I started a job 5 months ago at a company that is considered to be one of the best places to work.

74 Comments

1. AnonymousJanuary 1,2023 at 11:25PM UTC

   Find a lawyer now … this will not end well

2. AnonymousJanuary 2,2023 at 12:40AM UTC

   I know. Tha'ts exactly my thought. Looking for one this week.

3. Mary PoolJanuary 2,2023 at 1:33PM UTC

   As I am sure you are doing, document, document, document. I would send a summary e-mail every single time you have a conversation with him, every single time. Also, this sounds like age discrimination. If you are 40 or older, you have legs for a case. I'd definitely consult an attorney and after discussing the issues with him, let HR know you have hired one. Most consultations are free. HR will protect the company; that is their job, not to protect you or him, but the company. If they think he is a liability, they will take action. Your hiring an attorney will definitely make them take the matter seriously. If he is nitpicking everything, get Grammarly, it is cheap insurance.

4. AnonymousJanuary 2,2023 at 1:51PM UTC

   Good luck, take care of yourself. Took me four years to deal with a situation like this. It was not fun; considered suicide. In the end, I "won"--was very lucky to find help. I do not meet with the boss without a witness present. Look for support higher up in your organization--, keep trying until you find it.

5. AnonymousJanuary 2,2023 at 2:20PM UTC

   Lawyer up and document everything. Your boss is a bully and probably used to people backing down from him. Show him you’re not playing around. Good luck. No one deserves this shoddy treatment!!

6. AnonymousJanuary 2,2023 at 2:39PM UTC

   Lawyer up. HR is not your friend. Look for another job.

7. AnonymousJanuary 2,2023 at 3:14PM UTC

   Document, document, document. HR is your friend (despite what others may say here) his power trip needs to be squashed. Stay the course do your job, Put everything in writing and use the words hostile workplace with HR. Let them know that his attacks on you make you be concerned for your safety and that you would like them to attend your 1-1's if they refuse then you should be sure to not attend or tell him that you cannot without someone else in the room because of your discomfort. As for the signing bonus, do not let that taint your thinking, a good attorney - yes get one now- should be able to represent your needs for support and not being forced to repay.

8. AnonymousJanuary 2,2023 at 3:15PM UTC

   This is bullying, and if you are a female over 40, it's also illegal (in the U.S.)

   Good workers are the ones most likely to be targeted by people with insecurities, so keep up the good work and document that good work! If your manager's bro culture mentality is consistent with upper management's mentality, your choices will be to accept it and do what you can or threaten to sue for discrimination (which could have repercussions). With your skillset, you may be able to get a sign on bonus at a new company that would help you pay back the other one. Or.... you could negotiate on that point on your way out after proving you have evidence of their negligence.

   It's a sucky situation. You're not alone. Check out the information at the Workplace Bullying Institute's page and youtube channel. Your story is classic.

9. AnonymousJanuary 2,2023 at 3:37PM UTC

   Don't let this crush your self esteem. Stand tall and remember,you are great at what you do and you will always come out ahead.

10. BethBJanuary 2,2023 at 4:42PM UTC

    How sizeable a bonus is it? Perhaps you can negotiate that you get the bonus and don’t sue them. That’s where an experienced attorney can help you. Take screenshots of emails and keep a dated journal documenting any conversations.

    HR isn’t anyone’s friend. It is a department that’s only as good as the people who work in it. Protecting the company and helping you may be mutually beneficial.

11. Vanda LeeJanuary 2,2023 at 7:04PM UTC

    I agree with all the comments. I got legal advice once upon a time & it helped. Do it now! I also suspect age discrimination. Document EVERYTHING & if you speak with HR, use key words an instances focused on his age related comments. They will take notice because that's the part of this scenario that is illegal - the other is just bullying. Take your attorney's advise & stand your ground! I fought for 6 months - left on my own accord with a severance pkg. and put former manager on the radar with HR. He struggles to staff his team because of his reputation now. Fight & leave on your own terms!

12. Bosslady579011January 3,2023 at 1:43PM UTC

    Excellent

13. Crystal HowellJanuary 3,2023 at 12:37AM UTC

    It's quite obvious he is threatened by your experience. Don't reach out or gossip with other co workers. Document and date the issues above, don't quit so you can keep that bonus. You got the sign on bonus for a reason, he's probably jealous.

    Continue to dot your i's and cross those t's, be smart on the emails and know your desk is being gone through.

    Contact an employment attorney to advocate for you re: discrimination, woman, aging, etc. There are more than 9 ways to skin a so called slick cat. Be smart, polite, communicate in monotone, be nice it will kill him you got this!!

14. Bosslady579011January 3,2023 at 1:43PM UTC

    I agree with all of this. I need to add one additional piece of advice: this situation can do a number on your mental health. Pay attention closely to how you are doing, and ensure that you are taking good care of yourself. Don’t overwork, take time for friends, family and exercise. Don’t allow this behavior/situation to undermine your confidence.

15. Monique LewisJanuary 3,2023 at 1:14PM UTC

    I’m so sorry you’re going through that; I had a similar experience with a company that was ALSO supposed to be one the of best places to work.

    How long would you need to stay to avoid paying back your sign on bonus? If you can endure for that time, do that and leave

16. Diane J HuffJanuary 3,2023 at 1:20PM UTC

    Ouch, this happened to me too. I was over 40, working for a younger, less experienced man. He was threatened and took it out on me. In the end, I did lawyer up although I hated to spend the money. But it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. At the end of the day, companies DO NOT want employee litigation, especially a woman of a certain age screaming ageism. Be strong, don't let them see you upset, stay calm and I agree with everyone else - HR is not your friend and don't talk to anyone else about it. You may see out there alone, like an island, but get out as soon as you can with your signing bonus intact. My lawyer negotiated that as my settlement. Maybe yours can do that too. Good luck.

17. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 1:20PM UTC

    Sometimes I wonder why these A-Hole managers hire people just to terrorize their new employee after they start.

    One thing that I do want to point out is if HR is launching an investigation and interviewing folks they make the people that they are interviewing not tell anyone that they've been interviewed. I've been interviewed a couple of time for investigations and I couldn't say a word. So your coworkers may be in the same situation.

    l'm curious, are you a black woman and/or over 40?

18. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 1:24PM UTC

    I was severely harassed by my boss at a previous job. I talked to several lawyers and HR. That is when I learned HR is NOT your friend. They are there to protect the company. If your boss is friends with anyone in HR, then it's nepotism at it's finest. If they think you are the threat to the company, they'll find a way to let you go using something like "misconduct" which can cause issues with unemployment and being rehired. It got so bad that security from corporate flew down to interview the entire office including me. I had video and sound recordings (against company policy but I didn't care anymore, was gathering information for lawyers). I also kept Excel sheet with all the details and timelines. He would constantly write me up saying I wasn't working etc. I documented everything and even went to the doctor because of depression and anxiety. That company ended up surprising everyone with layoffs. I learned that companies are protected and that workers have little to no rights. It would have to be something outright wrong, such as sexual harassment for anyone to do anything about it. You may consider paying back the bonus or staying with them until your term is up with the company to where you don't have to pay it back. Sorry you're experiencing this. Workers need rights against this behavior!

19. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 5:00PM UTC

    If you have documentation and it is within the timeframe, (I'm not sure if it's 6mos or 9months) you should go to EEOC. They really, REALLY can help. The EEOC enforces Federal civil rights laws that protect you from workplace discrimination and retaliation because of your race, color, religion, sex, national origin, age, disability, or genetic information. You may also have rights under other federal, state or local laws.

    If you’re claiming an employer has discriminated against you, YOU NEED to reach out to the EEOC for help. https://publicportal.eeoc.gov/Portal/Forms/NewEditForm.aspx?templateId=160&userKey=

20. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 1:31PM UTC

    I was in a similar situation. I knew after a week it was not a good fit, but they lured me in with more money and the promise of advancement. I hated it everyday. I regret even taking the job. I left recently. I think the best you can do is start looking for another job immediately. It is near impossible to negóciate keeping the bonus if that was written into the contract, stating you had to pay it back if you did not last a year.

    I highly recommend getting some legal advice, but don’t stay in a job if it sucks the life out of you. It is not worth it.

    I am getting lots of interviews, I am accepting a job at slightly less pay but not hating the job is worth it. I can do a better job and I know at bonus time I will make up the salary difference.

21. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 1:35PM UTC

    Everything the previous commenters have stated is spot on. BLUF: That company has a problem, not you! For over a decade, I successfully worked for a company that was also viewed as a "best place" to work, and they constantly touted their 'values;' diversity and inclusion, "it's about our people," "respect and dignity, etc." At first things were great, but then later, the 'frat' culture the OP mentioned went on blast. Once I went past 45, the bullying and ageism was ridiculous. I was hounded for about a year, then was laid off at the first opportunity. I knew it was BS, so I lawyered up and negotiated a nice severance package. But the important thing I want to share is this - since leaving this 'best' place to work, I've leveled up significantly. My next employer, who valued my skills and experience, almost doubled my pay. Then, during the pandemic craziness, guess who needed help & asked me back as a consultant? My old company. I took a short gig there, and while it was a good experience & nice to see some past friendly faces, I realized I'd definitely outgrown that place. I left gracefully, landed a great position in my field where I'm appreciated for my mind, and haven't looked back.

22. Alissa BurchJanuary 3,2023 at 1:44PM UTC

    Oh and about threatening a PIP? Always be professional and don't show your hand, but in the back of your mind think "Fine. Go ahead and document your discriminatory behavior." I doubt most of them will go that far, but if they do, then you have your evidence in writing.

23. Rebecca MillikenJanuary 3,2023 at 1:37PM UTC

    I faced similar issues at my job. The difference was I had been there a dozen years and he was new. After about a year of dealing with this young man-young enough to be my son--trying to undermine me I quit. Trying to prove age discrimination or gender discrimination is tough and I didn't have the stomach for it. My brother is a lawyer and we spoke about it.

    I told my supervisor's boss exactly why I was quitting when I left. He claimed to be unaware, but that was b.s. I had raised issues several times before; he just didn't want to deal with it (another young man in his 30s).

    I'm really glad I left and have a better job now. My gaslighting, sexist, lazy boss got promoted. He's had complaints for years about harassment (flirting with young women on the job, etc.) and yet he's still there.

24. Darlene MirtoJanuary 3,2023 at 1:44PM UTC

    This doesn’t excuse his behavior, but it’s quite possible someone he knows either in the company or outside applied for your job and didn’t get it.

25. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 1:49PM UTC

    I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been in IT for over 20 years and have had similar experiences. Insecure men, who feel intimidated so they try to tear you down to ensure others don't see you as value to the company. HR cannot and will not do anything. They are there to hire/fire and provide benefit information (mostly). You will not be able to stay there for longer than the time it takes to ensure you keep your sign-on bonus (and yearly bonus hopefully?). It's going to be tough, but, be the bigger/more professional person and eventually poor people managers like this one, will be "seen" whether at this company or at another. What you learn as your career goes on is most promotions are "being at the right place at the right time", random and/or cronyism. Do the work assigned to you and keep an eye on the "end date", start applying to new roles three months before the one year mark and ensure you take mental health days for yourself and focus on self-care. Best of luck!

26. Grace BergeronJanuary 3,2023 at 2:07PM UTC

    I am so very sorry. Good luck to you.

27. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 2:25PM UTC

    HR here. Not your HR, but I have worked in HR for 10+ years.

    First, I’d start with a bit of self reflection.

    The first thing YOU mentioned is your boss’ age so whether you realize it or not, it’s possible you started inadvertently discriminating against him first because of your assumptions about him, his age and the knowledge he either has or does not have based upon that and he picked up on that.

    What we put out in the world gets returned to us.

    No one wants to be made to feel like they are unqualified based on something they can’t control, which it sounds like you are now on the receiving end of.

    Second, if he threatened a PIP in the 3rd week then it sounds like they have a higher standard than you are accustomed to working at and you are not meeting that.

    So it would make sense that they are managing you out the door.

    Third, you really have only three options here:

    1. Forget your ego, go to your boss and let him know that you want to right the ship and want to know what that looks like from his perspective. Based on your own perspective of his management style, it really doesn’t sound like it’s a fit for you.
    2. Based on experience, your boss isn’t going anywhere and you trying to change him or the situation is going to make things worse. Have you ever dated someone you tried to change? Guessing it didn’t go so well. So go to HR, let them know you’re not sure there’s an alignment in culture fit and in exchange for signing a NDA, would like to negotiate voluntary separation and keeping your bonus to support your job search.
    3. Last. Put your head down and work so hard your performance speaks for itself while you try to find something else. Again, based on experience, less than 10% of the working population is actually willing to do this one. Experience has shown they’d rather complain and lower the bar than work hard to reach a higher one.
28. MYOWNBOSSJanuary 3,2023 at 3:11PM UTC

    Sorry, totally disagree with you. There is a culture issue at this company. I swear, if I didn’t know better this could be my former employer where I was HR too. Many of these tech sales company are absolutely horrible to work for. They are demeaning and set people up to fail. If you have never worked for this type of company, you are lucky! Don’t lay this all on the employee, as an HR professional it’s your job to support the company and employee. HR should hear the employee and investigate, don’t assume managers are always doing the right thing. My guess is, based on my experience, their managers have very little management training and have no idea how to lead people.

29. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 3:49PM UTC

    There are manager out there who have no business being managers. They are too ill-equipped to handle people because they lack soft skills, empathy being one.

30. Rebecca A BrittJanuary 3,2023 at 3:45PM UTC

    Not HR, but I know how HR works and you are indeed the HR person who backs their company and not the employees.

    You state she mentioned her boss’ age, attributing it to her discriminating against him — yet she’s setting the context and pointing out that “seems to be of the frat culture, but I have worked with people from all walks of life, so that isn’t a bother.”

    You go on to say that perhaps he picked up on her ageism. Regardless, HE is a MANAGER and it’s HIS responsibility to show he’s a professional and manage her in her new role. This DOES NOT happen when you:

    make snide remarks that makes one feel uncomfortable, less than, or as if they don't belong there.

    leave someone off team invitations

    not tell someone that each first Friday of the month is a holiday for the team

    push one to do tasks that they aren’t trained for yet

    “No one wants to be made to feel like they are unqualified based on something they can’t control, which it sounds like you are now on the receiving end of.”

    Are you assuming that she’s unqualified or that she just feels that way? That is NOT a professional way for a company to operate! Even if someone is “unqualified” for a role, you can be professional in how it’s addressed! You don’t “compare them to the 'younger cats' at the company” or “berate their demoing skills and tell someone that they were the worst in all the years that he's been in the company.”

    You go on to say that if he threatened a PIP in the 3rd week then it sounds like they have a higher standard than you are accustomed to working at and you are not meeting that. Honestly, I have no idea where you make that leap. SHE’S in training. You don’t threaten PIP; you manage your employees, point out the gaps, and let them finish learning how to do their new role!

    The OP reached out to another manager who told her that he has to report the unacceptable behavior. THIS is what a good manager does!

    “When my manager got wind of it, he threatened me on our next one on one; saying that I hadn't heard the last of it and that if I need hand-holding, he can walk me over to HR for that. In the following weeks, it went from one harassing incident to the next. Then he cc'd me on an email with HR saying that I had said disparaging things about the company and I should go talk to them so I could feel happier at the company.” THIS is what a TOXIC manager does.

    OP IS correct that they are trying to build a case that she is not competent to do the work instead of investigating the discriminatory behavior towards me.

    For you to say, “Based on your own perspective of his management style, it really doesn’t sound like it’s a fit for you.” NO ONE SHOULD CONSIDER THIS AN ACCEPTABLE MANAGEMENT STYLE—and if you see it as effective, you may need some coaching on how managers should treat employees.

    THIS: “Put your head down and work so hard your performance speaks for itself while you try to find something else. Again, based on experience, less than 10% of the working population is actually willing to do this one. Experience has shown they’d rather complain and lower the bar than work hard to reach a higher one.”

    This comment is just gross and unprofessional.

31. Vanda LeeJanuary 4,2023 at 2:01AM UTC

    THANK YOU!

32. Paula BrantnerJanuary 3,2023 at 3:59PM UTC

    Except there isn't "ageism" under federal law when the employee who is the target is under 40. Withholding information someone needs to do their job, threatening them with a PIP, not inviting them to team events, holding someone responsible for a different set of standards than applied to other employees, comparing the OP to "younger cats": all of that, if proven, could be an age discrimination case.

    What this sounds like is that someone is insecure about supervising someone who is older and has considerably more experience than they do, and are playing out that insecurity through trying to belittle their employee and undermine their confidence. When they're called on it, they're retaliating. All of this conduct will have documentation and witnesses, but OP is right, HR may not be interested in finding out the truth. It seems clear that you would not be.

33. Rebecca MillikenJanuary 4,2023 at 1:06PM UTC

    Wow.

34. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 2:41PM UTC

    Not the answer you were looking for but about the "Best places to work" awards...On LinkedIn, Recruiter Adam Karpiak has repeatedly stated those are paid awards meaning companies pay for those awards, they are not earned by merit at all. That means most on the list know they are not the best place to work for. It is all smoke and mirrors.

35. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 3:45PM UTC

    Heard the same thing about the BBB ratings. Bought ratings.

36. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 8:19PM UTC

    Adam is right! I say this as someone who worked at one of these "Best Places to Work." Actually turned out to be one of the "Worst Places to Work," but they don't give out awards for that distinction...

37. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 2:49PM UTC

    Omg I’m so sorry you are experiencing this!! It’s total ageism.

38. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 2:52PM UTC

    i just experienced something way to similar and I separated at month 6.

39. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 2:54PM UTC

    Maybe he gave you assignments that he did not give the other team members because of your vast work experience. Maybe he is looking to you to teach him some things, or take the weight off of his shoulders with some assignments he may feel the other employees are not able to do. Have you set down and discussed that with him? For example: I appreciate your confidences in me to do xyz or whatever the tasks is, but I feel overwhelmed. I am not prepared at this time to take on xyz, I need more training. As soon as I am up to speed I will be happy to step in and shoulder the weight with you. I hope this helps. Good Luck!

40. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 2:59PM UTC

    Yes. The company I was at defended the manager. The manager used a sexual explicit zoom background image during my one on one meeting, which I screenshot. The manager, a woman, was not fired. Another manager fought to move me to his team. I ended up resigning. It took two more employees complaining about this manager before they encouraged her to find another job. They didn’t fire her and gave her time to find other employment.

41. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 3:43PM UTC

    I was told that HR mostly supports the employers. It makes efforts to listen to the employee but does nothing to resolve the problems, especially if HR is comprised of younger and younger employees with terrible work ethics.

    Once the HR Boomers retire or move on, those seasoned employees take their knowledge and wisdom with them. The HR youngsters have no one mentoring them about respect, proper etiquette, etc. A lot of interpersonal savvy is lost.

42. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 3:16PM UTC

    I have worked at a company that was also rated one of the best places to work and experienced not this exact treatment but something very similar, specifically with HR. I was treated poorly due to not and I quote "being bubbly enough". I then filed an HR case against my boss and other manager due to their Homophobia and attempting to 'Out' people they did not like in order to bully them into leaving and the company I worked for prided themselves on inclusivity. My HR department did nothing against these allegations and shortly after I left they had to major public allegations due to homophobia and gender discrimination, including their HR department reaching out to me to ask me not to share my records even though I did not sign an NDA. This was a very large popular company so the HR team was more concerned with protecting their image then their employees. I saw a lot of ageism while I was there so I knew that was happening as well considering the average employee age was around 28. I fought as hard as I could but eventualy left since I found it was only hurting me more.

    My recommendation is to discus with HR the option to leave and keep your sign on bonus and discuss an exit plan so that you can leave, while they can search for a new candite so there is not a transition period and my honest opinion is that they will go for it to protect their name make everyone the 'happiest' that they can be.

43. Rebecca MillikenJanuary 4,2023 at 1:02PM UTC

    So funny, I was told by a (female) boss that I "wasn't enthusiastic enough". I never did get what that meant! I only lasted there 6 months.

44. Christi MillerJanuary 3,2023 at 3:28PM UTC

    In my experience, HR always defends the company and the manager. How long until the signing bonus is yours? Until that time, I would continue being meticulous and doing the best work you can. I would not reach out any more to other managers or coworkers as the boss may feel you are talking behind his back which will only make it worse. Keep your head down until the signing bonus is yours then find somewhere else to work. Good luck.

45. AnonymousJanuary 4,2023 at 1:48PM UTC

    Totally agree

    hiring a lawyer will only get you so far

    you are better off keeping your head down being diligent and hang in there till you find something better

46. AnonymousJanuary 12,2023 at 7:22PM UTC

    HR does not always defend the company or manager. As someone in HR management, I have helped fire managers and assisted in one be demoted. It is in our and everyone's best interest to not have the company sued or in any kind of trouble. Generalizations like this do not help, and then when people need it they do not go to HR.

    I will say one thing- I have had my hands tied before and left when a company did something I did not agree with. I was not about to have my name associated with what they were doing. I was not able to enact change, so I left.

47. AnonymousJanuary 13,2023 at 7:33PM UTC

    Thanks for the feedback. If you were in my shoes, what would you do that would get the most attention from HR?

48. AnonymousJanuary 13,2023 at 9:04PM UTC

    That is a hard one. I am not a lawyer and cannot give legal advice, so take this as you want. Also, every company and situation is different, so this may not work for you- but I do have one suggestion. If I were you, I would ask HR for definitive actions steps that you can do on your end, and things they will do to know something is being done. Realize they cannot tell you about a lot of things, but I would hope you communicate with each other. There are buzzwords like bullying or a hostile work environment that can sometimes get people to move. You could also request to be put on a different team. It may not be possible to be moved, but you can always ask.

    I will say your documentation and proof has to be clear. Dates, times, locations, witnesses, etc. If you can get it in writing from an email either by a witness or the person doing it themself, that will help. He said, she said is hard unless we have more information from something/ someone else or outright concrete proof. Because he has threatened a PIP, if he went to HR first to ask for support and assistance to move you forward with something like a PIP, it can be seen as an unhappy underperforming employee complaining so they do not get fired, unless other things are documented to show your complaints are real. No one wants to terminate someone unless we have clear violations of policy, etc. Most companies do not want either person to sue or lodge a complaint with an outside agency, etc…

    Good luck. I do not have any great words of wisdom, but if the company can/ will not do what you need, you need to look elsewhere. And like others have said, document everything.

49. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 3:35PM UTC

    After reading these accounts, I'm no longer surprised why there are so many worker shortages.

    These situations sound like employees with high school behaviors. I worked with an employee 20 years younger than me who was a vindictive backstabber who was promoted to a managerial position.

    If Elon Musk is an example of a modern employer, the American workforce is in for a heap of trouble.

50. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 4:01PM UTC

    I threatened to take it to EEOC legal and file a harrassment suit against them if they did not get me moved to another group. I had documented all the times my Manager had denigrated me, harrassed me, and threatened me. She got fired one month after I resigned from the company with 6 months salary compensation.

51. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 4:01PM UTC

    sorry you’re going through this - I’ve had a similar terrible manager experience. Review the terms of your signing bonus - my boss was also hell bent on trying to get me fired and unfortunately with at will employment they can fire you despite stellar performance. That said, in my case because they fired me without cause and I didn’t quit, I was able to keep my signing bonus. So it was a huge blessing because otherwise I would have been stuck at that terrible place for another 8 months!

52. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 4:49PM UTC

    It's hard to think coherently and keep a cool head at times like this. My heart goes out to you and in the midst of everything going on (Me Too}, It's unbelievable how some people committing this bad behavior still think they are untouchable. These are some options for you and you're probably already doing this but:

    1. Retroactively document as many incidents with dates, times and witnesses that you can recall. Then continue to document any future incidents as they happen. It doesn't matter if the witnesses will admit or not the incident happened. They most likely will not back you up. Don't let this deter you! Also, document responses, decisions or lack of with other upper level managers and HR. Do this ASAP and don't wallow. Keep a clear head and stand your ground!
    2. Once you have your documentation, make a copy and keep it in a safe place. Make a formal complaint to HR and have your documentation ready. Also, make sure you follow company guidelines for the formal complaint. Cross your T's and dot your I's as much as possible.
    3. In this complaint, state how you feel harassed, discriminated against, unfairly treated and reference your documentation. Also, state that if there is not a legitimate investigation and reasonable disciplinary action taken against this individual then you are prepared to take further action. If you're asked what that would be, then let them know that you can not disclose this unless you are forced to actually take this further. Let them sweat it out if they're being shady. Be firm and don't let them tell you how you feel and this is not happening like you perceive.
    4. Consult with private legal counsel, this doesn't cost anything. Do this before you submit your formal complaint to HR. If you don't do this prior to submitting your complaint to HR and depending on their response, then you could be sent into an emotional tailspin. You want to forearm yourself to be in as much control of the process as possible. It sounds like you've already seen a sample of how they will continue to respond, so you have nothing to lose and don't go down without a fight if you end up on the short end of the stick. No matter how much the workplace improves, we will still be dealing with people that are egotistical and stupid. I am interested in knowing the outcome for you and if you need any further guidance I don't mind. I hope this helps and good luck!
53. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 5:16PM UTC

    Yes, yes, 100 times over yes.

    All of the above is exactly what you should be doing.

    I have been in this exact situation.

    You might want to go off on them via email, text or face to face in a zoom or in person meeting - don't do it.

    Anything in writing could be held against you and you don't know if they are recording your conversation.

    I documented as much as I could before my manager fired me.

    It help me win a generous settlement.

54. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 4:49PM UTC

    PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, report this to the EEOC immediately. You can site age and sex discrimination. Trust me, this is the last thing the HR department wants is a EEOC investigation. The company can be fined and you will get a settlement, back wages, etc, when they are found at fault. Not to mention, a EEOC investigation is a blueprint for a lawsuit. Lawyers love this.

55. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 5:00PM UTC

    https://publicportal.eeoc.gov/Portal/Forms/NewEditForm.aspx?templateId=160&userKey=

56. AnonymousJanuary 4,2023 at 12:37AM UTC

    Please do follow some of the great advice here. I work in HR and handle investigations similar to yours. My company doesn’t reach out to others for investigation. Instead, we ask local HR to do this. Make copies of all chats, emails, screenshot if you need to. Ask to record the meetings. If he says no tell him for documentation reasons to send you an email. If he refuses, ask why. This will help you build your case. Get a copy of all the reports you filed, names and contact info for anyone that witnesses the behavior. Note the date and time. You’ll need this for your lawyer. Good luck

57. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 5:22PM UTC

    Can you make a formal complaint and report it to a regulatory board/body?

58. Horia Patience ProssairdJanuary 3,2023 at 5:50PM UTC

    Oh my God! What a distressing start. It makes sense that you are at your wits end with such a toxic environment.

    As most here recommended, please write a complaint, and hopefully, HR will start a real investigation. Your manager might be feeling threatened by your experience.

    Most times, such people will make you like hell and make sure you quit on your own.

    Tough times never last, but tough people do.

    All the best, and hopefully, the issue will be resolved soon so you can peacefully work.

59. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 6:25PM UTC

    I have an unconventional suggestion to offer: hire a lawyer and draft up a severance agreement that includes not having to pay back the sign on bonus. If the manager has been clear that they are displeased and HR is working with them to file a PIP - you are on the way out. Why not get ahead of the narrative and negotiate the way out so you don’t have to deal with the daily updates that come along with the PIP. Hire a legal service to draft a letter, send it on their letter head to their generalcounsel. IMHO, do not include the manager. The manager does not negotiate contracts.

    There are several “subscription legal services” available these days such as Legal Shield.

    I do not work for legal shield and claim
    no benefit from providing their name.

60. Kristin BarleyJanuary 3,2023 at 6:42PM UTC

    Did this person participate in the hiring process? I’ve been in similar situations. I like the advice to play ahead of the game and get out if you can. It’s exhausting, hugely stressful and led me to depression and paranoia. Another way to deal with it is complain of a hostile work environment, but that’s also difficult and can be lengthy and demeaning. Good luck and get out.

61. tiffany birchJanuary 3,2023 at 7:00PM UTC

    I'm in agreement with the excellent advice to hire a lawyer and get in front of this. Being proactive and taking charge empowers you, and gives you strength. Your peace of mind and physical health will thank you for it. And, as Louisa May Alcott said "I am not afraid of storms, forI have learned how to sail my ship." Much success.

62. SUZANNE SWANSONJanuary 3,2023 at 7:34PM UTC

    What is PIP?

63. AnonymousJanuary 3,2023 at 7:57PM UTC

    Personal Improvement Plan (PIP)

64. snuffleJanuary 3,2023 at 10:11PM UTC

    Personal improvement plan

65. Sonja ClarkeJanuary 3,2023 at 9:06PM UTC

    Hi,

    It sounds like you have an awful experience to contend with, and leaving, at the moment, is not the answer. Fight back!

    1. Comb through every email communication you have had with him and others to find the negatives from him and the positives from others. Indeed, some have seen that you are performing.
    2. Hire a lawyer. It would be best if you had a strategy and the HR team, and this guy needs to know you are not a wimp and will not turn and walk away.
    3. Don't fall for mediation. It will lock you into some decisions that may or may not be in your favor. Talk to your lawyer.
    4. Determine which government agency can help you (your lawyer would know). You might need external help.

    Keep your head up high and continue to perform. But quickly get a strategy in place with the help of a lawyer.

66. Valentina Huang, MBA, SHRM-CPJanuary 3,2023 at 9:11PM UTC

    I am so sorry to hear about your experience. It sounds awful and you definitely don't deserve to be treated this way. As others have suggested, seek legal counsel to get their take. Document every time you've interacted with your manager. Date, time (duration), topics discussed. These notes will assist you if you end up going through legal proceedings. Your notes should state facts and less personal opinion; although I'm sure the phrases that you document on what was said to you will clearly indicate their feelings - which is fine. You just don't want to document "this made me feel, XYZ".

    Based on the limited information you have shared, it does sound like your manager's agenda is to get you either fired or for you to quit on your own. Sadly, this is a common tactic. Good luck and stay strong. Start looking for a new job in the meantime and I'm confident you'll land on your feet!

67. Karen LytleJanuary 3,2023 at 10:18PM UTC

    This is a tough situation and I am so sorry that you are experiencing all of this.

    Horrifically stressful.

    A while back, I was brought on as a contracts professional at a start-up; there was no legal dept but we did have outside counsel. About 4 months in, I had both the VP and director of the clinical dept essentially ask me to break the law by drafting an amendment to a clinical study agreement to allow a dr to get paid for 20 patients even though s/he would only be treating 2 patients. Long story short, no way am I doing that. I reached out to the outside counsel's regulatory atty and for 40 minutes, proceeded to listen to her explain to the clinical head that what she was wanting to do is illegal, it is a kickback. I'll add here the company was already in a legal battle with the SEC for telling investors clinical trial results are positive when there was no clinical trial at the time that had been done. The CMO was furious with me and let me know quite clearly. When my boss (CFO) found out about it, I was yelled at, she slammed her hand on the conference table, she told me that I was trying to "screw over" the clinical team - no matter how I tried to explain to her that had I agree to what I was being asked, we would all be in trouble legally. I had a $10K signing bonus that I was given. I was single, living in the Bay Area, CA, and had no other job lined up but I quit (note: not suggesting that, I was able to do it financially, landed a job shortly thereafter, and was honest about why I left the former position). I was being bullied and it was clear to me that the company had no moral compass and didn't give a hoot about ethics or the law; I was afraid that the longer that I stayed, the bullying would worsen and something would be pinned on me. Surprisingly, 7 years later, the company is still around however, the CEO was kicked to the curb by the BOD when it came to light that he and the head of HR were having an affair.

    In short, put yourself first; please try not to worry about the signing bonus - there is no price you can put on your health and well-being. Given what you've shared, the person to whom you report will not change and the company will not do anything about it. I would definitely submit a claim against the company by the EEOC, if for nothing more than documentation because you are likely not the first woman, nor the last, that will have this same experience.

    I may suggest, if you opt to go forward with a legal claim of any kind, make sure that you have your affairs in order meaning, the company will do whatever they can to make you look bad. I share this because a dear friend of mine that was an SME in my same field filed a suit against a company for ageism and while she won her case (my understanding is that ageism is hard to prove), it took 2 years and she only won a $74K settlement which the atty took 40%. She said it was awful and had she known about the character assassination and extent that the company would lie, she wouldn't have done it.

    Lastly, the one comment that was made by the self-described "HR" which another comment described as "gross and unprofessional" is exactly that, gross and unprofessional, and I would also add disappointing because I think it is an example of what a lot of HR departments/companies are actually like to deal with in situations like this.

    Wishing you peace and health.

68. AnonymousJanuary 5,2023 at 3:10AM UTC

    Better to get your justice extralegally. Social media works pretty well.

69. AnonymousJanuary 4,2023 at 2:29PM UTC

    Sounds all too familiar. I am dealing with a similar situation, although in my case my supervisor (who actually hired me) is closer in age and same gender as me, so there isn't any evidence of ageism or discrimination. In my case, I am experienced and smart enough to do her job better than she has and she picked up on this pretty early on. So most of my two year tenure at this company has been riddled with attempts by her to get rid of me. There was the punishment (putting me on a PIP for asking to change teams), the sidelining (putting me on a small, inconsequential project and then telling me I'm ineligible for a promotion because I'm not leading a big enough project), sabotage (setting me up for failure in front of senior leadership by not telling me I was expected to present on something and then calling me out publicly in the meeting), creating a hostile work environment (keeping me out of discussions about my own project, siloing my team, treating me like a junior level employee and generally making it very clear that I am not valued), and of course, giving me low marks on a performance review to justify denying me a bonus this year.

    It's a great company - don't get me wrong - and I recommend it highly because it otherwise has an awesome culture and most people working there love it. But they also don't work on this team and the one thing my supervisor excels at is lying to and blowing the smoke up the butts of those in senior leadership. Of course I'm looking for a new job, because in the end, most people don't leave because of the company - they leave because of the manager. But I'm also exacting my own version of revenge - by just doing a good job despite everything she throws at me. The other projects under her control are headed up by close personal friends she hired into the company and promoted - those projects are tanking (angry clients, missed deadlines, over budget). Mine is the only one on track - and this is being noticed by people higher up the food chain.

70. AnonymousJanuary 16,2023 at 9:46PM UTC

    So proud of you ladies! I started off as a boss and now returning after a medical and family vacation. I’d love to hire all those and place you in positions that would notice your value. Lessened Learned: Insecure Women & Men are always noticeably unveiled. It is just a matter of time the insecure management/leaders will be spotlights for just who and what they are ~ unprofessional.

    Let Us All Take A Moment of Silence for there is someone reading this who is currently in this position, the past or has perpetuated such an act on a committed team player.

    What’s Needed: Termination with Applause for anyone who behaves in such a manner. With the visibility of cameras, recordings and opportunity to expose I champion you Stay Calm and do the best you can whilst exposing with evidence the threats bestowed upon you. Yet ~ it’s is best to Keep Calm and Move On and in your exit interview leave them a gift of truth by exposing exactly what was done and said via an EEOC Affidavit cc’d with notes sent to Director of HR & Diversity.
    Time To Level Up 2023 for it is a Year of Favor for US across the world. This is also a notice for HR to beware you have but so much you can & cannot do to prevent the TRUTH!

71. Ann Marie ShraderJanuary 4,2023 at 6:45PM UTC

    Who said it? I think it was Dr. House, "People lie."

72. AnonymousJanuary 4,2023 at 10:41PM UTC

    Update: Firstly, let me say thanks to you all for your words of encouragement and for sharing your experiences and advice in this forum. I met with HR yesterday so they could relate the 'findings' after their investigation. The results were as I expected since it was quite obvious that they were trying to protect the company. She first apologized for taking nearly 2 months to conduct the investigation and briefly ran through 3 items that she was investigating - discrimination, retaliation and unfair treatment. The discrimination and retaliation (the most serious of the offenses) were deemed 'unsubstantiated'. She could not find evidence that any of these incidents took place. Regarding the inappropriate comments, she said that my manager did not violate any company policies and if anything all he needs is coaching and training. To say that I am disappointed is an understatement but I am not surprised. I don’t understand how human beings could be so cold-hearted! Anyhow, I feel as if a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I am contemplating filing a complaint with the EEOC but I am not sure that I have nor do I want to put any more energy into this. I am ready to walk away from this company and the corporate culture on a whole. This year, I want to focus on building my own brand from the ground up. I have a good safety net and available resources and I believe that God has been pushing me in this direction for years. I wish you all the best!

73. Vanda LeeJanuary 5,2023 at 4:27AM UTC

    Please! File with EEOC! This will happen again to the next one!

74. AnonymousJanuary 5,2023 at 8:59PM UTC

    I believe that I will.