I'm flattered they think I'm so young, but really.

78 Comments

1. Anne KrookJune 14,2022 at 9:21PM UTC

   Almost anything you can say, however gently you say it, will likely be perceived as pushback at best and snark at worst. If you do want to engage, the best way is to take the most sympathetic person aside and say, innocently and fre from sarcasm, "do you know why [other person] keeps reminding me about [easy task I know I must do]? I know you wouldn't do that, which is why I am asking you." The fact that you asked this will get back to the asker.

2. AnonymousJune 14,2022 at 9:39PM UTC

   hmmm this got me thinking. I would ask how long have you been at your job. If less than a year, expect it to die down eventually so people become comfortable and confident in what you are doing. If more than a year, it is ok to set some healthy boundaries. You just have to be creative and diplomatic about it.....often times what shuts people up no matter how offensive they are is when I ask them "What do you mean?" or "Can you please explain what you mean by that?" It forces the person to take a step back and really start to think about what they say before they say it. I bet if you do that enough, you will start to see a reduction in this belittling behavior. I get it, I know it is super annoying and degrading especially from multiple folks. Give it a try and if it works, reply back so I can say I told ya so ahahaha. Good luck!

3. AnonymousJune 14,2022 at 10:10PM UTC

   I know. I have a similar situation where I do look young. It's hard to be a woman because you are either too young and need more experience, then they're worried you'll get pregnant, then you're too old and have to take your early experience off your resume or you experience ageism. It's a weird situation. My best advice is to do what you can to emulate the confidence you have and speak well.

   I liken it to a clip I saw with Emily D. Baker when she was on a segment on Fox. She is in our age bracket, an accomplished lawyer/ former prosecutor. She was there with 3 other men. I saw some uncomfortable moments that gave a dynamic like when I'm in a male dominated board room. She handled it heroically to the point someone not paying attention wouldn't notice some of the undertone. The way she answered the questions with such eloquence and grace... then they appeared to ask her better questions. I really learned something from her. I want to be like her when I grow up.

4. CassandraJune 14,2022 at 10:16PM UTC

   One of the cultures at my company is "assume positive intent." It can be difficult to do that sometimes.
   Haha. Just take a moment and thin about how they might think they are actually being helpful. Perhaps say something like, "I know you are trying to be helpful. But, I've got this. I will make sure to reach out to you if I have any questions. I appreciate you looking out for me."

5. Georgene HuangJune 16,2022 at 12:28PM UTC

   I think this is a great suggestion, Cassandra.

6. TerriJune 15,2022 at 1:44AM UTC

   Oh I hear you on this. I am a workshop facilitator and a few years ago a new co-worker went through the training to be a facilitator. After her training I asked if she would like to sit in on a workshop. Now, by this point I was not strictly by the book but more having my own style. She, of course, was by the book having just completed the training and not having conducted one herself yet. Every time I would go over certain areas in the workshop she would interrupt and say "I just want to add...", not realizing that I getting to it, just going a different way than how it was in the instructor manual. It kept throwing me off because she already told the participants what I had planned to go over next.

7. Alexis GladstoneJune 15,2022 at 12:53PM UTC

   Been right there with you Terri! This happened to me with a colleague and we were co-facilitating. Because I knew her, I was able to joke about it to get her to stop. I hope you were able to talk to this person on a break to get her to stop!

8. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 2:23PM UTC

   I learned something from this!
   If I'm ever in this situation, I will be sure to ask my co-work/trainee to hold off on contributing to the workshop for the observation before it starts, with the reason being that I might deviate from the instructor manual. Thanks for sharing!

9. Alexis GladstoneJune 15,2022 at 12:57PM UTC

   I have been there. In my case I was part of a leadership team when I was in my early 30's and they were all in their 50s and 60s (and all men). I found that building strong one-one-one relationships with each of them helped quiet that type of "help." If there are a few who are more of the frequent offenders I would start there. I also like Anne's suggestion.

10. AnonymousJune 15,2022 at 2:20PM UTC

    I’m 39 . I currently don’t have a lot of older co-workers but, this is a serious issue for me too. One site I went to there was a guy probably straight out of high school. The older gentleman was coming in an hour later to train me. The younger guy told me that he uses a lot of big words. There was no issue with the training in my opinion the older gentleman had a normal vocabulary. Awhile later I thought about it and during the training I was instructed to write information on reports. The guy would tell me what to write and I had to use the word terrace. Without skipping a beat he spelled the word out as if I wouldn’t know. That’s just one instance.

    Some people say I look 19. I don’t think so. I especially don’t have the same fashion choices as a 19 year old. It’s to the point we’re I’ll avoid or try to get out of conversations with people because I don’t want to be talked down to. Especially if I’m considered an age of someone who has yet completed college.

    I’m in shape and work on taking care of myself. I’m not going to stop doing so to be perceived as an educated, functioning adult by folks.

    This age perception can be insulting when working in certain work cultures. After awhile you see certain people aren’t going to take you seriously based on visual perception.

11. Balanced372207June 16,2022 at 12:57PM UTC

    "This age perception can be insulting when working in certain cultures. After awhile you see certain people aren't going to take you seriously based on visual perception." That sword cuts both ways, my dear.

12. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 12:03AM UTC

    I'm in my mid 30's and work with mainly 20 something's. Sometimes I feel odd when their expertise with certain things is more than mine.

13. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 2:12PM UTC

    This is definitely a situation I struggled with!

14. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 12:17PM UTC

    I would take an objective view of your performance. I tend to give a lot of reminders to people about trivial tasks when they are forgetful or don’t do them correctly. Sometimes people think I’m picking on them. I’m not. If I didn’t remind them, it wouldn’t get done.

15. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 12:29PM UTC

    Ooof. I feel this. I too am in my early 40s and work with a team of 60-70yo. When I first got there this one woman was hand holding me and speaking for me in meetings. After, I took her aside and reminded here that I have over 2 decades of experience in this industry and I am quite capable of answering questions for myself. She’s still been overbearing and controlling since in other ways but at least I can speak when I’m asked a direct Q now.

    When I bring new ideas or processes, I always feel like I’m just getting a pat on the back like , silly little girl- we can’t do it that way b/c that’s not how we’ve been doing it.

    I was recently told that I am finally showing that I can strategically think! It took every ounce of me not to say something snarky back but I’ve been there for 6 years and I’m 42yo- of course I know how to strategically think-y’all just never listen to me! I really love my job and I love the work I am doing but I hear ya with the older folks treating me like a child.

    They keep talking about retirement and I’m like please! Yes! Go ahead already. B/c really they are the only thing I hate about my job.

    I know this isn’t much help, but know you are heard and validated. Please know that Not all boomers are like this though. 2 just retired from my dept weren’t like this at all to me. They treated me with such respect and we had good 1 on 1 relationships. I miss them. They kept me sane.

16. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 12:31PM UTC

    Being in my mid 50s I DGAF when people give me nonsense, so I respond with sarcasm. "Oh really? A stamp? What will they think of next?" Don't be me.

17. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 12:37PM UTC

    But you are who I (not the OP) aspire to be!

18. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 12:51PM UTC

    Love the sarcasm and also self deprecation. Wish I could do it a bit.

19. Balanced372207June 16,2022 at 12:54PM UTC

    I am always tempted to respond with sarcasm. Being in my late 60's, I get that IDGAF attitude.

20. Jacquelynn LucasJune 16,2022 at 1:39PM UTC

    Sarcasm is my only form of communication!

21. AnonymousJune 17,2022 at 4:58AM UTC

    Late 50s here. And, same. Older I get, the less tongue biting I do.

22. Rena CromerJune 16,2022 at 12:33PM UTC

    I’m also in my early 40s and work with folks over 60. Within the first few months on the job, I decided to stop dying my hair and let the grays grow out so they would have a visual to stop treating me like a kid. I am also saving tons of money not coloring.

23. Cynthia (Van Syoc) KendallJune 16,2022 at 12:35PM UTC

    Even looking as if you are younger when you are not can be a problem. I was well into my thirties and looked like a high schooler, so I was treated as such even by people my own age! The result was I turned into a super serious person. I am now in my 60s now and look my age. Hang in there and keep up the good work. Like you said you may be able to outwait them. they cant work forever.

24. Balanced372207June 16,2022 at 12:53PM UTC

    Yes, yes, and yes! I am in my late 60's, and work at an assisted living facility. Many of the visitors who come to the facility are my age (and younger), but will speak down to me, as though I am much younger and I often have to remind folks that I am an adult, and actually older than some of them. I have no control over the fact I look at least a decade or more younger than I am.

25. CortneyJune 16,2022 at 1:01PM UTC

    i really appreciate this post. I’m the youngest in my business (29) and often try to act/speak more serious even with a sightly deeper voice.

26. Rachel BulkoJune 16,2022 at 12:37PM UTC

    i find it fascinating how most people refer to ageism in the workplace when talking about older individuals. I’m also the youngest (27) in my office, and felt out of place for a little while. If you’re new to the position, that may be why you feel like your coworkers are babysitting you. Feel free to tell and show them that you have a good handle on the day-to-day responsibilities, and they will probably be receptive to you.

27. Balanced372207June 16,2022 at 12:49PM UTC

    I understand what you're saying, only in reverse. I am in my late 60's, and get the same kind of comments from younger people, even though I have been in the workforce longer than they have been alive. I, too, could be a grandma, and even a great grandma in some situations. My suggestion to you is to nicely state that , "yes, I understand the process and procedures, and I will not hesitate to ask for your help if I need it."

28. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 12:50PM UTC

    I think you have 3 choices. The fact that you’ve posted here suggests youre contemplating #3. :)

    1) Say nothing and continue to let it upset you.

    2) Say nothing and let it roll off your back.

    3) Say something and it may not change anything.

    ”what people say” is one of those classic scenarios where one needs the courage to see the difference between what they can and can’t change. We can’t change what others say and think. We can change how much we let it bother us.

    You clearly respect these ladies and believe that they mean what they say and do. What if they’re just acting on autopilot, acting from their on fears about change, age, culture, etc?

29. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 1:09PM UTC

    Ah, the old 60/40. My mother reminded me that it is father’s day this weekend. This is classic Boomer behavior. It’s just in their nature to “helpfully condescend.”

30. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 1:27PM UTC

    “Helpfully condescend” - just like your post!

31. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 6:21PM UTC

    I guess you're a Boomer. Can't wait to show these replies to my mom so we can have a nice laugh at all this negative energy that doesn't help the OP.

32. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 11:17PM UTC

    Close, Gen X! But my point is that ALL these stereotypes fit a whole bunch of people, regardless of their age or gender. And writing that this is a common way of working for an entire generation is exactly the same crappy behavior as someone thinking you are incompetent because you are younger - it’s total BS!

    An office full of micro managers is a culture, and not a great one. Clearly, this person doesn’t fit the culture. But, if they stick around long enough, they’ll get to micro manage the next newbie. Learned behaviors.

33. AnonymousJune 17,2022 at 6:14PM UTC

    The OP should go with their gut on this one.

    Plenty of evidence in this thread that what they experienced was not a figment of their imagination.

    Wishing everyone a condescension-free weekend.

34. Chriscodyc1June 16,2022 at 1:31PM UTC

    Your reply is incredibly condescending.

35. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 6:19PM UTC

    If the shoe fits, or if you have no sense of humor.

    Doesn't change that ageism is an epidemic.

36. Paula OlsonJune 16,2022 at 2:40PM UTC

    The age of Baby Boomers has always been said to end in 1960. Now they're pushing it to 1964. Either way, the oldest baby boomers are 75 - 78 years old. Just sayin'

37. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 6:25PM UTC

    Posts that "explain" or end with "just saying" is a different topic - although related to condescension.

38. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 1:19PM UTC

    I think these behaviors stem from societal pressures, not that it makes it OK.

    But if we didn't all have this ageist stuff thrown at us by the media all the time, it wouldn't be so bad.

    I'm 62, and I often feel that younger folks might think I'm over the hill, just because of my age. But they never treat me that way. I don't look my age, and I wouldn't dare let anyone know how old I am! It's the reason I chose to post this anonymously.

    I work in software development, and despite the claim that millennials are tech savvy, that has not been my experience at all. Training users on simple software usage is painful. Making applications user friendly has become about dumbing down, so users get dumb. I don't support this mindset at all! I developed my skills because I didn't work in a dumbed down time. I worked with Unix, and DOS. And now I am highly skilled in all things tech. Today it's automate, automate, automate as much as possible because management always believes that the mostly 30 - 40 somethings are not tech savvy. They keep them that way! But they don't care. This isn't about nurturing anyone's career. It's about making money.

    My point--I really think these older workers feel threatened by your young age because believe me, society does not appreciate older folks, makes us all feel useless, so they feel the need to put you in a place that makes them feel safe. That's so unfortunate, but I doubt they really believe you are skill less or clueless.

    Unfortunately, it means you will have to do all the work to change their minds. Let them know how much you look up to their expertise and skills, experience, etc. That will definitely help over time, I guarantee it. But also keep doing what you do really well.

39. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 1:24PM UTC

    I am treated the same way. I started to "beat them at their own game." Before they can remind me to do something, I tell them I have done it. Or, if they suggest something, I tell them that part is complete. I don't like having to prove my competence, but it's part of the culture. I am constantly reminding myself they will be retiring in a few years, and the behavior will stop.

40. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 2:03PM UTC

    I wish this had worked for me!

    What happened instead is that I had to keep taking on more and more tasks (because my co-workers thought I was so efficient), plus the reminders for those, and when I couldn't keep up after about 30-40% more workload I got fired. It felt like a conspiracy. :-/

41. kaczartman@gmail.comJune 16,2022 at 1:40PM UTC

    I had a similar situation in my office. I did come to realize that what they do is out of their own fear and worry! It helped me to let go of how personal it felt. I also realize that it is why they keep going through employees in my position. I recommend listening to Shawn Kent Hayashi emotional intelligence videos on YouTube. It is the only reason I was able to stay and work through it. Good luck!

42. MichelleJune 16,2022 at 1:58PM UTC

    Make a large print to-do list with frequent reminders and point to it.

    Tell them honestly, firmly, and directly, "Susan, I've got this. You're a really encouraging person, but I work more effectively without the reminders." If it continues, remind them of your talk. If it's a really stubborn issue, bring the issue up with the boss. You can also try saying you ONLY accept assistance from your boss. Or you can ask them, "Jennifer, did you really think I need this reminder or were you just trying to be friendly?"

    Or, just ignore them. It might feel bad at first but you can say hey to them on break times to smooth things back over.

43. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 2:07PM UTC

    I have the opposite scenario. I’m in my early sixties, and our most recent mid-30’s leadership did their best to class all olders as senile and out of touch. Many experienced and qualified individuals left. New blood and energy is important, but solid roots give a good foundation on which to grow.

44. Anne VanLoonJune 16,2022 at 2:11PM UTC

    It may come from a place of parental feelings. I have noticed that women in my mother's bracket in particular tend to talk to me as though I were their child and it has caused a great deal of friction. I recently had a manager who seemed to project her daughter and daughters abilities onto me as an admin leading to incredible condescension and a lack of listening to issues.

45. Sara TalcottJune 16,2022 at 2:59PM UTC

    this.

46. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 2:29PM UTC

    I doubt seriously that it is an age based bias. I think they have a need to be in charge of others and feel managerial. It's a feeling of authority to direct and micro manage.

    I don't that that's age based but rather ego driven.

47. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 3:22PM UTC

    Agreed. Not age based at all. These older people want desperately to be in charge. You give them an opportunity to manage. They really sound like they love bossing you around.

48. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 2:32PM UTC

    These types of situations have nothing to do with age (agism) or sex (sexism). The people who act this way and issue these statements/little reminders are completely insecure in their own skin. They could be personally insecure, insecure about their job, or merely jealous/insecure of the fact that you are younger than them and more advanced with skills and knowledge.

    Don't "suggest to them that you got this" - very confidently and professional state "I'm focused and dedicated to my tasks and outcomes, and I follow through from start to finish". "Reminders and statements about tasks that are complete is not effective or efficient use of anyone's time." "It seems we have an issue with a level of either trust or respect with what I accomplish. Can we have discussion to ensure that you and I have an understanding of the totality of my project/assignment management so that we can focus on executing at a higher level and be even more successful and drive more projects and initiatives?"

49. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 2:33PM UTC

    I'm not sure I would be upset about this unless you are positive that they are actually talking down to you. Reminding you to do something is a lot different than being talked down to. Been on both ends. I doubt if they mean anything especially negative with what they say, and it may just be their particular style and personalities to operate this way. I also doubt if trust is an issue. This just may be their managing style and perhaps they are just making sure - probably more for themselves that everything gets done and they were probably managed this way as well. If you must say something try to smile and let them know you have your own little check list so you do not forger

50. Madam anon663June 16,2022 at 3:12PM UTC

    Sorry, I disagree. This is how she feels. Its not up to you to decide how she feels and to tell her her feelings are not valid and are something else. You don't say that you are one of the people she works with, so your response is diminishing her feelings.

51. Me!June 16,2022 at 2:41PM UTC

    This is an unconscious bias on behalf of those around you. It will take time for the unaware, to see you as who you are rather than the bias they have.

52. Leader135412June 16,2022 at 3:25PM UTC

    Simply ask them at each time this behavior occurs, if they think your not competent to think your own . And if they're questioning your knowledge of your job. And keep a poker face and a flat tone. And say nothing else, and go back to what you were doing.

53. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 3:29PM UTC

    as said in another post, that works both ways for younger and older.
    I agree with the "make a choice" is it worth stressing over, worrying about...no, its just people and their ways. make a decision to do what you do and let them say what they will. its all in choices.

54. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 5:33PM UTC

    I politely want to disagree. First women get paid less assuming they are “young” or that they might still have a kid if no kid(s) yet. Then women get paid less for being old and not on their toes even when resumes and performance reviews say different.

    There’s a reason why the needle on gender and pay equity isn’t moving. A lot of micro-aggressions in the office make obvious that sexism is huge and it’s more submerged than racism. I think more and more women lean less “white male” the longer all this discrimination in work and home life continue.

55. Maria MJune 16,2022 at 4:09PM UTC

    This isn't about your age. It's about their bad habits, and their age does not excuse being mean. Schedule a meeting with your boss and tell them that you are up to the task but not up for the treatment, and make sure to let them know how it is hurting or will hurt your morale and productivity. If they get an idea that their bad behavior will hurt their bottom line, they'll change it quickly.

56. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 10:03PM UTC

    I would look at this completely differently. You cannot change other people, but, you can change your reaction to others behavior - even annoying behavior. Drawing attention to negative situations is a waste of energy and conter-productive, in my experience. Some suggestions of responding with, "I've already got that done/covered, I'm up to this,, I remember you told me that!! I'm a quick study" or repeat to them something they have said to you,

    with a big smile, "have some faith, I'm good to go on this!!"

    I see interesting projections of feelings of advisors here - some feel the oldies are being mean, controlling or micromanagers. There may be some of all of those and some may just be trying to be helpful. Their motivation doesn't matter, you can control your reaction! Just have a ready (hopefully quick short) response. Some won't catch on to the responses, but, some will and maybe they will clue the others in!. Just don't say or do nothing! Say something! (pleasantly, of course!)

57. Suzanne Kennedy, Ph.D.June 16,2022 at 4:43PM UTC

    Been there and it is super annoying. This is a micromanager situation. I had a male co-worker actually try to write my emails for me. And he was MY AGE.

    I think the direct approach is best for micromanagers.

    Something like "I'll let you know if I have questions or need help"... or often for me it was: "it's already done" saying, basically, I'm way ahead of you.

    In the end, I had to leave that job because the micromanager isn't going to change and when you have multiple, it is microaggressions all day long.

    Some people thrive in a micromanager environment. I do not. If you do not, I would suggest you change managers/roles.

58. Andi RosenbergerJune 16,2022 at 5:03PM UTC

    I've had this *exact* experience and I find the best response to unnecessary advice/criticism is a pleasant "thank you." It's not about you, really, so just express positive gratitude. It doesn't really matter why they're doing it - the why is their problem - what matters is that you continue to show positive, friendly energy. Don't let it get to you. Some people can't help it and won't stop but others - if they're trying to bully you - will see it doesn't work and eventually ease off. Stay strong!

59. Theresa McAllisterJune 16,2022 at 5:39PM UTC

    Awesome response!

60. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 5:24PM UTC

    No, this is about age + gender. I’ve dealt with this since 2008 at one of the Big 5. But back then, DC rewards real smarts and production, but it was a client who asked me “when did you finish college?” It was obvious he meant undergrad. My response “I finished my grad degree at the London School of Economics in 2005 and it was more valuable I worked almost 2 years between undergrad and grad school.” His mouth hit the floor.

    On the other hand Seattle is one of the worst work cultures I’ve experienced.

    I literally got a lapel pin when I was 38 that said “almost 40!” A male colleague in his 30’s said “ah, you’re the baby,” IN FRONT OF at least 5 of us. She was a 26 year old employee with a graduate degree. We had been comparing birthdays ahead of one of those cake “meetings.”

61. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 7:22PM UTC

    I had a colleague younger than me who did the same type of thing.
    I’ve also had volunteers of my peer group ask if I was putting stamps on envelopes.

    I think the fact that you’re attributing these things to their age to be interesting. Why do you assume that? I honestly am asking. Thanks.

62. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 9:45PM UTC

    Yeah, it kinda sorta does!!

63. AnonymousJune 16,2022 at 7:37PM UTC

    Your experience has nothing to do with your age.

64. Wanda ShawJune 16,2022 at 10:57PM UTC

    Ha, ha.

    I like the way you concluded your letter. I currently have the exact opposite problem: I'm the oldest person on my team. Personally, looking at it from a "senior" perspective , it all boils down to this one thing: insecurity. When you're an older worker the last thing you want is to be shown up by a coworker that is decades younger than you are. It makes you feel irrelevant and threatened, not to mention worried about job security. Now with all that being said, it's not your responsibility to placate or appease your older team members just because they feel that they have to 'one- up' you just to soothe their egos. Keep showing your skills and doing your job as competently as you can. If your teammates are smart, they'd encourage you and not feel that they have look over your shoulder as they would a child. I'm of the opinion that no matter how seasoned you think you are, you could learn something new, even if it's from someone half your age. Continue to shine! (And this coming from an older employee)

65. HannahJune 16,2022 at 11:33PM UTC

    Hahahaha oh dear friend, that is the nature of old folks. They trust you but they easily forget. Don't take it personal, I must admit that it's annoying sometimes, but just understand that, they easily do forget. At that age, they keep repeating themselves without realizing how annoying it is, they're always cautious. They are a bit protective without knowing how uncomfortable they make you. Just welcome each irritating comment with a smile, and keep assuring them that you remember and know what to do. it's part of the ageing process you know. But honestly, sorry you'd have to do a lot of talking and repeatition

66. AnonymousJune 17,2022 at 6:29PM UTC

    I hope you’re joking. This is offensive to older people every where. And I’m 40 so I’m in the middle.

67. AnonymousJune 17,2022 at 3:39AM UTC

    Hold on... I am one of those "old folks". The same way you dont want to be talked down to, we dont want to be treated like we cant do anything. How do you treat 20somethings? If you are always reminding them to do things, then stop it. it will pay it forward.

68. Bradford McCormickJune 17,2022 at 8:37AM UTC

    Well, young lady, sounds like you are very lucky those old foggies aren't maybe commentng on your -- well, you know.... or doing something really bad. Maybe they all are "over the hill" and getting a bit soft in the head, waiting for retirement? (I once worked in a place where there was a man who sat at an empty desk in an empty office, except for the telephone on the desk, all day and at lunch time his coworkers would pick him up to go to the cafeteria. A friend and I imagined they put him standing up on a lttle dolly and wheeled him down to lunch at the end of a string tied to the dolly. Mr. Dialtone.) You like your job? These dummies are not really causing you any trouble? Maybe you can really think hard and come up with something gentle but helpful to say to these superannuated sometime varsity men (from The Greatest Generation?)? It sounds like they mean no harm but are just living back in the days when ladies just brought managers coffee and took dictation?

69. AnonymousJune 17,2022 at 2:21PM UTC

    Don’t take is personal. Just respectfully say “yes I got it or yes I remember” I worked in an environment where the women were older and very quick to remind or tell you what to do. In the end they were just caring folks and it was the best job I had. I really felt we were a family at work.

70. Bridget HarringtonJune 17,2022 at 4:54PM UTC

    I have gotten that my entire career...I'm 53 and still getting it because I look much younger.
    My clothing doesn't matter...I'm young in the face and you can't hide that.

    The most recent embarassment I had in this area was 3 years ago. I was hired to replace a man who was retiring after nearly 40 years with the company. Chronologically, he is less than 10 years older than I...not "dad" or "grandpa" age relative to me. He is fortunate to retire in his early 60s. On one hand, I was hired as his replacement because I have decades of experience, comparable to what he has, working his way up and learning the tech on the way. No one under 40 would be able to match what this guy brought to the table. BUT. I had to shadow him for the first 2 months on the job. I had many many days where it was humiliating and challenging to listen to him. The absolute most cringy moment was when I read his assessment of me in our shareholder (we are a private company) report:

    "Our new hire in marketing, Bridget Harrington, seems to be everything indicated on her resume. For the few days she has been on board, her understanding of our photography and publishing software, and competency with the few projects she has been given so far has been excellent. Her “training” is really just a matter of walking her through our workflows and processes to show her how we are presently doing things. Rather than invent projects as examples for her training, we jumped right in and have had her doing real work that will be published and/or used in upcoming marketing activities. She is careful not to break things, so in most cases, she will work on a clone copy of the files and then update the real file when the editing is completed. She is competent with vector and raster graphics, photography and editing, desktop publishing, digital marketing (CRM), and she can write."

    UGH! I am not a college intern, for godsakes! I have professionally exhibited my photography and at one point in my life directed a catalog production department. I'm pretty far removed from being a novice.

    My answers to any and all, and what I would advise you to say as well, to these kinds of incidents is just smile and say, neutrally, "Thank you for pointing that out." Or, "Thanks, I appreciate it." If there is a silver lining, we had an intern this spring and she shared my office with me for 2 months. She is the same age as my own son (22). I was VERY careful and aware NOT to talk to her like a mama and to treat her like a contemporary. Being treated like "a kid" is not something I ever want to do to anybody else.

71. Paula OlsonJune 17,2022 at 6:22PM UTC

    I didn't think that was bad at all.

72. Bridget HarringtonJune 17,2022 at 10:25PM UTC

    Considering that I was hired to replace a very senior person and they knew coming in the door that I didn't need training and came highly recommended, it made me sound juvenile and inexperienced to the shareholders.
    He could and should have worded it better.

73. surfnwriteJune 18,2022 at 6:06PM UTC

    Everyone needs some sort of training at a new company, even how to find the coffee room.
    I think you are being overly sensitive and at the same time a bit arrogant.

74. AnonymousJune 19,2022 at 11:52PM UTC

    I'm at a loss as to why you're getting pushback on this. If you were brought to fill a senior role, it seems like it would have been adequate to say something along the lines of "she's getting up to speed so she can begin working on X" since the FILE MANAGEMENT doesn't seem like something anyone should care about. Respect matters!

75. surfnwriteJune 18,2022 at 5:50PM UTC

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with this write-up and is quite flattering. Might you be a bit oversensitive? How should it be written?

76. AnonymousJune 19,2022 at 11:48PM UTC

    "mIgHt yOu Be A bIt OvErSeNsItIvE?"

    Wow, seriously? The poster made it clear she was hired for a senior role and this was covered for shareholders in a manner that suggested they'd hired an intern. An internal memo that said something to the effect of "Our new hire is getting up to speed so she can do X" would me more appropriate for a senior role as the actual step by step should be less relevant for someone at a higher level. If you think expecting a basic level of respect for one's level of seniority means a person is being oversensitive then it explains why so many people get away with being so incredibly smug in the first place.

77. surfnwriteJune 18,2022 at 4:50PM UTC

    Just gotta say this. You are upset that you feel people are talking down to you but you also kind of talk down to them through us by giving your example of "Yes, Dottie, I know the envelope needs a stamp." It works both ways and it's not okay for anyone to age-shame.

78. AnonymousJune 20,2022 at 12:59PM UTC

    I’ve been on here for a while now and this is the most disappointing thread I’ve seen as the comments section is an exercise self-soothing.

    The OP came for support and all people are doing is “yes, ANDing.”
    Ageism is learned behavior, so it goes without saying that everyone is capable of it. Alas, missing the point is as American as whatever this sentence has unearthed for you.

    We come here for advice on how to handle a situation, not to be gaslit or invalidated on a technicality. Ain’t no way telling a 40+ year old that an envelope needs a stamp is based in benevolence. A hostile work environment is a hostile work environment.