Return from maternity leave, feeling like I got demoted -

72 Comments

1. Lesa Edwards, Career Coach & Master Resume WriterFebruary 25,2022 at 6:15PM UTC

   Now may not be the optimal time for you to job search. I recommend setting a "start date" for your job search...and don't think about it until then. On that day, evaluate what has transpired with your current employer and decide if you want to start a job search...if so, go for it. If not, don't second-guess yourself.

2. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 8:36PM UTC

   Thank you for the sound advice. Seems like a start date would allow me to clear my head.

3. Erika SpodenFebruary 25,2022 at 6:33PM UTC

   I just want to start by saying that that is incredibly crappy and I'm so sorry that of all the challenges that go along with coming back from maternity leave that you have to grapple with being sidelined into areas other than your team.

   If this is what you came back to, I think it is smart to start looking for a new job, even if it's just looking casually by reaching out to your network. 12 years at one company and being in a leadership role are huge selling points- you might be surprised what you find by word of mouth.

   In the meantime, it's important to remind your boss that you built that team and stress that it was the part of your work that you were most looking forward to getting back to. Emphasize the importance of your work, and make sure that you communicate to the coworker who has taken over that part of your work that you are available for collaboration, advice, etc. Make yourself available if they do ask for anything. You shouldn't have to "re-prove" yourself, but it might take surprisingly little to show your boss that you're the team player you've always been.

   If things stay toxic, step up your search. Get your resume ready over a lunch hour. Take an hour on Sunday evenings to look at job postings, and then if there are any that sound like a better fit, prepare to send your new resume first thing on Monday morning, when a recruiter/HR is most likely to see it.

   I hope that whatever path you end up on take leads to meaningful work. Good luck!

4. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 8:37PM UTC

   Thank you so much!

5. AnonymousFebruary 25,2022 at 7:29PM UTC

   Take a breathe, give yourself some space to recover from maternity and settle your family in with its new addition (so awesome btw).

   There will be plenty of time and opportunity to access your site later.

   Your instincts are correct but you need to plan and to strategize on your schedule when things are right for you and your family.

6. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 8:38PM UTC

   You're probably right!
   I'm ambitious and probably too hard on myself. Thanks for the advice.

7. Jeslyn PattersonFebruary 25,2022 at 7:41PM UTC

   Congratulations on the addition to your family!!! That's exciting! I agree that you should breathe and give yourself mental space for returning. Being away for 3 months is hard but, it shouldn't be a worry. Try not to dwell on what was taken from you, especially since you said the workplace has been toxic for about a year...it might be time for an exit plan. Just don't allow them to add to your sleepless nights, leave that for the baby. There's a difference when you're not sleeping because of your baby, then when it's your job keeping you up.

8. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 8:39PM UTC

   Thank you for pointing that out. I lost sleep the other night over work and that's the last thing I need!

9. Joann S. LublinFebruary 26,2022 at 1:14PM UTC

   Given your current situation, I agree that you should not yet jump from this burning ship. Take some time to explore potential opportunities while also consulting trusted peers where you now work about whether there's any way to remedy things. Perhaps they know smart tactics for persuading your boss to restore your prior duties. Best of luck!

10. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 8:40PM UTC

    Thank you!

11. Mo Faul, Founder, CEO, Exec CoachFebruary 26,2022 at 1:36PM UTC

    Congrats on the new addition to your family! You may have a true HR issue here as your job is to be protected/ maintained - it’s up to you if you want to go there. Have you had a crucial conversation of “disagreeing” with your boss moves? You can certainly chill and not push up against it. In my opinion the self confidence hit is real and will affect your authority and your next career choice until you get re- aligned with your power. Unfortunately you are not alone in these type of hits to women's careers! You are being called to strengthen your inner self! There is more for you to be and do! Dive into it! Challenges call us to be more! All the best!

12. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 8:41PM UTC

    You're right - the hit to my confidence is what's getting me down the most. Thank you so much for the encouragement. ?

13. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 1:42PM UTC

    You've been at your company 12 years and this is your third child...did you have any of your first 2 when he was your leader?
    You mention not getting enough sleep and brain fog (it's the worst I had it for about a year after having my daughter)...I wonder if you had a rough time getting back into the swing of things the last time and maybe it impacted some of your direct and/or indirect reports and he's doing his best to manage that. In situations like this I always try to assume good intent.

    I wouldn't recommend looking for a job now as it may add additional undue stress becuase a job search and starting a new job can be very stressful. Take the lightened load as a gift and focus on you and the new baby's well-being. And if you can, try to turn your remaining teams into your new favorites! When you feel like you are in a good space start that job search or may find you've settled comfortably into the new structure.

    Good luck to you and congrats on the new addition!

14. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 8:48PM UTC

    My first were twins and I had an amazing, supportive boss at that time.
    When my twins were about 2, I got a huge promotion so I'm sure my performance was never an issue! He's since left the company. This time is the complete opposite with a boss who is new to the company. I will try very hard to find the positive like you said. I like your idea to make the team I have left my favorite! What a great perspective.

15. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 1:46PM UTC

    I could’ve written this myself. I found myself in a VERY similar situation. I had a conversation with my male boss, he “ justified “ the restructure and I knew I would need an exit plan. I took total advantage of my seniority and flexibility until about 6m PP and then started actively looking. I’m now 9m PP and just accepted a new role. I waited until I felt like I had the headspace to start looking and actually spend time on a job search. Hang in there and I’m sorry this happened.

16. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 8:50PM UTC

    Thanks for sharing your perspective! I feel like I'll also be in a better head space at 9 months pp ?

17. Connie ChingFebruary 26,2022 at 2:16PM UTC

    Honestly if he took away some of your workload I would use the extra time to look for a new job. If severance is good then I would just wait for them to lay you off. The job market is still hot

18. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 8:50PM UTC

    That's true! Thank you!

19. Patricia BosslerFebruary 26,2022 at 2:30PM UTC

    To clarify, the employer is not obligated to provide you with your exact job upon return from any leave. Regardless of why, your job has changed. You stated the environment has deteriorated; do you want to stay there?

    You must create your exit plan to move to a better situation for you. Preparation & transition take time. 12 yr. is long enough to stay. What do you want to do? Are openings or options available in other dept. or has the entire co. become toxic?

    Whatever you do, do NOT tell anyone at work you are thinking about a change and do NOT tell prospective employers about the toxic environment or how many children you have. That is personal information that has the possibility of being used against you.

    The market for people to make a job change is truly ideal but you still need to know what you want & to pursue it which may take 6 months - 1 year.

20. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 8:52PM UTC

    Thanks for your advice. I agree, I would never share my personal situation when interviewing. Although it would be lovely to find a family - friendly workplace.

21. Focused721350February 26,2022 at 2:58PM UTC

    Good Morning New Mama,

    Really Think! That man has no clue what he's doing. You need to really start considering a New and Healthier Job.

    Sorry! But! You don't need the stress and not going to be for your family. YOUR HEALTH COMES FIRST!!!!! ;)

    You can do this! Something wonderful will come your way!

    Good Luck and God Bless, Ms. T ;)

22. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 8:54PM UTC

    Thank you, Ms. T! I like your spirit!

23. Focused721350February 26,2022 at 11:09PM UTC

    Your welcome my dear! ;)

    I have gone through a lot in life.... My Dr. once told me! Your health isn't worth that job...... You can always fined another. Best advice ever! I bust my bum... I run and own my Co.

    Thank you! Ms . T ;)

24. Lisa MammenFebruary 26,2022 at 3:12PM UTC

    A lot of great advice, it’s totally crappy that this happened and your boss thinks he is helping with out inquiring with you first if you would need this type of “ help.” I think I would start slowly checking out opportunities around maybe not full on search but it doesn’t hurt to look when you have time.

    I’ve never had much patience for these types things as I know they can erode your self esteem. I would probably have more conversations regarding the change as holding it in will make the feeling bigger. But for the most part I would keep my eye open to new opportunities and would slowly plan to move out of the role.

25. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 9:04PM UTC

    Thank you for the really great advice. I think you're spot on with what I should do.

26. Molly MilanoFebruary 26,2022 at 3:14PM UTC

    This same thing happened to me!

    On my first day back I was told that they’ve combined 2 roles into 2 different roles. I got 100% of the other role + 50% of my original role.

    While learning that the other role, which I would report too, was the remaining 50% of my old role. Which happened to be my favorite part of my job, the creative annual fundraisers!

    I was so pissed & felt let down. The worst part was the other new person, didn’t know she was taking my job until I told her and she was floored. A week later Covid hit and we do our roles at home but it sucks, super sucks.

    The 100% new role is super boring and very dull.

27. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 9:04PM UTC

    I'm sorry to hear this happened to you also!

28. Arlene Frances Gottardo (Bryak)February 26,2022 at 3:30PM UTC

    Slow down. You just got back! Things move so quickly nowadays- 3 months have passed & probably things shifted a bit. Change happens- follow your bosses’ lead & see what transpires.

29. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 3:30PM UTC

    You're getting paid the same with less work to do? Take the opportunity to use that time to take care of your family and start pulling together your job search and start looking for an environment where you can get back to working at what you really enjoy. Don't take it personally and use this to your advantage.

30. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 9:08PM UTC

    I'm sure it seems silly that I'm not dancing at the prospect of less work. I just know it won't be less work because this boss is very demanding. And I want to keep moving my career forward and taking on new challenges ?

31. Arlene Frances Gottardo (Bryak)February 26,2022 at 3:32PM UTC

    I agree with a lot of what you’ve said. Bottom line: change happens.

32. Amy GeffenFebruary 26,2022 at 3:39PM UTC

    I agree with Lisa. You might wish to speak to an employment attorney because you are entitled to your regular job and title and responsibilities. In any case, do your job and start looking for the next opportunity

33. Melissa GoslingFebruary 26,2022 at 4:08PM UTC

    Actually FMLA only guarantees you have a job, not that you have your exact job when you return. They typically can’t cut your salary (which it doesn’t sound like they did)…

34. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 3:49PM UTC

    Woah, pretty harsh. She was on maternity leave, she wasn’t “not contributing to her job”. I cannot imagine saying this to another woman, or even thinking this. This attitude right here is part of the problem.

35. Madam anon663February 26,2022 at 4:03PM UTC

    Rude answer, and maternity leave is not the same as not contributing. Way to be a supportive female.

36. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 4:04PM UTC

    Don't personalize this too much. As others have said, three months is a long long time in Corporate America and things were moving along while you were off. That's not your fault and that's not your company's fault it just is. I wouldn't do all this running and going to human resources or an attorney, that's just a waste of time. Also, if you work in a state where you can be fired at will just remember that your boss can let you go at any time without any reason at all and get away with it for the most part. So with that all being said, just accept what is including your paycheck, do your work well, focus more on getting reorganized at home.... which we all know is very hard with three young children. As much as this feels hurtful, it is the practicalities of keeping business moving along... as others have said, you are still collecting the same paycheck and benefits so I would ride this wave for a long while and see how it all plays out. You have a lot of balls in the air right now that you're trying to juggle so keep that in mind

37. Lori Grimm-BundyFebruary 26,2022 at 4:26PM UTC

    This just may be a blessing in disguise. Half your workload has just been offloaded at a time when you need to get to a phase when your survival mode transitions to an improved, new normal.

    You have already built teams from the ground up and so you know you are capable of doing that again! What if you change the narrative of this being a hit? What if you write down that this is a gift that will aid you to recover and gain clarity? Then if you want to build more at this company or build anew somewhere else, you are ready.

    Congratulations on your little one and best wishes.

38. Zofia JaneczekFebruary 26,2022 at 4:26PM UTC

    Best advice on here!-Thank you.
    Companies pretty much do whatever they want, IF they can get away with it. Too many get away with a lot of illegal activities because people are afraid to loose their jobs! Despite the Great Resignation, people are still very afraid to loose their jobs, even if it's a bad job.

39. Zofia JaneczekFebruary 26,2022 at 4:36PM UTC

    Congratulations, on having a life and a family! I made a comment and believe looking into some legal action, may be in order. This is not Europe and companies simply don't care for maternity, paternity, or any other kind of leave that involves pulling away from THEIR bottom line. Concentrate on your family, find another job in the meantime, or better yet, get out and do your own thing, if you are able. Best of luck.

40. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 4:47PM UTC

    I had a similar situation a few years ago (after taking FMLA leave for cancer treatment) and feel for you!
    In stripping you of half of your former responsibilities, your company is violating the Equivalent Position clause of the FMLA which requires them to do one of two things upon your return:

    *Restore you to the position you held prior to your leave, OR

    *Assign you to a new role that is “virtually identical to your former position in terms of pay, benefits and working conditions including privileges, perquisites and status.” Further, the new role “must involve the same or substantially similar duties and responsibilities, which must entail substantially equivalent skill, effort, responsibility and authority.”

    I agree with Lisa’s comments below from 2/26 and would take her up on her generous offer to speak with you as you may have a valid FMLA discrimination and/or retaliation claim. Further, FMLA is a federal law and many states have revamped their laws on employee leave to be far more stringent.

    Legal issues aside, there are personal factors to consider! If you learn that you have a valid claim and want to speak with someone who’s been in your shoes, let me know and I’ll set up a new email address to kick things off. Good luck and I’ll be thinking of you! ❤️

41. Crystal HowellFebruary 26,2022 at 5:48PM UTC

    Good time to breathe deep,focus on what you can do? If you are cotracted,read it. Is there maternity clause, is there famila benefits, contact outside HR lawyer and see if your rights violated. Don't trust anyone, 3 months is a long time. Fight for your right! If all else feels, take a job with their competition.

    Do not let this shake your confidence, you know your stuff. 12 years is a long time.

    Hope it helps.

42. Hilary OborghayujieFebruary 26,2022 at 5:48PM UTC

    Sorry to known that your current Company is toxic. You should be aware this resonate about 75% of professionals, especially if there is no better career progressions and there is deficit career growth.

    I suggest you rest and nurse your baby. Once your baby has mature a bit up to a year of age, you can commence thinking of career move. First you most think of career that suit you, develop the approach and the strategy to acquired the new skills like Project Management Professional-PMP, Artificial Intelligence-Al, Machine Learning-ML etc.

    You most be very realistic of your career decision, the short and long term benefit management plan. You do not have to leave your current job if you do not have a plan in place. Just submit the next career transition that will be of objective to you and make that inform business decision.

    Hope this will guide you a bit.

43. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 6:42PM UTC

    I’m sorry that your working in a toxic work environment. I know what that’s like.

    Your post is a little unclear. The title says that you feel like you got demoted. It sounds like you’re still in your leadership role, but the work you preferred to do is no longer your responsibility. Your boss also just decided to do a reorg while you were out. I don’t know the full laws surrounding maternity leave. Maybe this is an actual demotion and illegal, maybe not. I can speak from someone on the other side of someone who was out 3 months on maternity leave, though. A coworker and team lead of mine was out on parental leave for 3 months. In order to move our project continue efficiently, we were forced to realign his work. He was unhappy when he returned to work because he, like you, felt like his role was diminished. He was still the team lead and had a huge role, so it was not a demotion. Unfortunately, we couldn’t just stop everything while he was out and keep it as is.

    If the work environment is unbearable, I’d wait it out and see how things are once you get more settled in your return. Start ramping up your resume and cover letter and do some research on new jobs in the meantime.

44. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 7:04PM UTC

    Hi, fellow working mom of 3 here. I held a senior executive position for a long time then pandemic hit, now I’m starting my own business. It’s very difficult to compete with others with less outside responsibilities and possibly a full time stay home spousal support. I really sympathize with you; it’s akin to you going through a snowstorm, you can only keep your head down and keep going. You know the general direction but you really can’t look up at the moment. Does that sound about right? Your boss is an ass doing undermining sht like this disguised as “ helping” you. Right now you do what’s best for your sanity/family in this situation. Career is a marathon not a sprint. It’ll be there when your load lightens up a little bit. Working moms are the toughest and most efficient group I know with the least amount of time wasting on scheming/politics. Hang in there. When the baby starts to sleep through the night, start looking somewhere else. Look for a group that has working moms in its leadership mix. Best of luck to you!

45. Shelby CFebruary 26,2022 at 7:06PM UTC

    As a former HR professional and someone that has been a "victim" as well, I can say that this is a clear violation of FMLA. I would attempt to manage your manager first. Sometimes they do not realize the mistakes they have made and the potential legal liability they have placed themselves in. A lot of managers are promoted due to their expertise in subject matter, but they don't have the skills to manage people. We do our society a disservice.

    First, I would try speaking with your Manager and say something like, "I appreciate the work that John did in my absence; however, now that I have returned and I am more than capable to continue with my former position, I think that it is time to restructure and realign. While John brings value, I am going to place him in a more subordinate role that directly interacts and supports the team as my [insert position here]. I think that we should change my title to [insert appropriate position here] to reflect the change to the organizational structure." If your manager pushes back, you can remind him what FMLA is.

46. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 11:32PM UTC

    I had my hours cut in half after returning from maternity leave... but I work for a small company so I was under the impression that FMLA didn't apply? Thanks for any help!

47. Shelby CFebruary 27,2022 at 10:27PM UTC

    The business must have fifty or more employees for FMLA protections to go into effect.

    I have seen what you are describing as well. I have seen it happen to men after medical leave too. When they did not have federal protection I advised them to update their resume and speak to their manager. IF you get benefits, they have the right to stop them if you go from f/t to p/t. I have demanded a higher pay rate to make mine the equivalent of my peers that receive benefits, but that does not always go well. You have to have them over a barrel with their back against a wall to often do the correct and fair thing.

    What I used to point out is that while it may seem to be less expensive to have two p/t employees, it is not. When you think about the training, the amount of time it takes for them to boot up, shutdown, etc you are already losing quite a bit of productivity. You also lose the security of having one person there all day that specializes in one area that can build better customer relationships. Coworkers are customers too!!! There is a lot of value that is added with experience that you can't buy.

48. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 8:16PM UTC

    This is a violation of FMLA. You are to return to a job with the same capacity as before you left. Now your employer may get around it by stating they never cut your pay or title. I would suggest keeping good documentation and speaking to HR.

49. Rebecca AliFebruary 26,2022 at 9:22PM UTC

    Yes, this. Document and talk to HR. Look up the FMLA requirements and make yourself knowledgable regarding what is expected/required. Depending on the size of your company, HR may not even know what's happening.

50. Claire Pearl CofieldFebruary 27,2022 at 1:48PM UTC

    Be careful when speaking to HR they are to protect the employer not the employee. I agree document is most important in this situation. It is a precarious situation so be careful how you present it because it is easy to get emotionally charged while your hormones come back into alignment. Working mom's rock and you will figure it all out. This type of situation will need to be handled very 'clinically' and deliberately.

51. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 8:53PM UTC

    Thank you, Ken!

52. Kristie WhiteFebruary 26,2022 at 8:58PM UTC

    Your male boss is punishing you for being female and unreliable because you took maternity leave and he had to deal with your absence. Notice your new "co-worker" is a male? This is discrimination. But it may or may not be conscious - it is old boy thinking and he is just pissed off that you created a burden on him and he doesn't want to deal with it again. So your real question is why work for a boss/company that does not respect your family needs and requirements? Because if you have been employed for 12 years and this is your 3rd child, you have probably "felt" this before - when you had your other children, when you have to take time off to care for a child, when you can't work late, etc. This is the company culture. So your decision is do you want to be minimalized because you have family obligations? Because that's where you already are.

53. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 9:02PM UTC

    Hi, original poster here -

    as a leader, part of my job is to make sure my team's run super smoothly, even without me or another key player. The great part about pregnancy is that I had plenty of time to prepare everyone, document, train others, etc. It can even give prospective successors a chance to try out new tasks/projects. I worked extra hard so my personal situation didn't hurt the business.

    You are entitled to your viewpoint, but this forum is supposed to be supportive and encouraging to women. Keep scrolling next time.

54. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 9:05PM UTC

    Thank you, Lisa! I will keep this in mind as I consider next steps.

55. AnonymousFebruary 26,2022 at 11:36PM UTC

    I came back from leave in December, found out last week they want to cut my hours in half. From what I can tell it's perfectly legal (super interested if anyone thinks it's not!), but I want to talk to you about the feelings you are having! I completely understand, my former self says "f this job, I'm getting a new one that actually appreciates me!" but the new mom in me says "omg I can't do anything extra right now." So to be honest, I'm not doing anything extra. I'm going to do the bare minimum and plan my exit slowly. I turned on alerts for new jobs and will apply if the mood strikes me. I hope you can decide what to do next, but definitely give yourself some grace :)

56. Jhan KathleenFebruary 27,2022 at 11:39AM UTC

    Firstly congrats on the new baby!

    Secondly what happened to you happens more often than you know. Flip the script and leverage off the opportunity to lose half of your workload in order for you to get back into a routine and structure at work and figure out the baby side. That’s something you can give and do for yourself and your family because of the work issue. There is no reason to feel like it’s a demotion or that anything else has actually changed , your job is safe . There’s no reason to make any decisions until the time comes. The environment is as toxic as you allow it to be for you. Focus on your circle of influence because everything outside of that is out of your control and once you back on your A game at work , you can figure out where to from here ,

    good luck!

57. AnonymousFebruary 27,2022 at 1:43PM UTC

    You did get demoted in every sense.

58. Michelle PrinceFebruary 27,2022 at 3:35PM UTC

    Please give yourself some grace.
    Congrats on your new baby, and for trying to balance a challenging career with a growing family.
    Your full value to the world is NOT tied up in your job. I'd love to connect with you and talk about how you can shape your working situation so that you will love the time you put in there, AND also have the right focus on the other gifts you have in your life.

59. Heather BinghamFebruary 27,2022 at 6:59PM UTC

    In the UK, you would be able to take them to a tribunal for constructive dismissal, but a) I don't know where you are, and b) tribunals should be the last resort, as they are always, always more stressful for the complainant.

    Your brain feels foggy, but it isn't actually foggy - it is just a little less able to deal with unnecessary noise, and this is unnecessary noise. If you allow your brain to focus on a job hunt and release your foot straight back off the pedal where you are - this is all they deserve, after all - then you will be able to find a much better alternative. Where I work we have taken three women in similar situations to you and it always works out. Given that you have a really clear picture of what you want and what you don't want, focused for you by your current employers, then you should be able to go for the right role without too much more preparation.

    I'm not a warrior mother - two cats is all I ever managed - so I am speaking purely practically without any further indignation caused by personal experience. This sounds like it stinks, so you need to reward them with your absence. I wish you all the very best.

60. Sabine KamisliMarch 2,2022 at 1:33PM UTC

    Loving every single word :)

61. Jacqueline CaronFebruary 27,2022 at 8:55PM UTC

    Hi there,

    First, I am so sorry for what you are going through. What you are experiencing is discrimination and it is absolutely undeserved - not to mention, if you are in the U.S. it is illegal. If you are a U.S. Citizen, please visit the U.S. Equal Opportunity Commission to learn more about your rights.

    Regardless, of where you are it may be worth seeking a consultation with an attorney who can help determine the best course of action. I've included a couple of links below:

    National Women's Law Center:

    https://nwlc.org/

    U.S Equal Opportunity Commission:

    https://www.eeoc.gov/pregnancy-discrimination#:~:text=The%20Pregnancy%20Discrimination%20Act%20(PDA,term%20or%20condition%20of%20employment.

    Two final points:

    1.) Remember your worth. Your work got you to where you are and there are many who have been where you are. LinkedIn is a good resource for looking for other opportunities and there are many who would sympathize with your situation. You deserve better!

    2.) Carefully and discretely document any interactions with your employer and collect evidence to support your case. Make copies of emails and document any changes to your position that have occurred. It will be easier to do this while you are in your role.

    Remember, Mama, that nothing is more important than your health. You deserve better and you can and you will get through this.

    You've got this. <3

62. MidwestMaven456February 28,2022 at 12:30AM UTC

    First, congratulations on your new baby. That is a wonderful accomplishment and you and your husband should be thrilled to be expanding your family.

    Then, I’d like you to remember that you are just post baby and everything is in flux. I’ve been there and done that, as have many other women. You will have brain fog, be sleep deprived, have intensified hormones that will affect your thoughts and feelings. Please remember this.

    Next, don’t assume that this is about you, being pregnant or having a new baby. This is all about business and shouldn’t be taken personal. Your office has been re-organized and you weren’t consulted. Your boss didn’t have to do that because he’s the boss.

    This isn’t easy to hear and even less easy to deal with but you have to do this to move on. These last 2 years have been crazy and many companies are trying to figure out how to stay afloat. So many are selling off subsidiaries, closing offices and trying to figure out how to cut budgets so they can move forward. Re-organizing and splitting units is just one small part of things.

    You were told they want you to focus on other areas. Find out what they are and why so you can do your job. If you are unhappy at your job, and it sounds like it’s been that way for the entire time you were pregnant over the last year, then you need to re-access what you want to do.

    Finally, it’s time for you to speak with your husband and work this out. The two of you are a team and you need to see what you want to do about your lives. You can stay where you are and do your best job. You can look for another job. You can look at staying home with your kids full-time or you can look at working part-time, maybe from home. Take a deep breath. This is just another part of life, and you need to see what direction you will take.

63. jennifer164February 28,2022 at 1:33PM UTC

    The same thing happened to me over 25 years ago, its a shame that things haven't changed, however it turned out it was the best thing for me. I was able to concentrate on my kids more with less responsibility. I eventually left the company because things were never the same for me after that. I felt betrayed and it really put into perspective their management philosophy. I would encourage you to look for a new opportunity but do it on your own terms. Take a few weeks to process, don't make snap judgements. And enjoy your family.

64. Krista Haugner Sieg, MBAFebruary 28,2022 at 2:31PM UTC

    Congratulations on the new baby!

    Two of my most pivotal career changes happened when I my children where 5 months old, so I have every faith that if this isn't the right job for you anymore, you can find the right one baby fog and all. You've got this!

65. AnonymousFebruary 28,2022 at 2:59PM UTC

    I am really astounded at the fact that your boss didn't tell you he was going to restructure your team. Changes happen for sure at companies and sometimes they happen when someone is out on leave but the fact that he didn't bother to tell you is what alarms me.

    I understand this is not a great time for you to look for or change jobs but you can always still try to do so in your "spare" time...I know its hard and I have 3 kids but what he did is a huge issue unless he has some kind of apology or explanation that makes sense.

    My advice is to see what areas you're now supposed to focus on and see if they are areas that are legitimately more important / suited to you. Also is your male coworker your subordinate or is he an equal to you?

66. AnonymousMarch 1,2022 at 2:57AM UTC

    I’m actually not all that surprised.
    I’ve been off work for periods of times and had big changes that happen while I’m gone. I’ve never been called at home to be consulted or briefed on a change. It feels impersonal and I’ve felt excluded. I once asked a manager why I was not called at home and was told that they would just tell me when I returned and didn’t want to bother me at home. I’ve heard managers say this when others are out of the office too. It’s business I guess. Some seem to genuinely not want to bother you and think they’re doing you a favor. It’s not all evil.

67. Melissa Mellor, COOFebruary 28,2022 at 7:16PM UTC

    I have been here love, 3x! This is a hard thing to face! I am sorry you are in this situation. I have been here and it doesn't feel good!

    For what it's worth, I highly recommend RRT to help clear these emotions. Once you become a mom in the workplace, it's easy to be viewed as different (or feel like you are being viewed as different). Your personal identity changes as well. You have conflicting priorities and it can be a lot to take on (compound that with a lack of sleep and it feels like an emotional blur).

    I relied heavily on RRT to help clear my emotions around all this change, injustice and frustration.

    It can help you lock into what you are looking for from a new employer and really help get the clarity (and confidence back) that you desire.

    I don't envy this situation. You are a major part of their success and it really hurts that coming back after a leave is like you are erased from the past. Trust me - I have been there. It's not like this forever, but using RRT helps move through this period faster :)

68. Sue MooreMarch 1,2022 at 3:45PM UTC

    What is RRT?

69. Shelby CMarch 1,2022 at 9:28PM UTC

    I am guessing the therapy.

    Rapid resolution therapy is a form of psychotherapy designed to help individuals overcome the ongoing effects associated with traumatic experiences.

70. Melissa Mellor, COOMarch 2,2022 at 4:54AM UTC

    Hey Sue - RRT Stands for the Rapid Relief Technique. It's not what Shelby described below. It's not psychotherapy but it is a modality. It's a technique that removes all the things you don't want in life, to make space for the things you do want.

    As a society, we have become completely tolerant in our lives. We accept things we don't like, and hope to just 'make it better'. RRT helps to identify what you are tolerating (stress, anxiety and overwhelm as and example) and heals the emotions around it so your body doesn't have a visceral response to these things. It's amazing for stress, anxiety, overwhelm, exhaustion, frustrated parenting or relationship experiences, (JUST LIFE)… So instead of just coping and managing your frustrated state, anxiety, you can actually eliminate it

    It's hard to explain in a chat but feel free to message me. The company has some good information on RRT for free that I can share with you if you'd like

    The founder has some good free resources. If you’d like me to share some just shoot me a DM and I will gladly send the details your way.

71. Twannetta WeaverFebruary 28,2022 at 11:15PM UTC

    I’d say that you should take the time to evaluate your role to confirm if you are still passionate about it. If you are, carve out time to discuss your concerns with a mentor or your boss. If you feel it’s a lost cause, start preparing for your glorious exit to some place where you are appreciated!

72. Bradford McCormickMarch 1,2022 at 5:09PM UTC

    Your boss apparently does not care about you, so you have no reason to care about him. Do what you need to do to get by as best you can, including telling him what a good boss he is and how much you appreciated his consideration to help you become more effective for the company (by messing up your team, but don't say that, of course).

    Behind his back do what you can to improve your situatoin. And I am sure others have reminded you to be careful not to jump from the frying pan into the fire, since a new position that looks good on it face may be toxic underneath.

    Maybe it's not so bad where you are or maybe you can improve your current situation. I'm not saying it is or that you can, just to leave no stone unturned, and if feasible it might be pretty good.