My manager frequently belittles and talks down to me in front of coworkers.

Anonymous

April 12,2022 at 5:49AM UTC

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My manager frequently belittles and talks down to me in front of coworkers.

I work on a 2-person team and am often looped into all the meetings my manager is in. Often in the meetings my manager does the following:

Explicitly calls me out and says “so to explain and distill this we have to XYZ” - as if I’m not tracking the conversation and she has to explain everything to me. This puts me in a really uncomfortable position - and frankly, really infuriates me.
When I participate, a lot of the time she steps in and puts my ideas down in front of everyone. This makes me always think twice about saying anything.
Other times, when she asks a question “to the group” I’ll step in and give my opinion and she’ll side slack me saying something to the effect of “let the other members speak. This isn’t your domain.”

Whenever these instances happen, I feel so defeated and frustrated. I already barely participate out of fear and when I do my manager makes me feel like I should shut up. A lot of the time, I think she uses me as lever to make herself sound smarter and elevate her status with our peers.

Any advice on how I should deal with this situation? I’m at my wits end.

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Tasha L. SimmonsApril 12,2022 at 7:28AM UTC
You have the right to be happy at your place of work,
You can search for another job in the same organization, you can tell HR (with proof maybe audio recording), you search for another job in another organization
AnonymousApril 12,2022 at 11:02AM UTC
I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s time to plan your exit, if you haven’t already - and during that exit interview, tell HR about every bit of it. That’s horrible, and I’m so sorry that you haven’t been valued at your place of work. Best of luck to you, sending you all the warmth and positive energy in your next steps forward!!
Michelle VerquerApril 12,2022 at 12:40PM UTC
How frustrating! Have you tried to provide her feedback or found a way to talk to her about it? She may not even know that she is doing it or she thinks it is to your benefit.
AnonymousApril 12,2022 at 1:01PM UTC
I would not continue with this job.
It sounds like your new boss is at best, not genuine. This looks like bullying to me, and I just left a boss like that myself. It always disappoints me when women treat other women this way, but sadly, it's very common. As for what YOU can do, I'd look at finding some podcasts that talk about personal assertiveness. This boss is robbing you of confidence and putting you in the position to act as a double agent at work, hiding your disappointment over being embarrassed constantly while putting on a brave front. This is not the team I would want to be in.
AnonymousApril 12,2022 at 10:59PM UTC
Leave. You do not deserve to be treated like that.