I'm in an odd working situation, where one of my direct reports is the brother of my boss. I contantly need to explain the job to the direct report, both verbally and in writing. He has been in the position for five years.

22 Comments

1. AnonymousJuly 25,2024 at 1:52AM UTC

   Well you can't fight blood. Family will always trump experience, skill and education or training.

2. Jacqueline CutlerJuly 25,2024 at 3:50PM UTC

   It's a tough and ugly spot to be in. If you like the job enough, stay in it. You cannot fight blood ties. But would not hurt to quietly look around.

3. ChrisJuly 25,2024 at 9:24PM UTC

   I'm 66 and have been with the company for 36 years. I have a few more years left before I plan to retire.

   My concern is also for my other direct report, as she is more qualified than him and getting paid less.

4. AnonymousJuly 25,2024 at 9:19PM UTC

   I agree. Blood is thicker than water. Though I know someone that came in and basically took over the company and trumped the family members. He is a rock star and made more money than the family members. Maybe this could be you to knock the family member to the side as you continue to climb the ladder. Personally, I'd be upset too with the financial difference and would probably seek work elsewhere that is not a family owned business. Good luck to you and hope it gets better for you.

5. AnonymousJuly 26,2024 at 3:06PM UTC

   This is more tough than odd. Several scenarios could be played out.

   The boss/brother are leveraging connections and influence. Perhaps try that game. It's a losing game, for you, to be competitive or attempt to exert control. Try something else. I'd suggest taking a step back either talk with the brother or the boss about goals for company and goals for the brother. Try to help him get it (manifest it with him--because I doubt the brother wants to work for you after 5 years- he may have ideas/dreams).

   If you can, shuffle him to another job or part of the team or create a new job title. Heck, if he's earning more than you, move him along. Just don't be in charge of him. That would allow you to do your job without extra eyes on you for how you are as a manager. You may have to compete with him if he's made equal to you, but it's likely better than the situation you're in.

   If there's any way to just deal with him [as a nuisance], that's still a possibility. It may require a shift in mindset and managerial style, but it's part and parcel of working in a family company. If his performance/listening issues remain, perhaps stop explaining to him --and use a coaching approach with him (having him find the answers). Perhaps give him a responsibility. Give him clear instructions and expectations. See what he does. (It's possible the family knows the brother's style and hopes he learns).

   Try whichever new approach for a couple of months. If there's good change then great---and yep, you'll have to swallow that pill that he earns more (it sucks and it likely has to do with the fact that he's family and a newer hire after you). If there's no/bad change, move him. If it gets toxic, you move, but I don't think you need to at this point.

   I wish you the best of luck.

6. AnonymousJuly 26,2024 at 5:19PM UTC

   Ahhh… this is a tricky situation to be in. But it’s not unusual or unheard of. Someone commented to engage him to find his own answers/solutions to produce expected or desired work. That’s a great suggestion. Cultivate a way to work WITH the boss/brother to influence getting the brother his own title to move him from being your direct report. In essence grow him upward by giving him the freedom to create his job. If the brother is bored or under-stimulated, his inability to pay attention to repeated processes may be an element of his mental block to thrive. You haven’t stated that either your boss or the brother are bad people or otherwise difficult to work with, as in behavior problems other than the brother’s inability to move forward. So, help him to create his learning and path to success. Be his mentor because you can’t fight a family business that hires family. If you choose to look at this from another perspective, you can give him a better option to make his way. He may not want to truly be there but maybe needs to start somewhere. I’d ask him what he likes and dislikes about his job and what he’d like to accomplish or improve about his position, if he’d like to do something different or what his interests are. Help him calculate a path to become what he wants… if he even knows. Tell him you’d like to mentor him and bring this effort to your boss. Tell them you think he might prefer being mentored in work over being explained to on how to perform a task… which will allow him the freedom to explore how to best learn the business and other business processes to find additional successes (don’t make any statements that he isn’t capable or isn’t successful because you want both your boss and the brother to feel encouraged). Sit with the brother first to make sure you can create a dialogue and plan, then have the brother present this to your boss (having him lead the discussion) while you offer encouragement and support. This may be the only real solution you have to making you last few years less stressful. You can’t fight the hiring or the pay portion, so avoid that altogether. It’s a moot point. But you can encourage, challenge, grow, and mentor the brother to get him out of your charge.

7. AnonymousJuly 26,2024 at 6:08PM UTC

   Nepo baby, so the decision is a- bring it up and ask that you be corrected to make more than your direct report. b- look for a new role where your value is greater than where it is now. The choice is yours. Irrespective of his ability to get the job done or not you have to decide when to toss in the towel on something like this.

8. AnonymousJuly 27,2024 at 12:22PM UTC

   Nepotism is a tale as old as time. I have worked my way up the ranks and one thing g I have learned is to be positive about the person and do my best to support them. Soon, he will be promoted and out from under you. This is a complicated situation and a high degree of politics- best to help him along the way and not look back-

9. AnonymousJuly 28,2024 at 9:21PM UTC

   Ignore what you’ve learned. This is nepotism and you will not be able to change it.

   If you are otherwise happy with your job, keep at it. If not, start to quietly line up other opportunities.

   Either way, stay on collegial terms with your boss’s brother.

10. AnonymousJuly 29,2024 at 12:25PM UTC

    Just keep explaining the job to him and pretend you know nothing of the salary. Keep your own job.

11. Teff AyralJuly 29,2024 at 12:49PM UTC

    Assuming the boss is not the owner of the company, ask HR for a pay review. Based on your experience and the market, it’s OK to ask to be paid fairly.

12. Diane J HuffJuly 29,2024 at 12:55PM UTC

    If the boss is the owner, there is nothing you can do. Keep doing what you do and move him out of your department if you can, at some point.

13. Tracy JamisonJuly 29,2024 at 1:04PM UTC

    Document everything!

14. Susan StoreyJuly 29,2024 at 1:05PM UTC

    I once worked for a company that was Frat Boy 2.0. The president and all the vice presidents had been in the same fraternity in college, and this was just a continuation of that. One of the vice presidents had a sister who worked for the company, and she was the most incompetent person ever. She had worked in every department, but after she kept messing up, the head of the department would go to the president and say it's either her or me. She ended up in my department as a last resort. There was no other department to go to, and I was stuck with her. All that to say, as everyone else has pointed out, nepotism is alive and well and sometimes there is nothing you can do about it.

15. Susan StoreyJuly 30,2024 at 12:09PM UTC

    Oh, and the day after the president told employees the company was not solvent enough to give everyone raises, a limo showed up (in front of everyone leaving for lunch) to take a vice president (one of the former frat brothers) to an expensive lunch for his birthday. Yes, all paid for by the company.

16. ChrishoggJuly 29,2024 at 1:09PM UTC

    One thing to consider in a situation like this, is, until the moment you found out what this person was making, were you happy / satisfied with what you were making?

    If you were happy, you might want to consider that this has nothing to do with you, and leave it alone.

    If you were not happy, you might want to discuss your pay with your manager, and again, from the standpoint that what the brother is making is out of your hands, that this has nothing to do with you, and leave it alone.

17. AnonymousJuly 29,2024 at 3:01PM UTC

    I completely disagree with this approach. Just because you may be aware of an injustice doesn’t mean you should accept it once you know.

    Pay equity and equality isn’t just about being happy with your pay. It’s about being paid fairly for your work/expertise. A company will get away with paying you as little as possible. That’s why you negotiate when you interview to ensure you’re advocating for yourself. So to encourage women to sit down, shut up and be grateful for a blatant pay differential, while a man who works for her has less experience, and is under-qualified makes more than her, is problematic.

    The point of Pay Transparency laws is to prevent these very discrepancies.

18. ChrishoggJuly 29,2024 at 11:12PM UTC

    Okay, what approach would you take to avoid something like this?

    Employee (E) to her boss (B): I just found out that Brother is making considerably more than me, that is unfair, and I am upset and angry about this.

    B: I see. It's obvious this really upsets and angers you.

    E: Yes, it does, and I want something done about it.

    B: I see. Well, you're in an important position here with us, and we aren't able to increase your salary at this time. And I guess that now you'll probably be thinking of looking for a higher-paying role somewhere else, and I certainly understand that. But we really can't take the chance of you walking in unexpectedly and saying you're leaving. Hmmm. I guess the only thing I can do at this point is to transfer Armando into your role, and then hire someone from outside to fill his current position. I'm sorry it has to end like this, and we honestly appreciate the contribution you make to the company, but consider this a two-week notice. You're free to stay on, and I hope you do, but two weeks from today will be your last day with us. You're welcome to stay the whole period, and I hope you do, but I really don't see any other solution. Do you have any questions for me?

19. Linda MinshewJuly 29,2024 at 1:57PM UTC

    Ohh boy. I’ve been there. The employee did EXACTLY what he wanted, and my boss would give me a talking to if I asked the employee to abide by the same rules/goals/KPIs as the rest of the team. If he didn’t feel like logging in, he simply didn’t. It was awful. Luckily I was recruited out of that position and never looked back.

20. AnonymousJuly 29,2024 at 2:54PM UTC

    Request a pay increase. You’re probably not going to be able to do anything about the brother/direct report. Make sure you’re documenting his progress or lack thereof, and honestly discuss with him and with your boss. Let them both know he’s not necessarily meeting expectations and ask how you can best support him so he’s improving. Dont try to force him out—it’s not going to work. You’re going to have to be overly supportive (read:spoon feed, and wipe his nose) so they don’t target you.

    But in the meantime you absolutely need to be paid fairly and there’s no reason you should be underpaid compared to a direct report who is less competent. That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen. So get your numbers together, go to HR, and get a raise. A good one! Or polish up your resume.

21. ChrishoggJuly 30,2024 at 7:02PM UTC

    You say, "you absolutely need to be paid fairly." But who says she is not being paid fairly. She could be being paid at the very top of the scale for her position.

    You say, "there’s no reason you should be underpaid compared to a direct report who is less competent" but you don't know this. With my brand-new master's degree, there was a 4-month period when the gentleman who emptied our wastebaskets at night was earning more than me, and at one point I was being paid more than my immediate supervisor.

    You say, "That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen." Maybe, but I'd sure love to see what law requires one person to be paid in comparison, either higher or lower, to another person.

22. AnonymousJuly 29,2024 at 3:04PM UTC

    Unfortunately, if nepotism is alive and well, then you cannot get in the middle of that. INSTEAD ... plan your strategy to ask for a raise, and if declined, be prepared to either stay and be secretly humiliated, or leave.

    Know that you are being used to train a direct report to take over your position eventually. It's not a good environment for job security.

    If you stay after asking for a raise and you are denied, then you know how much you are not valued by the boss. Is he the owner of the business as well? If not, then maybe ask the working owner(s) for your raise and go from there.

    I am sure there is more to the working dynamics that would have an influence on your ability to ask and receive a raise, for a position you are well-experienced in, then point it out. Good luck.