and she could be “self-diagnosing”. That by the way, most cognitive problems are initially self-diagnosed, because we could identify struggles other people can’t see.

    By the way, some conditions take years to reach a diagnosis. Reasonable accommodations should accommodate symptoms even if the person doesn’t have a final diagnosis. Actually, the only information the doctor will provide is the accommodation the person needs to deal with certain symptom, they never write a diagnosis even if the person has it. So telling a person that has to wait until they get a diagnosis to request an accommodation is not even legal.

24. WandaNovember 19,2024 at 6:01PM UTC

    No, it wasn't meant to be rude. Just a cautionary tale. Hey, I don't know about anyone else on this planet, but I'm guilty of doing that very thing, self-diagnosing any ailment that I'm inflicted with. It's easy to do but quite often, I'm wrong and it turns out to be something completely different. Sure, the OP may not need a doctor's note to get the work schedule that's needed. She knows her body better than anyone else would. So, please don't misconstrue what I'm trying to convey. No harm was intended.

25. Tami L CannizzaroNovember 19,2024 at 4:23PM UTC

    I agree that it may be best to seek your physician's input as a back-up. She is in a great position to say, "yes, medically speaking, you need this accommodation" - and that should carry weight in the eyes of the company. I know it *shouldn't* be necessary, yet if it were me, I'd rather have it ready just in case I needed it. Again, you may not need to use it; it's simply a back-up.

26. AnonymousNovember 19,2024 at 2:08PM UTC

    If you want time to work remotely, then ask your boss for that. Being clumsy and not feeling well during menstrual cycles is, unfortunately, normal. Don’t blame your desire to work from home on your children and period.

    Signed,

    A woman with children and periods

27. AnonymousNovember 19,2024 at 4:05PM UTC

    This is dismissive and exactly the kinds of responses women get from men. This disregards a number of things: 1) not all women are the same; 2) not all period symptoms are the same or occur with the same intensity; 3) not all jobs are the same; 4) not all kids/households are the same.

    OP didn’t ask how you deal with your symptoms. She asked how she could seek a reasonable accommodation for something she’s experiencing. Blowing her off by telling her to suck it up is exactly why women don’t come forward about things they’re experiencing in their own bodies. Our bodies are nothing to be ashamed of and the changes our bodies go through are real, they have serious impact on our day to day, and they’re constantly changing throughout our lives. I hope you show more compassion for others in your real life than you’ve shown here for someone who chose to be vulnerable.

    Signed,

    Also a woman with periods, small children, and a work from home job.

28. AnonymousNovember 19,2024 at 6:19PM UTC

    That’s a heck of a lot of projection you placed on my response. Working from home is a reasonable accommodation, and it sounds like OP would benefit from it. But I wholeheartedly believe that saying it’s because of her children and her period are more likely to be dismissed as “women’s issues”, which doesn’t benefit her or anyone else.

29. AnonymousNovember 20,2024 at 4:59PM UTC

    Your response was a full projection, but then you accuse someone else of projecting. Your response was nasty, assuming that if you could deal with your situation, then everybody can. Your response was uneducated and ableist, based on your personal experience, but you have the audacity to tell someone else they are projecting. I hope at some point you stop judging other people and proceed to evaluate your own self.

30. Hold on Lee LouNovember 21,2024 at 8:28PM UTC

    That's not really how your original response was worded. It sounded like you meant that you don't have any problems juggling a career, children, and your menstrual cycle, so OP's problem is just that she wants to work at home. You can edit or clarify if that wasn't what you intended.

31. AnonymousNovember 20,2024 at 4:54PM UTC

    Your personal experience doesn’t represent every woman. There is a reason why accommodations exist. Your comment is dismissive and very disconnected from the reality. Congratulations with your perfect period and health, not everybody is that lucky. I hope you don’t have employees under your supervision, because a response like this would be liability for the company and harmful for the employee.

    Signed,

    A professional woman with endometriosis and cognitive disabilities that has been able to continue with her career because the law protects people like me from people like you.

32. AnonymousNovember 19,2024 at 2:10PM UTC

    To get an accommodation all you have to do is initiate the request with HR. Check your employee manual to see if the company has a process established. Usually your supervisor doesn’t know the details and the negotiation is done with HR. They should be able to provide you with what papers your doctor has to sign. I suggest you read the EEOC laws about accommodation in advance. Askjan.org is another good resource to learn how to navigate accommodations.

33. AnonymousNovember 19,2024 at 4:11PM UTC

    Asking for time to WFH can definitely just be a reasonable accommodation for a medical issue. But it can also be a way to reduce burn out, and increase better work life balance. These are things that could benefit everyone. Perhaps there are others who may also want the opportunity but never raises it. But if you feel like you need to be home a couple days occasionally then it’s a great idea to see your doctor, document your symptoms and then speak with HR. You don’t have to disclose the specifics to your boss at all.

    You may also want to see if your doctor can help you find something to help with your focus. Brain fog is a very common symptom during and a few years after pregnancy, and also during perimenopause & menopause. So depending on where you are in your life you could be experiencing any number of symptoms related to PMS, PMDD, or menopause. And they’re not just in your head. Those are real things that affect the way you navigate the world. Make sure you talk to a physician who is understanding and listens and doesn’t just brush you off.

34. Hold on Lee LouNovember 21,2024 at 8:30PM UTC

    Definitely get your iron levels checked! It can be difficult navigating menstrual/hormonal issues with a doctor - mine is a woman and has still dismissed my concerns. But, an iron test is a pretty basic lab that is easily measured. I now take an over-the-counter iron supplement about every other day and it really helps with fatigue/brain fog.

    It's not the be-all/end-all answer to all of my problems, and it probably won't be for yours, but it's an inexpensive and simple step in the right direction.

    Also, I hope you're getting support at home so you can get adequate rest!

35. AnonymousNovember 26,2024 at 4:25PM UTC

    Can you get a note from your dr? We had an employee with PMDD and she had a note which basically meant we had to honor the few days a month she needed to wfh.

36. Carol LawrenceJune 10,2026 at 10:04AM UTC
    That sounds very familiar. During my period I sometimes become absent-minded too, and small things that I would never normally forget suddenly slip my mind. Leaving your car running is definitely one of those moments that can happen when you're tired or distracted. At least your manager noticed and checked on you. Funny enough, I recently used https://epicvin.com/es/vin-check-by-state/michigan before buying a used car, and it helped me avoid a lot of uncertainty. We all have off days, especially during that time of the month.