What are some tips to mitigate microaggressions in the workplace?

Anonymous

August 23,2022 at 3:05PM UTC

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What are some tips to mitigate microaggressions in the workplace? I'm a straight shooter and I no problem going directly to the person who is "microagressing" and calling them out for it. I'm in a current situation where I'm dealing with microaggressions with a certain leader on a regular basis. I call it out in front of others, including my leadership because it really is impeding on my productivity/space to innovate. What I have noticed is...nothing ever changes. This person doesn't have the greatest reputation around the office. Sure, they seem like a decent human being in real life, but in the office, not impressed with how they conduct themselves. My understanding is there has been continuous feedback about this person's performance; I've even given peer feedback too. Seeing as though he's been with the company this long (I think 4 years?), I don't foresee a change, so I have to make moves for my psychological safety.

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AnonymousAugust 23,2022 at 5:34PM UTC
Agreed. Because the behavior has been called out in a public forum as well as peer review process, it appears to be accepted by leadership and will not be questioned.
With that said, many times this cycle of acceptance usually emboldens the aggressor as it serves as permission to not only continue the behavior but increase its severity.
You are wise to leave as this will continue to erode your wellbeing and will not stop.
AnonymousAugust 23,2022 at 7:59PM UTC
Wow! You really broke this all the way down for me to consume. Appreciate you perspective and advice!
Kristie WhiteAugust 23,2022 at 5:56PM UTC
Sounds like your company's leadership is non-confrontational since this person has only been with the company 4 years and they are not addressing it. They are both giving him permission to continue his behavior and you to push back. If this is something that causes you great distress, then you are correct in seeking a better working environment. But I would also caution you that there are microaggressions in most business environments of one kind or another - male on female, female on female, supervisor on subordinate, peer on peer. It's business and part of the environment is competition. You will never eliminate all of them - its human behavior.
AnonymousAugust 23,2022 at 7:58PM UTC
Valid points and thank you for your input!
Anne KrookAugust 23,2022 at 6:06PM UTC
Ugh, I am so sorry. I always recommend The Asshole Survival Guide (https://amzn.to/3T9KFg4) as an excellent guide to dealing with all that nonsense. And my own book is specifically designed for women in your situation (https://amzn.to/3AFU9s7)
That said, the fact hat this behavior is known, reported, and unchanging, I'd quietly look for jobs, and, when you get one, as your are leaving, you can decide if you want to let them know that this person is a big reason you are leaving. He is still there because the effort to deal with him is greater than the cost of not dealing with him; when that changes, they will deal with it, but not before that.
AnonymousAugust 23,2022 at 7:57PM UTC
Thank you for this advice!!
The Asshole Survival Guide - haha this title brings me joy in so many way. Thanks for sharing these resources.
Anne KrookAugust 24,2022 at 6:49PM UTC
His first book, The No Asshole Rule, is also very good: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaHDBL7dVgs
AnonymousAugust 23,2022 at 8:00PM UTC
Great pro-tip! Thank you for your advice.
AnonymousAugust 23,2022 at 8:55PM UTC
It would help to know more about your co-worker’s comments. Are they related to co-workers’ race, gender, religion, ethnicity, sexual preference or age? If yes, your co-worker’s micro-aggressions might be creating a hostile work environment which might be legally actionable or undercutting your company’s DEI efforts. If co-worker’s comments fall in one of the above buckets, I would report it to HR and request further corrective action. Your report and action request will likely be better received if it is presented by a group of employees, if that is possible.
For all other comments: I would report to HR and document effects of the comments on your productivity. Can your seating or assignments be modified to reduce your exposure to this colleague? How about headphones or white noise to isolate yourself from colleague’s comments as much as possible?
Two more points to ponder:
-Does your company’s failure to deal with this situation more decisively reflect a systemic problem with their HR and/or DEI policies/programs? If so, does this influence your decision to continue your employment there over the long term?
-Does your colleague make these comments maliciously, or is your colleague merely clueless/oblivious? If the latter, could you address the colleague directly about the comments or learn to ignore the comments?
AnonymousAugust 24,2022 at 10:05PM UTC
I'm a remote employee so I have no in-person interaction with this person. This person hasn't directly expressed an issue with my race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. However, I personally feel some of this is implied by his behavior, especially, in the way he speaks to me or leaves me off important communication which impacts my work performance.
Yes, I've had 1:1s with this person in the past (we HAVE to work together) but I no longer meet with him 1:1 because he became disrespectful.
I actually brushed up on my company's DEIB and code of conduct policies and I noticed we do not any training in place about microaggressions, unconscious biases, cultural competences but I have shared feedback that this type of training is necessary, especially, in a remote environment (where there is strong room for things to be take out of context or left open for interpretation).
AnonymousAugust 26,2022 at 4:49PM UTC
Excellent that you have given feedback to your company.
For a potential lawsuit: Your colleague does not have to *directly* express a problem with your race, gender, ethnicity, religion or sexual preference, he just has to treat you in a way that creates a “hostile work environment.” The micro-aggressions that you mentioned might rise to the standard of creating a hostile work environment, especially if your colleague treats others more respectfully.
AnonymousAugust 24,2022 at 2:21AM UTC
Other than filing a formal EEO complaint, you can't really do anything other than what you're already doing, except that accept that some people are a*****s and some companies allow that stuff to continue. If it is truly intolerable for you, polish up the resume and move on. If you can't move on, just minimize your contact with this person and accept that your organization has found the behavior acceptable. Fighting back with microaggressions of your own would make you look like the bad guy, unfortunately.
You said you've called it out in public, but have you had a private conversation with him?
... and if you go the route of EEO complaint, get a lawyer first, and if it's legal where you live, start making recordings (in a one-party consent state, you would be that one party who consents).
AnonymousAugust 24,2022 at 9:55PM UTC
Yes, we've had private convos or standing 1:1s in the past (we work closely together) but those have since ended because he chose "violence" by talking to me in a condescending tone.
I absolutely shut that down. I told him how I didn't appreciate the way he was speaking to me nor did I wish to continue this conversation with him without upper management present. This did spill out to our leadership and since then, I've been instructed to no longer have 1:1s with him and keep all convos in visible channels so others can monitor his "tone" and behavior. As most of y'all have said, microaggressions, especially in a remote environment are difficult to capture, articulate and prove. Every thing is open to interpretation and from what I've gleaned from leadership's behavior this NOT a problem to them.
Oh and the latest behavior he's doing is leaving me off of important meetings, intentionally and justifying by saying that I was out of the office (mind you, people go out of office on standing meeting all the time so I have no idea where his justification came from). LOL Like this is unreal! I absolutely called this out in front of everyone via email w/ both of our managers on the message to inform him that "I'd appreciate that he would add me to meetings so that I can remain informed that syncs are happening. My out of office status has nothing to do with not being properly invited to these important convos."
AnonymousAugust 26,2022 at 4:37PM UTC
Your colleague’s leaving you out of important meetings points to the strong possibility of harassment/sabotage.
Suggest that you keep off-site, contemporaneous notes in case that this situation escalates. You need a record.
This might be even more serious than the micro-aggressions that you mention.
Joshua CorderoAugust 24,2022 at 12:39PM UTC
Always do what is best for yourself.
"Microaggressions" are difficult because often they have an affect that others, including the person responsible for them, don't see as harmful. If you are to a point that you feel unable to ignore them, you should find a better situation for yourself.
AnonymousAugust 24,2022 at 9:49PM UTC
Thank you! I receive this advice.
AnonymousAugust 24,2022 at 10:59PM UTC
If it’s affecting your well being document by sending an email to your mgr and setting up a 1 on 1 if you use key words that this person is creating a hostile work environment, most employers have written policies about 0 tolerance. So if it is documented and articulated to your boss they have to do something about it. If your boss won’t do anything about it after it’s been documented and if you doubt hr will, it is your indication this is an environment tolerant of this behaviour. I would either transfer to a role to create distance with the aggressor or apply elsewhere
JJAugust 25,2022 at 8:18PM UTC
Talk to leadership and tell them you are documenting everything and then start documenting everything. If they do not intervene you may have to take formal action by leaving or hiring an attorney.
AnonymousSeptember 10,2022 at 12:42PM UTC
I have been in a similar situation and if you’ve documented and spoken to leadership and HR and if nothing has happened you will want to consider if this is tolerated behavior at the company. Then you can decide if you’re willing to put up with it.