Hello, I am at the end of my rope with a coworker. We work in close proximity and share duties, and I’ve allowed myself to spend the past year carrying more than half of our shared workload so they can read on their phone. Literally. Our boss has talked to them about this in their review check ins which are twice each month (the coworker has oddly told me this themselves and ran excuses), our boss has walked up to them and sternly told them to put the phone away multiple times (witnessed it myself), and coworker simply won’t stop. They just…. Won’t. No fear of our boss at all in terms of the phone use yet maintains too much fear to “ask our boss questions”. They ignore customers at the desk to read on phone. Attempt to not answer the phone to read. They just continue to claim that they don’t realize they’re on the phone. If you’d ask me to do the math, I’d say they are on their phone four hours per day on average and that is low-balling it. I’d stay in my lane if this behavior didn’t directly impede my tasks, deadlines, projects and daily duties in general. It has a negative effect on all of it, so it’s impossible for me to ignore. I can’t do the “I’m not their boss so it’s not my business” because when they keep me from getting my work done, it becomes my business. So I feel trapped. So I’m looking at another job opportunity and really want to be able to use my boss as a reference. I’ve read that’s a bad idea, but I don’t want bad blood and I’m hopeful my boss will understand since she is very aware of these issues. Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation and was able to be transparent with their boss, and get their support in leaving? (Side note—I avoid HR like the plague and there isn’t a union. HR has never actually helped any employee in conflict situations, haven’t seen it in my 13 year career.)

6 Comments

1. maria roseApril 3,2026 at 4:40PM UTC

   Having to deal with a coworker who tends to avoid doing their fair share of the workload is a common problem in a lot of workplaces. As we don’t know how this person managed to get hired based on what we see as a coworker in their actual performance on the job, we may temporarily ignore this issue until it becomes stressful for our job satisfaction at the job.

   In this situation, the OP has seen and heard the employee getting reprimanded for non-performance of the job duties and seen that this employee has not changed anything in their performance which leads me to guess that there’s an unsaid reason why this employee is “tolerated” for their poor performance and the reason they are partnered with the OP is merely as a shadow and not really expected to be equal in performance terms. This person may have neural divergent issues but can technically do the job in an adaptive setup. I am not sure if disclosure is necessarily given to all employees or if necessary . But in any case, the OP could have a discussion with their immediate supervisor about hiw they best can handle the situation as the one who is the direct coworker with this individual as far as completion of the day’s daily assignments and if they are responsible for everything getting completed regardless of their coworker’s efforts. They , the OP, may be assuming that responsibility when it’s not really theirs. . It may just take a simple conversation to eliminate any illusion of stress and pass the responsibility of guiding this individual’s performance at work in to the appropriate person. It’s not the job of the OP, unless directly given that responsibility to react to their coworker’s behavior unless they are in charge of getting the work assigned completed. There’s not historical evidence presented that suggests that the position was always a team effort either because if it was than the OP would know how to motivate the other coworker to blend their efforts to achieve the end goal results.

2. AnonymousApril 10,2026 at 11:34PM UTC

   Thank you :)

3. AnonymousApril 5,2026 at 10:44AM UTC

   They are allowed to behave this way because there are no consequences. You are allowed to move on to a new job. Simple.

4. AnonymousApril 6,2026 at 6:42AM UTC

   My post was long, at the end I stated I am looking for another job but am hoping to use my current boss as a reference.

5. AnonymousApril 6,2026 at 2:39PM UTC

   To your question re: using your boss as a reference, this gets a little tricky-else you wouldn't be asking, but I think it can be done (regardless of the coworker situation). A few things you want to verify first: 1) in your organization, can you manager be a reference? This may be in an employee manual. As a manager in my org, I'm not allowed to provide a reference, and instead must refer all such calls to HR where they can confirm basic details, but not actually provide candor. Then, you want to be 1000% sure that your manager would provide a positive reference (and not try to sabotage the opportunity). Finally, begin to consider alternatives, it's not uncommon for current employers to not be references given the circumstances, it could be former colleagues, vendors, etc. I've had a friend who gave these types of references and then was explicitly asked for a current or former manager, so that can happen.

   If these are both true and you want to explore:

   Don't provide references until you're in the interview process and they are requested. If they are requested in an application, indicate that you'll provide as part of the interview process. A 'letter of reference' isn't really part of an application process these days.

   If you are in an interview process, and they are requested, FIRST let your manager know (without talking about coworker) that you are in an interview process for a role and have come to the stage where references have been requested, and you can ask if they would be comfortable providing a positive reference. Note, I have had situations where I've received a call to be a reference IMMEDIATELY upon my info being given and before the person could reach out to me, so talk to the reference first. You may also ask what contact info to provide (personal or business).

   Know that initiating this conversation clearly indicates to your manager that you're planning to leave-whether or not it is this role-which could change dynamics at work.

   Again, all of this is done without talking about the coworker or using that as a reason to leave. You simply say, I've found an opportunity that provides me with more growth/flexibility/closer to home/etc.

6. AnonymousApril 10,2026 at 11:33PM UTC

   Thank you :)