The Left Out Generation

50 Comments

1. Mimi BishopJanuary 20,2020 at 8:18PM UTC

   Hi -- so glad you posted this! You are right, us Gen X ladies seems to get looked over again and again.

   I love that you said let's have each other's backs, no matter the generation -- I truly believe we can all learn from one another and support each other.

   You also bring up an excellent point, right now Gen X ladies are dealing with a lot -- juggling trying to get caught up with retirement, dealing with kids while helping older parents.

   We are resilient and used to rolling up our sleeves and getting the job done but we need to take care of ourselves too.

2. Jackie GhedineJanuary 20,2020 at 9:06PM UTC

   Gen X woman here and I hear you! It isn't an easy time to be working in corporate as a GenXer.

   The work and research I do on our generation shows how our generation is all about quietly producing great work in the corner and unfortunately it has made it very easy to get forgotten. We were of the belief that if we did great work than we would be rewarded but unfortunately the game has changed (and we don't know the new rules).

   Organizations are flattening and the few leadership positions aren't being vacated by Boomers or there aren't enough seats for all those who want to move up.

   Finding an organization that values experience and efficiency over other things can help and don't forget to let your voice be known.

   There are so many facets to this conversation I could go on forever. LOL

3. AnonymousJanuary 22,2020 at 8:11PM UTC

   I absolutely agree. We Gen X grew with the expectation that if you worked hard, you'd climb the ladder. Instead, so many of us worked hard, got more work piled on and then instead of getting rewarded, got downsized. Our parents had unions that took care of them, by the time we came around they were gutted. We worked hard, raised our families and there wasn't a lot of time for us to improve ourselves. Our work ethic and end work product may be valued, but at the end of day, it's rarely rewarded.

4. AnonymousJanuary 21,2020 at 4:11AM UTC

   GenX ladies are my favorite role models. They are practical, realistic and funny as hell. I’m loving watching these riot grrls bring the same teen spirit to dealing with aging as they did taking down the patriarchy in their youth. That is to say, stay strong, and don’t accept what you don’t have to. Much love!

5. Mimi BishopJanuary 21,2020 at 7:41PM UTC

   Stephanie -- this makes my day! We really were riot grrrls and we're starting to step back into that power!

6. texinthecityJanuary 22,2020 at 1:34PM UTC

   Agreed!

7. AnonymousJanuary 21,2020 at 6:18PM UTC

   OMG, reading this felt like you just peered into my life as it was a program on TV. I'm taking care of my Mom, trying to sell her house and get her finances in order, meanwhile, trying to establish myself in a new career that I've changed for the 4th time now since graduating college after September 11th! (I delayed it as long as I could after this war!) I've gone back to college twice to earn a different certificate to change my career and still haven't saved enough. Not only am I GenX, but also 1st Gen of immigrant parents. When can I get a break?

8. Jackie GhedineJanuary 21,2020 at 7:30PM UTC

   If it weren't our lives, we might laugh and think it's funny. You should be extremely proud of your accomplishments, reestablishing your career to ensure it aligns with what you want to do. Too often, we get stuck somewhere and value comfort over happiness.

   I run a community for Gen X Women called, Just Gen X - The Resting Mind, on Facebook where we tackle all of these issues. It may help provide you with some support! xo

9. Stacey KJanuary 22,2020 at 8:15PM UTC

   Just joined

10. Jackie GhedineJanuary 23,2020 at 12:11AM UTC

    Welcome Stacey - you will love the community!

11. Mimi BishopJanuary 21,2020 at 7:45PM UTC

    You are not alone here -- it sure hasn't been an easy time and now we're in the crunch mode of taking care of our aging parents.

    Has your career changed drastically every time you've made a pivot? It sounds like you've worked really hard to get your foothold and that is something to be very proud of.

12. AnonymousJanuary 21,2020 at 8:42PM UTC

    I can't thank you enough for your comments. It feels like an uphill battle every single day and I have forgotten what I dreamed about in my twenties! I wish I had time for social media, but this is my only outlet, by choice. I grew tired of the sexual harassment online and chose to leave it entirely because it was robbing my valuable time.
    My career was supposed to start as a Broadcast journalist, but was told I had a face for radio. (I'm suffering from alopecia and wear wigs). I took jobs doing anything I could, as a Brokers' assistant, marketer, office administrator, graphic designer, and now Paralegal...always having a second job just to keep my mom afloat after Dad passed away. I got married late in my 30's and now that I do not have a 2nd job, I am still having to care for mom. the anxiety is just unbearable at times. I guess I'm not proud because I don't have a legacy. Too old to have kids, and too broke/young to retire. I keep having to keep up, keep on trucking and keeping on... Starting over as a paralegal was my only choice. After being laid off from marketing jobs due to budgets, being "let go" after complaining about sexual harassment in the workplace, I found it difficult to maintain a position doing what I loved. I enjoy what I do thoroughly, but at the same time, I do not see a value firsthand. It can be really challenging!
    Thank you Mimi and Jackie for your support and comments! xo

13. Mimi BishopJanuary 25,2020 at 5:06PM UTC

    You are welcome! Thank you for being so honest and open here. We understand what it's like to feel so far removed from the dreams we had in our twenties!

    You've been juggling a lot for a long time, your mom, starting new careers and keeping afloat.

    I want to really applaud you and point out how much you have/are doing.

    You mentioned feeling like you don't have a legacy, I want to point out that you do. You sound like an amazing daughter who is very committed to her family.

    Also, don't be afraid to spend a little time thinking back to those dreams you had in your twenties. Are some of them still there? How can you start to incorporate some of them, in small ways, into your life now so that you do build a legacy?

    Keep me posted and hang in there. :)

14. Yi-Hsian GodfreyJanuary 22,2020 at 1:01PM UTC

    Hi ladies! Loving this conversation. I am in the process of writing an article about this. Please let me know if you are willing to tell your story on a more public national stage.

15. Christy SherbrookJanuary 22,2020 at 1:19PM UTC

    I’d love to help...

16. B GoldsteinJanuary 22,2020 at 3:17PM UTC

    I am a gen x woman who the best thing to ever happen to me was to get laid off from corporate America at almost 40. I went back into state/public service where I have flourished, risen in the ranks and pursued a meaningful career. My lesson would be that corporate America does not appreciate us - hey my boss said this to me the day he let me go -“ I have good news and bad news. The good news is you made $31M for the company last quarter. The bad news is we are eliminating your position.” Not kidding. Feel free to contact me bethgodstein68@yahoo.com

17. AnonymousJanuary 22,2020 at 8:31PM UTC

    After doing 8 tradeshows, 2 training schools, all the collaterial, signage and huge photos and photoshoots for the site and many other daily duties, I was told by my boss, "I don't know how I'm going to do this without you." They had someone in my position about three months later. There is no loyalty anymore. There is no appreciation.

18. Stacey KJanuary 22,2020 at 10:21PM UTC

    Sure

19. Jackie GhedineJanuary 23,2020 at 12:17AM UTC

    Yi-Hsian, my company, The Resting Mind focuses solely on Gen X women, the issues keeping them up at night and how to navigate in their mid (life, career, aging parents, elder kids, etc.) Would love to be a resource for you and share what we know and find in our daily practice. www.therestingmind.com

20. Mimi BishopJanuary 25,2020 at 5:08PM UTC

    Yi-Hsian, so glad you're calling attention to this very real issue! Like my partner Jackie mentioned, we are happy to support you as a resource.

21. FlossyJanuary 22,2020 at 1:13PM UTC

    It’s worse because many of us started working in recession in the early 1990’s. The leadership positions we have worked towards and waited our turns are skipping us. Now , we are facing ageism. It’s exhausting. Luckily I have always doubled down saving for retirement but I still have 15 years left to work before qualifying for Medicare. Yes! Make sure you are always speaking to recruiters and socializing your colleagues looking and worthy of a mention. Vocalize and be an ally when you hear ageism being promoted. This sounds like .. if we get rid of Kelly we can hire 2 Amanda’s.

22. Kari Leigh ShattuckJanuary 22,2020 at 1:40PM UTC

    I am experiencing ageism in the workplace, as well. Never occurred to me that they'd be wanting to put me out to pasture at age 53. Fortunately, I have a healthy retirement account, too. Thanks for sharing! Kari, Gainesville, FL

23. Jackie GhedineJanuary 23,2020 at 11:04AM UTC

    Flossy, I agree, be vocal, period. Gen X has become the blend generation who plugs away and doesn't make waves. The generation or workhorses and respect and believing that the formula is still true; produce good work + respect = promotion and job security. The game has changed and we weren't told the new rules. Gen Xers are leaving the corporate in record numbers to start their own businesses, but with healthcare costs at an all time high, that too is becoming impossible. Keep fighting for all you believe in.

24. AnonymousJanuary 22,2020 at 1:26PM UTC

    Loved everything that was said and would like to add - your dreams don't expire. I'm "older" but not "old" and thankfully not looking my age has helped over the years. So when I hear those in their 20's and early 30's whine about my company hiring "older" people it makes me cringe. If you didn't have us GenX ladies working in these companies - you wouldn't have any kind of foundation. So let's continue to uplift and build - I don't care if your 65, 45 or 25 we all have a common goal - to do right by our families, save some money and grow at work. Bless you all for continuing to inspire me!

25. Jackie GhedineJanuary 23,2020 at 12:15AM UTC

    Agreed, some of the most successful women (and men) started their second and profitable career in their 40's. It's never too late, just create a plan and start working the plan.

26. H SantoroJanuary 23,2020 at 2:01AM UTC

    So much this! Hearing my Boomer boss say that she is looking for energetic young Millennials to cultivate for leadership positions almost killed me! She keeps telling me that 'women our age' don't need the headaches of management.

    I'm like, lady, I'm 20+ years younger than you. I've got plenty of energy left.

27. AnonymousJanuary 23,2020 at 2:41PM UTC

    I'm beyond irritated at your boss - first of all don't tell me what I can and can't do. Then who said millennials own the rights to "energy" - today's 40 and 50 year old aren't the same when we were growing up. It's bad enough your boss is clueless and trying to stunt your career growth. But when another woman does it - it can be exhausting. Because I've been there - some of my worst managers have been women unfortunately.

28. AnonymousJanuary 24,2020 at 8:15PM UTC

    Why is there such a push for the Millennials anyway? My God, I've worked with so many and their work ethic is NILL.

29. BansheeBaileyJanuary 22,2020 at 1:41PM UTC

    I’m a Boomer, but I have dozens of GenX cousins, nieces and nephews, and I see how much they have to contend with, and the way they have all stepped up without being acknowledged for their accomplishments. I have nothing but respect for your generation.
    Lol. I wish companies hired *more* “older” people. They have so much practical wisdom and experience to offer.

30. Jackie GhedineJanuary 23,2020 at 11:05AM UTC

    Finding organizations that value experience of youth is not easy but when you do, you'll know it.

31. AnonymousJanuary 22,2020 at 2:19PM UTC

    I agree with everything you said in your post. I'm a GenX woman who sacrificed my career to care for aging parents and young children (not my own). Like you, I have little saved for retirement because I've been in and out of the work force to act as a caregiver. So, I too (and many others) am having to hustle & become very creative to try to catch up. To answer your question about why we're always left out of the conversation is because Millennials are the ones running the show. So either they're the ones focusing on themselves or others are catering to them because they're the "in crowd." They are discussed & dissected ad nauseam. I'm also not whining, however, in order to solve a problem we have to be honest about it. I feel like a lot of older Gen X media sort of created this machine around Millennials & it's gotten out of control. Every generation has their day (as they should) but for some reason the focus on Millennials went way overboard. If I read one more article about Millennials having a problem "adulting" or only wanting to eat carry out, I will scream. Also, many Millennials are openly resentful of anyone older than themselves. They seem to be acutely aware of their ages for some reason and use age as a barometer to judge other people. It's weird. I've had two Millennials recently complain to me about their generation. I hate that this society pits people against one another by age, gender, race, etc. but the truth is it does. I think the answer is for GenX to start making some noise in the media. We've not gone the way of the dinosaur (yet) and are still here. We have much to offer in the work force and society. We shouldn't allow ourselves to be marginalized.

32. Trish Calles WilliamsJanuary 22,2020 at 5:16PM UTC

    I'm a tail-end boomer, and ageism is ALIVE AND WELL here at the company where I work. I am now faced with throwing away a 25 year career to find one where I'm happy, feel appreciated and can contribute. Most of my contemporaries here at my office are going through the same thing. In the past, I would at the very least get an interview for any position I applied for. Now, I don't even get a f**k you.

33. AnonymousJanuary 22,2020 at 8:34PM UTC

    Right there with you. I don't even get responses to my resume. Makes you feel like you have no skills. Like what have you been doing for the last 25 years?

34. Jackie GhedineJanuary 23,2020 at 11:10AM UTC

    The job market, regardless of age, is not as flush as one would like to lead us to believe. It is so critical for Gen X'ers to build their community and network (something we haven't been really good at doing thus far) because those connections are what will help you navigate the job search.

35. AnonymousJanuary 23,2020 at 1:28PM UTC

    We don’t even get rejected by humans anymore!

36. Laura TalonJanuary 22,2020 at 3:16PM UTC

    This isn’t about focusing on other people. This isn’t about hurdles. And no, you do not face the same issues as a boomer as we do as gen x’ers. College was more expensive for many of us. Housing was more expensive for many of us. We had recessions, the dot com bubble, and the housing bubble happen RIGHT as we were trying to get established. As a younger gen ex’er, I not only had a mess of a marriage too, but it also took me years and multiple career pivots to get established in my career.
    I don’t think any of us are ungrateful for missing some of the nonsense boomer women had to contend with in the workplace, but this conversation isn’t about you. This is about what our generation has had to contend with.
    As you said, every generation has its struggles. Please allow us to talk about ours without you interjecting with how yours were just as bad. We’re not the same and that’s ok.

37. AnonymousJanuary 22,2020 at 5:42PM UTC

    Very well said. You nailed my situation almost exactly. After leaving college (where the tuition rose every single year I was there) I worked hard to establish myself in the financial services field (specifically mortgages). Just as my career was taking off the housing crisis hit. I lost my job & spent 3 years transitioning into the IT field. All the while juggling the care & needs of young children & a sick aging parent. I finally got a good job in IT & after 4 years learned that I was losing that job due to outsourcing. I went back to school again and now here I am trying to start over yet again and the sad thing is there is news another recession is likely very soon. My story as a Gen X woman isn't even remotely unique. Yes, every generation has it's own set of problems, however many Gen X women have a very unique set of issues we're grappling with because we were the first generation that had to care for our boomer parents, small children, and work. I appreciate the sentiment about self care, however, I really don't want to hear anyone telling me to get a hobby when I'm struggling to catch up in a job market that doesn't seem to value GenX workers.

38. Laura TalonJanuary 22,2020 at 5:47PM UTC

    The hobby comment got to me too. I would LOVE a hobby, but I’m a single mom, have a demanding technical job, and live in the comically expensive Bay Area. I am too broke and exhausted for a hobby.

39. Jackie GhedineJanuary 23,2020 at 11:15AM UTC

    Our generation had children later, which made them younger when our parents were older. We are the first generation that was told we could have it all and be anything we wanted, placing expectations on us that seemed we would never be able to procure let alone maintain. I commend you for pivoting twice, that is tremendous because I do believe we can start a new chapter any time we want, although it does come with setbacks. I will address the self care comment. I think self care definition is wrong. It isn't about grand gestures or hobbies, it is about finding tiny moments where you can recharge your batteries. Maybe it's reading a magazine article, maybe it's NOT eating lunch at your desk, maybe it's sleeping an extra hour on a Saturday. Just try to find small ways to recharge because burnout, especially for our generation, is real and frightening.

40. AnonymousJanuary 23,2020 at 3:12PM UTC

    Yes, I agree that us Gen X ladies have been sold a bill of goods. I remember growing up and watching all of the TV shows and magazines with powerful women in "power suits" with big shoulder pads running the world. Then Oprah showed up and told us to live our "Best Lives" when many of us were struggling to just stay alive! LOL. There was a time when I was juggling work, home, parents, and children when I literally had to pencil in time to shampoo my hair. Now that's just sad. So, there's nothing wrong with wanting it all and living our best lives but Oprah (Carly Fiorina, etc.) have secretaries, personal assistants, and financial means to do all of that. But for the real women like me we sort of grew up, went to college, went to work, had kids (I raised a relative's children) and then our parents got old. So as women we got the job (honor) of helping our parents in the final stages of their lives or through illness. We really didn't know what hit us. Life just happened before we knew it. Now the kids are grown and our parents are gone (or going) and we have to try to recover from years of job sacrifices to earn a living in a job market that really doesn't see, value, or want us. We're not the same as the boomers or Millennials and it is frustrating when those demographics don't "get it." I was being kind by calling the "hobby" comment "self care." I don't think the poster who made the comment was trying to be dismissive though it certainly landed wrong. She stated she's a boomer and I think that's where she is in her life which is great so I tried to take it in the spirit that I think it was made (enjoy life). Self care for me these days is just having a few minutes to grind to a complete halt mentally, physically, and emotionally and just being still inside and out.

41. Jackie GhedineJanuary 23,2020 at 5:25PM UTC

    Self care for me is my morning cup of coffee, in my favorite chair looking out my floor to ceiling window and watching the sunrise. Small, satisfying and cathartic!

42. Grace FaoroJanuary 22,2020 at 3:51PM UTC

    There's a great book that is out recently called, 'We Can't Sleep: Women's New Midlife Crisis' by Ada Calhoun. This book talks about many issues for the GenX women and touches on this. Highly recommend!

43. CathyInslerJanuary 22,2020 at 5:19PM UTC

    I am one of those women who is caring for an aging parent, dealing with a kid moving back in and recently let go from a job. There are days where I don’t know if I can keep doing this. The constant needs of the family, dogs, chickens, job search etc...is sometimes too much.
    I have applied for more jobs than I can remember and have only heard back from two. I am going on 3 months without a job....
    Stress doesn’t even begin to tell the story. I have long ago depleted my 401k in hopes of a new business venture that flopped and was in hindsight, a wonderfully terrible idea. Worse, I did it to support my daughter who now doesn’t speak to me. My son, who is 27 is still trying to figure out what he wants to do.
    By the time I was 26 I already had two children and a full time job. School had been put on the back burner and I was busy working my way up the ladder, bought my first house (by myself), finished my degree and got married in my mid 30’s. All while raising the kids and caring for the family. I endured years of “old white men“ aka corporate America making passes at me, telling me to “get a husband” to make ends meet and being passed over for promotions because I “ had too many responsibilities” at home as a single parent.
    Life has been incredibly hard and massively rewarding all at the same time. I have at least 15 years left in my working career and want to contribute all the learning life has taught me.

44. AnonymousJanuary 22,2020 at 11:03PM UTC

    Gen Xer here too. I am finding this situation all too common amongst friends. I had kids later in life so I have an 9 year old and a 13 year old. In the past 5 years, I have had to care and then bury both my parents and clean up their financial mess. I have always worked from home while raising my kids as a bookkeeper, personal assistant and professional organizer. Now I am ready to go back to work full time but cannot seem to find anything above $15 an hr. I have been applying to Starbucks for a year and have not even had a call back. Even after 3 interviews. I was previously a restaurant manager for 12 years. Costco. Apple. Nothing. Ageism is a real thing. I just never thought I would experience it at 48.

45. AnonymousJanuary 23,2020 at 1:50PM UTC

    Your catch 22 is called GapLand.
    The boomers (who at large did not save for retirement) are hanging on to their high paying positions with a death grip and on the other end the new age companies only recruit younger people who fit their image.

    The other problem here? The jobs that actually pay are highly skilled jobs. Jobs with a license. Not a lot of room for generalist except the service industry. I learned this the hard way by studying literature at University. I had to go get an MBA to get a career path and I still struggle.
    It will get better when the boomers die off but then? You’ll be in your mid sixties and all the uptick in the business world to meet their needs will become irrelevant.

    “Skill Up in an ageist proof looks proof field” was the advice I wish I’d been given.

    Good luck.

46. AnonymousJanuary 23,2020 at 1:41PM UTC

    Don’t get too consumed in label ownership. When you go into work every morning no ones thinking about your generation when you greet them. Just you! Generation buzz and defining them is a blurry science to lump large groups into Behavioral and consumerism Patterns. Ignore.

47. PattiJanuary 23,2020 at 1:50PM UTC

    Maybe when I walk into work they don’t care. They care when I walk into an interview. Gotta get past that before walking into work every day.

48. Jackie GhedineJanuary 23,2020 at 5:27PM UTC

    Or they care when the look at your resume. We can say it doesn't matter but sadly it does.

49. Lori BrowneJanuary 23,2020 at 3:29PM UTC

    I think what people miss, is that even though we are a generational labeled society, we move through the big picture timelines together. The economy, technology and even? The weather.
    What effects you? Affects me.
    With the rise of social media, has come the overwhelming sense of “lack.” Social media was never our friend. It was a vehicle to find a spot to park commercials in front of our faces when we no longer had to endure local programming or cable TV. We are geared now to look at others. What they’re doing. How
    they look. And then we? Have our own mirrors. Our own lives. WE? Never measure up. It’s a good day if we wake up. Enjoy coffee. Have a goal. And understand our purpose, while understanding that most of us? At the end of the day, Live very ordinary lives.

50. Anne KeenanMarch 2,2020 at 10:09PM UTC

    You all are not the only ones in this predicament. It’s getting harder and harder to find a job that offers any kind of benefits for retirement and to make enough income to set aside for retirement. I’ve been working on this for the last two years and I think I’m onto something. There’s a book called the family money farm by Thomas W Young. He has also something called the CFO project which you can join. There’s a couple of other books that are worth reading also: becoming your own Banker by R Nelson Nash and Living your life insurance by Kim H Butler. As I learn more I’ll share with you all. living your life insurance by Kim H Butler. As I learn more I’ll share with you all. But were able to put away money and borrow from ourselves and pay ourselves the interest. It’s an incredible thing to do as I’m learning about it. $.34 of every dollar we pay out and interest. What if you could put that money in your own pocket? And what if that money earned 4-6% interest and dividends at the end of the year. What if all this money was tax-free? What if this money created an infinite income stream for you for retirement? These are all things that people are doing that I’m learning about that I’d love to share with you guys once I know what I’m doing. Please know help is coming! I have found this group to be an absolutely fabulous group of people! I love how we all support one another. I’d like to help in that endeavor as well.