I need some advice. I am an admin in a real estate office, and I have severe depression. I miss work because of it. My boss gave me 5 days off to "get it together". I don't want to lose my job, so what is the best way to approach her when I return to work on Tuesday? Thanks in advance.

14 Comments

1. AnonymousMay 24,2024 at 4:41PM UTC

   Get to a health care provider, urgently, and get some assistance. Look at both medication and therapy so you can end this suffering. Your employer is after someone who is reliable and taking active steps to address mental health issues. Sounds to me like this is your final opportunity to right this ship. If this were me, I'd call a doctor and get a treatment plan in place. When you return to the office, I'd be prepared to share some of your next steps since it sounds like your boss already has awareness of your condition.

   I know some on this board will jump all over me about the employer needing to show compassion. I get this, too. But they also need reliable employees to work at their business.

   I'm sorry you're going through a mental health crisis, there are options for you.

2. Wanda ShawMay 24,2024 at 9:15PM UTC

   No, You’re 1000% correct, if there were such a thing. A business is in business to provide a service or a product. And their number one goal is to stay in business, which means that any and all employees that work for the company are expected to show up and carry out their assigned roles to the best of their abilities. May not be what folks want to hear but it’s the truth.

3. AnonymousMay 24,2024 at 5:13PM UTC

   I would let her know that you have health issues that impact you from time to time.

   Get your work caught up and prepare a summary so your boss can see your diligence and work ethic.

4. Joanne RosenMay 24,2024 at 5:27PM UTC

   Is it possible to work from home? If you are a valued employee, they don't want to lose you either. However, they also need consistency.

   As someone else said, get medical help. You don't have to suffer. If you were a diabetic, would you just try to manage it on your own? Nope. You would take the medication and treatment a doctor suggests.

   You have a physical illness that manifests as mental health issues.

5. Wanda ShawMay 24,2024 at 8:37PM UTC

   Sometimes dealing with bouts of depression may require more than just taking five days off to reassess and to get oneself together. It could involve seeing both a medical doctor and mental health therapist on an ongoing basis. However to be fair, there still is a business that has to run and unexpected absences of employees can severely impact an organization’s ability to function properly. Being upfront with your manager about your medical condition is the first course of action. Tell her of your diagnosis, if you feel comfortable revealing it and if one has been confirmed, letting her know that you’re seeking treatment. You may find her to be more sympathetic to your plight than you thought, and much more than you would if you kept this all to yourself, which isn’t a wise option, …not if you want to keep your job. All the best.

6. AnonymousMay 28,2024 at 6:47PM UTC

   In my experience reporting a disability to my manager resulted in discrimination. Sharing vulnerabilities with a manager who might have an agenda gives them a playbook to use it against you. Better to share officially with HR and have emails to go along with the disclosure. This isn’t every manager, of course, but how would you know? My manager appeared kind and empathetic and still maintained that speaking while her actions were calculated and cold.

7. AnonymousMay 25,2024 at 12:45AM UTC

   If you have depression, that is a disability according to the ADA and you are entitled to accommodations. It depends on the state in the USA that you live in but, If you have an office with a certain number of employees (my state is 50) then you might be able to qualify for an accommodation that involves intermittent leave using state FMLA. It would be u paid time, but you can’t be fired for using it. Being fired for using it is illegal. I recently filed with HR to use it and it has helped me immensely. I was in a dark place and was on the verge of quitting. This gave me the space to process panic attacks.

   My licensed therapist submitted the paperwork to HR.

   you could also take u paid FMLA for “persons own illness” for a few weeks while you sort it out. They can’t fire you for that either. And, your benefits should continue.

   have you considered an I -patient program involving more intense therapy?

   do you have a licensed therapist in your state? They are usually familiar with navigating this type of paperwork. And if you send an email to HR saying that you “need help navigating the options for a disability per the ADA” then… HR is obligated to tell you the resources available to you such as leaves of absences that I mentioned above.

8. AnonymousMay 28,2024 at 1:22PM UTC

   Keep in mind that small businesses are exempt from some of the laws.

9. AnonymousMay 25,2024 at 12:56AM UTC

   To folks saying tell your manager…

   You can’t guarantee how she receives that information. I think it is better to report a disability to HR: IN EMAIL AND BCC YOURSELF. I had a situation where I told my manager about my disability and they said I was not fit for working at the company despite years of solid performance reviews. The manager expressed their bias and acted upon it by systematically removing projects from me and tried to put me on a PIP despite zero performance issues, among many other violations. I won’t go into details here.

   My advice is: whatever
   you choose to disclose, always follow up with an email with direct quotes about what you disclosed and BCC yourself.

   it’s not too late to retroactively do that.

   also, if you TOLD your manager that you have depression, they have already been placed “on notice” that you have a disability. And threatening to fire you could be illegal?

   I suggest co summing a lawyer. i use a legal service that cost $50 a month for these exact things. It helped me immensely through my situation

   It’s called Legal shield.

   I do not benefit by sharing this company name in any way.

   please note, this is not intended to be legal advice.

10. AnonymousMay 25,2024 at 1:23PM UTC

    I would try to address the depression either through counseling medication or both. If you leave or lose this job you will still need to deal with the depression. I would let the manager knows that you are dealing with personal issues, but don't give her many details but let her know you are working to resolve it and then do so.

11. P I.May 25,2024 at 11:47PM UTC

    I'm no expert in this, but can you take a short-term LOA for health reasons? If anything begin to start a paper trail to show you're taking steps to manage your depression. I would think it would be much harder for them to fire you. They might offer you a severance to leave, but I think a termination would be harder.

12. AnonymousMay 28,2024 at 1:18PM UTC

    There's never a "best" way to do anything. If it is a small employer, you are not entitled to FMLA, so if you didn't come up with a solution (and who could on a holiday weekend?) you may only be able to promise to get better help. Having a psychiatric disorder and not having a psychiatrist is not going to get you any sympathy.

13. AnonymousMay 28,2024 at 6:39PM UTC

    Ooooof! “Not going to get you any sympathy” What a thing to say! This statement assumes that the OP is in control of all circumstances. Perhaps you aren’t aware that there is often a wait list for practitioners—esp psychiatrists—that is months long. When I called last it was a 4 month wait. Therapists (psychologists) often have a wait list too. And finally, one of the side effects of depression is that folks often feel a paralyzing sense of not being able to take action, even while they know intellectually that they would benefit from it. This is literally not in their control. You can’t just “think more productive thoughts.”

14. AnonymousMay 28,2024 at 6:42PM UTC

    OP how are you doing? Thinking of you in this difficult time. If you need access to a mental health provider quickly perhaps a service like betterup or better help might work.