I am so tired of the favoritism at work.

Anonymous

April 18,2022 at 10:03PM UTC

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I am so tired of the favoritism at work. Clearly I am being treated like I don’t exist unless something is needed. If I were in the “it” group, people would be responsive. Management already has big plans for my 30 year old coworker. She is well liked by management because she was in the office every day during the pandemic. She has been with the company for 3 years and I have been there nearly 5 years too long. She is good friends with another coworker, so that plays a roles. I am friendly with her but we are certainly not friends nor am I going to make an enemy of her. A coworker noticed management favors her over me too, so it’s not just me. Favortism runs rampant in this office and others have mentioned it among their groups. If anything, it just makes my decision easier to look for another job. I get along with my manager, but it’s time to move on. I have applied to a couple of jobs but nothing so far. I am 50, so I am definitely seeing age bias at work. Unfortunately, I don’t have any concrete proof. But I am over it and sick and tired of being ignored. Thanks for reading my long winded vent. I don’t want to leave without something else lined up and want to leave on good terms.

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AnonymousApril 18,2022 at 11:14PM UTC
Yes it's well past time to leave.
Tasha L. SimmonsApril 19,2022 at 12:28AM UTC
Venting is healthy stress release
Don't be discouraged looking for a new opportunity
There's a few ways to update your resume so your age is not noticeable.
Connect with people on LinkedIn.
Also advocating for yourself, show what you bring to the organization and your department
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 12:18PM UTC
i have been in this same situation, being the oldest person (in my 40s) and not part of the “in” crowd. Your approach seems spot on: It’s difficult to change a culture like this, so looking makes sense.. My story turned out well for me. I option yours will turn out well for you.
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 12:24PM UTC
May I offer an alternate perception? Some departments have budget where they can only promote one person on a team per year. In support of that, the boss wants to ensure that the person they put for promotion is 100% accepted by peers in a round table. To ensure success the boss launches a “marketing campaign” so that the person is well known and will be promoted without any reasonable doubt. It may be that your peer is being promoted this year, however departments that use this method will not skip someone in line. I have been in your shoes and what I did to resolve that was to focus on building my relationships. Listen more, acknowledge more, include in collaboration sessions where appropriate.
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 12:28PM UTC
Age bias is definitely out there.
I don’t remember it being this way when I was younger and hiring people but I see it a lot in the mid 30 to early 40 age group. They seem either they are intimidated or think they know a lot more than someone in their 50’s. However, on the flip side there are some companies that are realizing that the younger age group does not always have the same work ethic and are looking for the late 40’s and up employee. Just may take a while to find.
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 12:29PM UTC
I left the same situation a year ago. I am so happy I made the choice to move on. Favoritism in my previous office was very toxic and stressed me out. You will find another position with a company that appreciates us ladies in our 50’s. Best of luck!
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 12:31PM UTC
Unfortunately you’ll find favoritism to be common. You just have to know what you are willing to put up with and when it’s time to move on.
Madam anon663April 20,2022 at 12:33PM UTC
It's hard to watch favoritism, it's unfair, demoralizing and demotivating. I feel for you, been there.
GirlBossanova934974April 20,2022 at 12:33PM UTC
3 words. "The Great Resignation".............A period in American business history where workers decided to pack up and leave in record numbers after years of office politics, favoritism, and a host of other reasons. These days, I don't have a week where outside recruiters are not lighting up my phone with unsolicited calls with real jobs that pay good $$$. I am over 55. Everyday, I have to delete the voicemails. I have a LinkedIn profile which has been worked on for 2-3 years. It works!
Julie AndrewsApril 20,2022 at 12:51PM UTC
Amen! There are so many great jobs right now-make your age/experience play in your favor. I’m almost ten years old than you and there is a ton out there. Don’t be further minimized because you don’t have to endure any of that. And get out before you’re bitter-I let that go on a tad too long. Best of luck to you!
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 12:34PM UTC
I'm glad you feel like you can vent here, because you can! :) And, I'm going to guess that most (if not all) of us here have witnessed or experienced bias at work. Also, at school, at church, in the neighborhood, and at the PTA meeting. It's hard when you feel/know that you're being minimized and you're just not "in" with the crowd. But do you want to be "in"...? I mean, if you want to be in, or suck up..you can, right? But I don't get the vibe that you're that kind of gal. Neither am I. Also, You said you are 50 --so you are mature enough to know that these little social games at work are so childish (though, they do RULE the workplace, often)--So what is the answer? I don't know. If you like your work and workspace, generally speaking, then let it go. But, if you are being treated unfairly, not equally for same work--or blatantly being ignored (to the point of it being painfully obvious and toxic)--then leave. I just want you to know that your feelings and experience are universal to all of us at SOME POINT in our careers...I, too, have worked (I'm in healthcare industry) and I knew I wasn't in the cool crowd. I was/am older....I am a person of faith (I dont' play that loudly at work but in some ways, it is obvious I think) and other things. But...excellent work cannot be discounted, no matter what. Be excellent. Don't be overly sensitive that you aren't in the in-crowd. And, if the situation feels sickening and toxic, then plan your escape. But take a step back and realize that these little popularity games are everywhere...so we have to size it up for what it is. God bless and good luck, friend.
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 12:35PM UTC
I just left a job with the same situation. I am 51 but no one guessed my age, but the “favorite” was the bosses bestie from school (they are both under 40 as are most of the ppl there) and the bestie was not a nice person and had many ppl fooled with her phony “niceness”. Update your resume and look for some place else where they will appreciate you.
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 1:10PM UTC
Similar situation- my 30 year old coworker is good friends with a person that is not nice but knows how to turn it off and on. My boss is good friends with “bitch lady” and has become closer to the 30 year old. They all socialize with each other out of work. Essentially bitch lady brought her into the company, hence the reason I have always maintained a cordial distance.
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 12:36PM UTC
I know the feeling! I’m sorry you have to deal with clear bias.
It likely is better for you to look for another job since the environment clearly isn’t the most fair.
Put your feelers out and network so you have a back-up plan when needed.
JanetApril 20,2022 at 12:47PM UTC
I totally get what you’re saying! I was getting the same treatment, being the oldest @ 59. Not only was it the age thing but the new owners only valued the marketing team and the accounting support was totally taken for granted! Both my boss and I quit at the same time(team of 3). Fortunately for me my husband was in total support of me getting away from the toxic environment! I still am interested in working, I’m now searching for a passion project. At my age it’s not enough to just put in the time!
Jackie BeecherApril 20,2022 at 12:52PM UTC
Favouritism happens everywhere unfortunately, & from my own personal experiences, I don't think it always stems from agism.
Professional workplaces should not have cliques, rewards should be performance based, but this is not guaranteed..I feel your pain and hope expressing frustration here helps a little
Talya MarshApril 20,2022 at 9:39PM UTC
Not just ageism, but also ableism, sexism, and racism (both covert overt).
Bronwyn ReijndersApril 20,2022 at 1:00PM UTC
I left my previous job because the GM made a little 20-something the "front desk manager" even though she only ever managed was her phone.
I managed the customer relationships and accounts, provided customer reports, sales reports and sales metrics, as well as logistics and distribution for our sales team.
But I was only a lowly sales consultant, and did not run to the manager for problems that could be fixed without intervention from upper management.
Well, the other girl played her game well, and got the promotion and hefty pay rise.
My satisfaction is in knowing that less than 6 months after I left, all of my duties had fallen by the wayside and she had been fired for gross non-performance.
And my new employer was only too happy to benefit from my experience.
In the end, personality matters; managers, VPs, MDs, CEOs etc. all have personal preferences, and few enough have enough self-awareness to separate their likes from the equation when it comes to things like this.
I also had to come to terms with the fact that that girl played a fantastic political game and it will (unfortunately) taker her far in life.
Also that in many cases, no matter what I thought about the matter, someone else was just a better fit, even if I was unaware of the criteria that someone else, whom I perceived as "not as good as me," had that management wanted and that I lacked. It was a long, painful and bitter realization, but it is tempered by the knowledge that in most cases many of these decisions are "personal" preference, rather than professional.
It is simply a fact of human nature.
I took it for what it was and jumped ship.
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 1:05PM UTC
Sadly, that feeling is all too common. I, too, feel ignored, or perhaps the better word is marginalized. Imagine putting together a group of employees to work on ways to improve diversity, and the group isn't diverse. How can one group truly address the issue when the group isn't diverse? Sometimes a company will create a sham to say an issue was addressed and then hire one or two people to support their claim. And then that is the end of it. Or when a company brings on a new leader, who then starts to find ways to have their friends hired? Or when a leader ignores an employee who may have more education or a better-aligned degree than they possess? The list can go on, but the feeling of being ignored or marginalized is real. Sadly, it has always happened and will continue to happen. What is the solution? I don't know, but it would be great if an answer could be found. Good luck in your job search! That is a wise decision.
Christine JacquesApril 20,2022 at 1:21PM UTC
It sounds like a good decision for you. You are wise to want to leave on good terms.
Before you embark on screening calls and interviews, do your best to control your obvious bitter feelings. They can come out when you least expect it! They won't help you move into a new position.
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 1:21PM UTC
I can definitely relate to this. I just recently got a new job because of it, actually. My (now) previous employer played the favorites game hard and has even admitted it. What made this worse was that I knew him before this job and he headhunted me to work for his company. That makes a total of 4 years knowing each other, both personally and professionally. He never put an ounce of effort into helping the part of the company I worked in, even when I had open and direct conversations with him about it. But if this other woman in the company spoke up about something she needed, he’d give it to her in a heartbeat. He even gave her things she didn’t need when *I* was the one who spoke up for myself. It made no sense.
There are so many more things I could mention but just know this - you deserve more. You are worth much more than someone treating you like you’re less than. I let it affect my mental health for entirely way too long and I’m dealing with all of the aftermath anxiety now. Keep applying for new jobs. The right opportunity will come and you’ll be thankful for it!
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 3:53PM UTC
I am looking now for the same reason. I have two interviews lined up and another company looking, plus a head hunter. Fingers crossed
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 10:09PM UTC
You got this!! Looking and interviewing are difficult but once you land that new gig, you’re going to feel so relieved. Onto bigger and better things ?
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 1:21PM UTC
So you are not alone. I am 57 and work at a company where 30 year olds are favorited. Let me say this it’s racial too. I’m white, and older and management is all black and so is the 30 year old. Anything I say is ignored and all of the work is assigned to my 30 year old coworker. The 30 year old began to use terms with me like calling me paranoid, I think there is a conspiracy theory against me, I think people are stealing work! Come on!!! I reported stereotyping and certain people being set up for success above others. Just document because it’s not the 1st place this has happened and from experience. Just know when you draw attention to their behavior they will lie and shed the most negative light on you and deny they said it
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 1:34PM UTC
I am 19 years old, studying Information systems and completed a certificate in data engineering.
I also work part time for 3 years. I work in retail, and I am extremely hard working and a fast worker (many staff have said that including previous manager). My previous manager left and works elsewhere now. He always gave me disgusting jobs to do, such as cleaning vomit, cleaning bathrooms, and tasks I didn't enjoy all the time. I always done what he said and my studies were getting stressful, and I was always depressed. My parents could also see I was depressed. I did want to quit so I can focus on studies and self grow. But literally the shift I was going to tell my manager this, I heard he's leaving. I kept quiet and told my parents. They said I should stay a bit longer, and I did. My new manager is honestly a dream come true! (Her younger sister was best friends with my twin sister in high school). It does seem to me like I'm her favorite employee, and she is always friendly to me and other staff. I always tell my parents how work went and my mum thinks my manager has a crush on me. ? she also does give me disgusting jobs to do sometimes, but she is so fair with Everything. If an employee does something really well, she always has something nice to say, whereas previous manager would keep quiet. Im so glad she is my manager, I couldn't have asked for a Better manager!
Rhonda RoyalApril 20,2022 at 1:55PM UTC
It’s sad to say but this is the ‘tempo’ of life, and work/employment usually isn’t any different. Sometimes, rather than be part of ‘the game’, you need to take your toys and leave however, that can be a temporary fix especially if you’re approaching or over 50 years of age. Get all your ‘duckies in a row’ (savings, IRA’s, skills, qualifications, etc) and plan your move. It will do a world of good to get away from a sick, biased, work environment. Best of luck to you-God bless!
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 1:59PM UTC
I am sorry to hear that you’re going through this situation. One thing I don’t understand is how this relates to your performance vs. your colleague’s performance? Could it be that she is great at self marketing and gaining visibility? I choose to let my work do the talking and I have also been passed over for key assignments. If you feel that you’re performance is better than hers, it’s time to seek an organisation which values results over self marketing. Take care of you!
Maureen B. WeisnerApril 20,2022 at 2:17PM UTC
Ageism is real. Favoritism happens in every organization. Is there possibly something you might be missing with respect to performance that you can address, may improve your profile and point to when/if you move to a job search. It sounds like the challenges here may be an opportunity to take control and focus on your professional growth and positioning.
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 2:24PM UTC
I am sorry about the workplace favoritism you are experiencing. The workplace isn’t naturally fair and it is never easy. You are doing great by recognizing your needs and planning to take an exit to another job on your own terms. I hope you are able to take some time to focus on you during this intending transition. Good luck to you!
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 3:31PM UTC
oh, how I can empathise with how you are feeling at your company!! I was furloughed during the pandemic and once I returned it's been "while you were off, ??? did that and ??? did this and ??? really helped". Every time I fall down on something the comment is right there to really hammer home that ??? is amazing! She's a little younger than me (that shouldn't have anything to do with it though), is always up for a party, likes her drink, is loud, is married but currently no independents (although she's trying via IVF). Me on the other hand, single mum to a 4yr old boy with no help.
There are only so many "oh ok", "oh really?" "sounds good" that I can do.
Unfortunately for me, it looks like the company have now had enough of me and are pushing me out - "Option 1: Performance Management or Option 2: Managed Exit" - they didn't even offer me a 3rd Option ie redeployment in the company (we employ 17000 people nationally). It's a complete personality issue and expectations higher than my job description.
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 3:42PM UTC
I am dealing with something similar with my boss. Awful.
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 3:48PM UTC
Right there with you. My boss has favorites and I am not one of them. These favorites can say anything they want about me and she will believe them. However if I correct misinformation, I am “being defensive.” She makes zero time to listen to me—hears half of what I say, then gaslights me. I called a meeting with her on an issue she’s been inconsistent on so she ambushed me with HR. So now I am ready to leave.
Not the only one who has bailed because of her favoritism.
froerden@yahoo.comApril 20,2022 at 3:49PM UTC
Move on. You can’t change this toxic mess you work in. Good luck.
Maria Paula CalvoApril 20,2022 at 4:02PM UTC
I can only add that favoritism is natural and present in every human community because not everyone feels the same towards everybody, it is natural. Sometimes I found it good to see what are the characteristics of the persons that everyone tends to favour because I am certain there are lots of things to learn from them. Other times I also think about the level of self-conciousness I have and how complacent I tend to be with myself, especially because this may be the reason why I see things happening in the environment but don´t take accountability of my own shortages... And ageism is becoming a very noticeable issue in the workplace around the world these days.
I like to think there are things under my control that I can action upon to impact on these aspects, so I look for those things and focus there and that provides me a sense of satisfaction that I am building a better person out of myself whenever and wherever I can. And what is not under my control, I just try to live with or by it... hope this helps you think further on what you want to do! Good luck
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 4:10PM UTC
I hear you. There was favoritism at my prior employment, and I was not a favorite. I was not provided with 1:1s unless I practically begged for them, I'd consult with my manager about direction for certain projects and (if he actually answered) was given wrong information then blamed for it despite the fact he was cc'd on all emails and never reached out to me to re-direct. (He basically set me up for failure, quietly watching, then finally jumping in to act like he had no idea where it started. When he threw me under the bus, I should have taken him with me but its just not my personality.) I was eventually "worked out" (they worked on finding ways to validate my not meeting performance expectations despite several achievements and my manager saying how much he appreciated all of my achievements on the termination interview).
I felt this coming and saved a lot of money just in case. I really wish I had left on my own before they fired me but was nervous to do it without something lined up, but just didn't have time or energy to job hunt when working 10 hr days. I should have left on my own anyway.
Keep looking, hope you find something better soon and can leave on your own on good terms. But also keep saving money (if you can) so you can leave without something lined up or if things get worse.
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 6:42PM UTC
I feel your pain…my boss is the same way. We met with HR because she kicked up an issue that she refused to clarify. The HR manager asked if we had 1:1. My manager said she meets with her team. I responded that we tried 1:1, but she was always too busy and I had to rush through my list in 5 minutes. She complained I had too big of a list. And yes, I have been thrown under the bus multiple times because I am not important.
Kristie WhiteApril 20,2022 at 4:34PM UTC
I see so much about toxic environments in the public posts.
Recently I read a post that mentions this book - The Asshole Survival Guide-How to Deal With People Who Treat You Like Dirt. You can find it on Amazon. I haven't read it yet - but the post was by someone who has and she highly recommended it. It is so needed right now when bad behavior is rampant - and I think it may also be stress coming out from the pandemic and all of the challenges that continue. As for your age, you are in that timeframe where ageism starts to be more pronounced. Western culture is so obsessed with youth and beauty that our society automatically praises every little thing the young do and discounts experience and wisdom. To leverage your experience and wisdom, you have to elevate your "position" in our culture - re-invent yourself into something that gives you credibility. That will help.
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 4:51PM UTC
I am in a similar boat and I am 53 years old. I have been interviewing and believe I will find something soon. Good luck to you,!
Rynn StrangeApril 20,2022 at 5:45PM UTC
I find it interesting that most comments hone in on age or ageism. Let's focus on experience rather than age - which is simply a number. If management focuses on your age, you won't want to work there anyway. Perhaps I've been fortunate, in the sense that my age has never come up. If I don't focus on it, and talk about my knowledge and experience, age will not matter. And I'm well past my full retirement age.
Paula BrantnerApril 20,2022 at 5:48PM UTC
I'm familiar with thousands of toxic workplaces, and as you can see from the comments below, this is all too common. There's very little you can do to change it, because I'm sure anyone who is playing favorites is ready to acknowledge that.
The whole "being in the office" thing really highlighted ways that age and/or disability and/or family responsibilities discrimination take hold, in that there were people who couldn't be in the office without literally risking their lives or their families' lives, and others for whom it was no big deal to go back once the office opened up.
Age discrimination is particularly hard to prove, since it almost always get tied back to some business reason, and people are less likely to reveal it in some actionable way.
Just dust off your resume, start looking, and make sure your performance stays at the same level until you can get out. If there are ways to minimize working with the "favorite" employee, then do so, but don't be obvious about it. Once you have something secured, if there's an opportunity to share it in an exit interview, it may reinforce what other people are saying.
But just stay focused on your objective to move on and don't let your relationship with her deter you from doing what you need to do.
Communication CoachApril 20,2022 at 6:09PM UTC
You are very smart to have made the decision to leave on good terms and to have something lined up before giving your notice. Age bias is real and is very difficult, if not impossible, to prove being eliminated due to it. It is annoying to have to deal with not being 'the favorite' but, is exists in many offices. If you find work you enjoy, ignoring the realities of negatives is a good habit to develop. Remote work can sometimes help in office frictions. Best positive energy to you in your search for a better fit at work!
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 6:35PM UTC
It seems that you have a lot of information on this "co-worker" and management's plans for her. How did you get that information? And what drives the assessment that she is well liked by management, particularly because she worked in the office during pandemic?
What is "noticed" by others is concerning, and so is the general statement that favoritism runs rampant and also mentioned by others.
My brain is blowing up just reading all of these "known" facts - yet nothing presented that indicates actions taken.
You mentioned that you have a good relationship with your manager - so that is YOUR advantage! That is YOUR power. Get with your manager and outline goals and growth that you want to make and utilize to impact a strong organization. Keep regular 1:1's with manager with updates and how to include your coworker as a mentee. You and your manager are the senior (role and tenure) staff with experience and history. Push yourself up - with advice, programs, efficiencies, policies, etc. - along with your manager. Be a combined effort in building strength, working together, learning from mistakes, and taking organization to next level.
The "favorite" groups and people will find their place in that system or find themselves elsewhere because they are not willing or prepared to do the work for strong, committed growth.
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 6:53PM UTC
I agree that favoritism and ageism are alive and well.
I am older than you and the first 5 minutes of my recent annual performance review was how they were going to groom a coworker for my bosses spot since she is young. They want me to train her on everything I do! Wow really? This had nothing to do with my performance review except to point out that I am older. Not once was it mention how to utilize my skills or develop my skill set. I have chosen to stay for now, but this was truly an ageism moment in my life. Oh and all promotions are to 2 specific people who are favored, plus the jobs are not posted and they are just slid in. To top if off I work in HR.
Please make the choice that is right for you and go with it. From my experience, the ones doing the favoring do not see it at all.
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 8:06PM UTC
That is terrible and so exhausting. I experienced something similar with a young, inexperienced coworker being favored and groomed for promotion while senior staff with management experience were overlooked. My sense is the company wants to seem hip and tech savvy and thinks this is the way to go.
Jamie B.April 20,2022 at 7:47PM UTC
As a leader I struggle with the perception and/or realism of favoritism.
I have been on both ends-where I have felt like I was on a team where favorites were being played and also where I have been accused of playing favorites. Speaking for myself, I find it is easier to gravitate towards those who are easier to get along with and have more upbeat & positive personalities. As far as applying rules and disciplinary actions, I am fair and consistent across the board. Ageism has never been a factor for me.
I am sorry you are experiencing this. It sounds like you are correct in saying that you've been there 5 years too long. Go where it is a better fit and you feel more appreciated.
Vanda LeeApril 20,2022 at 8:11PM UTC
I agree with the statement of perception/realism…
I have been a victim of favoritism but as a leader I work hard against the perception of favoritism. Often times leaders gravitate towards those that step up to the plate the quickest or are constantly dependable. I coach my supervisors to call on EVERYONE -not just your go tos for exactly this reason. To avoid the perception of favoritism.
I would have a conversation with your manager and ask if you could work on special projects or an area that would align with some growth & development etc…start the conversation and see what options there may be. If that doesn’t offer some relief, move on.
Mary RyanApril 21,2022 at 2:51AM UTC
Had a boss who was the opposite. She seemed to make pets of the people who were constantly calling off or were short on their draws most of the time. Meanwhile, I worked my behind off, called off 7 times in 7 years, was available to cover a shift...Got taken for granted, got tired of it. Left when I requested a specific day off and didn't get it.
Vanda LeeApril 22,2022 at 3:13PM UTC
Familiar with this scenario as well...
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 9:37PM UTC
I am another that is going through this. But where I work it is cronyism at its worst. The ageism is terrible as well. I have been trying to find another job for a long time without any luck. The posts I have been reading all say to move out and along. Mgmt works hard to develop their friends and ignore the rest. They try to make things appear differently than they are to negatively posture those not their friends and then make their friends look good.
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 9:42PM UTC
in the same boat
ghosted by peers who compete for work to do and promotions
leapfrogged by less experienced,
less educated, less capable (young white men) who are being pre-positioned and Talent Managed
Give the boss right answers and get told I’m wrong then… months later we do what I said. While the TM bubbas get the respect because they’re doing all those right things.
can only eyeroll at them publicly and — and LOL behind their backs.
Star7April 26,2022 at 2:21AM UTC
I like your phrase, "LEAPFROGGED"....by less experienced, less educated, less capable (young white men) who are being pre-positioned and Talent Managed Give the boss right answers and get told I’m wrong then… months later we do what I said. "...sounds so much like my experience.
Yes, I too, have decided they will get just enough notice to make sure myself is at least on a higher road, but they will not get more notice than what is necessary when the time arrives.
AnonymousApril 20,2022 at 10:03PM UTC
I really wish that I couldn't relate, but unfortunately I do. I got a new boss about 10-years ago and she brought her entire staff with her. I have always been the step child and never a part of the "inner circle." Some years were great and some brought constant stress. To know that you've never been trusted doesn't exactly build confidence. I just turned 56 and have a lot of health issues, so it wouldn't be easy to find a new position. I could take early retirement but the insurance would kill me. I do have a lot of knowledge so I guess that is my value.
Bridget HarringtonApril 20,2022 at 10:15PM UTC
I have dealt with this in companies and unfortunately, the only way to deal with it is to go elsewhere. One thing I will advise is to give them minimal notice and to leave quietly. I left a job once due to favoritism/nepotism and was asked to train my replacement (one of the favorites). I didn't outright refuse, but I did diplomatically say, "I have a lot to wrap up before I leave and need to concentrate on that. Besides (replacement) seems to have it all figured out, so my input really isn't needed, is it?" It's subtle and doesn't change anything for you, but it does get them to think twice about who they force out.
AnonymousApril 21,2022 at 12:41AM UTC
In same spot myself right now.
Boss is a 35 year old “golden boy” who has shot down recommendations I’ve made to improve the department only to take those same ideas to his VP and pass them off as his own. I’ve remained silent by choice but have accepted that the best move for me is to move on.
Life is too short to allow a toxic environment drag you down. Start planning your exit, be it via a new role or be it getting your financial house in order to be able to gracefully exit.
AnonymousApril 22,2022 at 3:10AM UTC
Sounds familiar, sadly. I dragged my feet too long in leaving.
Mariama MooreApril 21,2022 at 12:27PM UTC
Friendship in a workplace is the most unethical behaviour people have lost all sight on going to work to do a job people that have turned these workplaces upside down with all the non sense and drama ? it's so annoying and sickening that people bring their issues to work and doesn't care because their friends with management they need to screen these people they are putting into serious authority position people are suppose to be able to make a living and atheist have a good day sometime at work with out the hassle of unstable individuals.
Anna Hughes McCoyApril 21,2022 at 1:08PM UTC
I’m a recruiter and help people who are concerned with ageism on a regular basis.
Here a few tips to help with your job search: If you don’t have a LinkedIn profile (or if it’s not very detailed about your experience, don’t have a good headshot, etc.) now is the time to update it and make sure to indicate you’re “Open to Work”. After you update your LinkedIn profile, search for recruiters who specialize in the industry you have experience in, connect with them and see if they have any job opportunities available that could be a good fit. Resume: Remove dates of when you graduated from college, list your previous 15 years of work experience and remove early career experience, especially if it’s not relevant to what you currently do. When applying for new opportunities, make sure your experience aligns with most of the key skills/necessary experience within the job description, then write a cover letter explaining how your background fits for that particular role. I hope this helps! In the meantime, make your other full time job looking for a new job! :) Best of luck in your search.
Star7April 22,2022 at 4:17AM UTC
Hello Anna,
I am in a situation, where it is impossible to get out, because the manager (supposedly) would do underhanded things so people could not leave. I just had a company sort of verify this for me, as this person did not return their call, when asking about me for a job.
My question is: what if the most relevant job history is becoming farther and farther away from today's date: as in, when you left that job was in 2007, or better job than that was in 2004? I am in a pigoen holed job, they always had excuses when I would ask to learn new things, but then made sure new people would get the knowledge, and promoted. I think that's EEO or something else in the Feds.
I busted my tail, and finished my degree end of 2019, with honors. I need to move on, out, and up.
I am a spouse of a Veteran, and so I had done so many different jobs.
T hank you
AnonymousApril 23,2022 at 6:08PM UTC
I understand what you’re saying.
But don’t let them pigeon hold you because they’re ignoring other employers follow ups. Yes they are probably doing that on purpose but I’m sure your experiences and skills can overshadow their reference in an interview. Who would want a reference from a toxic place?
AnonymousApril 24,2022 at 5:55AM UTC
Unfortunately the LinkedIn resume does not let you enter education without adding years. So even if you don't have graduation year on the resume sent with job applications, if your LinkedIn profile link is on the resume (which I've heard is recommended) or employers otherwise access your LinkedIn profile, they'll know your graduation date. ☹️
Erin Thomas, Career + Leadership CoachApril 24,2022 at 6:07PM UTC
Hi, you don’t have to include years on LinkedIn education. It’s not a required field.
AnonymousApril 21,2022 at 2:14PM UTC
I can appreciate your sentiments.
I'm facing a challenging situation of my own at work; in addition to the playing favorites at work from our management team, I have also been thrust into a leadership position with almost no direction--except to tell me that I need to "check in" with my director about all decisions that I make for my department (even the most miniscule of them). The micromanaging of our department has left me stressed beyond measure; I've also noticed that none of the other departments experience this treatment. While being in this current position has give me invaluable insight, it has also pushed me closer to the exit. I am brushing up my skills to give myself a competitive edge, and I will be taking them elsewhere.
AnonymousApril 22,2022 at 3:12AM UTC
It has been shocking to me to see how unprofessional so many places are these days. I recently left my position for something similar and am much happier so far in my new place. Life is too short...
Star7April 22,2022 at 4:20AM UTC
I understand where you are, it is incredible how inhumane people have become.
Robyn McCabria KelsoApril 22,2022 at 12:32PM UTC
The lack of professionalism is rampant across many industries. Hang in there and keep applying - a new opportunity will come your way!
Erin Thomas, Career + Leadership CoachApril 22,2022 at 5:53PM UTC
Ugh, sorry you are feeling this way. I very much understand and agree that favoritism is toxic. It definitely sounds like it's time to move into a new organization and one that has a productive and healthy culture. Let me know if I can help in any way!
Rosa GoesApril 23,2022 at 1:17AM UTC
All great advice from others in this post. Your last sentence (I don’t want to leave without something else lined up and want to leave on good terms) can be a great goal. Keep your eyes on that and I think you will find a fantastic job. Good luck to you!
Rhonda RoyalApril 23,2022 at 11:31PM UTC
Sadly enough this nonsense game goes on all the time. Sad to say, but the work environment isn’t as professional as we’d like to think. Favoritism can be a bitch, if you’ve been with the company longer than a short time (4-5 years), put things in order and leave. It will do your self-esteem a world of good!
Liz MilneApril 24,2022 at 10:50PM UTC
Is it possible that she has a can-do attitude and you... don't? Which is why management will, of course, favour her.
To quote you: 'she has been with the company for three years and I have been there nearly five years too long.' If you dislike, or even are ambivalent to, your job, but she loves hers, why shouldn't they favour her?
It's a drag spending time with miserable people, while enthusiastic people are enlivening and fun to be around.
Of course, if they are just discriminating against you because you are a bit older, that is absolutely wrong and should be called out. Just make sure that you are being entirely honest with yourself about your impact on the office atmosphere before you do?
AnonymousMay 26,2022 at 6:05PM UTC
You are just assuming it’s that. What if it’s discrimination?
Liz MilneMay 28,2022 at 1:59AM UTC
As I say in my last paragraph there,
'if they are [...] discriminating [...] that is absolutely wrong and should be called out'.
froerden@yahoo.comApril 26,2022 at 6:53PM UTC
I see two ways this could pan out:
1) young hotshot burns herself out or gets aggressive and makes a big mistake and gets fired or leaves. OR
2) you leave for a better job / situation and you’re happy. “She” bungles your work and “they” realize your value too late, of course.
The result of both is the same… management will realize your value finally, and if you’re still working there they will recognize you for it, or if you’ve already quit they’ll realize they followed the wrong employee. Either way they lose. Go find something better and don’t wait for these dopes to figure it out.