It has been a weird day.

15 Comments

1. AnonymousOctober 10,2024 at 10:55PM UTC

   Honestly, at this point it's just gossip and flexing. I would not take action based on gossip and flexing. Use it as data. Just file it in the back of your mind.

   Your work should be excellent so attend all meetings including their stand up meetings along with all other pertinent meetings.
   Keep your head down and work well with everyone.

   Don't blowup your current job based on this drivel. Be professional and not easily swayed. You never want want to be a part of the flash mob of the day.

2. AnonymousOctober 11,2024 at 1:12PM UTC

   Let me get this right. They want to stay out of the drama but are creating it. They don't like the boss and want to only work with you on the down low. They are also 20-somethings who regard you as a "grandma figure." How am I doing?

   The last one gets me. Take that person aside and teach them why that comment was inappropriate. (You are seasoned and experienced, not a grandma wanting to take their jobs)

   It sounds like they want a mentor, and you can do that, but you have to set boundaries and ground rules. First, you will report progress, not petty comments, to the boss whenever he asks or requires it. Second, nothing is off limits to being reported, especially if it involves threats or harassing behaviors. This is an excellent time to step up and show leadership by helping this group of younger employees adjust to working in a corporate environment. They aren't in school, and the bully system doesn't work in this environment.

3. AnonymousOctober 11,2024 at 3:09PM UTC

   I had not thought about it from that angle. I am always on the defensive to keep my job. You might be right. Clearly I need to approach things with a more open mind.

4. KatOctober 11,2024 at 3:20PM UTC

   This sounds like some weird passive aggressive behavior in general. They make ageist comments about you and your boss. (You're grandma and he's ready to retire.) They're openly insubordinate about the boss, but don't want the boss to know how they feel. It's possible they're baiting you to see which side you're on - yours or your boss. That could get you fired for no good reason. Don't get sucked into this petty drama. None of you are in high school anymore, which is where this immature behavior belongs. Don't tell your boss about this. Start attending the meetings they want you to and learn as much about the org and the position that you can. If your boss is going to retire soon (gossip is not proof that he is) you'll be in an excellent position to take over that job when he does. If not, it will help you develop skills and connections at this corporation that will help you advance your career there or somewhere else.

5. AnonymousOctober 11,2024 at 8:47PM UTC

   Next time the young gens make comments, say, so what is gramma old anyway? Do you want to continue living or do you think life ends at xx age? Make light of it, keep your head down, see if you can withstand this for another year and like another poster said, this may position you for leadership. And also, this is what I would say, wow, so I'm curious, why are you all still working here? It sounds like you don't like it here. Watch their face, their intonation and their reaction. I promise you they won't have a good comeback. Be friends with all, tell them you are switzerland (I'm 59 and know what this means). Tell them I've been alive longer than you've worked, but I think we can learn from each other. Play dodge ball with these twits, and know you are more equipped as your frontal lobe has developed. If they are super young, they have years to make mistakes. Lawdy day, working with the younger gen is interesting at best. They have no clue how to work with people. This is not daycare.

6. Erin VegaOctober 12,2024 at 2:43AM UTC

   Next time tell him to take several seats.

7. AnonymousOctober 13,2024 at 4:10PM UTC

   You definitely had a very strange and emotionally-charged conversation that went beyond discussing work product.

   I see how what this Data Scientist said crossed your professional boundaries. I can't help but also notice that you have a heavy filter (bias) overlaying the way you received this conversation. I do NOT lay blame for this at your feet. I would also struggle to control my bias if someone opens up a conversation with "I want to talk to you like my grandma".
   But if you want to understand where the Data Scientist was coming from, I would intentionally recognize where your perception influenced your understanding of information and sentiment shared. You did call them "petty and childish".

   Before you agree to attend their stand up meetings (which would be my gut-feeling advice), I would set boundaries and expectations with the data science team and request that they meet you halfway. I would tell them that your boss must know about you attending the stand-up meeting but that you can present it to your boss as your idea or in way that would not betray that data science team lost their confidence about your boss.

   I would also try to see the workplace through their eyes: they are concerned the startup is on a failing trajectory; they want to do whatever in their power to not let this happen but recognize that their power is not unlimited and they need to parter up with business leaders (you). They do not trust your boss as a long-term business leader worthy of partnering with. Why? I would ask them or hold my tongue and just observe for a bit.

   As for insulting your work at your previous company, I really think that this is not what they intended. Criticizing and ripping to shreds a product is a love language for data scientists. "Nothing is ever perfect because everything can be improved and enhanced" - a motto of young technology workers.

   Good luck to you! It is not easy to find the right footing in any start-up. But if you do, your impact would be immeasurable.

8. AnonymousOctober 13,2024 at 4:56PM UTC

   I would attend the standups and for the moment just stay silent. The ageist comment is clearly not cool, but unless that specific person does it again, let it go. Clearly they want to vent and don't trust the manager. What would you gain by speaking up? I would assume nothing. Stay the course, do your job don't get caught up in their gaslighting or gossip and just do the work. Your role there is about you not them. Let them succeed or fail on their own. The younger generation in some instances really likes to vent and not take strong direction. I would imagine that is some of what you are hearing. If they embroil you again in any chatter simply walk out of the meeting or walk away. Pretend to get some urgent message and simply turn your back physically to the conversation. They will get it. Document what you hear and from who for now in a private way on your own personal computer and if there are any slacks or other written conversations to this take screenshots with your phone. Don't engage, because you don't want to get hit with any fallout should this become open information. If they ask for your help, do the helpful things you need to for the quality of work and the betterment of the company and situation but not to your own detriment. Rise above, and let it go. They are just whining.

9. Milissa JacobsOctober 15,2024 at 12:55PM UTC

   Go to the meetings and forget anything else you ever heard.

10. AnonymousOctober 16,2024 at 12:39PM UTC

    For people who "want to stay out of the drama," they sure love to stir the pot. I think I would attend the meetings, but remind them that you're not their grandmother, and you can't guarantee confidentiality. Therefore, if there's anything they don't want your boss to find out, they shouldn't confide it to you.

11. Colleen HansonOctober 16,2024 at 1:45PM UTC

    Whatever you do, do NOT go to HR. Regardless of what people think, HR is there to protect the company, not the employees. It's been my experience that once HR believes someone will be a threat, they slowly start working them out of the company; if you need this job definitely do not involve them.

12. AnonymousOctober 18,2024 at 3:43PM UTC

    100% concur with this person —

    You will likely be established as a “threat”, and a focus will be to get you out (whether they force you to go via quitting; or @layoff”; Depending on other “relationships ” it could be perceived as you working to get your boss out (since they don’t want to work with them)

    Also start looking (seems like a place you don’t wanna be long term anyway) this way you do have a backup plan as in thus economy it does take a long time to realms a job.

    I also agree with the other poster to also go to their meetings, just to learn but document everything and if it’s just a complain session leave.

    if you’re in a state that only requires one persons consent to record conversations, you may want to secretly do that. (Protect Youraelf) something just feels off with everything down to if you say anything we know we can’t trust you (what is the true motive?)

13. AnonymousOctober 17,2024 at 12:30PM UTC

    For now, I would keep my mouth shut on any of it, attend the meetings and Document, Document, Document. They may have been testing you out or are just clueless overentitled stupid-smart engineers whose egos are still leading them around the world. Either way, saying anything at this point will just hurt you.

    I would bide my time and document everything.

14. AnonymousOctober 17,2024 at 1:03PM UTC

    Stay silent. If they're thinking of you as a "grandmother" figure, then, treat them like the "infants" that they're behaving like. Simply listen but don't take to heart all the babbling that they're spewing. While they may be gifted and talented, they don't know everything there is to know about corporate cultures and how to co-exist within them. It might be a good idea to attend their "standup" meetings, just to see if you'll learn anything. But be discerning. If you get a sense that the meeting is nothing more than a time to gripe and complain about the "boss" and the company, then simply stop going.

15. AnonymousOctober 18,2024 at 1:11AM UTC

    Whoa-whoa-whoa . . . . grandmother? Did someone say ACTUALLY say something that ageist to your face?

    And it only gets worse - and more insulting - from there, based on the rest of your post. What a bunch of jerks you have the misfortune to have to endure. I wouldn't do or say anything, let these idiots do whatever the *$%# they want to do, and start looking for a new job asap. Good luck!