Being called, girl or good girl.

9 Comments

1. AnonymousSeptember 11,2022 at 2:38AM UTC

   If this is common within the company, they may just have a very informal work culture. It might not be a good fit for you. If it's one or two specific people, address it - carefully as their uber casual approach is probably acceptable to many other coworkers and they may be well-liked.

2. AnonymousSeptember 11,2022 at 9:16PM UTC

   Thanks maybe that’s what it is.

3. AyianSeptember 16,2022 at 12:37PM UTC

   Infantilism is a HUGE societal problem, particularly for women and people of color. As we see here, another reader chalks it up to being informal. It's not. It's being blaise about insulting people's experience and knowledge to invalidate them, which is the beating heart of infantilization. I regularly address this with people both known and new to me. Judge people harshly for their response to you if you ever tell them that you find it unacceptable. What they say next will tell you EXACTLY what they think of you. Some are delightful to teach, while others become defensive or even hostile. How dare we break down the sexism that lies beneath the wage gap, the patriarchy, and white supremacy????

   We must never quietly accept anything less than the treatment cisgender, straight, white, middle aged men receive. Doing so is an endorsement for that treatment and leads offenders to believe that this is fine - and so another generation passes without even considering how to treat one another respectfully. We have the power to change minds if only we are brave enough to have compassionate, thoughtful conversations with people who don't already agree with us. It also helps to publicly shame those who refuse to get with the program after a chat or even become hostile. Shame can be a useful tool in teaching people when kinder methods fail.

4. Carrie ESeptember 18,2022 at 6:05PM UTC

   YES. This. All of this. Well said!

5. K OSeptember 16,2022 at 1:46PM UTC

   I know what you mean. I would be called “good girl” by mostly white men on the job. Says it all doesn’t it?

6. LenaSeptember 17,2022 at 12:03AM UTC

   I would just say, "please don't call me girl" when someone does it. Just unemotionally and to the point. I wouldn't over explain unless they ask - that can make it more awkward. I would say that whenever it happens. Even if it is a casual workplace, you should not be addressed in a way that makes you uncomfortable.

7. AyianSeptember 17,2022 at 11:57PM UTC

   Failing to include some mention of the inappropriateness or lack of professionalism does not call their attention to the actual issue - a demand for respect in the workplace, not simply a personal preference.

8. LenaSeptember 18,2022 at 11:16PM UTC

   Well sure, but depending on the work place and the worker. I may not prefer to do that. Everyone including you, me and the OP has the right to deal with it in a way that makes them the most comfortable. In some work places I've been in, calling it out as inappropriate or unprofessional would just lead to worse behavior because inappropriate and unprofessional behavior was accepted at the top. I chose to find a more professional place to work. I'm much happier.

9. Carrie ESeptember 18,2022 at 6:04PM UTC

   Not acceptable. I faced a similar situation at work earlier this year where someone (a man) commented about my colleague (who was also his superior) that she was "a sweet girl" and I immediately asked "would you call a man 'a sweet boy?'" Much stammering and excuse making ensued, along with adamant yelling "I'm not sexist!" -- all of which essentially proved my point, alongside an earlier incident of mansplaining. The colleague he was talking about was also petite and Asian, which made the comment even more infantilizing and inappropriate. There are very few situations where calling someone "girl" could be interpreted as slang and brushed off as friendly demeanor in the workplace. Otherwise (along with "honey," "darling," and any other term of endearment) it is demeaning and inappropriate for the workplace. Address someone using their first name or with their appropriate professional title/last name and appropriate pronouns.