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How to handle insensitivity around PTO usage?

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How to handle insensitivity around PTO usage? We have a few new managers on my team. My company has a use it or lose it policy on pto and we're already looking towards our Aug 31 deadline. I've only used half of my two week allotment. I've been at my company for 3 years. I have seen my whole team turnover and am on my 3rd boss in that amount of time. I've absorbed the work of multiiple roles. I have a lot going on in my personal life. My boss in a team meeting has now made the comment in front of the entire team, don't tell me you're burned out if you don't take off. I live with depression and anxiety that flairs up with too much alone time. I actually use less wfh time too because of this. This year because of health problems a real vacation is out of the question. Im stressed that i was subtly called out in front of my team and booked a 5 day out of of stint before the end of the meeting. Anyone have any suggestions on how to approach this?

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  1. Anonymous

    Maybe I'm missing something but I don't understand what the issue is. You have a boss that highlighted the importance of work / life balance. You said yourself that you can't swing a vacation this year so you submitted a request for a 5-day stay-cation to use up your PTO days.

    You weren't called out in this meeting, your boss was highlighting a benefit that employees weren't fully utilizing. I've struggled with generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder for the better part of three decades. Since this is my trigger, it's also my responsibility to manage so I would call out that advice for you, too. Your boss isn't on deck to manage your mental health issues nor your alone time that will sometimes cause flairs. This one if on you.

    How to approach this, do exactly what you did. You booked the 5 days OOO stint and now it will be on you to fill that time with activities.

  2. Anonymous

    You boss suggesting taking the time off is not calling you out. If he said your name, then yes. It is important to take your time off even if you don't go anywhere, take a break. Go do some free things around the city that you live in, go to the library. I have time off coming up soon and we are having a staycation, working around the house with a few fun things thrown in there too.

  3. Anonymous

    I'm not going to fault your manager on this one and I see no reason to approach them on this. Most people complain that they can't use the time, boss won't approve time off, etc. Don't stress that you were 'called out' (I know, easier said than done) but take that time and find a way to work on yourself.

  4. Anonymous

    Your manager made a very ignorant and insensitive statement, with a little passive aggression thrown in there for good measure. They don't know everyone's individual situation, just think a certain amount of PTO will magically dissolve all stress- sorry, a week of PTO doesn't always do it. You could try to ask for a 1 on 1 to advise them of your situation. They might be understanding than if you challenged or confronted them on their lack of tact. If not, starting revising the resume', it's not going to get better.

  5. Anonymous

    This can be a great time to get out and make new friends. Sign up for an art class during your PTO time. Make sure you see your therapist during one of those days. Go to a concert. Go shopping. Unfortunately, your company is right that taking time off to unwind and refresh yourself is also important because if your whole life focus is on your job, then by definition, you have no work/life balance.

  6. Anonymous

    You provide no excuses for using your earned PTO. Comments of burnout will obviously be met with disdain. So you go through the process of submitting PTO dates and if met with a request to change it come back with a hard no that you'll lose your tickets.

  7. Anonymous

    It isn't insensitivity, not really. In this case you may have unconsciously made that passing comment about you.

    Is it possible that by working with a team where you've absorbed multiple roles, your output may be putting others at risk of burnout?

    What if your boss' concern is because you already have a lot on your plate?

    If you burnout or get ill, how would your absence affect the rest of the team?

    Take a moment to look at it from the boss' perspective.

    Is the reason you're on your 3rd boss because the past ones didn't know how to manage people and the turnover that caused you to take on those roles is to blame?

    I'm sure we can all agree that your boss doesn't want to lose their job because they didn't assess risks appropriately.

    The time off doesn't mean you can't stay busy. Join a workshop, upskill or find a course on something you've always wanted to learn but haven't really had a chance to explore. If you have a lot going on in your personal life, it might also be good to explore ways to better that situation as well. During that time, you can still look at your inbox, prioritize, archive or clean it up.

    Might be good to look at workaholics anonymous, if you struggle this much with taking days off.

    Your anxiety/depression may stem from the job too, so it's worth understanding what triggers these feelings.

  8. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition Specialist

    Not sure exactly how encouraging employees to use their hard-earned PTO is insensitive but maybe that's just me.

    I'm not exactly sure what you mean by "suggestions on how to approach this", but I think you're talking about to not make taking the time off be more stressful for you. If I'm misunderstanding, my apology.

    Just because you're taking PTO, doesn't mean you have to spend that time alone.

    Surely, there are volunteer opportunities in your community - a soup kitchen that could use help, an animal shelter that could use an extra pair of hands, volunteer at a museum, contact the Sierra Club and check out hikes, it's an election year - volunteer for a campaign if that's what floats your boat.

    Volunteer opportunites many times serve a dual purpose of filling free time and feeding your heart. Personally, I usually feel like I get a lot more back than I give when I volunteer.

  9. Anonymous

    Approach it like your would any other decision. Take responsibility and take care of yourself. Your boss clearly does not want to do any hand holding on the subject of pto. So figure out what works for you and make it happen. Find an activity that keeps your anxiety in check and do it. A week engaged in something other than work is healthy. Complaining of burnout is hard to justify when you make no effort to address it. Your pto is there as a benefit to help you. Learn how best to use it. A therapist can help.

  10. Anonymous

    Try taking off on some Wednesdays (or pick a day better for you) and use that time for your own self care. Make sure you shut down the work laptop. Ensure it is paid time OFF and make it all about YOU.

  11. GirlBossanova934974

    Frankly, I think you put your new manager in a NO WIN position.
    Take your earned PTO and there are problems. Don't take your PTO and you lose it plus you feel even more burned out. What's left? Employers cannot direct you what to do with your time off. I would use that week off to find some new things to do and/or get your personal life in some order or plan a real vacation when you have the funds or feel up to it.

  12. Anonymous

    Take your time off. You’re being a martyr and want special treatment for having no boundaries and letting people take advantage of you. It’s exhausting to you and the people you work with. Oh and the only reason I can say this to you is I’m a recovering workaholic pain in the tush martyr. You will feel so good taking time off, working normal hours, saying no and your boss and colleagues will love you for it.

  13. Mich.Fr.

    You don't have to take five consecutive days. Take a long weekend or a day in the middle of the week.

  14. Anonymous

    Maybe I’m not understanding, but why do you need to book an actual vacation to use PTO?

    Why not take the time off and sleep in? Catch up on the tv you’ve been planning to watch or the books you want to read? Go out for some walks? Visit friends? I took a day off a couple of weeks ago to work on a play. And it doesn’t have to be days in a row - take a lot of long weekends, if that works better.

    Your manager wasn’t being insensitive, he was telling people to use their time. Close your laptop and use it! It’s money to do whatever you want! Or whatever you don’t want!

    also, it’s 2024: we no longer give our employers back part of our compensation packages. Take the time. You earned it.

  15. Anonymous

    I think you need to take a vacation and during that time do something that will destress you. Don't think he or she was targeting you directly instead clearly they want folks to be fresh and that is a good thing. Take care of you and perhaps some of what you are feeling with a bit of fresh air will do you good.

  16. Anonymous

    Use your PTO, that doesn't come across as being attackful. You don't have to go somewhere but if you want to put yourself first and take a moment to pause on strees, use it. Your post is very mixed messaging, IMO, take your owed time, they sound like they're pro PTO. Not that I agree with the approach of don't say you're burned out if you don't take time off, but yea, I get what the sentiment is. You're in your own way of being able to find time to destress.

  17. Me!

    The advice given here is good I hope you will truly listen and consider what people have provided. In addition, I would like to touch on the anxiety and depression which flairs with time alone. Work cannot be your only source of personal interaction. If this is the case, I urge you to build this aspect of your life outside work. People who you can give to, who give back are needed in life, coworkers are not these people. Good luck and enjoy time off.

  18. Anonymous

    PTO means NO work, but you are paid. It doesn't mean mean travel. Stay-cations can be done. But you will get to discipline yourself to not work, address emails, take calls, etc. The first time I took a week after COVID, not working was anxiety producing. Now, I'm better but still struggle. We are expected to not schedule routine work and give report to our covering co-worker. In return, they do the same. Also, don't respond to work on your personal phone.

  19. Anonymous

    If too much alone time is stressful to you, take some PTO and do things that aren’t sitting at home alone. Go to a local museum, enjoy a cafe in a part of town you love, visit a bookstore, take a painting class - whatever interests you. Though they said it in an insensitive way, they make a valid point - they are giving you that PTO for both your benefit and theirs; happy employees are productive employees. You deserve the time off, and you should use it in whatever way gives you an enjoyable break.

  20. Barbara Santos

    My company lots of people take Fridays off during Summer. Maybe you don't have to take a whole week off, you can take some times here and there or have a reduces schedule for a while.

  21. Anonymous

    Did your boss say this specifically to you in response to a comment you made about being burned out, or was this a general announcement made to you and. your peers that you took personally because you haven't used a lot of PTO yet this year? If you are a manager and you aren't taking any PTO because you choose not to, also keep in mind you're sending a subtle message to your directs that it's not a desired thing to take PTO, and I assume that's not the message you want to convey to your team. If you don't want to have alone time that's valid, but consider using your PTO time to do something with other people, perhaps volunteering. Or if you really don't want to take the PTO time then it's time to have a candid conversation with your manager during your next 1:1. You don't have to say it's due to mental health concerns, you can just mention that you're happier spending the time in the office with your coworkers.

  22. TestE Cull

    Take your PTO and do not lose a wink of sleep over it. It is part of your total pay package and time off is vital to mental health. Dont be a workaholic and dont fool yourself into worrying about the company.

    Remember: Corporate sees you as a red shitstain on the quarterly finance reports. You are replaceable and they will not hesitate to thow you out on your ass to increase profits by just five cents. Never let yourself feel guilty about taking PTO! Take it enjoy it.

  23. maria rose

    One thing I have learned to do is to take my PTO time and not feel guilty about it. It’s not my fault that people are last minute planners who assume that everyone else works around their needs. The problem lies with people not realizing there is othe people who are part of the workplace too and deserve to use their PTO time as much as anyone else. Get yourself out of that rut of feeling guilty for asking. For a supervisor to be be so reactive means they were trying to guilt you into not using your PTO because they might have to take on some of the “extra” work duties that you have been doing to compensate for inefficiency of the team.

  24. GirlBossanova524768

    If you have health issues, use the time for a break -- even if just a day or so at a time. Believe me, the company wants you to use this time, and they pay you for it, so why give it back to them? They won't think anything of laying off employees if they need to, whether you take PTO or not (the fact that you don't take PTO won't save you/your job if layoffs and/or other budget cutsare needed). Sometimes it's nice to take a day off during the week for errands, Dr appointments and other things so you aren't spending your weekend getting ready for the upcoming week!

  25. Linda Bergvinsson

    Hop on a plane and take a day trip/tour with likeminded people. I have done it in New Orleans and New Zealand. Totally disconnect, you will be refreshed going back to the office and will view your environment through a new lens.

  26. TestE Cull

    Ahh, yes, because all of us can afford to bugger off to another country on a whim for a day trip ? your privelege is showing....

  27. Linda Bergvinsson

    No, I saved, prioritized and planned these trips in conjunction with my hobby. The constricted office environment was a stark contrast to what I had just experienced during my trip. I mentioned it to the supervisor who subsequently livened up our little space.

  28. Anonymous

    I have depression and anxiety as well, so I understand where you are coming from with not wanting to take a big block of time off at one shot. Too much alone is too much. For me, I find taking a day off to go do 'something' can be a way to take a break but not have too much alone time. I'll be honest, sometimes I have to force myself to do things but I usually find that I enjoy it once I get out and Go. I know for some who have anxiety, this can be really challenging. Does having headphones on with music or light noise help you?

    Some activities I have found I have enjoyed: going to the zoo, Art or historical museums, botanical gardens or arboretums; going and walking around a nearby town I might not be familiar with (I live near Chicago so there are all kinds of suburbs that have nice little downtowns); finding classes or activities happening around my area.

    Not sure if any of this can help you but I hope it does.

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