I’ve created a bit of a predicament for myself and wondered if anyone had any suggestions:

17 Comments

1. AnonymousApril 22,2022 at 1:17PM UTC

   If I were you, I'd probably lie. I'd say that you didn't find out until a fortnight ago, that you had had none of the symptoms, that you thought you'd put on a bit of weight, that it is completely unexpected and that you want them, in fact need them, to help you to get through it. If you're honest, all trust will likely go, never to be replaced. I'd turn on the tears, beg for help and lay it down really thick that this is a total, utter shock to you. I'd would love to read a better, more upright suggestion, but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do!

2. AnonymousApril 22,2022 at 1:24PM UTC

   What horrible advice, shame on you for suggesting that the OP lie her way out of this...we're better than this FGB! This is a ridiculous recommendation and is at the core of what gives professionals in the workplace a bad reputation.

   Please don't heed this advice and establish yourself as a liar and cheat at this new job. Any number of people on staff will throw the bull shit flag faster than you can say maternity leave.

   Horrible advice!

3. AnonymousApril 22,2022 at 2:17PM UTC

   Please do not follow this advice!

   Set up a meeting ASAP! Put your Adulting pants on, have status updates, transition plans, back up people and every duck you can think of in a row. Come in prepared to talk through the issue at hand - making sure your accounts are handled and not left in the dark. As another poster said - have plans and communications in place in case you deliver early.

   If you lie and they find out, you really will lose all their trust and possibly your job. Not worth it.

4. AnonymousApril 23,2022 at 9:52AM UTC

   Well well well smh

5. AnonymousApril 22,2022 at 1:20PM UTC

   Please disclose this ASAP, put your big-girl pants on and pony up on this one. This employer will likely say: why didn't you tell us as soon as you were hired so we could manage your accounts appropriately?

   Your employer may be in a bind if you deliver early and there's no transition plan in place. If I were you, I'd come to this meeting with a status update on all of your accounts and a plan for your maternity leave: will clients have large projects, events, deliverables, etc.? And who you recommend will manage them in your absence.

   Don't delay this any longer. The employer focus will be on you leaving them in a lurch, not that you're going out on maternity leave. Best of luck to you.

6. April MinerApril 25,2022 at 6:22PM UTC

   I don't like this reply.

7. AnonymousApril 27,2022 at 12:25PM UTC

   I don’t think this was the right way to phrase things - pretty demeaning to say put your big girl pants on.
   I think you can do better. I agree that you should let them know soon and have a plan in place. Women are in a tough spot when they get pregnant and I think lots of
   us worry about whether this will set us back in our careers. As women let’s be supportive of one another and not say things like put your big girl pants on. Very surprised you would use that language.

8. AnonymousApril 22,2022 at 2:33PM UTC

   I understand not disclosing this during the interview process can that can sometimes cause bias and isn't necessary until you are hired by the company.

   As someone else said they are going to ask why this wasn't disclosed when you were first hired but you can't change the past. Go in with a plan in place so they know that you have come prepared to pass off your accounts as needed to make sure they are handled properly while you are on leave. Since you are new, if you are unsure of the process of who takes what make sure to gather all the information that is needed about the accounts so they can help you get it to the correct people.

   They will most likely be upset that you didn't disclose that when you were hired so they could easily put a plan in place ahead of time, but again you can't change the past we can only move forward. Just make sure you do what is needed now.

9. Heather BinghamApril 23,2022 at 12:15AM UTC

   I agree fully with the other comments that lying is not the right call, not least because it is, in effect, compounding one lie, or at least an obfuscation, with another. However, most right-thinking people can understand why you chose your course, so you can straighten this out.

   I think you need to find a senior, sympathetic ear - perhaps one of the partners with whom you have bonded already - and get them to help you to navigate your new organisation. They should know, as an example, how best to approach HR. and who best to approach. I would worry a little about going straight to HR - they may be really, really supportive and sympathetic, but they may also feel that you deceived them as recruiters, however unfair that might be. Get someone senior on your side and you may find it easier to have all the conversations you need to have. After all, your leave isn't going to cost the organisation anything, presumably, so if you hit the right note, they will soon realise this and just be supportive and helpful.

   Sadly I don't blame you for feeling you had to hide your pregnancy during the process - it is dreadful that this is still the case - but I think your instinct to tread carefully is correct. After all, you need to think most about your own health and wellbeing at this time, and avoid the stress that blundering into this might cause you. A bit of strategizing now may well make all this worry go away quite swiftly and ensure you have a job that you want to go back to once you're ready for it. I wish you every success.

10. Crystal HowellApril 23,2022 at 8:32AM UTC

    Congrats, read employee handbook, and follow the rules. Don't lie, know your rights. If they get upset, too bad, life happens.

11. AnonymousApril 23,2022 at 1:34PM UTC

    You say you are obligated to disclose 30 days out, so you are doing that. Get out of your head.

    Even though lots of people disclose pregnancies 10 minutes after they see a line, it really isn’t anyone’s business until it is their business. And it is their business now, so you are doing what is required.

    Remember, that while you do have a heads up on this (vs someone having a medical emergency requiring leave) you also ARE giving a heads up (and more heads up than if someone were to just quit). Do the due diligence to put a proposed plan in place, while recognizing the leadership can handle your leave however they want, but showing that you care it is handled well even if it feels like late notice is the route to take.

    Any direct response other than “congratulations, and don’t worry, we will figure it out” is inappropriate. Maternity leave is ALWAYS inconvenient to the boss, but it is a fact of life and unless it’s a brand new startup there are precedents out the wazoo. Your boss will manage, so recognize it is a pain, but don’t over apologize.

12. CassandraApril 23,2022 at 6:50PM UTC

    You are so right! If they ask her why she didn't mention it in her interview, the answer is that she is only required to disclose 30 days out. Thanks for that. We do get in our heads sometimes!

13. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 1:10PM UTC

    I would let them know as soon as possible and map out a plan or transition for when you are out on leave (with all projects, status, and next steps) so that will help them figure out how to handle your accounts.

14. ABowerApril 25,2022 at 1:49PM UTC

    I agree with your concerns to share during an interview. I've interviewed and done the same thing. My direct manager was the only one that knew I was pregnant at the time. And in my old line of work, I seriously believe I might not have gotten the job if they had known. Though that would never be the reason they would have given me for not getting the position. Which was a career jumping off point for me, so no regrets on my side.

    I did have to tell them - as the baby wasn't going to stay put forever. For what it's worth, I was matter a fact about it, and did not make a big deal about it. I also had a plan for the time I would be out of the office - I took 8 weeks and was still checking work while I was out. I'm not sure I recommend my plan - i.e. not disconnecting - but sharing a plan with leadership can help them to give their thoughts and ideas before hand and let them voice ideas etc. Best of luck to you! And congrats! You've got this!

15. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 6:46PM UTC

    Congrats! You still have a bunch of time (but babies do tend to have their own timeline). Honestly I would put together a bit of a plan for your leave to begin with, and then go and tell your boss. He can worry about telling other leadership, or you can tell them as it comes up. A good boss will be happy and supportive of you. It does give a challenge to a work place, but honestly the more time you can help them to make a transition to you being gone, the better.

    Then you can probably have a little control and say in what is going on while you're on leave.

    On a different note Make sure you check your employee handbook to get an understanding on your leave. If you start noticing what you think is discrimination due to your pregnancy, document it. Also note your job before and after your leave. You are entitled to your same or equal position and responsibilities upon your return.

16. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 8:41PM UTC

    ”I’ve been waiting for the right time to tell you this for weeks now, and realize there is no perfect time.
    I’m pregnant and my due date is X. I’ve been planning for how to incorporate my leave into working with my clients and here are my thoughts….”

17. Krystin MorganApril 25,2022 at 10:10PM UTC

    Please don't stress! You deserve to feel happy and excited about your pregnancy, not worried about work. Any good employer or leader is going to feel happy for you. Since you need to disclose 30 days out, and you're doing that, you're doing the right thing! There was no obligation to disclose sooner than that.

    One thing that may help you feel better about this, but that is NOT an obligation, is to create a transition plan and have that ready when you disclose to them that you'll be taking leave. That way you are showing the thought you've put into it and being helpful to them. Again, this is by no means a requirement because they'll likely tell you what sort of plans need to be made, but it's something to consider.

    Congrats and good luck!