Looking for advice. I was hired and started with a company a week and a half ago.

5 Comments

1. AnonymousJuly 22,2025 at 8:43PM UTC

   I got the sense that you seem perturbed your employer asked for an in-person meeting. Regardless of your understanding of the remote option, your employer owns your time on the days you are required to work and are paid for that. Understanding taking care of a disabled person is difficult and challenging, you must be flexible as your employer requires. They expect you to work with them and if it means being in an in-person meeting, then you should go. Working from home doesn't mean you will not ever see or meet with an employer in person ever. It means that while you're employed there, you will see to their needs and be paid for them. I would handle it by saying, I have home obligations and cannot make those dates. But sending me a calendar of expected dates, I can plan more efficiently to assist my husband who is disabled. I want you to be very careful. BCC your personal home email each time to keep track and a record. If you tell them after you were hired you can't travel, it's hard to do the he said she said. If you have something in writing that says you are remote only and no travel or in-person meetings are needed, then show them that and ask if you can do virtual with them. I've worked remote and if I'm required to be in an in-person meeting, I traveled to the main office. I made any arrangements at home. Our employers own our time during the time we are paid. Remote work doesn't remove you from that. There is a fine line of working from home, being home and tending to work related issues only. I would look back through every email they sent you to make sure you were not required to be in an in-person meeting at some time. They own your time while you are working for them. It sounds unkind, I know but it's true.

2. AnonymousJuly 22,2025 at 10:47PM UTC

   Well I would start looking for a new remote job that never requires in-person attendance. Any position other than call center workers I would assume would required some trips to work in person.

3. LauraJuly 22,2025 at 11:06PM UTC

   Were you aware of in-person meetings from time to time? If so, it's going to be hard to keep stating personal obligations without disclosing the reason. Also, caring for a family member would fall under FMLA which you aren't eligible for yet (1,250 hours during the 12 months prior to the start of the leave) so you technically wouldn't receive any job protection for this reason (I'm not saying it's right just the way our law is set up) unless they have separate leave policies in which case you're going to want to make sure to know. Honestly and this is going to see harsh, but if this was the expectation of the job and you can't meet those expectations, unless it's a lenient company, and you're on any type of probationary period it may be an issue that may warrant further action on their end. First thing I would do is understand all the leave/accommodations provided to you by the company and then if you are unable to attend any in-person events/meetings you're going to have to address this with your boss and see what can be worked out. Good luck!

4. Kimberley Ferretti HammettJuly 23,2025 at 8:34PM UTC

   First I want to say that you have a lot on your shoulders and I can only imagine this is a stressful situation to be in. One of the comments on here comes off a bit judgmental and I don't think that's helpful to the situation or you so I want to say I see that and I'm offering support.

   I do think now is a chance for you to cut any tension before it tarnishes your employment there (I mean on both ends, your perspective and theirs). It sounds like what is happening is you are in a difficult situation, likely stretched thin working and supporting you and your husband, and you were happy to find remote employment, however, your expectations and theirs did not match and that has quickly become a big let-down.

   My tip would be to look at the situation as objectively as you can. You do not feel comfortable sharing your situation yet, that's understandable as it is likely a very sensitive topic.. however, that then means they do not have the full story or understand your expectations of a remote role. On the reverse side.. they hired you as remote with expectation of only occasional in-person events and did not give a good advanced notice and they see a new hire pushing back on this without explanation.. they are probably unfairly, but understandably, making an assumption that you are just pushing back because you don't want to go to an in-person event or have planned a vacation and that can deteriorate trust (especially if they've experienced this with poor performers.. they may assume this is a red flag).

   I don't know the tone they gave you, but I do think the company seems to be at least trying to be reasonable.. even though they pried which is uncomfortable, they offered adjusted solutions like partial attendance and are adjusting their future approach for planning ahead. To me that says they are not totally inflexible.

   I think you have to approach this openly and empathetically if you want the same in return. You don't owe them any details but I think you can at least tell them that you care for your disabled husband. They have obligations too, which are certainly not that dire, but at the end of the day they have a job as well and they probably see the success of this event as tied to their job performance. Assure them that you are committed to the success of your role and the team, but you've also committed to caring for your husband and you will always do you your best but that has to take precedence. You could even ask more about the event and their expectations as far as takeaways, and see if there are ideas for you to achieve those outcomes without attending. At the end of the day, it's not actually about the reason you aren't there, it's about trust. For your own sake, you can work to build the trust between you and the leaders so you can continue to have remote employment that supports your life and needs.

   If they show more negativity towards the situation then it just might not work out. Again, I try to look at things like this with as much objectivity as I can muster.. from both perspectives. They have a company to run and if my situation doesn't allow me to meet their needs, I might not be the right fit. And if they can't have empathy and allow for some adjustments so that I can be successful, then they are not the right fit for me. I can't control what they think is necessary for their company (usually, hehehe).

   Best of luck to you.. you are doing a lot, I hope this works out for you and also you find some time to take care of yourself too.

5. Dr. Patty GrossAugust 17,2025 at 12:52PM UTC

   As a person with a disabled husband, I understand the quandary. This is something you need to look at strategically and consider how much you like this company and what it will offer you as a career move.

   There are also options for home caregivers to receive "respite" care, so I would suggest contacting a social worker on your husband's medical team who could give you some guidance. Depending on your insurance, they can probably provide some home care or a short stay at a rehabilitation or nursing home facility if he needs 24-hour care. These are usually available once or twice a year, so that can give you some guidance on how to deal with the future calendar scheduling strategically.