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If I could share some career advice...

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Anonymous

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If I could share one piece of advice...

I recently switched jobs (still finishing my last two weeks at my current one) and wanted to share some piece of advice / perspective that I gained, in the hopes that it helps someone. To be fair this is also helping me as I am typing :).

  1. Don't succumb to the sunk cost fallacy. What do I mean? In my job switch I took a pay cut from my finance role to work at a startup because I want to use this role to pivot into VC. Thinking about the last 3 years at my current job and the salary I was giving up were not easy. However, I hated every day of it and staying just because of the salary would have been a terrible decision. If you are in a career or job you don't like but are hesitant because of the time you put into it, salary you get etc... focus on the opportunity cost of your future time and efforts vs. already invested time and energy that you cannot get back.
  2. Don't build your life around what looks good on a resume but what feels good in your heart. Being from an immigrant family and an immigrant myself this one was tough because I left like I was letting my parents down. However, I would be letting not only them but also myself down by not pursuing what I enjoy. I understand that not everyone can do this - many people have loans, kids, family they care for, mortgages etc. but to the extent you can, put your wellbeing and happiness first.
  3. No one ultimately cares. What do I mean with this one? I was so stressed about what my colleagues and friends would say about my decision and whether I would lose my "social status" because of my job title (absurd I know). Ultimately, if those people only care about you because of your job then well they aren't true friends in the first place. Second, everyone is too caught up in their own lives to care about yours (respectfully :)). We all think we are the center of everything but that's because we are so caught up in our own lives as well (and ultimately don't care that much about what others do). It works both ways

Let me know if any of this resonated with you or if you have any learnings of your own to share / add!

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  1. Anonymous

    Love this advice! Currently in the process of seeking a new job after 14 years at my current employer. Have had similar thoughts to yours, but I'm at a point in my life (over 40) that the toll a toxic work environment is taking on me & my family is not worth it. I want to be happy and not be overwhelmed on a daily basis with dread, fear and anxiety. Good for you for doing what's best for you!

  2. Anonymous

    Excellent points and I needed to see this today and I want to say thank you for sharing.
    I’m in the process as well. My mental and physical more important. I must change careers. Again thank you.

  3. Anonymous

    I have chosen "24/7 fear anxiety and dread" in order to have a paycheck. It's the only way. Consequently, I started dreading the Tuesday after Labor Day three weeks ago.

    In my part-time job, I supervise student workers who are all terrible. No show, don't bother to email, etc. despite the fact that I am the least demanding of supervisors and only ask that they show up. Don't care what they do when they are here (it's a small school library and babysitting is the job. I could not exactly have them doing anything else), and they frequently disappear on me with nary a heads up only to be told after the fact "I was in a crying jag and the teacher sent me home." I have to work a ton of unpaid overtime because of these Snowflakes, yet they are somehow considered "better" than me by the powers that be.

    This is highly contributory to my foul mood as of late because I don't care about my mental health. I will crawl through broken glass for one lousy dollar and nobody AND I MEAN NOBODY WANTS an old hag like me (I was considered one at 40 and now I am 60). All I can get is this tupid part time job where I am at the mercy of student workers who I am sure are paid more than my other temp jobs that I had.

    RANT DONE.

  4. Anonymous

    When I was interviewing around a career pivot and people asked why I was interested in less senior roles, I talked about “moving outward” instead of “moving up”—to use my skills for new things rather than advanced versions of the same things. People’s careers aren’t linear and good for you for being at peace with that and sharing!

  5. Anonymous

    Wow! It's like I was meant to read your comment today. I'm in the running for a position that will have me focus on just ONE of the 10 responsibilities I currently have. It would remove my director title to just officer and I've been asked why I want to do that. This absolutely puts it in the right framework. Thank you!

  6. Anonymous

    Thanks for sharing this. I'm currently interviewing for jobs and what I don't want is to end up somewhere that I'm miserable because management treats you like crap. I do best when I enjoy what I do, have some flexibility, and am shown respect and appreciation. I've quit a few jobs in the past because of treatment and I mean my body was shutting down on me, I was working long hours and only doing bare minimum regarding work production. I was having bad headaches and was super bloated and miserable. The paperwork was overwhelming and I could not handle it either. I want to work somewhere that I can do a good job and I knew that I would have to leave that position so I did. The Director was also rude, unethical, and unsupportive so that was another reason I left. Another job the supervisor was gaslighting and I left it also because my body was giving me warnings to leave..especially when I reached out to upper management and no one offered help. I had to get out of there. As I am older now, there are just certian things that I will not tolerate and being treated like a child, less than a human, or being in a hostile work culture is not acceptable to me. So I prioritize my mental health and physical. I understand that our personalities are all different but there should be a standard on every job where people are treated with respect, given the support they need, and hostile work environments are not allowed.

  7. Anonymous

    Indeed!

    Some of my co workers actually even commended me for stepping out and seeing what else is out there and taking an active approach to figuring out where I want my career to go vs just being in the passenger seat and staying in one industry / company (even secretly told me they have thought about leaving many times …which reaffirmed my decision!)

  8. Anonymous

    But everyone these days treats you like crap. My last three temp positions were all awful. But I know it is all MY fault for attempting to make a suggestion or two.

  9. Anonymous

    This is EXACTLY what I needed to see today. I really appreciate the frank and candid thoughts. Focus on what matters to me and my family. Everything else will fall into place.

  10. Anonymous

    Did you write this just for me ;)

    Sure felt like it!

  11. Kim Raper

    We as women seem to be ingrained to worry about what others think of us and how we are perceived. You do you and be happy ... I learned it the hard way for sure, and wasted many years that I could have been much happier at work.

  12. Anonymous

    Maybe it’s part of 3 above, maybe a whole other thing… but for me this was a doozy:

    *you don’t owe your employer anything (usually).* tagging along with hyper focus on how people perceive you is this ingrained desire not to disappoint, especially authority. There are always exceptions but in most cases, that company doesn’t care in the slightest what happens to you, they may hiccup for a minute but they will pick up and carry on without you. As long as you leave with reasonable notice and things in good order for who has to pick up the work behind you, you shouldn’t feel guilty about leaving an employer and you definitely shouldn’t let that guilt keep you in a job that doesn’t suit you.

  13. Dr. Patty Gross

    Excellent point, and if they had you in a corner to the point that they couldn't function without you, then that was their fault for not properly planning for the eventuality that you would leave. One telltale sign is when a boss is afraid to let you take more than a day or two off for vacation, afraid "something might happen that nobody else knows how to deal with." The company's responsibility is to provide appropriate employee development options, and your co-workers' responsibility to take advantage of them. I say this because I've been there and done that.

  14. Anonymous

    That no. 3- no one ultimately cares is a hard for a lot of people. I've found much success in my career and personal life carrying this understanding with me. It's honestly more freeing once you really let go and realize that no one cares.

  15. froerden@yahoo.com

    Great points! After being in a company for 11 years and another job for 10, i pivoted in my industry. Since my pivot, I’ve changed jobs more times than I can remember. I’ve learned that the company existed before me and it will go on without me. Don’t look back. Keep going!

  16. vm Freebird

    I stepped down from being a teacher to teacher assistant. I have bounced from one dysfunctional preschool to the next. I thought maybe I need to go back to being a teacher. I realized that no matter the job title that dysfunction is still dysfunction. I am going for my fourth try. People say you need to stick to a job. In the preschool world it's very stressful to be in a hostile environment. People are cruel and I don't want my name attached to any of them when they go down.

  17. Maureen B. Weisner

    The pre-school world is vastly underpaid. Dysfunction exists everywhere. If your calling is education, perhaps there are credentials that you can attain, enabling you to be in better systems.

  18. vm Freebird

    I have a lot of credentials, but in these dysfunctional preschools they want to limit the children as they limit themselves. I found a job where they appear to be on the same page. I appreciate your input... Very thoughtful and caring of you.

  19. Anonymous

    Said by someone who actually has choices. And the only people who care are potential employers, which is why I am completely stuck.

  20. Anonymous

    Thank you for sharing this. I completely understand what you’re saying.

    I am currently unemployed for the first time in my 25 year career after RIF and looking for my next adventure.

    For recruiters out there, please don’t dismiss a candidate because of previous titles that seem “higher” than the current job opening. I’m looking for a progressive thinking company that cares about its employees and for a role that I would love to do. I’ve been a VP but title and corresponding pay don’t mean as much to me anymore.

    I feel like my career ladder progression and ascending titles are now a disadvantage.

    Please dive deeper into why someone wants to change direction in their career. Sure cover letters offer a place to explain this but are they actually read anymore?

  21. Jeanne

    Yes!! Thank you.

  22. Claire McCabe

    This is all wonderful advice. The truth is, no one cares what you are doing for your career. As long as you continue striving and listening to your heart (which sometimes, means treating your career like a jungle gym and not a ladder!)

  23. Kim Anderson

    Love the jungle gym analogy! Career progression isn't always linear and that's ok!

  24. ferilleeagh

    This 100% resonates as I am from a similar (immigrant) background -- thank you for putting it down so clearly and concisely! I hope your new role brings you a new kind of fulfillment!!

  25. Anonymous

    Ditto, I have the immigrant mentality too, so this is helpful to hear.

  26. Anonymous

    I would disagree because ultimately we spend so much time at work you can’t separate yourself from your career. Also people today switch jobs more often than they did 20 yrs ago and it’s even become the norm

  27. Shannon Murray

    Where are you? Are you in my head? :-)

  28. Danna Furnace-Grimes

    Awesome advice! Good luck to you in your new position.

  29. Anonymous

    It really depends on the industry you're in. In all honesty, I was in a semi-IT role for 4 years and left for less money. Sounds absurd I know but the new position was in a small health practice but gave me opportunities to showcase the breadth of my techie abilities. Four months later, I ended up being recruited for almost double the salary. Today, almost 6 years later, I'm making almost triple what I was back then (close to 200k/year.)

    Thinking back to the original job I left, had I been concerned with the money, I'm confident I wouldn't even be close to breaking 6 figures no matter how hard I worked. The management there was hell bent on typifying people as if one didn't have the capacity to do more than what you were hired for at least that was how it was like for me. Taking a chance on myself was the right way to go. I don't live by a lot of absolutes but leaving a toxic work environment is something I will never regret.

  30. Freda Lee

    Good advice!

  31. Anonymous

    I really, really agree with number 1 and 3 but it's always good to be reminded. Thank you for writing this! I really needed to hear this today and congratulations on your new role!

  32. Anonymous

    Not at all representative of my experience. Sorry for your bad luck though.

  33. Ida McCarty

    Great advice. You are now living your authentic and true self.

  34. Janet Parkhurst

    This was perfect! Thank you. They say hindsight is 20/20 and you have proven that with this well-thought out and beautifully articulated post. I'm sure so many others will find it as helpful as I have.

  35. Anonymous

    i took a pay cut to $125k so cannot say I will be living paycheck to paycheck

  36. Paula Brantner

    This is all excellent advice: one thing I would add is that you shouldn't discount the toll that extreme stress and burnout have on you both physically and mentally.

    If you tell yourself you just have to power through to X milestone or for X number of months, then make sure that you honor your promise to yourself to leave then. Because you're destroying your resilience each moment you stay in a toxic situation.

    You may have heard "that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger," but remember all those who were killed don't get a vote. And those who survived may not actually be stronger, but more damaged.

  37. Anonymous

    This is SO important, ty for saying this! I thought about this and saw my physical health continue to decline and realized at one point it wont be reversible damage...

  38. Kelley

    This is great advice!! Thank you for sharing and good luck with the switch!

  39. Charlotte Bowers

    Thanks for this advice. Best wishes.

  40. Anonymous

    It ALL resonates with me and so happy you posted this!
    Many people, I have observed as super focused and talk about their titles, how much they make and how "important they are to whatever organization they get a paycheck from"....guess what? You can and will be replaced in minutes! What you do DOES NOT define who you are, it's simply what you know or what you went to school(s) to learn to do and develop an understanding of. That's all. Some of us have so many obligations so taking a cut in pay is actually not an option, but I do understand what you stating here. I find my happiness outside of work....so for me, finding a position that provided that work/life balance so I can pursue my side gig, or interests like hiking, going upstate, was important even if I know I make a little less, it's worth the lesser salary. As opposed to my making $20K more but not having a life and expected to be at someone's becking call past 9pm and on the weekends. No thank you.

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