My confidence is gone

23 Comments

1. Barb HansenNovember 16,2022 at 4:55PM UTC

   Here's a trick I have used when my internal "you're not worthy" voice starts to talk too loudly in my head...

   Pretend you are a manager with an employee just like you (i.e., pretend to be your own manager). Look at your weekly work, your resume, and big wins (or little wins). Wouldn't you, as a manager, want to have someone like you working for them? I bet the answer to that question would be yes. Why? Because you're a great employee.

   Here is a tip for dealing with the "you don't have enough industry experience" comment from an interviewer...

   Before an interview, review the LinkedIn profile of the Interviewer. Look for instances where they switched industries or job titles/company within one industry. When that Interviewer comments on your lack of industry experience, you can respond with a comment like this:

   "Yes, I understand that I'm new to industry XYZ, but as you know from when you switched into this industry, most skill sets are transferrable. I look forward to this challenge, as I will have your experience in moving into this industry as a backstop for my questions, and I know I can quickly pick up the nuances of this industry."

   Adjust the paragraph above based on the Interviewers past experience - have they changed industries? what companies have they worked for in the past?

   Good Luck! You'll do great!

2. AnonymousNovember 16,2022 at 5:09PM UTC

   This takes a great deal of work on yourself and to build up your self knowledge. Focus on your accomplishments, speak with people who know you and can describe your strengths (not your weaknesses) and watch confidence building tedTalks and vlogs that can explain tools and ways of changing your focus.

   You sound really beaten down. You need to employ action that builds you up. This takes work and commitment on your part. A lot.

3. April CrooksNovember 16,2022 at 5:25PM UTC

   Always make sure you are coming into interviews with a fresh perspective; I have had many jobs reject me in the past but it is their unique criteria that will determine if you have the job in question. Always remember you have STRENGTHS and weaknesses, just as the person who is interviewing you has both weaknesses and strengths ESPECIALLY when you are starting from the bottom of the ladder in seniority.

4. LynnNovember 16,2022 at 6:17PM UTC

   We are sometimes our own biggest critics. And it's easy to get down on yourself after interactions in the modern workplace, which I believe is incredibly dysfunctional in many cases. Focus on your strengths and talents and set aside your weaknesses for now. There are no perfect people and no perfect employees. While you're working on your confidence, recognize that there's a strong performative aspect of getting the job. You will need to be confident and energetic. You can do it, even if it doesn't feel completely natural at first.

5. AnonymousNovember 16,2022 at 6:30PM UTC

   I've been job searching for 6 months now and it's hard to stay positive. That being said, if you're not confident in your abilities, why should a company hire you? After a disappointing interview, it's OK to feel down but then use that as motivation to find something even better. I've recently started looking at contract roles to obtain more recent experience in the industries I want to work. That might be another option for you to procure that experience and feel more confident. Good luck and sending positive thoughts your way!

6. Farah BajwaNovember 16,2022 at 6:48PM UTC

   I know its difficult, but try and change your mindset regarding the feedback you receive. If they say you don't have the experience, take it as a learning opportunity - ask for advise on how you can strengthen your candidacy. If they belittle, then thank God you've seen their true colors so you can run the other way. If they say they can see you grow, then that's a potential keeper! Women are harder critics on themselves than men, so be kind and gentle to yourself. Its ok to feel bummed so long as you can acknowledge it and ultimately begin to move past it. Trust in yourself, your skills, and know that so long as you are taking action with what's within your control, you will succeed. Good luck!

7. AnonymousNovember 16,2022 at 7:53PM UTC

   Rejection and negativity is all part of the interview process. Uou need to shack that off or you'll be relegated to entry level jobs for sure.

   Business is sometimes harsh and you need a thick skin to lead. Being devastated by negative comments might mean there is more going on here. Have you thought about some therapy to help you navigate this?

8. Stephanie LekowskiNovember 16,2022 at 8:02PM UTC

   That manager is right. Don't let the other idiots who are telling you that you don't have enough experience or belittling you in general win. If you get the "not enough experience" excuse, ask them in a diplomatic way why or how you made it to the interview. If they brush off the question and continue to badger you about anything else, they're doing you a favor not hiring you. If they change their tone and explain politely why your experience concerns them, you should come out of this with dignity intact.

9. Crystal HowellNovember 16,2022 at 8:10PM UTC

   Write down your pros (all skills you have), the other column is cons(skills you know you have to obtain) She might help

   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDaZ8HMrJJkp_JpIzTbEaEA

10. Gisele CloutierNovember 16,2022 at 8:12PM UTC

    I hear you. It can feel pretty demoralizing to be rejected. But YOU choose whether to get demoralized. A couple of techniques here might help. First, you've been getting interviews. That's an accomplishment - for every person who gets an interview there can be dozens, even hundreds, who never make it that far. Putting it another way, if the interview is like a final exam, you're going into the final with an A, and you earned that A! Secondly, just before an interview take a deep breath and remind yourself, "what will be, will be" - you've worked hard to go into that final exam with an A, getting nervous or letting your morale droop only hurts you. You can do this - or they wouldn't have invited you to interview. Third, even if heaven forbid you don't get the job, instead of looking at that as a loss, look at is "one down, X-minus-one to go." Nobody knows exactly how many interviews you'll go on before you get the job you want. That's "X". So every interview that doesn't work out, well that's "X minus one" right? If nothing else, it's good practice. You'll get there, don't let yourself get dragged down. I'll be rooting for you!

11. VerityNovember 16,2022 at 9:24PM UTC

    Huh, I actually just had a talk with a CEO about this today.

    It can be incredibly demoralising however it is okay to be rejected - the field is extremely competitive and that does not under any circumstances mean that you are any less than the other candidates.

    One thing they suggested was to try and put something on your CV - a project you've worked on before for example - that you're passionate about and focus on it. Acknowledge that though you may not have [yada yada yada], you are eager to grow in this position and learn what you can from the company and this role. Prove that you're passionate about this role and boost yourself up on your best skills / projects - that you're not going to give up or back down just because of something you can't really control.

    I really hope you do well though and get hired soon! You seem lovely and the hiring managers that belittled you were entitled pricks that need to get their head out of their ass. A good HM wouldn't do that and for me, that reflects just what kind of environment that company offer's - one you don't wanna be a part of.

12. Jennifer BlakeNovember 17,2022 at 12:46AM UTC

    This may or may not sound silly but spend the entire day before and day of interview replacing the negative tape in you head with patting yourself on the back for what you do VERY well. KNOW you are worthy. Someone has to get the job. Why not you!

13. AnonymousNovember 17,2022 at 2:50AM UTC

    I hear you, I see you, I feel you, I am YOU! Continue to be YOU and the place meant for you will attract you and you can always change your mind. Do what’s best for YOU!

14. Barbara ThompsonNovember 17,2022 at 3:40PM UTC

    Just a suggestion to flip your perspective on this - sounds to me that you have dodged any number of bad employers/job situations! Do you WANT to work for an organization that belittles and shames? Or do you want to learn and grow in the industry and work in a place that encourages you to do so?

15. Kari HadleyNovember 17,2022 at 4:32PM UTC

    If someone tried to belittle me in an interview -- phone, zoom, or in person -- that interview would be over. I would hang up, disconnect, or actually walk out.

16. Kimberley Ferretti HammettNovember 17,2022 at 5:26PM UTC

    I'm so sorry you found yourself here. I think a lot of us have been there, underestimating ourselves, especially after receiving enough criticism.

    While we want to be open to feedback and learn from it, we have to also remember that those are individual perspectives. It makes me think of my competitive dance days as a kid. We listened intently to judges feedback but my coach always reminded us that each score was one judges opinion on one single performance. The feedback you got about your experience is based on what they see in one interaction and their own experiences and opinions on what results in a capable candidate.

    I work with succession planning and it's a common issue that a hiring manager will say they need someone with "5 years experience" but when I press they struggle to specify what exact competencies or experiences someone gets in 5 years versus 4.

    Remind yourself that they were commenting on your experience, which is only a small part of your measure. Unless they saw a work sample, they weren't really commenting on your actual ability. Try writing down some accomplishments to remind yourself you are, in fact, very capable. Examples:

    • Completing a complex/difficult project
    • Overcoming obstacles or conflict others struggled with
    • Learning something new and applying it well in another situation
    • Bounced back or learned from a failure

    These are skills often unmeasured but a reminder that you can make the most of your experiences.

    I hope this helps and you find yourself regaining your sense of self. It comes as a timely topic for me as I had a recent experience that showed me how much I've grown from a similar experience. I had a leader who came in knowing my title but not truly how much I had contributed and accomplished. I heard that I was entitled and needed to pay my dues enough to start believing it. Then when I caved and interviewed for a role that was the "next step" they kept telling me to go for, I ended up not getting it because the feedback on my demonstration was that I "performed on a higher level than they were looking for". Cut to just last week I had a leader mention that I was learning on the job citing my recent certifications as examples and I politely reminded them that I had been working with those programs on an executive level and recommended those certifications against others so that I'd have the license and authority to use the resources with this org so, while I might not have been in the industry for 20 years, there's definitely an element of expertise here. To be honest.. it surprised me that it came right out of my mouth like that but showed me my practice in advocating for myself has paid off. One day you will be assured in what you can and can't do!

17. Kimberley Ferretti HammettNovember 17,2022 at 5:30PM UTC

    Original Poster, I've been thinking about starting a podcast answering to career-related questions and concerns like these.
    Would it be ok if I read your post in an episode so I can expand on my reply? Obviously you're anonymous anyway I just like to have permission to read your words.

18. AnonymousNovember 17,2022 at 7:08PM UTC

    Yes,you have my permission.

19. AnonymousNovember 22,2022 at 2:34PM UTC

    I heard the a similar comment recently - you have the necessary skills but not the experience. Still not sure what that means! You know what skills and experience you have and no one can take that away from you. Be brave, chin up and you can do it!!

20. AnonymousNovember 23,2022 at 1:42PM UTC

    Interviewing is mentally exhausting and can really shake your confidence as you answer the myriad of questions. One piece of advice I give is to treat it like a play or movie. Practice responses to the most common questions and rehearse “your lines” as if you are an actor. Go into the interview with the mindset that you are an actor in a role. This helps to make interviewing more objective and less personal/emotional.

21. Jessica FerlandNovember 23,2022 at 2:35PM UTC

    Interviewing is like dating, you and the company are trying to figure out if you're good fits for each other. If an interviewer is demeaning that's a them problem not a you problem. And at least you learned that early on.
    Maybe a good question for you to ask during the interview is: what does on boarding look like? Do you offer on the job training? What skills are you looking for that I don't have?

22. AnonymousSeptember 28,2025 at 6:01PM UTC

    that's true. I'm into online dating too

23. Alicia GoldSeptember 28,2025 at 6:02PM UTC
    I’ve tried different dating sites before, but this one for single moms and dating stands out for its user-friendly features. Signing up was easy and I felt comfortable building my profile. I liked that most members seemed sincere and ready to chat. Within a short time, I connected with several people who were fun to talk to. Eventually, I met someone I really liked and we’ve been in touch ever since. It’s been a great journey so far.