HR Reps: Have you ever worked with someone...

12 Comments

1. AnonymousJanuary 8,2025 at 7:04PM UTC

   There will be no change in behavior until there are consequences. Extricate yourself, stop trying to make things right with this person. Communicate with them only when necessary and include your boss of their's if emails escalate. This person sounds like a petulant child.

2. AnonymousJanuary 8,2025 at 7:08PM UTC

   Thank you, I appreciate your advice and will follow it.

3. AnonymousJanuary 8,2025 at 7:25PM UTC

   In what capacity are you approaching them? As a peer or as HR? If as a peer, it's really not your place. This is behavior their manager needs to address (and with guidance from HR if/as necessary) if it is or becomes problematic for the individuals that need to work with this person. If you work IRL with this person rather than remotely, maybe anonymously drop an EAP flyer on their desk.

4. AnonymousJanuary 8,2025 at 7:36PM UTC

   Since the dynamic has changed, I approached him as HR. I even brought up resources like EAP if he felt like he needed them and said I would be more than happy to get him in touch if he needed it. His response was, "Do what you feel like you need to." I plan on letting our boss know that I am concerned. I don't anticipate my peer to stay with the company which makes me sad. I hope I am wrong on that, though.

5. AnonymousJanuary 8,2025 at 8:48PM UTC

   Is your actual role HR? Unless this person is a workplace danger to himself and others, you being concerned is dicey. This will backfire on you at some point.

   If I had a colleague that suggested I use an EAP because we didn't get along with each other or there were personality conflicts...I'd file a formal complaint with both my boss and HR. I'd go scorched earth. You don't have to be friends with everyone and I'm guessing there's nothing in your code of conduct that says it's a HR violation to be an ass hole. Tread lightly...

6. AnonymousJanuary 8,2025 at 9:32PM UTC

   I am HR, that is why I was hoping to get other HR reps on this with their experience. The EAP wasn't suggested because we are not seeing eye to eye right now. It was suggested because of multiple negative interactions with myself and other employees on a professional level. Someone doesn't necessarily have to be a threat to the workplace and others before intervention. Mental health comes in all shapes and forms and so do cries for help, without actually asking for help.

7. AnonymousJanuary 8,2025 at 10:03PM UTC

   And I apologize for sounding frustrated. I struggle with not being able to fix situations sometimes.

8. AnonymousJanuary 8,2025 at 8:52PM UTC

   Okay - did someone come to you and say "hey, this person is being a grumpy ass" and you then approached? What is your role exactly? We all know that, in general, people love to hate on HR. If you took it upon yourself to approach him because he was snapping at people, that was likely not the right move to make. This is something his direct supervisor should have handled (and if not comfortable in doing so on their own, then consulting HR on this and possibly having HR as a part of that conversation).

9. AnonymousJanuary 8,2025 at 9:28PM UTC

   I understand that completely. Unfortunately, the behavior has been directed towards me as well as others. Honestly, from past experiences, if there have been instances where there was a conflict between other employees he has responded to me normal. So I can tell this time, something else it going on.

   I haven't intruded on his personal life and have only asked him how I can improve our working relationship as it seems to have hit a speed bump lately. Even conversations about work where I would like and need his input, his answers are curt and abrasive. For a recent example, I asked for him to weigh in on a topic in an email between us and our boss and he has not answered it.

   He snapped on our boss the other day, who spoke to him about it, also. So our boss has seen these outbursts himself.

   It started a few months ago, and after the board retreat, it became progressively worse. I feel like he does not feel valued as the board wasn't exactly behind one of his ideas.

10. AnonymousJanuary 9,2025 at 2:52PM UTC

    This is the boss's responsibility to handle and address. Every time he snaps at you or is curt, report it to the boss. Stop meddling because you have a hurt feeling.

11. AnonymousJanuary 11,2025 at 12:37AM UTC

    Your colleague’s behavior is not your cross to bear. You could be an empath, not sure, and are affected by their behavior. As another poster said, extricate yourself from this person, only communicate work related matters and suggest they speak with their manager. It’s their job to fix the bad attitude not yours.

12. AnonymousJanuary 12,2025 at 4:22PM UTC

    Stop communicating with them directly. Do it all in writing and if the lack of doing so is not allowing you to get your work done bring it to your manager and HR to help solve. Keep the feedback only about work and positive and try to understand that it is not about you. You cannot change them if they choose not to be changed. You can only create workarounds to get your job done and let it go.