Job searching is like dating.

Anonymous

July 14,2022 at 9:20PM UTC

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Job searching is like dating. You spend a long time getting ready for a date and there are some frogs out there. Leaping to prepare for interviews, my last three having been more of kissing frogs than landing a prince.

First situation: After three rounds, I found out I was never in the running as they already had a candidate.

Second, I had a few great interviews until being passed to the VP. She is only prospecting for a possible position next year.

Finally, I made it all the way to the final round (6 interviews) only to find out there isn't a role. They are devising what gap they need to fill by interviewing candidates. The ones they liked the most met with the CEO. I was 'fortunate' to be one of the remaining candidates only for the CEO to share that there wasn't a position. His team was trying to convince him to hire more staff and he wasn't convinced.

In a way, this fairytale approach to interviews would almost be comical if I didn't need a job. Leading up to my last days of work, I took time off to attend all these interviews. To find out they weren't real wasted my time, money and opportunities to interview for a position before parting ways with my company.

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JJJuly 14,2022 at 11:41PM UTC
This makes me hate companies but the dating analogy is great. The problem is most people suck at dating.
AnonymousJuly 14,2022 at 11:48PM UTC
Thanks JJ. I'm single so I'm hoping to find a new job before a date! I'm frustrated with spending so much time preparing for the interviews only to find out they aren't 'real' positions. Time to move forward while trying to stay positive.
JenniferJuly 15,2022 at 2:34AM UTC
What industry are you in? Where are you finding these companies and faux-pportunities?
Situation 1 isn't abnormal. A hiring manager could have a person in mind that they think would be a good, but still genuinely, in good faith, want to interview and select the best person for the job. Who told you that you were never actually in the running?
Situations 2 and 3 are weird. Some companies perpetually post a high-attrition entry-level position so that as vacancies frequently open up, they have a candidate pool to quickly source and hire from. Makes sense. But I'm having trouble wrapping my head around a company doing several rounds of interviews with senior leadership, up to the CEO, repeatedly misleading the candidate just 'cause. Companies may quietly start to gauge interest, build relationships with candidates, assess internal/board support, and start the vetting process for a senior leadership role, but it's explicitly clear that this is for a potential future opportunity. They're developing a short list for when the time comes. They don't LIE about there being a position that doesn't exist. For most people, that kind of BS would permanently burn a bridge with that company.
I use the dating analogy, but apply it differently. Dating, like the hiring process, is about finding the best fit, and the outcome is not a measure of a individual's value.
Person A goes on a bunch of first dates.
She may decline a second date with B, but not because there was anything wrong with B. B is amazing, but loves to spend as much time outdoors as possible, while A loves to be home building, baking, and enjoying modern conveniences. Maybe A just isn't feeling "it," despite B checking all the boxes.
The same is true in reverse. It's about fit, which has to be mutual, and isn't a measure of quality on either side.
In my dating analogy, you my dear just went on 8 dates with two guys who turned out to be married. Not your fault they lied to you, but I'd definitely be taking a closer look at potential gaps in my screening criteria so I would be less likely to waste my time again.
Back to the job side, though. Are there any commonalities in how you learned about these roles or the initial application experience?
Good luck crushing the next interviews. You'll find your fit, and you have some great "bad date" stories to tell your future coworkers.
Matty ConhanJanuary 4,2023 at 5:07PM UTC
Quite interesting post. I think even that searching for your love is much more difficult than to search job. But still if you are alone, don't worry and don't give up. I recommend to try online dating, this can provide good results. Like example visit https://www.blackmatch.com/african-dating.html african dating site, I often spend time there.
Alex AlexeeevAugust 1,2025 at 1:11PM UTC
I was tired of platforms where no one really says what they’re into or just hides behind vague profiles. What worked better for me was finding a space where people are upfront and respectful at the same time. The difference was clear once I joined — the conversations felt more real, and expectations were actually talked about. If you're not sure how it all works or what to expect before jumping in, just read more and see if it lines up with what you're looking for. That helped me feel more confident getting started