Boss is a pathological liar

8 Comments

1. AnonymousDecember 3,2024 at 2:40AM UTC

   First, I am so sorry you are dealing with this situation. I had a boss just like this a few years back except she wasn't a CEO. As with all things like this, CYA. Document all you can and save emails, etc in pdf form and send it to yourself to be sure you have the original copy of the email. And send the electronic version to yourself as well. Just know all this is traceable if they want to know. Obviously, you want to keep your integrity in tact and these documents are "whistle-blower" reasons only and to make sure you don't get hosed. Find out if the state you're in is a one-party consent state when it comes to recording a conversation. If so, I'd record any in person or over the phone conversations with her for yourself. Again, this is about protecting yourself and making sure you get out of there unscathed. You'll need to know how to access the recording options quickly. Get a counselor. If your company has EAP, use it. You must speak to someone in a confidential manner who can give you tools to cope with this behavior. If you don't have EAP or only have a few sessions available to you, I do recommend at least budgeting for twice a month but you really could use a weekly session to be able to "dump" all of this on your counselor and figure it out. After a few sessions with the counselor they may tell you to speak with an attorney and you should probably do that anyway but I'd wait to see what they say. My thought is that there are a lot of legal lines being crossed or she's walking them. You certainly don't need to be caught up in any of it. Again, you must keep your integrity in tact. Knowing she asked another employee to lie in a lawsuit and if that employee did lie - they most likely lied under oath. Not exactly the end of the world but what do you have if you're known as an official liar? Every state has a state bar site and generally there is a section where you can pose questions to the attorney universe and someone will get back to you. Until you go, keep your head down, do great work, there are no friends in that work place, you have no loyalties to anyone but to yourself. Don't betray your set of morals for any reason. Don't gossip with anyone, don't allow anyone to gossip to you, let them know you don't have the time to listen, you have a ton of work to do. It will sound mean coming out but it's better in the end. I wish you the best of luck. I'm sure there's something about the Board of Directors needing to know something but an attorney would know better.

2. AnonymousDecember 3,2024 at 3:11AM UTC

   All you can do is keep a low profile, don't interact with her unless you have to and don't hand her ammunition. Give her plenty of space and ignore everything you can. Eventual she may come gunning for you but just don't make it easy.

3. AnonymousDecember 3,2024 at 1:44PM UTC

   I agree with the others. Keep a low profile and document everything. Counseling and therapy, especially if you have an EAP, can help you cope until you find something better. What you describe in your boss was my first husband. It took me 22 years to get away from him. Please, don't make the same mistake I did. It took 15 years of therapy to get back to any resemblance to normal.

4. AnonymousDecember 3,2024 at 2:29PM UTC

   I agree with others. Keep a low profile, document everything, shore up your benefits and supports (counseling, therapy, EAP, time off, WFH, etc.). If she doesn't impact you that much, keep it that way and focus on one thing- Getting a new job.

   Don't spend too much with the boss getting into your head. Tips to cope, primarily- steer clear, and use benefits for therapy/EAP to gain tips that way that work for you. Another is if the boss ever starts coming for you, carry your phone with you or a notepad and just remember some phrases "Could you repeat that?" or just start typing/ writing and say "I'm writing down what you're saying so I'm clear." That typically lets them know they're being watched. If you're concerned, try not to arrive early or stay late alone.

   Don't get tied up in rumor. If you think a lawsuit may be coming, make sure you're free from it (sometimes folks want to rope in others and put the blame on them).

   You can report a business if they're doing unethical or illegal practices.

5. AnonymousDecember 3,2024 at 2:30PM UTC

   FWIW- You can report the company if they are engaging in unethical or illegal practices. Here’s how to handle the situation carefully and protect yourself in the process:

   1. Understand the Issue Fully

   Confirm that the business activity truly violates laws or regulations. Distinguish between unethical practices (which may or may not be illegal) and outright illegal behavior.

   Gather facts and documentation if it’s safe and appropriate to do so. Avoid taking actions that could put your job or safety at risk.

   2. Review Whistleblower Protections

   Familiarize yourself with whistleblower protections in your region or industry. In the U.S., for example, the Whistleblower Protection Act and laws enforced by OSHA or the SEC can safeguard employees who report misconduct.

   Some industries, like finance or healthcare, have specific reporting mechanisms.

   3. Report Internally (Optional)

   If you feel safe, consider raising your concerns through internal channels like HR or a compliance officer. Many companies have anonymous hotlines for reporting ethical concerns.

   If you’re concerned about retaliation or think the issue won’t be addressed, you can bypass this step.

   4. Report Externally

   If the internal route isn’t an option or doesn’t resolve the issue, you can report externally to the appropriate authorities:

   Government Agencies: For example, OSHA (workplace safety), the SEC (securities violations), or the EPA (environmental violations).

   Industry-Specific Regulators: Depending on the nature of the issue.

   Whistleblower Organizations: Groups like the National Whistleblower Center can offer guidance.

   5. Protect Yourself

   Confidentiality: Request anonymity if possible, especially if you fear retaliation.

   Exit Strategy: Since you want to leave the company, it may be wise to secure a new job before making a report. Reporting could strain your workplace situation further.

   6. Consult Legal or Professional Advice

   Speak with an employment lawyer or a whistleblower advocate. They can guide you on the safest and most effective way to report while protecting your rights.

   Reporting unethical or illegal practices is a brave step. By approaching it thoughtfully and protecting yourself, you can make a difference while ensuring your own security.

6. AnonymousDecember 3,2024 at 6:52PM UTC

   I'm only guessing here but it sounds like you are in staffing. I've also worked in this industry. First thing, update your resume and seek another position now, don't wait. Second thing, if you engage and what they are saying sounds unethical, make notes, write it down, then email them what was said, to confirm you heard them correctly. Then if you ever go to an attorney, you can relate to an email you sent after said conversation with a timestamp. Proving unethical statements will be a he said she said sort of thing. Do not go into their office alone, take a teammate so you have a witness.

   Third, get a consult with an employment attorney this week. Don't wait, secure one. Many people who are in staffing, which is really sales, it's all about the numbers, embellish. Heard the line "the fish was this big"? Imagine the person who says this, and while doing so opens their arms as wide as possible embellishing their fishing story. What I tell people is that I've worked with people who did this, and in fact, there never was a fish. All they are is full of hot air and BS! There's a variety of things you could do, but I do think it's best just to get out of that mess. Egos are everywhere, liars are everywhere. This person probably has low self esteem, and is really projecting their insecurities that equate to an inflated ego so they can also try to control others. If you're on Facebook look up Jefferson Fisher. He gives great tips for responding/behaving towards difficult folks. Short and sweet.
   I've been around the block, worked with tons of people and have worked with this same character. They will never make it. But don't wait around until they get let go. Go first, pave the way, lead the trail. Others will follow you out.
   I imagine this company has high turn over, not sure. Focus your energy on securing a new job. I am now in higher ed helping employers hire new talent. Much better environment! Keep us posted and hang in there!

7. AnonymousDecember 4,2024 at 1:38PM UTC

   Only way is to keep your head down, do your job, and look for a new job. If there is no one to reign this boss in (a Board, perhaps), there is nothing you can do. Even then if your report her to a Board, it's your word versus hers and she'll label you the crazy one, and they'll believe her. There is no win unless you can provide convincing evidence.

   She may not be borderline crazy-- this reads to me as truly diagnosable personalty disorder crazy. Get out as soon as you can.

8. AnonymousDecember 4,2024 at 7:10PM UTC

   She's a total sociopath. I think the fact that you have her number you've already done half the work. You aren't going to change her. If she's the CEO than there is no way you are going to be able to rock the boat enough for her to fall out of it. Besides creating a 'confrontational' coo of sorts with all the other employees (I don't recommend) you need to do what you are doing... look for another job.