How have you handled a boss besmirching your reputation once you resign?

17 Comments

1. AnonymousSeptember 24,2021 at 11:25AM UTC

   Have you considered actually discussing this with your boss? And asking them to stop? I assume you are hearing about the besmirching (great word, btw) through word-of-mouth from others. It would be good to probably nip this in the bud / at the source, if possible.

2. AnonymousSeptember 24,2021 at 11:34AM UTC

   Great point. And why didn’t I think of that??? I wouldn’t say we have a great relationship so perhaps I am shying away from the confrontation.

3. Julie WhiteheadSeptember 24,2021 at 12:23PM UTC

   While it is tempting to use the exit interview to address this issue, I would simply leave it alone unless your industry is so very small that your boss' opinion will reach beyond the company. If I did bring it up, I would bring up the subject rather than the boss. Like, "I want you to know I have always been passionate and engaged at this job as you should be able to see in my work on etc etc etc (projects that have done well). I left a very bad job and could not wait for the exit interview to blow them all out about it, but thought better of it. Then I had reason to reengage with that office and was so glad I had resisted the impulse.

4. AnonymousSeptember 24,2021 at 12:40PM UTC

   I think it is hard to do, but I would mention in the exist interview. They will ask you why you are leaving, you don't have to give specific details, but I would let them know what your boss is doing. It should be unacceptable to HR - if nothing else, to stop you from suing.

5. AnonymousSeptember 24,2021 at 1:16PM UTC

   Just behave professionally and leave things caught up. It's actions over time that will create a lasting impression. Just smile and wish him well.

6. AnonymousSeptember 24,2021 at 1:32PM UTC

   I have seen this happen in my industry quite a bit and it happened to me in my last role to an extent as well. The approach I took was two fold: 1. if you have references internally, make sure they're willing to vouch for you. Even though you have another job already, make sure that you stay connected w people that really know the true you. If they can leave you a linked in reference for example, that might go a long way in your industry. At minimum stay in touch, and be gracious with them. 2. In the exit interview, stick to the facts and keep it super professional. No need to stoop to his level. I would say something like, "it has come to my attention that over the last few days there's a few theories about the reasons behind my departure regarding my engagement and I wanted to set the record straight and see if you had any concerns." Then have some examples ready that quantify /demonstrate your level of engagement and passion (versus just saying that you were).

   You know the truth. It was a toxic environment, and this is a shining example of that. Good luck in your new role!

7. AnonymousSeptember 24,2021 at 3:58PM UTC

   Thank you so much! I will definitely use the “it has come to my attention”

8. SweetpollypurebreedSeptember 24,2021 at 2:46PM UTC

   When a potential employer calls a reference in California I believe it's illegal for them to say anything negative about you. They may only say your start and end date.

   It's though very common for bully bosses to wage a disinformation campaign with their boss' and H.R about a Target.

   I don't know all the nuances of your job and position. Do you need them for a reference? If so you may want to not do what I am about to say.

   I would set the record straight in your exit interview so that H.R and your bosses boss are aware of the bully. One argument might be: my reviews were excellent until this person took over. This boss will find a new target once you are not there so I would also frame this boss as a problem (eg, she's a bully and starts disinformation campaigns against targets, (she is after all increasing companies legal risk and chances of getting sued); so that hopefully/ maybe the next worker and then the next doesn't have to walk in your shoes.

   If you want, explore filing an EEOC complaint regarding your ex-boss, or consult with low cost legal services regarding your legal options.

9. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistSeptember 25,2021 at 6:01PM UTC

   YOU SAID:

   "When a potential employer calls a reference in California I believe it's illegal for them to say anything negative about you. They may only say your start and end date. "

   This is not true. You are talking about two different things here. There are reference checks and there are employment verifications.

   For employment verifications, the employer can only confirm the dates you work there and whether or not you are eligible for rehire.

   References are provided by the candidate. They are people of the candidate's choosing. They are typically a combination of managers/supervisors/team leaders and peers. Sometimes now reference checks are done by computer - the reference is sent a form to fill out. Sometimes, the recruiter picks up the phone and asks the reference questions.

10. AnonymousSeptember 24,2021 at 6:16PM UTC

    My experience with this is in my exit interview was that it was obvious HR already knew my manager was a bully and I never wanted to use her as a reference. Also, I was laid off last December and my boss there had been a bully and written me up. But in the exit meeting, the HR person offered to be a reference for me and she said she thought very well of me. So just be polite and mention a few things, don't get ugly, "you are trying to help", and you might be surprised that HR appreciates your honestly.

11. AnonymousSeptember 24,2021 at 6:17PM UTC

    Honesty I mean.

12. Merris HawkSeptember 25,2021 at 5:36AM UTC

    One thing to remember, HR is there to support the company first. Any accusations need to be laid out calmly and with proof. A copy of this proof in your personal CYA file is a good idea if you ever need to take this a step further.

13. Ericka GinterSeptember 25,2021 at 4:24PM UTC

    Karma! Let them! They are just showing their true jealous character. They are digging a whole for their own demise. Eventually what they say will fall on deaf ears then forgotten. People are gonna talk. You can’t control what others say. No matter how it affects your livelihood. Just know if you can’t land the next job because of the former boss, the job wasn’t meant for you in the first place. Something better is opening up instead. Just gotta be patient and confident in your worth as an employee and the knowledge and skill set you carry. Know you’re worth! I’d you are confident in your worth abilities knowledge skills it’ll show. Take a leap and apply for your bosses job. Hehe…

14. AnonymousSeptember 26,2021 at 12:51AM UTC

    I had a similar experience and two things helped. 1. Friends and colleagues who said, "Remember to give us some credit, we're not stupid." 2. Accepting the fact that I can't control what others say and making a renewed commitment not to be "that person" in my new role.

15. Leslie LaverdiereSeptember 26,2021 at 9:49AM UTC

    Be very professional in your exit interview . Don't play the victim it puts you to the level of the bullies. Never break bridges. Walk out with dignity. The interviewers will remember you

16. Leslie LaverdiereSeptember 26,2021 at 10:00AM UTC

    Burn bridges..lol

17. AnonymousSeptember 27,2021 at 8:30PM UTC

    I would keep it professional. I've had a similar situation like that in the past. Turned out that everyone knew what the boss was doing. As another comment mentioned the HR department is there for the company. Just remember what your worth and keep it moving.