I'm out close to $175 and I'm only now realizing I went about it the wrong way.

Anonymous

September 22,2021 at 1:19AM UTC

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I'm out close to $175 and I'm only now realizing I went about it the wrong way.

My manager is expecting a baby in the next few weeks. My office team has been working remotely for months and come in to the office occasionally. To wish our manager well, I reached out to my coworkers to see if there was interest in putting together a gift package. I had done some pre-work and proposed a couple of items from the manager's gift registry (I googled it), and added on a personalized photo frame and a couple of footed pajamas. I was upfront about the cost of everything and everyone seemed enthusiastic, but I didn't think to come right out and say something to confirm that we will all be sharing the expense. I assumed that was the case.

After the gifts arrived, people started expressing interest in contributing gifts of their own. At the time, it didn't occur to me that they may no longer pitch in to the gifts I had proposed and gotten their buy-in for. We gave the manager the gifts together, but only one person (who didn't buy a gift on their own) has offered to contribute.

I now realize I missed my window to say something along the lines of "I've already ordered what we decided on, and I can't afford to pay for it all by myself. If you want to get something different, how should we proceed?"

This was my first time planning something like this, and I'm aware (too late) that I didn't handle it well. The team is a mix of direct reports, co-managers and higher ups so I'm completely flummoxed about how to fix the mess I've created. If you all have any advice for me about how to gracefully come out of this situation and get some of the money back, I would appreciate it. If nothing else, perhaps someone might benefit from my story and do a better job than I did.

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AnonymousSeptember 22,2021 at 2:45AM UTC
At this point, of realize it's too late. Communication at the BEGINNING is crucial, for any endeavor.
Unfortunately, many took advantage of your kindness
AnonymousSeptember 22,2021 at 3:38AM UTC
Honestly, if you didn’t state upfront that it was a joint gift and you hoped people would chip in, I probably would’ve bought my own present too.
AnonymousSeptember 27,2021 at 8:45PM UTC
You are right that I didn't state it that explicitly. Honestly, I had no reason to check with anyone about the gifts I had suggested if they were not going to pay for it. I know I said something along the lines of "I can pick up some gifts on behalf of our team". If someone said that to me I would never take that to mean the team member was spending their own money and giving a gift on my behalf. I would have offered to pay for some of it at a minimum!
AnonymousSeptember 28,2021 at 3:22PM UTC
The only potential solution I can think of is if you have one close confidant on the team you could enlist to help you spread the word. It may not work [especially as others spent money on their own gifts] but perhaps a few would chip in to offset your out-of-pocket costs. Maybe it could be the one person who offered to contribute? You could say something along the lines of, "I really appreciate your offer! I thought it was understood that my offer to put together a group gift meant that everyone would contribute, but I realized in hindsight that it may not have been clear, so I ended up footing the bill myself." If a coworker of mine said this to me, I might subtly spread the word to others in case they wanted to help. Maybe worth a shot?
Michelle PrinceSeptember 28,2021 at 3:52PM UTC
Ask the group one more time if anyone would like to contribute for part of the "group gift and share the cost" - you may get some last minute takers who have not shopped yet. Sign the gifts' card from you and the person /people who contributed.
Chalk it up to experience. Not sure what you were expecting but typically people contribute $10-$25 per person for office gifts.
Wendy LunkoSeptember 28,2021 at 5:29PM UTC
Honestly, I think you are out the money. When planning something like that, it is important to say, "If we want to do Y, I need $X from each person by DATE." Then, once you have the money, buy the items or scale it back based on what you received. If you try to get it now, especially because others bought their own gifts, it looks bad.
AnonymousSeptember 28,2021 at 6:06PM UTC
Unfortunately, I'd check this up to another learning experience. In the future when something like this comes up, you'll know exactly how to go about it and how to make all feel like they can contribute regardless of the price of the item(s).