Do you work in a male-dominated industry and feel invisible?

42 Comments

1. MaryamFebruary 19,2022 at 2:47PM UTC

   That’s tough! If you speak up for yourself, it may come across as petty, unless there’s a way to bring it up with some kind of humour. I find that discussing incidents like this with colleagues in a non-threatening setting creates awareness and makes it more likely that an ally speaks up in future. Another suggestion for in-the-moment action, if someone reiterates your idea giving it praise, you can promptly thank him for endorsing the idea, or say that you’re happy to see that he agrees with you, reminding others of the original source.

2. IkyFebruary 20,2022 at 10:10PM UTC

   Great suggestion on praising the other for endorsing her idea. This way, everyone looks good!

3. Audrey KirschFebruary 19,2022 at 4:21PM UTC

   I know the feeling. A chief executive reached out to my team about some software he had heard about wondering if it would benefit our company. I researched it and gave my opinion that it wouldn’t be the right fit for what we do and need. A male coworker said he would look into it. The executive responded to me privately that we would wait to see what the male coworker comes up with. That coworker is the least tech savvy of anyone at the company and doesn’t use any of the programs we already have. Plus, it’s been 2 weeks and not a peep out of him so I’m pretty sure he hasn’t even made a call to look into it. The boys club mentality is so frustrating! I just stop contributing when I run into that attitude. Fortunately I have other areas of work where it’s more inclusive and people seek out my knowledge.

4. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistFebruary 19,2022 at 7:47PM UTC

   This unfortunately has been happening for a long time. It's so widespread there's actually a name for a solution - it's called amplification:

   The amazing tool that women in the White House used to fight gender bias

   https://www.vox.com/2016/9/14/12914370/white-house-obama-women-gender-bias-amplification

   White House women want to be in the room where it happens

   https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/powerpost/wp/2016/09/13/white-house-women-are-now-in-the-room-where-it-happens/

   How a White House women’s office strategy went viral

   https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/powerpost/wp/2016/10/25/how-a-white-house-womens-office-strategy-went-viral/

   Obama’s Female Staffers Came Up With a Genius Strategy to Make Sure Their Voices Were Heard

   https://www.thecut.com/2016/09/heres-how-obamas-female-staffers-made-their-voices-heard.html

5. KelliFebruary 20,2022 at 3:57AM UTC

   So, I’m pretty pushy about this, and I have no problems correcting the “error” when it happens. Since it’s done, you could talk to the manager and discuss the insult and let them know that it is not okay. If it doesn’t change, there is always looking for another job, but I’m that’s up to you. I am like a salmon and will just keep fighting the stream, because it matters to me that misogyny is brought to light and snuffed out. Usually men minimize it, but I don’t. So yeah, I’m THAT employee.

6. AnonymousFebruary 20,2022 at 3:15PM UTC

   I am very confident as well. I've been in this industry (in which only 25% are women) for over 20 years. However, I am the only woman in the department. I believe in "strength in numbers," but, when you have no support -- it's (to your point) a battle that I cannot win. I've talked to my manager many times, but he has an unconscious (or conscious?) bias against women in this industry -- or possibly across all industries. I agree with your thoughts 100%

7. IkyFebruary 20,2022 at 10:08PM UTC

   I can relate. Proud of you for advocating for yourself.

8. TroyFebruary 20,2022 at 5:25PM UTC

   My thoughts: When they all shared good your idea was , you should have agreed and said “exactly, I’ve been thinking x for such a long time”. Get the last word or last impression in, so when the meeting is over, visually there would be no mistake in knowing the brilliant idea was yours. So moving forward, when they go around the horn discussing how great your idea is, let your voice be the last one to expound on how YOU came up with it.

9. IkyFebruary 20,2022 at 10:12PM UTC

   Lots of great suggestions here. I worked in male-dominated industries for many years. I hear your frustrations and feel your pain. I challenge you to think of ways to speak up while making everyone look good. Add some humor if you can. Good luck with everything. Keep being awesome. Have an amazing day!

10. AnonymousFebruary 21,2022 at 4:22AM UTC

    I keep pushing during discussions my idea and embellish where necessary. No one gets to appropriate my thoughts and creativity. I know it sounds petty but I bulldoze over anyone who tries.

11. Barbara WhiteFebruary 21,2022 at 1:28PM UTC

    36 years later in the work force, and this kind of thing is unfortunately still happening. I really thought by the time we reached 2022, this would be a thing of the past, and we all would be valued based on our own merits. Unfortunately that isn't always the case, but it is better than it used to be back in the 80s if that's any consolation---I keep reminding myself of that daily or I may snap.

    If I had been in your particular situation, I would have turned up my Appalachian twang a couple of notches and said "Why THANK YOU! I'm so glad y'all like that idea as much as I do!" Who can say anything after that? (The accent disarms people if they haven't heard it before. haha) After all, you're showing some gratitude to all those people who liked your idea, right? And it probably works even without the twang. ;-) You're being positive but still reminding everyone where the idea originated.

12. AnonymousFebruary 21,2022 at 1:32PM UTC

    As a Mechanical Engineer by degree and spending almost 9 years in an industry that is dominated by men.

    Speaking up! If it happens in the meeting I choose my battles wisely. However, even if it does happen in a meeting I will quickly take the information to my management team after the meeting.

    Over the years I have been bulldozed by multiple male colleagues. By stepping up and describing the issue to management in a professional standard I have elevated my career without burning bridges.

    What I have seen is people who openly bulldoze during the meeting have been labeled as non team players, B****, etc. However bringing it to attention and documenting your comments/discussion in meeting meetings in a professional manor tends to lead to more eye opening.

    My husband is also in the field and he knows to not do this. I have experienced this topic from academia to the real world. Professionally addressing and educating them is the best way to move forward.

13. Jennifer WuolletFebruary 21,2022 at 1:44PM UTC

    Female Engineer with 16 years in offshore oil and gas so completely male dominated, I always correct them. I was offshore recently and one of the guys said I was "aggressive" I asked him if I would be aggressive if I was a guy or just one of the guys? It got real quiet in that room real quick. None of it was nasty, just a discussion.

    I get treated differently all the time, sometimes it works to my advantage, sometimes it doesn't but when things become sexist or insulting, I speak up about, not in a mean way, I usually try and turn it into a joke or soften it some way like saying "Oh you mean good idea Susan, right?"

14. GirlBossanova934974February 21,2022 at 2:24PM UTC

    I think this stuff still happens all the time and I'm not so sure it has to be with gender. More like who has the ear of management and who does not aka who is the TEAM FAVORITE (male or female). The circumstances where it takes several people to join in a chorus to make the idea worth listening to makes me think we don't exactly the manager of the year at work here. As a business owner and manager myself, I'm willing to listen to any idea. I don't need a chorus of voices.

15. AnonymousFebruary 21,2022 at 2:35PM UTC

    Research would suggest otherwise. This is a matter of tradition and culture within the organization and society. It needs to be recognized and acknowledged before it will change. I would speak privately to your boss about addressing the company culture. In my state, we must have anti-harassment training to renew our professional license. While many roll their eyes at the requirement (a micro aggression all in itself) it at least raises awareness and presents a language to begin a conversation.

16. Suzanne Kennedy, Ph.D.February 21,2022 at 2:25PM UTC

    In the room, I explained to the all-male group again the purpose of the research, and then my male colleague agreed with me. The VP in the room turned to the male colleague and said "You are right David" as if I had not even spoken. It isn't a male-dominated industry that is to blame. It is the men that you work with. This is a micro-aggression and it is toxic. Look for a new position with people who respect your experience. It is out there.

    I'm not sure if this applies to all, but, the age of the men I worked for in the toxic company were all older- CEO was over 55 and the microaggressor was over 65. Now I work for a company founded by 30-year-olds and it is by far the healthiest culture I have ever had.

17. AnonymousFebruary 21,2022 at 4:06PM UTC

    I agree. It is down to the individual manager and it is a toxic work environment. I've had many male managers in the past and have not been overlooked or treated this way.

18. Kelli ThompsonFebruary 21,2022 at 2:27PM UTC

    Yes, I spent most of my career in male-dominated fields. Unfortunately, this happens too often and the men are likely oblivious to it. Today, I tell my clients to address the issue with their leader - more often than not when they become aware of it, they feel bad because it was never intentional. Then, they can better advocate for you in meetings and redirect the focus back to you.

    Don’t hold back, keep speaking up and now ask for the credit you deserve.

19. AmeliaFebruary 21,2022 at 2:33PM UTC

    That happens ALL the time at my office. I work in jewelry, which is not only male dominated, but older generation dominated. Just last week I had a meeting with my older, white, male boss. Three or four times he began to speak over me while I was talking, and took the time to mansplain an aspect of my position that I work with every day.

    There are some things that I don't find worth the argument. In your position, I may have piped up and jokingly redirected the praise to myself for the idea. I may have let it go with an eyeroll. However, I can tell you in my recent experience of mansplaining and being spoken over, it won't be happening again. I'll speak louder if I need to or ask for the chance to speak my sentence.

    In your position, keep an eye out for this happening again. If it does, speak up immediately and make sure you take credit for it.

20. Joann S. LublinFebruary 21,2022 at 2:59PM UTC

    Unfortunately, this is an all too-common occurrence. If you have a good relationship with your boss, I suggest you tactfully explain why his behavior hurt you -- and ask him for ideas to prevent its recurrence.

    Were other women present at this meeting? If there usually are, I also recommend that you line one up as a supportive ally ahead of future meetings. Agree that each of you will defend the other if such credit-stealing behavior recurs. Good luck and let us know how things work out.

21. AnonymousFebruary 21,2022 at 4:03PM UTC

    Thank you! Unfortunately, I am the only woman on the team. I've spoken to my manager many times about my ideas and how I want to help his team scale/globalize, but he's very insecure, and I think he views getting ideas "from a woman" as a bad thing. As many have noted, I'm looking for a new position -- in a male-dominated field; you need someone who treats their team equally. This is the first time this manager has ever managed a woman, and he doesn't know how to treat all of us equally.

22. Joanna PoeFebruary 21,2022 at 3:35PM UTC

    The first half of my professional life was in software/tech. You have to keep advocating for yourself and be loud, which will absolutely get you labeled as bossy/shrill.

    I have been in meetings that were almost identical to what you described, but my supervisor was female and exhibited the same behavior. My reaction was to remind them it was my idea by interjecting "I'm glad you liked it, now how do we make it a reality?" Refocus and take ownership by asking how to move it forward, or even telling them how, if you've thought that far.

    If you stick up for yourself, you will become unpopular with a certain sort of coworker, but you have to do it.

23. Melissa MilliganFebruary 21,2022 at 4:04PM UTC

    I’d have corrected them!

24. Shelby CFebruary 21,2022 at 5:08PM UTC

    I have only worked in male-dominated fields. I prefer it. They respect me more than my female counterparts used to who were jealous of my success and upward mobility. By twenty-eight there wasn't anyone at my level that was female - only men twice my age. That also means more money.

    You only get the respect that you command. I was in the C-Suite playing with the "big boys" by twenty and on the Board Of Directors at twenty-eight. You need to establish hard and fast boundaries or they will walk all over you.

    I would have said, "Yes, I did have an excellent idea. I am glad that you appreciate it. I am prone to momentary lapses of genius." I would keep it kind of off the cuff and light-hearted the first time you call him out pubically. It is not only his fault, John is to blame, as well as your peers who did not speak up.

    If it continues, you need to look at yourself and not the team. They will only do what you allow them to get away with. You need to remove emotion from the situation and remember that this is business and act accordingly.

25. KarenFebruary 21,2022 at 7:20PM UTC

    Correcting them with some self-depreciating humor is a great tactic...
    it helps ease the tension in the room and helps make them realize the mistake they made in the moment without you coming across as a whiny biatch.

26. Shelby CFebruary 23,2022 at 7:42PM UTC

    You don't ever want to be self-deprecating. There is a fine line there. You do not want to take away from your achievements or yourself, but you want to deflect and diffuse.

    The problem that often arises for women in a male-dominated industry is that we are constantly asked to prove ourselves. I always had to do more and be better than my peers. I had to do the work that my boss was doing in order to be seen and recognized as an equal. I can't tell you how many times it led to, "Oh, I trust you. Just sign my name." I would sign "John Doe by Shelby Chiles".

    I also had to command respect. You can't ask for it. It is something that should be given freely to everyone until they do something to lose it; however, that is not reality - especially when you are working with large, fragile egos. While I was not allowed to show emotion, I cannot begin to tell you how many tantrums I have seen thrown by men that are on a BOD that would rival a 2 y/o and I would know because I used to be a Preschool Teacher. :p

    There were a lot of times that I took the skills that I learned in the classroom to handle anger and conflict to calm down fifty to seventy-year-old men. But, if I had even shed a tear, it would have been "extremely unprofessional." It would have even been considered an outburst that could have endangered my career because I was paid to be calm under pressure. They needed to know when the poop hit the fan, I had an umbrella, galoshes, and a plan to fix everything. I also needed to be able to discuss it as calmly as I would my lunch order.

    Due to my calm nature, I was constantly placed in naturally abrasive and difficult situations where others had failed. I can't tell you how many times I heard, "Oh no, here she comes." I didn't like instilling fear in my coworkers, but I did enjoy making their jobs secure.

27. Ramona d'ViolaFebruary 21,2022 at 5:14PM UTC

    Think a little on the psychology of male group think...none of those men wanted to acknowledge that your mind is like high-speed internet, while their brains are dial-up modems still processing the question. Get used to being the smartest person in the room, advocate for yourself, and be prepared to be called the Bossy Bish...or, go start your own business. Seems like companies need you more than you need them these days.

28. AnonymousFebruary 21,2022 at 5:21PM UTC

    I understand your frustration! I work in a male-dominated company with few women leaders. I'm in mid management so I have to advocate for myself.

    When I first started, I was shocked to witness ideas only being praised when they were from a man. Even when it was previously suggested by a woman in a higher position. In order to get my ideas heard, I knew there had to be another way to work around the system.

    I built a good relationship with my boss and had him bring up ideas. He knew they were from me but to get them through, I had to use the hierarchy to my advantage.

    Now, I've created relationships with the other male leaders and I'll voice my opinion. If someone tries to take credit, I'll chime in that I'm glad you liked 'my' idea at the table and then discuss action plans.

    That way, it's continuing the conversation and reinforcing my idea while not sitting back and letting it happen again. Good luck and I know this is a difficult situation!

29. Pamela TorresFebruary 21,2022 at 5:30PM UTC

    I worked in male-dominated industries for most of my career and as difficult as it was it made me a stronger and better in my positions. It's not easy. You are your own advocate and you will never belong to the All Boys Club, and that's okay. You need to take the initiative when representing yourself and your proposals.

    Do some research, present your findings ( visual aids help, just not vocalize it), and provide a time frame. Show that you are ready to start the project . Recruit support, there will be at least one who will take the opportunity.

    Use your manager's weakness to gain an advantage. You are probably already doing it, be matter-of-fact, he is making assumptions about you based on the fact you are a female. This is still a nasty habit.

    I hope this little bit helps. This site and others help.

30. Barb BaldingFebruary 21,2022 at 6:53PM UTC

    I recently had this happen however it was a FEMALE colleague - I surprised myself by blurting out - THAT WAS MY IDEA - and she had no choice but to acknowledge that fact. I had to tell my boss later that I actually surprised myself & was slightly embarrased by my lack of self control - however I also let her know that it really irked me that she would even consider taking cxreadit for it

31. AnonymousFebruary 22,2022 at 10:30PM UTC

    I've had female colleagues do it to me more than male ones have, and the ones who have done it are younger than I am. So a form of bias is built into it just as it is when the men do it to us.

32. AnonymousFebruary 23,2022 at 2:52PM UTC

    I have worked in a male dominated industry for 20+ years, and unfortunately I've been seeing the younger employees pick up this behavior of taking credit just as much as the 'boys club'.
    It's all around. My former female manager was the worse as she'd ask me for my insights, and present these as her own. I'm planning on getting out of the company that has repeatedly failed to recognize my ideas and contributions.
    I started to see others take slides I created with new concepts and present these as their own. I've put my name and role on the bottom of my 'distributed' materials, because of the shocking plagarism that continues in my large Fortune 500 company.

33. Stacey KFebruary 21,2022 at 7:03PM UTC

    I would have said, "I'm so glad you and John think MY idea was a good one. How to we go forward with it?"

34. AnonymousFebruary 21,2022 at 7:37PM UTC

    Very frustrating, but absolutely stick up for yourself in a situation like that.
    I think if you’re not comfortable doing it publicly, you could have a quick private talk with the manager reiterating that it was your idea and that you won’t tolerate behavior like that moving forward. It could have been an honest mistake on his part, so a convo to clear it up might help. If it continues to happen, stick up for yourself in the moment rather than during a private talk with your manager

35. Barb HansenFebruary 21,2022 at 8:00PM UTC

    I would have interrupted and said

    "Bob <name I'm using for you Manager>, that was not John's idea. You must have missed when I spoke about this concept, and you must have started listening when John spoke more about my idea (or when John expanded on my idea). If John get's praise for his addition, then I get praise for the ideation"

    I WILL NOT let a man or a group of men steal my ideas or an idea from another women in the group.

36. Liz MilneFebruary 22,2022 at 1:35AM UTC

    What annoys me in these situations (which are sadly still far too common) is that no one else speaks up. The other men in the room could easily have said, 'ha, no, that was [woman's] idea, not John's'. Or John himself can say, 'Thanks, but it wasn't my idea, [woman] said it, I just agreed.'

    I'm not shy about things like that: I speak up. 'I think you'll find, it was MY idea.' I don't care if they think I'm being bitchy, I will keep doing so until women's ideas and words are acknowledged in the same way as men's...

37. Karen PriceFebruary 22,2022 at 5:22AM UTC

    Speak up and say that is was your idea. That happens often in my company as well and it is very annoying. I have a very close co-worker who is always presenting my ideas as his own to leadership. If i catch him i will call him out on it. Just today I passed him in the hall talking to VP discussing a conference call we had just been on and claiming the solution i proposed as his. What the heck!? We are good friends but give me a break. Definitely speak up! Good luck!

38. Paulla Fetzek, MSEdFebruary 22,2022 at 1:40PM UTC

    I work in the hardware channel a very much male-dominated industry. I've been insulted, ignored, and brushed off more times in 18+ years...

    I'm sorry this happened to you.

    To your manager I would say, "Thank you! Is there anyone who would like to add something to this?"

    Easy to say typing on a keyboard my friend. I admit, if were to happen to me in person, I may have said nothing at all.

39. Shannon LavenderFebruary 23,2022 at 1:42AM UTC

    I work in a male dominated industry and sad to say I’ve grown somewhat accustomed to this. Personally I’ve found that it doesn’t make a difference if I “speak up” or not. The behavior still continues. I’m working towards leaving the industry and going to a more diverse workplace. I’ve been in male dominated industries for 15 years and I have hit complete burnout with stuff just like what you’re describing. Best advice I can offer is learn good stress management techniques and accept that you will never be able to change them.

40. Kelsey GittingsFebruary 23,2022 at 2:27PM UTC

    I'm not sure if it's it the prior military in me, but I don't get looked over. I'm very nice, smile and laugh, but it's very clear in my direct eye contact you will not disrespect me. The only time I can think of something similar to this was a phone conversation with a contracted company.

    Had I been in your shoes I'm sure, in a cordial tone but lacking the same warmth in my smile, I would have said, "Thank you everyone for the recognition of My Idea. I'm happy to keep expanding on it." Or something to that effect, while making eye contact with the ones that said something about the idea. It's a very subtle way of saying: You will not run over me. We don't really notice when men do things like that, and you might get a "hard a$$" reputation with them, but when you keep winning in their eyes that ups the respect also.

41. AnonymousFebruary 23,2022 at 2:58PM UTC

    I've been there many times as 20+ yrs in a male dominated industry.
    Call it out. Call out the men in the room that heard and sat idly by, and call out John that readily accepted accolades knowing he did not create the idea. Then approach the manager separately, in written form, advise that it was your idea and although John contributed to it afterwards that you should be credited.
    If this behavior if taking credit is 'acceptable' and not clearly an 'exception', get out of there, you are wasting your time with a culture and behaviors that won't be changing soon.
    ***Don't waste your career time, move on.***

42. Karen GongawareFebruary 24,2022 at 8:53PM UTC

    Would have said ( and have said) Glad you and John think it is a great idea as I spent a lot of time and research checking it out. Thank you both for recognizing the fact that I had a wonderful idea for our team.

    Look, if you don't challenge them on their delusions about their legends in their own minds, you will never be recognized. I challenge.