Hi. Have any of you felt you’ve been or are being gaslighted at your job? If yes, could you briefly share your experience and what action you took? I feel my boss and colleague are spinning things to make me feel like I’m not doing my job or that I’m taking things too literally. I’m encouraged to share my opinions and ideas, make recommendations and perform additional tasks yet when I do, it seems like I get shot down. Then somehow my boss twists things to make it seem like I’m the one who’s not doing my job. I go the extra mile but work keeps piling up and another colleague and I feel it’s not sustainable. I welcome helpful insight and advice based on your personal experiences.

9 Comments

1. Winifred BrowneMay 23,2024 at 12:22PM UTC

   First, be confident in who you are and know that you are capable of doing productive work. Sometimes, you have to trust yourself and do your best at work despite beomg in a negative atmosphere or gaslighting environment. For now, document your accomplishments or projects completed. Document your interaction with your boss and colleagues. Any meetings you are in with your boss, follow up with an email confirming any assigned work you are expected to complete and thank them for supporting your professional development despite them doing the opposite. My motto, kill them with kindness. Stay positive! You can do it. I survived a similar situation and my boss moved on to a lesser role. I am still here!

2. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 12:49PM UTC

   Keep a diary, don't wait too long to ask for help if things turn nasty. I would be very careful if it is two against one

3. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 1:53PM UTC

   Yes. There are too many instances to share them all, but several instances related to there being bugs/issues with the software we were using (the CEO helped develop it). This software running correctly was imperative to doing our jobs as well as clients being able to utilize the system.

   I would report it (other coworkers would ask if I was experiencing the same issue and not want to report it because they were too afraid to say anything) giving them details of what I thought was wrong (I have vast experience in software testing). They would fix the issue and then reply to me that I was mistaken and they didn’t see anything wrong.

   The gaslighting along with other unacceptable behaviors started affecting my mental and physical health so I ended up resigning. I did not have another job lined up, but I do not regret my decision to leave.

4. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 2:12PM UTC

   Pardon my french but "F" that. Life is short. Move on!

5. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 10:30PM UTC

   Amen! Get the heck out and find a more fertile environment where you can plant new seeds and grow!

6. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 10:29PM UTC

   Get a 1:1 meeting with your boss at least 2x a month. Suggest it. Saying I want to do a great job and would like a check-in regularly so we can make sure the needs of the position and your expectations are being met. Then while you're at it, get your resume updated and find your way out. You can't fix gaslighting wackos. It's not worth it. Other places probably need you and will appreciate you!

7. AnonymousMay 25,2024 at 1:34PM UTC

   Sounds like someone has it out for you be it your boss or whoever. You may have out did someone and they are jealous or threatened. Watch your back and always stand up for yourself and your work (keep a log of your accomplishments) and at the same time look toward greener pastures as this to is bs is bad for your health.

8. AnonymousMay 25,2024 at 5:15PM UTC

   "Taking things too literally" could be a cultural thing, or perhaps really is personal. They could be histrionic or something, or you may be a teensy bit on the spectrum. Just learn that when they say "xxxxx!!!" it might mean "lmnop." Differences in communication style are hard to negotiate, but the person in power gets to establish which communication style will be used, unfortunately for the rest of us.

   Try to keep a log of each meeting, sending an email to your personal email from your work email, and make a point of remembering when your ideas were *not* shot down, and when someone else's ideas were also shot down to be sure you are not focusing on the negative.

   Also, keep track of all the work you do daily, tracking which parts of your essential job functions each task belongs to. This will give you evidence for whatever reason you may need, including combatting gaslighting. If your boss has developed a bias against you, facts will be the best way to combat it.

   I've been in a similar situation, and the best solution is really just escape, but I know that's not always possible. Surviving and thriving is the best "revenge," so that's my wish for you however things go.

9. AnonymousMay 25,2024 at 7:19PM UTC

   Be careful with this. I've been in a similar situation. Be confident, don't second guess yourself, and document everything (all of your accomplishments, any special assignments, etc). Also, be cautious about sharing opinions and ideas. I've been in situations where my ideas were shot down...and then implemented by the manager later. lol Also, sharing opinions could be seen as being critical, so always frame it in a positive way. In the meantime, I would suggest updating your resume and look for a new job. The situation as you've laid out has the hallmarks of a deteriorating and toxic work environment.